Wax your ass, Asaran, 'cause I got some kissin' to do.
I love the idea of an abandoned city deep in Tartarus. I love that they refer to Sunset as an "overworld hussy." I love how this entire chapter is basically Mad Max Ponifed. I love this chapter!
well dam twi way to kick some ass part of me enjoys that blueblood gt what was comming the other..dreads what it may do to twi..guess the only way to find out is to wait for the next chapter
4477885 Twilight grew up looking at Celestia as a second mother (at least in my headcanon). She adores the princess and everything she does, and recognizes her (like most) as the 'great good' of her existence. Even if the history of Equestria has changed, that doesn't necessarily mean the ponies inhabiting this world are dramatically different in personality. This is what Twilight believes, that no version of Celestia can be bad. Period. That's not stupidity, it's faith (although one can make the argument that faith itself is an act of stupidity).
And don't forget that this is Tartarus, saturated in draconequus magic, and therefore there's no way to ascertain if what anypony says in the place is based on fact or the workings of a fragmented and confused mind. All the so-called 'evidence,' as far as Twilight can see, is just hearsay. Any reasonable individual – and my Twilight is most certainly reasonable – would be hesitant to just accept the word of these potential mind-warped witnesses.
And again, the fact that 'tyrant Celestia' is a blatantly overused concept is not a reason to strictly avoid it. There's no such thing as an original concept anymore: now one needs to focus on presentation. I repeat: read TvE, figure out what's really going on, then decide if my methods are trash. Blasting me over something you haven't even looked into is premature at best.
And to answer your question: how wasn't Twilight stupid in Twilight's Kingdom? Where do I begin...
1) This falls on Celestia's head too, but agreeing to let Discord face Tirek alone when she clearly doesn't trust him. She could have insisted that Fluttershy join him as 'moral' support, and then the whole disaster would have almost certainly been averted.
2) Blindly following Celestia's every idea, no matter how obviously stupid. When Celestia declares that the princesses will have to give up their powers, does Twilight even consider arguing about how Equestria will then be totally defenseless? Nope: sign me up! Which leads to...
3) When Celestia insists that Twilight tell nopony about her having god-like powers... she just nods? Sure, let's ignore the fact that Discord, whom we already know has defected, is aware of her alicornication, or Twilight's friends who are also aware, or every single pony who attended the coronation, or the giant-ass stained-glass window Celestia and Luna undoubtedly walk past every single day depicting said coronation! Yeah, Tirek's not gonna find out, sure.
But wait, there's more!
4) Super epic duel (which even I will acknowledge as awesome) occurs, leading to a standstill. Tirek offers a deal... and Twilight accepts? That was the icing on the cake of her sheer stupidity disguised as nobility. This is the lesson we teach our kids: when the bad guy comes, give him everything that gives you a fighting chance and expect everything to be just fine as a result. She gave up an entire kingdom for five ponies, a baby dragon and a traitorous (but repentant) draconequus.
The argument that she did it to get the last key is invalid, because if she did it all with that in mind it would have defied the crappy 'lesson' she supposedly learned. Furthermore, there was nothing at any point in time to even hint that the crystal box held a supreme power that could defeat Tirek; Discord's words at the beginning of the episode also don't count, considering he obviously couldn't be trusted at that point in time. So she threw away everything on a hunch. If that's not stupid, I don't know what is. With leadership like this (and that includes Luna and Cadance for blindly going along with Celestia's blatantly flawed plan), it is astounding Equestria wasn't conquered centuries ago.
The real solution to Tirek would be to renege on the deal, whisk all Twilight's friends away to some far-off land (the moon, for example?), spend a few months to a year mastering the indescribable powers she just earned that day, then come back to turn Tirek into a smear on the Canterlot pavement. Screw the damn key, I'm sure another 'lesson' would have popped up for her eventually.
Well my fine and talented author you have yet again stunned me with an excellent characterization of a villain. However i still feel like old Blueballs needs a bit more... dead.
4480150 Well yes it very well may be. but in Tartarus and Hell death is inconsequential to those that inhabit it, you would simply be revived on the spot or nearby. From the description of the pit no one can get out unless they have someone on the outside open it. So Bluebutt would experience the pain of the torture and have to be wrenched away from the peace of deaths grasp over and over again. In my mind that's much worse than just simply burning.
4478046 You make some good points but... I'm not blasting you. I'm just saying that it's been done so many times that it detracts from the enjoyment of those who read it, although I'm not saying I'm one of them, and I'm planning on reading Trixie vs. Equestria anyway.
Not much to say on this one. Twilight is now officially deformed beyond repair which will deteriorate her mentality further. She still has a long way to go before it's over.
This is making it clear just how much I have forgotten from the original Inferno, but I am still determined not to look up the stuff I don't remember until the story is done. I wonder if you will have a three headed Reddux at the end eternally devouring Luna. The last rings of the Inferno were saved for the vilest of traitors if I recall right. Though, you already had discord in the likeness of Satan being encased in ice at the beginning. Questions, questions.
4484930 I can tell you're thinking of Reddux being a Cerberus-like entity, but recall that there's already a Cerberus for Tartarus established in-show. Where is he? ...I don't recall if I say in this story, but his 'location' was mentioned in TvE. Also, anyone whose read TvE (and it's pretty clear you haven't) would know that Luna couldn't possibly be in Tartarus herself.
Regarding Reddux, in a way some people may be disappointed, as he's easily the farthest-removed Lord from the original Inferno.
Everything about this chapter was brilliant. Well, except for Twilight losing her eye. I wonder why she wouldn't have grabbed it back out of Blueblood's head first before condemning him. Rage and resolve: it's amazing what they can do for people. Thank you for not letting Twi suffer more... yet. Greed, Sloth, Gluttony, Envy, and Pride have been bested. Only Lust and Wrath to go, perhaps the most terrifying of the seven remaining...
The tortures of Dis sound incredibly horrible, especially the hot rock coliseum.
5068766 Translation: Where are the explosions? I have the attention span of a squirrel so I need you to satisfy my sensibilities instead of just writing because you want to... Pfft. Who ever heard of that... It's not like very introspective narrative chock full of metaphors, like this and Dante's Inferno, need to have monologues reflecting on the emotional importance of every scene in order for anyone to give a damn...that would be preposterous. If I, the most self centered jackass on the planet, can't relate to a magical talking alicorn going through the Equestrian equivalent of hell then this story must be terrible. My Response: Go fuck your self you unbearable peice of pig shit. I hope you die choking on your own urine...
5285404 Although I appreciate your perspective towards comments like those, I'd appreciate it more if you not deign to respond to them. Being annoyed is fine, but replying to the problem tends to only encourage them to throw the same kind of dialogue in your direction and, thus, pollutes my comments section with even more vitriol.
Simply put, the 'debate' ended weeks ago; please don't invite it to start up again. I'd really rather the comments be about what people liked/disliked about my story than one another.
Interesting. This is what I meant by 'breaking the morality' last night.
What you've crossed Twilight over into now has me thinking about the implications of the act, and her internal struggles only grow stronger and more suffocating, until she can only drop - or worse. It's delicious. Perhaps not as dark as it could be, what with Bluey only suffering the heat and entrapment. She could have left him blind to the world as well, made the sense of pain that much more prevalent by removing another vital sense. Or scalded his fur off, followed by the systematic gouging of the eyes, viscera splattered on her coat, her own eye spread across her chest...as he wallowed in the pain and tragedy of his own hubris.
She could have also sent him for a 'dip' in the river as a 'warm-up'. Heh. Pun intended.
You've got the Dark theme rolling, but I still think it could be more descriptively chilling, what with your simple, if effective descriptions of the deaths/torture. Needs more blood, ripping, tearing, scalding, etc. to really invoke that heart-pounding feeling from realizing the closeness of death...
Forgive me for ever doubting the levels of disturbingnesss and just plain mind fuckery of this story.
I was a bit disturbed by this. Something very few stories could ever hope to do to me. Cupcakes seems like a beautiful fairy tale compared to what this is shaping up to be.
Dis was one of my favorite parts of Dante’s poem because it was the focus of making hell more than a fiery pit cliche. The neighborhoods of limbo and city were all interesting adaptations to show that people lived in the strange world and that there was a unique lore to it. I’m really glad that it was kept here.
Though, the statue of Luna is probably my favorite setting tidbit, and the reactions to it.
Wax your ass, Asaran, 'cause I got some kissin' to do.
I love the idea of an abandoned city deep in Tartarus.
I love that they refer to Sunset as an "overworld hussy."
I love how this entire chapter is basically Mad Max Ponifed.
I love this chapter!
4477668
Hmm, I wonder what brand of wax I should use?
Maybe I shouldn't wax it at all and give you the 'natural' experience.
YOU ARE A GOD AMONG YOUR PEOPLE!!!!1
4477807
...
The PaulAsaran is pleased.
This is the chapter I had been dreading. And there's still more.
At least Twilight got to show her stuff, even if it's the last time.
And now Twilight has committed her own atrocities. Satisfying, yet tragic.
So, one last lord(ess) before Reddux. And Twilight still has her horn...
Till next time!
well dam twi way to kick some ass part of me enjoys that blueblood gt what was comming the other..dreads what it may do to twi..guess the only way to find out is to wait for the next chapter
4477885
Twilight grew up looking at Celestia as a second mother (at least in my headcanon). She adores the princess and everything she does, and recognizes her (like most) as the 'great good' of her existence. Even if the history of Equestria has changed, that doesn't necessarily mean the ponies inhabiting this world are dramatically different in personality. This is what Twilight believes, that no version of Celestia can be bad. Period. That's not stupidity, it's faith (although one can make the argument that faith itself is an act of stupidity).
And don't forget that this is Tartarus, saturated in draconequus magic, and therefore there's no way to ascertain if what anypony says in the place is based on fact or the workings of a fragmented and confused mind. All the so-called 'evidence,' as far as Twilight can see, is just hearsay. Any reasonable individual – and my Twilight is most certainly reasonable – would be hesitant to just accept the word of these potential mind-warped witnesses.
And again, the fact that 'tyrant Celestia' is a blatantly overused concept is not a reason to strictly avoid it. There's no such thing as an original concept anymore: now one needs to focus on presentation. I repeat: read TvE, figure out what's really going on, then decide if my methods are trash. Blasting me over something you haven't even looked into is premature at best.
And to answer your question: how wasn't Twilight stupid in Twilight's Kingdom? Where do I begin...
1) This falls on Celestia's head too, but agreeing to let Discord face Tirek alone when she clearly doesn't trust him. She could have insisted that Fluttershy join him as 'moral' support, and then the whole disaster would have almost certainly been averted.
2) Blindly following Celestia's every idea, no matter how obviously stupid. When Celestia declares that the princesses will have to give up their powers, does Twilight even consider arguing about how Equestria will then be totally defenseless? Nope: sign me up! Which leads to...
3) When Celestia insists that Twilight tell nopony about her having god-like powers... she just nods? Sure, let's ignore the fact that Discord, whom we already know has defected, is aware of her alicornication, or Twilight's friends who are also aware, or every single pony who attended the coronation, or the giant-ass stained-glass window Celestia and Luna undoubtedly walk past every single day depicting said coronation! Yeah, Tirek's not gonna find out, sure.
But wait, there's more!
4) Super epic duel (which even I will acknowledge as awesome) occurs, leading to a standstill. Tirek offers a deal... and Twilight accepts? That was the icing on the cake of her sheer stupidity disguised as nobility. This is the lesson we teach our kids: when the bad guy comes, give him everything that gives you a fighting chance and expect everything to be just fine as a result. She gave up an entire kingdom for five ponies, a baby dragon and a traitorous (but repentant) draconequus.
The argument that she did it to get the last key is invalid, because if she did it all with that in mind it would have defied the crappy 'lesson' she supposedly learned. Furthermore, there was nothing at any point in time to even hint that the crystal box held a supreme power that could defeat Tirek; Discord's words at the beginning of the episode also don't count, considering he obviously couldn't be trusted at that point in time. So she threw away everything on a hunch. If that's not stupid, I don't know what is. With leadership like this (and that includes Luna and Cadance for blindly going along with Celestia's blatantly flawed plan), it is astounding Equestria wasn't conquered centuries ago.
The real solution to Tirek would be to renege on the deal, whisk all Twilight's friends away to some far-off land (the moon, for example?), spend a few months to a year mastering the indescribable powers she just earned that day, then come back to turn Tirek into a smear on the Canterlot pavement. Screw the damn key, I'm sure another 'lesson' would have popped up for her eventually.
...okay, I'm done ranting.
Who's the cat?
Well my fine and talented author you have yet again stunned me with an excellent characterization of a villain. However i still feel like old Blueballs needs a bit more... dead.
Dear me, but... I hope this haunts Twilight for a long, long time.
Bringing evil to justice? Yes. Doing the exact same atrocities in the name of justice?
That is the path villains tread before their fall.
As long as her conscience haunts her with this, she's not too far gone.
I guess you could say ... Dis gettin good!
4478416
Read the Author's Notes at the bottom, it explains.
4478974
He's gonna be stuck in that cell of burning torture for a very long time. I think death would have been a kindness.
4479386
With so much already on her mind? This memory better take a number.
4480150 Well yes it very well may be. but in Tartarus and Hell death is inconsequential to those that inhabit it, you would simply be revived on the spot or nearby. From the description of the pit no one can get out unless they have someone on the outside open it. So Bluebutt would experience the pain of the torture and have to be wrenched away from the peace of deaths grasp over and over again. In my mind that's much worse than just simply burning.
4478046 You make some good points but... I'm not blasting you. I'm just saying that it's been done so many times that it detracts from the enjoyment of those who read it, although I'm not saying I'm one of them, and I'm planning on reading Trixie vs. Equestria anyway.
4477825 But... It's a story with a Celestia who is evil in it! How does that not make it an evil Celestia story?
Not much to say on this one. Twilight is now officially deformed beyond repair which will deteriorate her mentality further. She still has a long way to go before it's over.
This is making it clear just how much I have forgotten from the original Inferno, but I am still determined not to look up the stuff I don't remember until the story is done. I wonder if you will have a three headed Reddux at the end eternally devouring Luna. The last rings of the Inferno were saved for the vilest of traitors if I recall right. Though, you already had discord in the likeness of Satan being encased in ice at the beginning. Questions, questions.
4484930
I can tell you're thinking of Reddux being a Cerberus-like entity, but recall that there's already a Cerberus for Tartarus established in-show. Where is he? ...I don't recall if I say in this story, but his 'location' was mentioned in TvE. Also, anyone whose read TvE (and it's pretty clear you haven't) would know that Luna couldn't possibly be in Tartarus herself.
Regarding Reddux, in a way some people may be disappointed, as he's easily the farthest-removed Lord from the original Inferno.
Let me guess... Shining Armor.
Actually... She was always like that.
jesus if twilight makes it out of this she is going to be a wreck
I've never cared more about the plight of characters in a story until I've read this. That isn't sarcasm or a joke, I'm being dead serious.
4648644
As rough as things are, I suppose that means I'm doing something right.
Everything about this chapter was brilliant. Well, except for Twilight losing her eye. I wonder why she wouldn't have grabbed it back out of Blueblood's head first before condemning him.
Rage and resolve: it's amazing what they can do for people. Thank you for not letting Twi suffer more... yet.
Greed, Sloth, Gluttony, Envy, and Pride have been bested. Only Lust and Wrath to go, perhaps the most terrifying of the seven remaining...
The tortures of Dis sound incredibly horrible, especially the hot rock coliseum.
4931572
Funny, nobody really seems to notice the coliseum. One of my favorites, really.
I'm so utterly bored.
Why should I care if Twilight dies? Why should I care if Sunset dies?
5068766
Translation:
Where are the explosions? I have the attention span of a squirrel so I need you to satisfy my sensibilities instead of just writing because you want to...
Pfft. Who ever heard of that...
It's not like very introspective narrative chock full of metaphors, like this and Dante's Inferno, need to have monologues reflecting on the emotional importance of every scene in order for anyone to give a damn...that would be preposterous. If I, the most self centered jackass on the planet, can't relate to a magical talking alicorn going through the Equestrian equivalent of hell then this story must be terrible.
My Response:
Go fuck your self you unbearable peice of pig shit. I hope you die choking on your own urine...
5285404
Although I appreciate your perspective towards comments like those, I'd appreciate it more if you not deign to respond to them. Being annoyed is fine, but replying to the problem tends to only encourage them to throw the same kind of dialogue in your direction and, thus, pollutes my comments section with even more vitriol.
Simply put, the 'debate' ended weeks ago; please don't invite it to start up again. I'd really rather the comments be about what people liked/disliked about my story than one another.
Thar' be an extra space! Avast, and destroy it!
Interesting. This is what I meant by 'breaking the morality' last night.
What you've crossed Twilight over into now has me thinking about the implications of the act, and her internal struggles only grow stronger and more suffocating, until she can only drop - or worse. It's delicious. Perhaps not as dark as it could be, what with Bluey only suffering the heat and entrapment. She could have left him blind to the world as well, made the sense of pain that much more prevalent by removing another vital sense. Or scalded his fur off, followed by the systematic gouging of the eyes, viscera splattered on her coat, her own eye spread across her chest...as he wallowed in the pain and tragedy of his own hubris.
She could have also sent him for a 'dip' in the river as a 'warm-up'. Heh. Pun intended.
You've got the Dark theme rolling, but I still think it could be more descriptively chilling, what with your simple, if effective descriptions of the deaths/torture. Needs more blood, ripping, tearing, scalding, etc. to really invoke that heart-pounding feeling from realizing the closeness of death...
Jeez, I'm a scary one, aren't I?
5285466 ive seen dis in the game bravo bravo good sir
Forgive me for ever doubting the levels of disturbingnesss and just plain mind fuckery of this story.
I was a bit disturbed by this. Something very few stories could ever hope to do to me. Cupcakes seems like a beautiful fairy tale compared to what this is shaping up to be.
Since she defeated Blueblood, shouldn't that make Twilight a Lord by Rite?
Is this story supposed to make me sad or smile?
Smile!
Twi should had took back her eye from Blueblood before sending him to his fate.
Dis was one of my favorite parts of Dante’s poem because it was the focus of making hell more than a fiery pit cliche. The neighborhoods of limbo and city were all interesting adaptations to show that people lived in the strange world and that there was a unique lore to it. I’m really glad that it was kept here.
Though, the statue of Luna is probably my favorite setting tidbit, and the reactions to it.