• Member Since 12th Dec, 2013
  • offline last seen Nov 15th, 2017

Saph


I really have nothing to put here at the moment.

T

Vinyl hears about Octavia's disaster of a performance at the Gala. Having broke up with her over a year ago, can things really be okay between them again, especially when Octavia is at the lowest point in her life?
~

As of 3/27/14, the fic is finished but un-edited. I'll get around to correcting errors eventually.
Cover art by Emii/Lava (tumblr)

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 61 )

Vinyl is most certainly and will always be best pon3.

love it so far cant wait for more XD

Poor Octavia-soon she and Vinyl will be back together and in love :heart: again.

Comment posted by A7X Camerooni deleted Jan 16th, 2014

3794179 Heeeey I see what you did there :P. And also, hell yeah, Vinyl's freakin awesome!

Depending on the circumstances of their breakup, Vinyl may be the last pony Octavia wants to see at the moment. Or she might be the pony she needs.

This is your first story? I feel very dumb now....

3802507 I try my best :) I actually had read Please don't leave me before, it was really good too :twilightsmile:


3794563 Don't be so sure i'll make it that easy :trixieshiftright:


3796376 Pretty much sums it up. :ajsmug:

3802582 Wait what you read it?! Ummmm.....thank you....

I already like this :twilightsmile: I like this story I demand more *smashes coffee cup on ground trying to act like Thor in that scene from thor*

My first cliffhanger! I feel so accomplished!

... you guys hate me now don't you.

Truly.

I said it once. I'll say it over and over again...

:flutterrage:I HATE CLIFFHANGERS!!!:flutterrage:
:fluttercry:I also pray you update soon so we can know how Vinyl is doing.:fluttercry:
:pinkiecrazy:After that, can I make Freddy into a cupcake?:pinkiecrazy:

3813111
3813337

Glad to see I'm good at this :trollestia: I have a good idea where i'm going with chapter 3 though. I will let you guys know i'm not taking the coma route.

You... Why
Great job so far btw

Ah, you certainly did not disappoint, Saph. Although, the way the dialogue is formatted makes it confusing exactly who is talking, and there were also a few grammar errors scattered about. A quick look-over from an editor will fix those mistakes though.

I must say, you officially made my heart pump with the bottle smashing and send me into cardiac arrest with that cliffhanger. Well played. :moustache:

I really hope Fredrick isn't THAT fond of his image...it's about to get thrashed...great chapter!

Evil cliffhanger just evil.

I can't wait for future chapters.

3815120

Had an offer for proofreading, errors will hopefully be dealt with sooner than later


3816576
3817669
:trollestia: Thanks
3816819

Maybe just severely bruised...

Cliffhanger... can't wait till next chapter:rainbowkiss:

3818712
I'm okay with that :pinkiecrazy:

edits will be made in a couple days or do when my proofreader has the time. Also I posted this in a hurry so if you guys notice anything that should be in italics, other stuff please point it out. (consider this the a/n.)

Thank you for the update. It's glad to know that Vinyl will be okay. For now, at least. There is still the doctor's assessment in the morning.

While this needs a helluva lot of work, and a fair bit of spell/grammar checking, the plot itself is pretty sound, so I'll be looking forward to this.

Beep.....Beep....Beep....Beep....
But what will happen?
Possibility one - Beep....Beep....Beep....Beep....Hello tavi!
Possibility two - Beep....Beep....Beep....Beep....Beeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppppp...............<flatline>
Possibility three - Beep....Beep...Beep....Beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep(CRASHALARM)beepbeepbeepbeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep<flatline>

I MUST KNOW BEFORE I KEEP THINKING OF DIFFERENT OUTCOMES!!!

Huh. Crushing level of depressing loneliness; check.
Pair that broke up, but promised to return; check.
Potential tragedy strikes; check.

Tension rising

At least this story has some characters to direct that tension as hatred towards.

This depression makes me sad :fluttercry:
I thought they were a good couple now over drunken fights... This.... Thanks rarity :raritywink:

Private Dangle approves this story.

3841438
:twilightsmile: Doctor's assessment can't be that bad, can it?
3841587
Agreed.
3841881
You'll find out in a couple days I think.
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3891201
Huh, didn't think it was that depressing (yet?) :rainbowderp:

3899683 Thanks I guess? :twilightblush:
~
Chapter 4 should be out sometime this week.

3902828
Oh, sure, it hasn't hit rock bottom, but...well, I've had practice in understanding perspective. Let's just say I don't drink, but I would be drinking if I were in Octavia's situation.

Love that chapter :rainbowkiss: sorta explains something's. But still I love this story and love the author for typing it good job :pinkiehappy:

Oooooh, character development! Where will we go next? Will Octavia reveal to Vinyl what actually happened? Find out in the next instalment of 'I'm Coming Home'!!! I know I can't wait!

"The truth will set you free." Which is exactly what I think is going to happen to Octavia as soon as Vinyl finds out the truth (and she will.) This is worst than what those jerks did to Octavia. She is basically accusing somepony of committing a crime which she knows they didn't commit. Looks like this story is in for the long haul. I willing be tracking this.

Wowie Saph, you did well in setting the tone for what's to come. Will Vinyl find out the truth or be lied to forever tainting any future relationship? I hope it's not a sad ending tho >.<

Love it! Though this won't end well if Octavia doesn't come clean...

3907205
Sad/Happy ending will be determined by next chapter for sure.
3910011
3907163 Thanks. It really does ride on how fast Octavia comes clean though doesn't it?

3907034 :twilightsmile:

3906999 Thanks :)
~
New cover art :) Thanks emi

3915241 Does the cover art hint at the ending? You know, crying Octavia because angry Vinyl found out about the lie??

3915807 No. As previously stated, i'm still working on weather to go with the sad ending or the happy one (really depends on chapter 5). I just gave emii the tags on the story and she rolled with it quite effectively.

3916097 Ooh, OK. You've just made me hyper-impatient about CH5 now...

I seriously was wondering if Octavia would suggest that. Lies; the shortcut over the mountain and into the ravine.

This is pretty well done. Short and in a slightly undeveloped world, but the characters still come across as at least partially dynamic. Whether you choose a happy or sad ending, it's still worth reading. That said, I don't really enjoy sad stories with sad endings; something about hitting rock bottom, bouncing once and then returning doesn't appeal to me.

But other readers appreciate it, and I can see why.

AWWW that's so sad and happy and touchy. I love it :rainbowkiss: it's a fantastic fanfic an I'm going to most likely read it again and again and again and again *200 years later* and again and again! Great job on it! :raritywink:

“I’ll be in my apartment. Maybe if I get interested enough ill go down to her you and Octavia yell at each other again…”

This sentence needs a bit of re-writing. I can't understand what's going on here.

Another thing, it's sometimes difficult to see who's speaking.

“Did you follow me or something Frederick? I figured you’d be that kind of scumbag.” Frederick chuckled,

Here, for example, it sounds like it's Vinyl speaking, but you show an action of Frederick's right after. That "Frederick chuckled," should be moved to right before Frederick speaks next as it is his action. A good rule of thumb: One paragraph = One character. One paragraph contains the actions of one character, if you want to change perspective or describe what another character does, it's best to make a new paragraph so as to avoid confusion. This is one of your biggest problems and one I suggest you take a look at.

I need to do this…,

No no no no. Big no. You do not put a comma after an ellipsis (tripple dot). An ellipsis counts as a "long" comma/full stop. It shows us that the one talking pauses for longer than one normally would at a full stop. In the part I quoted above, however, it should just be a full stop. She doesn't say or think anything after that, so you should just stop it there.

changed, Great

her, Luna

Full stop instead of a comma. First of all, you're starting a new piece of dialogue which requires a full stop before that. It's a new "action" so it should also be shown as such by "ending" the previous one with a stop.

What…

Even if it's only a single word, it's still a question. Needs a question mark instead of the ellipsis. Same with the "What was that...?" that comes right after. Delete the ellipsis and leave only the question mark.

A recurring problem I notice when you write. You use a lot of ellipses. Often at the end of a sentence or such where they have no place. Try using a full stop instead when you can see that it isn't a pause in the character's speech.

On a final note, may I suggest trying to get a proof reader from The Proofreader Group or Overly Extensive Editors? I'm sure someone would be able to help you if you asked them.

3986849 I'll correct these later, thanks. I really need to improve on my proofreading and/or, get a proofreader.

shrouded by a brown mane.

Octavia's mane is a charcoal black, not brown.

Excellent Chapter Saph. It had some heart warm moments and a oh god why did she do that moment in the end. I do hope you write and Epilogue for this story because I want to see what happens next. If you don't I'm fine with it. Good Story hope to read more for you soon. :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

So, this is it? Somehow, I was expecting more.

Interesting way to end this.

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