- Member Since 9th Feb, 2014
- offline last seen Mar 28th, 2017
Mustard Is Best Pony
MUSTARD IS BEST PONY. MUSTARD GOES WELL WITH ANYTHING. MUSTARD IS TART AND DISGUSTING ON ITS OWN.
Mustard Is Best Pony
Joined 9th Feb, 2014 ·
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Mustard delivers. Great story, very well done.
Now I really can't wait for my own request!
I REQUEST A SEQUEL.
3973104
SHUT UP.
Not too bad. The Dinky/Scootaloo personal interactions were cute, and the first time together was suitably awkward. I find that far too many mature fics featuring 'first time' characters tend to have them turn instantly into masters of sex, so kudos for the way you wrote that scene.
On the downside, I found that the CMC treating their slowly-but-steadily diminishing friendship almost with disintrest a little out of character for them. I realise that even the best of friends drift apart, but they did very little to acknowledge that it was even happening, let alone try and fix it.
On the technical side, well written with a few errors here and there:
As written, you need not capitalise "everypony" and "she". However the overall sentence structure is a little clumsy. Might I suggest: "Everypony else was in athletics, and as such was marching with the sports teams. Scootaloo, being one of the few pegasi on the design team, had been all but forced to carry their flag in the parade."
The paragraph break here is awkward - the first sentence of the second paragraph belongs with the first paragraph, as they are both dealing with Scootaloo's consideration of relationships; whereas the second paragraph is detailing her actions.
Might I suggest "accustomed" rather than "toughened"?
Watch your placement of commas - the second comma is unneccessary in both of these sentences.
A word was missing from this sentence.
"Was" (past tense) or "am" (present tense)? The following sentence seems to indicate that she IS still wet.
Overall, rather good. I await your next request fic presently.
3973841
YOUR FEEDBACK IS MUCH APPRECIATED. BEING A ONE-SHOT, AND WRITTEN IN A DAY, THIS FIC IS UNDERSTANDABLY FLAWED.
YOUR CRITIQUE IS BOTH HELPFUL AND NON-INTRUSIVE. THIS IS A RARE THING IN THIS DAY AND AGE. THANK YOU FOR YOUR FEEDBACK, AND I AM HONORED TO HAVE ATTRACTED SUCH A KIND AND WELL-INFORMED FOLLOWER.
PLEASE CONSIDER MY OTHER WORK, SHOULD YOU FEEL SO INCLINED.
MUSTARD APPROVES OF YOU!
I liked it
It was cute and Scootaloo and Dinky were awesome together. Very good job!!!!
Derpy and Ditzy? Sweet, I smell a threesome~
Ah, awkward, young love!~
Also, for a bit during the graduation party, you seem to have switched Ditzy for Dinky...
This was an awesome fic!
But I can't help but say... isn't sparkler the pink one, and Dinky is gray like Ditzy?
I DON'T KNOW LOGICSEX
Nice job.