I am an amatuer Writer/Artist. I write what I love, and I LOVE what I write. and, I don't care what others think (but, I will speak my mind if I deem it necessary.)
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[Based on The Tales of Prince Onyx by Silver_Fang]
Since he was a baby, Prince Onyx Sol has lived his life being the only human in a world where Equines, Griffons and Dragons are the dominant race.
Despite the love and care he is given by his mother, Celestia...it is a very lonely existence.
So, when another like himself suddenly appears..his heart is filled with Hope.
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Summary Issues:
"Despite" and "So" in the second paragraph should be capitalized, and your ellipses after "Celestia" and "appears" have two periods in them again, not three.
I hope equastria can accept his kind "quirks" and find some human friends.
Capitalization, capitalization, capitalization.
You miss so many of them, it's really distracting to read.
And displace the author's notes to the end of the story, this block of notes right from the start is distracting too.
So am I!
4152535
Way I see it, there are TWO possible outcomes from a human such as Helix being in Equestria..
One. The ponies may presume this is the start of a mass invasion, and start to panic.
accumulating in Celestia's worst fears being realized: Her ponies hating her son out of fear, and seeking to "Destroy ALL Humans"
Two. Helix blow against King Gryffin (whom all ponies fear and loathe) will make the ponies see Helix as some kind of hero, and will become an instant celebrity.
Her presence in Equestria would be akin to diplomatic, and would have free reign of the whole kingdom.
Still, one doesn't know what Helix plans to do in Equestria.
It's plenty clear she has a secret agenda, with intentions unknown.
4152549
I did warn ahead of time that my grammar isn't the best, and submitted this to "Editor" Groups because I knew I would get messages like this.
Sadly, I don't really know where the errors are (I need them pointed out to me)
so, in my viewpoint, this story is "acceptable".
4152405
Done.
That is some nice stuff you have here. You see at first at was a tiny bit confused about how could she use magic etc... but with the explanation it all end up well.
If there is more I will read it. Thank for the great work.
Ps. so many capitalization
This is kinda like some one is describing a what happened on Television, rather than being able to watch the episode itself. Other than that its an intriguing start.
4157276
Thanks. I was on the fence at doing a Part Two, but since you approved, I may just do more.
I also Hope you caught the short cameo that I snuck in at the end, too.
Yeah, I know the issue with 'capitalizations' I hope you can take comfort in my failings as a writing.
since I have read that you yourself struggle with English, but your are more popular than I am on this site.
The best I have done is submit this to editorial groups, and hope somebody responds.
4159402
I was More talking about the word fully capitalized and in black, it kinda "break" the feeling of the story becasue it remind you that what is happening are simply words on a sheet.
here an advice, You must try to make the readers "enter" in the story so try to avoid the Word in () and all of that breaking stuff.
But hey we all have our way of writing
Good luck with the rest I will read it.
4159487
Well, to be honest..I wrote this story strictly for YOU. You being my target audience.
So, as long as you are pleased with it, then I feel I have accomplished something.
I haven't yet figured out an "ending" to this story. but, that will do little to halt progress currently.
you can expect an update in two days or so (should everything go as planned.)
Colleges usually offer classes in writing. Just saying.
4183352
Colleges cost MONEY, and I barely have enough to get groceries that will last me for the month.
4158914
Yes, it is a start. with some luck, future chapter will be an improvement over this one.
(okay, who is so cold as to downvote my hopes of self-improvement?!)
Hehehe I wonder what will happen next. I'm scared for Twilight she seem to be interested in the antro thing to have children with Onyx
4217140
you are right to be scared. None of Helix gifts ever come with no strings attached.
4218052
That what I tought
4218053
Well, don't You worry none. I won't rush into the whole "Anthro Twilight" thing immediately
I'll bide my time, hint at things and maybe have Helix test it one some other pony..
heh!, yeah..Who in Equestria would be so airheaded as to let a Human make her humanoid without a second thought!?
Hint: her initials are "L.H."
4251216
Your foreboding is well founded, given how crafty and cunning Helix can be in my fictions.
4251365 I like the references to Alex and Aleena
4252889
I didn't mention any Alex. just Alan Zander or Andy Maxwell/Katswell.
4253564 Too many A names.
4253683
Apologies..but, I'm not too good at naming things.
4253878 Nah, neither am I. Usually, a pony OC is named after what I'm obsessing over.
Hahaha Loved it. Now I think it is time for Twilight to run away from her.
On a side note, this Story will soon be more "Uncanon" to the story since it involve Twilight
4265962
Yeah, I figured as much..which is one reason I wrote this to begin with.
I feared I may be disappointed with where you are taking Onyx and Twilight in your story, So I wrote this as an Alternate Timeline type of story.
I still try to stay true to the original material as much as possible..I just perform a few tweaks here and there.
Of course, I never planned for this to be canon, given the involvement of other humans, implied crossovers and the possibility of turning Twilight Anthro.
But, It is still a decent ToPO Fanfiction.
is their any reason why the Nemesis is the cover art
4267395
Because most of the story focuses on a human, and her mighty airship/warship (which is named after another Decepticon ship) which is LIKE Megatron's flagship.
As I suck at drawing vehicles (and, I wanted to make a good impression) I used a screencap of The Nemesis as the cover art.
In this case, I felt that "close enough" was good enough.
4266169
Hahaha, I know that already but for now on your story COULD be Canon to story If I was adding Helix to the story. But when the major event will happen in my story they will be no longer compatible.
Still I do love your story keep it up big boy 
4267513
Good to hear that (Although, there is nothing stopping you from writing your own version of Helix in your story if you wish)
Also, I should state that contrary to what has been shown thus far, the story won't revolve around Twilight, nor, will she become Anthro in the next chapter (Helix will SHOW Twilight her machine..but, that doesn't mean she'll use it on her.)
like your story, mine is still about Princess Celestia and Prince Onyx.
and, mostly be of Helix worming her way into becoming Equestria's most favored person through cunning means (Ex: Celestia believes in diplomacy, while Helix is more of a 'They attack, we Annihilate'. type)
I also have a 'major event' planned for this story. Hope that makes you happy.
4185857
http://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/capital.asp
You are on the Internet. This is what I found just on capitalization after only five seconds with google.
You have no excuses.
4439770
Oh, ho-ho I beg to differ, my sarcastic friend..
1. I have never seen this article before in my life (yes, in all these years on the internet, there are SOME webpages I have never seen yet), so DON'T act as if I have known of it, and deliberately ignored it.
2. It isn't uncommon for FIMF Users to rely on Editors and Proofreaders to fix mistakes that they may have made, or errors that they missed.
and, 3. If you saw major errors in grammar..wouldn't it make more sense to point them out, rather than link me this article on grammar, and EXPECT me to know just what the heck you mean?!
hell, you don't even need to post them in a reply. just send me a PM listing my errors, and the correct writing for them.
Simple as that.
Hey! Not to sound like a douche, but you always have to capitals the first letter in the beginning of a new sentence.
4441908
So I've been told..
Truthfully, I have tried to not make those mistakes..but, I do so regardless of my best attempts.
so, I really just try and do my best, and Hope that some editors will come along and be willing to fix my errors.
I take some comfort in the fact that the original author of the story that this is based on faces the same problem, despite how successful his story is.
Make no mistake, I sympathize with him when complaints of grammar starts to get to him (lord knows I've endured THAT for the longest I've been here)
but, at least he has people who help him..I, however have just one who can't be there for me all of the time.
I like to think there are some here who are open-minded enough to enjoy the story, despite the errors..but, that is wishful thinking.
I appreciate you for apologizing in advance before pointing my flaw. That's a one up on some who are "sarcastic" in their criticism, acting like I should know better, or that I am doing these things on purpose.
So, no: I don't think you are a "douche" in any way.
More please :D
Thank for this I like it
4445526
I was hoping you would.
I tried writing it in the same way you wrote your story, so here is hoping that I was successful in that endeavor.
Wow, a story based on an already good story. Nicee..
5118104
It also helps that Silver_Fang himself appears to like this story.
Let that be something to keep in mind: "if the author of the fanfiction that you are doing a fanfic of LIKES said Fanfic..then, you are apparently doing something right."
So, I seem to be off to a good start.