I am an amatuer Writer/Artist. I write what I love, and I LOVE what I write. and, I don't care what others think (but, I will speak my mind if I deem it necessary.)
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[Set in an Alternate "Equestria Girls" Universe]
Cancer is a killer . . . far worse than guns, knives and poison, and Twilight Sparkle will sadly learn just how devastating it can be . . . when the one she loves the most finds his life being cut short.
NOTE: This is a 'Test Story' done as practice, and not to be taken seriously
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I am guessing the last figure was Death, the fate of Alex could have been worse; Don't get me wrong Cancer is one of the worse fates of passing into the next life with your body painfully and slowly dying but trust me when I say this that there are worse tragedies of death than being terminal ill with Lung Cancer (And God forbid you will say you have no idea what if feels like but unfortunately I do, my grandparents died because of this terrible disease and later when I was the age of 10 it claimed my father in the form of Colorectal Cancer)
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4107020
Actually, the character at the end is him: http://static3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20121025173003/dp_/images/4/43/Clockwork_adult.jpg
BUT, "Death" works closely with him, so you could be right in the technical sense.
4107069 Darn still missed it, but on the other hand he could have suffered a worse fate; If I remember correctly in the final stages of World War II the Soviets were infamous in their brutality against German POWs and civilians in captured portions of what was once the high point of pure evil
4107086
True, but the pain I am referring to isn't so much focused on Alex.
but, more have how his gradual death is affecting Twilight and the others.
to quote Peter Fonda from a particular movie..
While I agree Alex could have suffered a worse fate..
the one I chose is bad enough for The Mane Six from their perspective.
4107122 Very true but all I could say is...you did a good story and you my good sir deserve a pat on the back
4107129
Glad to hear it.
I just hope I can get the extended story that this is based on accepted.
as I have TWO versions of the same story: One is an Equestria Girls Version, and another is a Pony Version.
I am unsure where the FIMFiction rules stand on such AU's.
but, I am happy that you find the core concept featured in this oneshot to be likeable.
So, you have my appreciation.
4107194 Well whatever happens you have my support to the very end.
4107199
Least I have more freedom on my DevianART and FF.net webpages
(links that I have supplied on my FIMFiction user page)
the majority of my fan base is there, anyhow
Again, Thank You for your support
could use some work
4114309 my name is soul sorrow
4114321 Bleh.
4114035
I tried that once with 'Death & Rebirth'..and, my submission was rejected
on the grounds that it's format was akin to "Poetry", and failed to meet moderation.
So, apparently I can't really write my fictions like I write comments.
4115250
Be that as it may, there is no need to be rude.
I believe critics should be Constructive, not cruel.
4116075
The proper way of saying it is: "Your Grammar could use some improving"
to say "Your Grammar is atrocious" IS rude.
YOU learn the difference.
4114965
I don't write reviews to hate on stories. I write reviews so that authors can see the errors to patch up in this story.
4116114
Because I am a good storyteller, despite my flawed grammar skills (my scores of fans on DA is proof of that)
It's not my fault I expect a little Politeness in critiques.
4116145
You realize I haven't posted-or written- the review yet, right?
4116180
oh, you mean the website that has up to 25 million members,
is the rated the 13th largest social network, AND where Lauren Faust herself has an account??
yeah..That's right: So bad, it's Good.
4116192
Yeah? Well forget it now. I'm not going to waste my time on someone who obviously wouldn't respect my opinion anyways. And to think I actually had some positive things about this story.
4116261
More popular that THIS site, apparently.
gee..I wonder why that is?
could it be that this site is Stuck-Up, Picky, Snobbish, Rude, ect.
I think we should just stop talking.
4116254
You realize I am not everyone else, right?
And I have tried my best to be civil. All I wanted to do was help you by showing you what needs work. Part of it may even be that I sympathized with your loss. But now? After you have purposefully started three arguments on different pages, refused to take the olive branches I've extended to you, and personally insulted my character on my own blog? I would rather have nothing to do with you.
I hope you continue to get hate. It's obvious you can't just let someone read and comment on your work maturely.
4116280
alright..I'm sorry, I didn't mean to explode on you.
I'm just frustrated.
4116299
But why frustrated with me? That's what I don't understand. All I said was I wanted to write a review on your story, and no offense to movie master, but it would likely have been much less railing against this fic. Why would you blow up on the person who was willing to give you and your story a fair shake?
4116315
I jumped to the wrong conclusion..on how my fictions ended up on those two groups
and, was acting out from what others have said.
I apologize for it..sorry.
4116332
I forgive you, man. Honestly, I probably should have been a bit less confrontational with my counter arguments and explained my intentions better.
4116364
I was a bit confused at your intent..but, I forgive you.
"Water over the bridge", and such.
4116398
Agreed.
4113193
apparently I do.
the best I have done is post a blog requesting editors.
Hopefully, I'll get a response.
4116439
4116530
I just saw this in my feed, and I was curious about it. Then I saw the like/dislike bar, and, as I always do when I see a large number of dislikes compared to the likes, I went down to the comments to find out what happened. I read most of the argument, and while I don't know what happened elsewhere, I would just like to publicly commend you both for ending the argument in a peaceful, mature way. Makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. (No, I'm not being sarcastic.)
4116704
I am told the main problem with my stories thus far is Grammar and Format (which I am doing my best on)
as for the "arguments", I don't really like to argue.
I got involved in order to explain myself, but some people just don't listen.
Thankfully, I gained at least ONE friend from the whole issue.
we may got off to a rocky start, but I think NOW we are pals.
I always try to be civil and polite: "You catch bees better with Honey, than with Vinegar." I always say,
4116704
(Joking, of course. I am American.)
What else were we to do? Resort to a fist fight? What are we? Americans?
4117715
I've seen most other arguments devolve into little more than name-caling and unfounded insults. It's just nice to see that there are still people capable of rational thought on the internet.
4115303
More people need to understand this on this site. Like, when someone trashes a movie, that's funny, because it took however million dollars it took to pay the actors, writers, and special effects and shoot the footage and it STILL came out bad. But when you're a single writer doing things all by yourself, there's a lot less people involved to check your work.
That said, there are a few things I'd like to say
1) Ignore the Plan 9 guys.
2)
"Guns, "Knives" and "Poison" should not be capitalized. 'Cause they're not names or proper nouns, see?
There should either be no "and" OR there should be a comma the end of "poison" and no comma before the "and Twilight Sparkle" - you put a comma after the "and" if you're listing items in a series, and you're not doing that here. Also, your ".." have two periods: they should have three.
If you make these changes, it should look like this instead:
Hope this helps!
4116096 Good for you, don't suppose you be free to help you out, in return for my services when you need proofreaders?
4119817
Not to offend, but I'm confused by the sentence as to what your asking. Again, I don't mean offense, it's just that it's late, I'm tired and starving, and was confused by the wording of your sentence. Sorry.