Shattered Tiara

by SkyeSilverwing

Chapter 1

Shattered Tiara
By Skye Silverwing

Diamond Tiara crouched with her friend, Silver Spoon, in the bushes beside a busy Ponyville thoroughfare, waiting and watching as their prey approached.

Sure, those so-called Crusaders were toughening up and becoming resistant to pairs’ usual jeers, but Diamond Tiara kept back her best insults and hurtful insinuations for just when the Blank-flanks thought they were immune. Oh, yes… this time Diamond Tiara would target the source of all of her grief herself.

Applebloom walked with Scootaloo and Sweetiebelle, a big smile on her face as they discussed their most recent plans to try to earn their cutiemark. She was not aware of Diamond’s and Silver’s presence.

Applebloom practically danced along the road, with a grace that seemed to come naturally. So much about that blank-flank seemed to come naturally, without any of the effort or money that Diamond Tiara put into gaining even a shadow of it. She had a strength and grace that Diamond’s Dance Training could never match. She had friends and family that cared about her in a way that laid pale Diamond’s companionship of Silver Spoon, and her father’s monetary love.

Worst of all, Applebloom had yet to discover the thing about her that made her special. For all that Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon made fun of the fact that the Crusaders did not have their cutiemarks yet, it was really another point that Applebloom and her friends had over them. The adults were right at Diamond’s Cutesinera, Applebloom’s lack of a Cutiemark meant that she could be anything. She had a huge amount of potential.

Diamond Tiara’s Cutiemark, on the other hand, clearly referenced the piece of jewelry that she currently wore on her head- a shining diamond-encrusted tiara given to her by her father when he had returned from a trip to Canterlot last year- but in reality, the mark meant nothing at all to Diamond’s Talents. She had no potential. No special ability outside of being high-and-mighty. And Applebloom and her Crusader buddies were a shining beacon of everything she could not be. It made her so mad.

And that was why she was going to do it. She was going to insult Applebloom about her blank-flank, and then she was going to hit her with the big one. Applebloom’s parents were dead. Oh, yes. Diamond would hit her where it hurt, and Applebloom would cry, and tearstains and a look of deep sorrow would mar that perfect little pretty face of hers, and in her pain, perhaps Diamond would be able to be better than her for once. It would be glorious.

The Crusaders were drawing nearer, and Diamond shared a quick glance with Silver Spoon, her Compatriot. She was never sure why the Silver-maned Filly chose to follow her as she fought to overcome Applebloom and her friend’s and bring them down so that she could be better than them. Sometimes she thought that it was because Silver Spoon felt the same about the Trio as she did, but other times, she saw the regret in Silver’s eyes when they did something particularly nasty to them. Even more so when it got turned back on the two of them. Diamond could not see why her friend stayed by her side throughout the ever escalating war to make Diamond better than Applebloom. She had to get something out of it, right?

Such thoughts faded from her mind as Applebloom and her friends drew almost even with the bushes Diamond and Silver were hiding in. The time had come. Licking her lips in anticipation, she leapt from the bushes, a Sadistic smile on her face.

She felt a great surge of pride and pleasure as the smile vanished from Applebloom’s face, replaced by a look of frustration, and then a look of horror.

Applebloom suddenly flung herself at Diamond as fast as her hooves could take her. “LOOK OUT!” she cried, slamming hard into Diamond, the impact knocking the tiara from her head as it sent her slamming to the ground.

It took Diamond’s mind several moments to realize what was going on. Applebloom was attacking her? Perhaps all of the previous attempts at bullying the girl had finally broken her. Diamond Tiara knew that she could not stand up to the farm-strengthened filly in a straight fight, but she also knew that for assaulting her, Applebloom would have her entire family ruined. It was the ultimate victory that Diamond Tiara had always craved, so she willingly accepted the next blow of the attack.

A blow that never came.

Instead, there was a scream, a scraping of hooves on pavement, and a thud.

Diamond opened her eyed in confusion to see a heavy-laden sofa cart stopped where she had been standing a moment before, below it, lay the unmoving form of Applebloom. The cart’s driver, the owner or “Sofas and Quills”, and several other ponies stood staring in concern at crumpled form, not sure what to do.

“APPLEBLOOM!” the downed filly’s friends cried as they ran to their friend’s side. “Somepony call an EMP!”

Diamond Tiara stood in total shock as the Emergency Medical Ponies Arrived, followed shortly by Princess Twilight Sparkle and Applebloom’s sister, Applejack, along with some guard ponies to take statements.

The Cart’s Driver was trying to be as helpful as he could. “I was heading down the hill with a full load.” He said, “I did not even see that little Filly over there before she leapt out in front of my cart, and that other one pushed her out of the way I tried hard to stop, but this cart is so heavy. I barely avoided trampling her with my own hooves.”

The Princess and the Guard Ponies conferred for a few moments and agreed that it was something that could not have been avoidable, though the Guard Ponies suggested that the Driver come down to the garrison to make a full statement.

Applejack, Sweetiebelle and Scootaloo waited nervously for the EMP’s to check Applebloom out.

The EMPs looked at the nervous trio and nodded. “She is still alive, but it looks like she has a rough night ahead of her.” One of them told them, “We need to get her to the hospital right away.” They quickly loaded the injured filly up in the ambulance wagon, with Applejack and the crusaders riding along.

Through it all, Diamond Tiara stared. Not at the cart, not at Applebloom, but at the glinting shine of her tiara lying broken behind the cart’s front wheel. She barely noticed when her own father arrived, and, after hearing the story from the Princess, offered to cover all of the medical expenses that his daughter’s savior needed. She barely noticed Silver Spoon, who had gotten a blanket from somewhere, and draped around her shoulders before wrapping a friendly hoof around her.

She simply stared at the twisted and broken line of diamonds and metal that had been on her head not that long before, as her mind desperately tried to comprehend what had happened and reconcile it with her own view points and beliefs.

Applebloom… the pony she had despised for years, had saved her life.

If she had been standing there the cart would have hit her, and she would not have likely come out of it as well as Applebloom had. She was not as tough as the farm-raised pony, and she knew it. That wagon would have done to her what it did to her tiara.

Applebloom had saved her life. After all she had done to her over the years, all of the bullying and all of the name calling, and all of the times that she tried to hurt that filly in a way that would reduce how great she was… She had risked her own life to save her.

“Why?” she asked. “Why did she save me?”

Silver Spoon, the only pony close enough to hear the question, looked at her with a slight shrug. “It is just the kind of pony she is.” She said softly.

Diamond looked at her friend. “Do… do you think she will be alright?” she asked.

Before Silver Spoon could answer, Princess Twilight walked over, a look of concern on her face. “Diamond Tiara, you look really shaken up by this whole ordeal.” How are you feeling?”

Diamond blinked for a moment, and then looked the Princess in the eyes. “It was all my fault, Princess…” she said, tears coming to her eyes. “We were waiting for the three of them to come by here so we could ambush them and bully and make fun of them… I… I was so mean and cruel to Applebloom… And she saved me anyway…”

At this point, Diamond Tiara dissolved into tears. The Princess enclosed the filly in a hug, extending her wings around her. “It’s alright,” she said, “I am sure she will get better, and you will be able to apologize.”

Diamond looked up at the Princess. “But… I hated her… and I was so mean… Picking on her and her friends…” she said between sobs, “I don’t deserve her forgiveness.”

Twilight looked down at the little pony, a gentle smile on her face. “Maybe you don’t,” she said, “But she deserves the right to offer it, doesn’t she?”

Diamond Tiara’s eyes widened slightly. “I… I guess so…” she said. “but… I hated her. She was always so much better than me… such a sweet and caring person, with so many friends, and family that loved her, and she was so strong and she had such pretty hair, and I always wanted to be what she was, but I never could because she was always so far beyond me in everything, and she never seemed to have to try…”

Diamond Tiara gushed on and on about how wonderful Applebloom was, and the Princess listened to her as she spoke, never interrupting, only listening quietly. After what seemed like a long while, the flood of emotions finally tapered off.

The Princess smiled at the Filly. “Well, it sounds to me, like you don’t hate her at all; you are simply a little envious of her.” She said, “Perhaps, when she wakes up, you can become friends, and she can be someone you can look up to, and you can learn to be more like her.”

Diamond Tiara hung her head. “If she forgives me for getting her run over in the first place.” She said, sadly.

Princess Twilight reached down with a hoof and raised Diamond Tiara’s chin. “It wasn’t your fault, Diamond Tiara.” She said firmly. “It was an accident. Such things happen, and regardless what happened before, you have had a change of heart now. I don’t think Applebloom is the kind of Pony to hold it against you.”

Diamond thought about it for a long moment, and then nodded. “I… guess I should go to the hospital and see how she is doing…” she said.

The Princess nodded. “You should.” She said.

Diamond Tiara turned to trot off, but slowed slightly as the Princess turned to Silver Spoon. “I am proud of you, Silver Spoon.” She said, “You are such a good friend, standing by Diamond through all of this. Stay close to her. I suspect she’ll need you.”

Diamond hesitated a few moments, but resumed as she heard Silver Spoon’s familiar hoofbeats behind her. The thought of having her there was… comforting. Diamond did not know what she would do if she did not have Silver to lean on now.

It did not take long for the pair of Fillies to cross the town and reach the Ponyville Hospital, and finding out where Applebloom was took little longer. As they made their way up to the Room, however, they found their way blocked by Applebloom’s best friends.

“YOU!” Scootaloo cried as soon as she saw the pair. “How DARE you show your face here? This is all your fault! If you hadn’t been there, waiting to jump out and try to bully us, Applebloom wouldn’t have been hurt! You two are always attacking us every day, trying to hurt us, trying to break us! Well, Congratu-Bucking-lations. You finally broke-.”

Diamond Wilted under the onslaught. She should have known to expect it from these two. Aside from Applebloom’s family, these were the ones most affected by Applebloom being hurt. Scootaloo advanced on her with Sweetie Belle right behind, and both of them blamed Diamond Tiara for all that had happened. Maybe they were right. Maybe she deserved the blame.

Suddenly Silver Spoon was there, in Scootaloo’s face, cutting off her tirade. “Where do you get off trying to blame Diamond Tiara for this!?” she demanded, “It was an accident. Don’t you think she has had enough suffering already, only to have you lay the entire thing at her hooves?” The silver maned filly went nose-to-nose with the purple-maned Pegasus, driving her back step by step. “You have no idea what she has been going through, and you two trying to blame her is not helping!”

“Stop, Silver.” The trio’s eyes turned to Diamond. “I deserve to be told off.” She said, stepping between her friend and the others. “It IS my fault that Applebloom is in there. I… I hated her so much… She was always so much of a better pony than me… I envied everything she had… her strength… her grace… I wanted to bring her down so that I could feel better about myself…” she looked up at Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle for a long moment, then hung her head. “I… I’m so sorry…”

Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle faltered for a moment, looking to each other, unsure how to respond to the genuine regret from their most hated classmate.

“Well that sounds like an apology worth acceptin’ if ya ask me.” Applejack said, stepping out of the nearby door, which presumably lead into Applebloom’s Hospital room.

Without another word to each other, the four Fillies gathered around Applejack, Scootaloo piping up first with what they all wanted to know. “Applejack! How is she?”

Applejacks face fell slightly. “The Doctors said she hit her head pretty hard.” She said grimly. “She is in a coma… They… They ain’t sure when she might wake up… if she ever does…”

The Orange Earth-Pony hung her head as the Two cutiemark Crusaders stepped up to hug her and show their support. Diamond Tiara and Silver spoon glanced nervously at each other before lending a hoof of support themselves. This had to be so hard for Applejack. That was her baby sister in there.

Diamond Tiara looked up at Applejack and smiled reassuringly. “I am sure she will wake up.” She said, “I always hated how tough she is, but this time I am glad for it, because I am sure she will pull through.”

“Darn tootin’ she’ll pull through!” said Granny Smith, as she hurried up the hallway with Big Macintosh hot on her tail, “That child has a head harder than an Oak stump. Ain’t no way she’s gonna let a little bump on the noggin put her down for the count.”

“Yup.” Big Mac agreed.

The ponies in the hall turned to greet the newcomers, and Diamond Tiara slipped quietly past Applejack and into Applebloom’s hospital room, gently closing the door behind her.

The room was illuminated by the setting sun, which cast deep shadows over the foot of the bed, but rendered Applebloom’s fur and mane even more lovely in the Golden light.

Diamond stared at her for a long moment from where she stood, and then moved to the edge of the bed. “Oh, Applebloom…” she said softly, her voice filled with regret, “I am so sorry for every mean thing I ever did to you… I hated you so much… for what you were… and what I could never be. You were such a great pony… I could never measure up…” She sniffled slightly, and wiped a tear from her eyes with her hoof, then bowed her head. “Please, Applebloom…” she said, “I need you. You have to wake up. I need you to show me how to be a better pony… how to be a better friend…”

It was then that she felt it. A gentle hoof, stroking the back of her head. She looked up to see Applebloom’s eyes, open and watching her weakly.

Diamond stared into those eyes. “Applebloom…” she whispered, “You’re awake…” Then she suddenly burst into tears and flung her hooves around Applebloom. “Oh, Celestia! Applebloom! I am so sorry for everything I did to you and your friends… I was so cruel and mean… and then you saved me… I just… I don’t…”

Applebloom put a hoof over Diamond Tiara’s mouth. “Of course I forgive you.” She said simply, “You may have been mean to me and mah friends, but ah wasn’t about ta let ya git hurt. It wouldn’ta been right.”

Diamond hung her head. “I wish I could take back everything I ever did to you…” she said.

Applebloom smiled softly at her. “Ah don’t.” she replied.

Diamond Tiara stared at her in surprise. “You don’t?” she asked.

Applebloom sighed. “Of course not.” She said, “Princess Twilight told me once that we are all the product of our experiences. If you had not bullied me, Ah would not be as strong emotionally as Ah am.” Then she gave Diamond a genuine grin. “Maybe we kin be friends from now on.”

Diamond Tiara smiled. “I… would like that.”

.o0o. .o0o. .o0o. .o0o. .o0o.

Author's Note:

After a long while, this one is done. I love constructive Criticism.

Comments

[RainbowCoolDash Pariah]

I hope there will be more. I liked it alot. Brought a tear to my eye.

[Isumo1489]

Ok, I like Diamond Tiara redemption fics...but this one...her conversations, especially the words, with the Crusaders, Twilight, and with AB at the end...they seem rather repetitive. It's not to say they aren't valid, but there are different ways to say the same thing, especially when one is in emotional pain. Sometimes, it's just a look, or the beginning of a sentence that falters in tears or a choked sound fighting sobs. Sometimes though, it's the looks and mere language of a hoof extended that conveys the most emotion.

Not saying this work is bad, far from it. But as a suggestion, try playing with descriptions of the character's body language, let the state of their eyes, the tremble in their mouths, or a wordless sob behind a hoof speak volumes for you. You'll find a rather interesting result, I think.

[GaryOak]

5087411
I found multiple other mistakes in the passages you quoted.

[Keairan]

I admit to liking redemption fics, I really do enjoy them. That said, this was honestly boring. Little struggle, and very little build-up to the pay-off.

[Misharra]

This really could have been powerful. The quick progression almost seemed to devalue the story. If the doctors had zero prognosis for when or even if Bloom would be waking up, thirty minutes seems a mite quick. Not impossible, I'd wager, but unlikely.

There was a great buildup. Diamond had no idea when or if she might ever get to talk to Bloom again, and she--and we along with her--had to face the possibility that she'd be waiting a long time.

Bloom's family didn't blame her. Even the other CMCs accepted it once AJ spoke her piece. Diamond now would have even more guilt. If she truly looks up to Bloom like she says, and she believes herself responsible for her state, she'd be almost pining for somepony to not just tell her it's okay.

The only pony she needs to hear that from is Applebloom. And she can't.

But then Bloom wakes up minutes later, leaving one to think, "...was that it?"

It needs not be a long, drawn out affair. Even a night spent bedside to the pony she desperately needs to wake up again, talking to her friends and family and finding out more about this amazing filly she doesn't really know would have made Bloom's waking up with the dawn far more rewarding, both to Diamond and the readers.

This one's short; to do any of the above would expand this fic possibly by an order of magnitude, and that's not always a goal or even a desire. But bear in mind the most memorable characters and tales are wrought with adversity, and their happy endings never come easily or quickly.

[SkyeSilverwing]

5090286 I admit. I was writing just fine up until the point when Big Mac and Granny Smith showed up, but then I suddenly smashed headlong into a writers block that would not let me even try to do it for something like three or four months. The ending was something I ultimately pushed through and even to me, it feels too rushed.

[Misharra]

5090325 Writer's block is a cruel beast and obeys no rules but its own.

[SkyeSilverwing]

5090349 I really wanted to bring it back around and answer some questions about DT and SS's relationship, but I had to fight to get my muses to give me as much as they did. I ultimately just had to end it instead of trying to keep up the slog. I kind of regret not being able to push more into it.
5087411 I willingly admit that I seem to have developed a bad habit in the form of the random capitalization. It happens in all of my works, mostly when I am really in the zone and writing quickly.

[The Letter J]

I'd just like to point out that in addition to the grammatical errors 5087411 mentioned, you constantly misspell Apple Bloom's name as Applebloom, and "cutie mark" is two words and is not capitalized. I noticed a number of other grammatical errors, but those ones, and the random capitalization, were the ones that stood out the most.

[SkyeSilverwing]

5091045 Honestly, Applebloom's name is one of those things that you are unlikely to convince me is actually two words, because no one ever just calls her "Bloom" in the same way that Twilight Sparkle is sometimes just called "Twilight". Even Sweetie Belle is called "Sweetie" at times. Even if everywhere it is written online has it as two words, I would still disagree.
As for "cutie mark" it is just something that always struck me a something that needed to be Capitalized for some reason. Also, it seemed like something that could be one or two words. It is a pain, because Spell Check really does not do anything to help with that kind of thing (and it rarely points out the random capitalization.)

[The Letter J]

5091630
It's not just that everyone writes it that way online, that's how it's spelled in the credits and in all the official merchandise. "Apple Bloom" is the canonical spelling, and there's no getting away from that.
And seeing how you could probably count on one hand the number of times Sweetie Belle and Rainbow Dash are called by just one of their names, it doesn't seem so odd to think that Apple Bloom's name could be two words, even if we only ever hear them together. And no one says that Big Mac's name should be spelled Bigmacintosh, even though I'm pretty sure he's never been called anything but Big Macintosh and Big Mac.

[SkyeSilverwing]

5091727 Hmmm... Well, actually, I was mostly having it as one word since the most comparable name, Applejack, is also one word. Applebloom just feels like one word to me, so that is how I write it.

[BBkat]

This, doesn't fit the tag of tragedy. Tragedy would be if Apple Bloom fell into a coma and never awoke, or worse, died. Generally, if it has a 'tragedy' tag, there is no happy ending. Sad tag works that sort of thing, but not Tragedy.
You also have many, many instances of words capitalized for no reason. Someone else pointed them out above.
The pacing is very fast and everything is done and resolved way to fast. It could easily have been dragged out into a longer story by having Apple Bloom fighting for her life over the next few days during which time you'd have Diamond Tiara dealing with her guilt for causing it, the fear of thinking she may have inadvertently caused a pony's death, confusion about why AB saved her, wondering if she'll ever be forgiven. Not to mention, people don't forgive that fast, they're all going to be scared and mad and upset, and when that happens people look for someone to blame. In this case, DT. They might realize they shouldn't have acted like that by say, the next day or so, but for the first bit they'd all be cold to her, especially AB's family. Plus Filthy Rich would probably have words with his daughter about all of this.
The idea is a good one, the execution, not so much I'm afraid.

[SkyeSilverwing]

5092469 I appreciate your critique. A lot of the pacing issue came from the writers' block and the desire to simply be done with it. I liked getting into Diamond Tiara's head, but there came a point where I found myself just unable to push on with the story in any meaningful way. It became something I did not want to do, and none of the people I rely on for ideas on how to finish it could come up with anything. Originally, I had intended for AB to be in a coma for an extended period of time, so that I could go into a deeper look at the relationship between DT and SS, but the act of writing just became a slog, so I ended it prematurely.
Oh, and I took the tragedy tag off.

[rogueunicorn]

This was really good, but the pacing is bit too fast.

[MidnightCrew]

Constructive criticism? I got nothing, I loved it.

[J-555Pon3]

Very good story!

[Darren5000]

This was a good story. I'm glad you didn't have applebloom die. STories like that make me sad, but you did a great thing giving Applebloom back to her family.

[Darren5000]

9794318
PIka, pika.
I couldn't resist.