• Member Since 1st Nov, 2011
  • offline last seen Apr 13th, 2015



After the mishap of the Grand Galloping Gala, Octavia Pie's Prestigious Classical Career came to a screeching halt as the disgruntled party planner fired her for her mistaken playful participation in the Pony Pokey. Feeling down and angry, Octavia can only look to the future and hope to salvage what's left of her reputation, and with a surprise opportunity, she plans on presenting Equestria with a masterpiece. The road to find inspiration is a long an arduous one, but one can only dream of the gifts and realizations that lie at the end.

**Sequel can be found here:

Chapters (16)
Comments ( 94 )

A cute and enjoyable friendship story. I'm a bit sad that you did nothing with the implied familial relationship between Octavia and Pinkie, but it was still a nice detail. Two thumbs up.

23263 This is merely the opening to the story, so there will be much more to be revealed in the future. I still need to get my feet into the universe completely which I should be in good shape after this first chapter. Glad that you've enjoyed what I have so far. It will only get better. :pinkiehappy:

The language usage and level of detail in the wording impressed me. Looks like an Enjoyable Story Indeed.

#4 · Nov 5th, 2011 · · · Opening ·

The story was enjoyable, though I do have some complaints. Throughout there are a few minor errors with the mechanics of the story, of which are easily corrected and just need reviewed again. You paint a clear picture of the relationship between the two ponies, but perhaps it could be done in a more gradual way or in an overall more effective manner. Regardless, it's a cute story; not my usual choice for a read, but for what it's worth you did nicely. I enjoyed the alliteration, and your portrayal of Vinyl Scratch was quite wonderful. And I must give huge props to you for actually writing the story...that takes a lot of skill and time, which you obviously put forth in your piece. Good luck!

Well what I'm curious about is the romance tag. It cant be octavia and vinyl scratch because their practically sisters..... Not lesbians

Looking at the characters he's either using a custom pony or doctor hooves

25007 Then it seems that I must read through them a thrice time to get all the bugs. Each chapter, being as long as they are, take quite a bit of time to find every mistake so that is why some manage the wiggle through, though I am glad that they are only minor, I will still need to root them out. The issue with the gradual way between the two ponies is that I have started this story when they had already been living with each other for quite some time and many pleasantries have already happened and they are basically "experienced" roommates as seen through Vinyl joking about them being more than friends and it not bothering Octavia. To her, it has become just a natural occurrence in the house. I will still work and painting a more natural feeling to them, maybe provide some back story where needed as well.

25049 The romance tag is there because knowing me there will be romance somewhere in this story (almost a guarantee), but with who? Well... I'll keep it a surprise. :pinkiehappy: Though I'll warn you, anypony can be in a relationship, depends on where the story takes us.:raritywink:

I'm torn. There are bits that I vastly enjoy and there are those of which I am not so fond; however, the former outweigh the latter. It is an exceedingly enjoyable story, quite lighthearted and breezy. The descriptions are generally good, though some could use some rethinking and minor adjustments. The first sentence needs some work, considering you use the word 'and' three times and include no punctuation; also, I dislike your use of ellipses and believe they should be altered to a more reasonable choice in punctuation (however, this may just be an aesthetic choice). Your use of ellipses is what I was referring to when I mentioned the mechanical errors though there are some missing commas in areas, as well. I really dislike all of the indentation in the story and think it would be better alligned to the left and single-spaced, though that is again a personal preference. Aside from the need for acute revisions, the story is quite nice. The characters are quite enjoyable, and I have laughed on a number of occasions. As you add more to the story, I am sure it will further enhance the quality of what you already have (which has already been proven considering the improvement between introduction and this first chapter). Again, good luck.

The discussion between Pinkie and Octavia needs work to improve the quality. You should make add some fluidity to the moral lessons you desire to include in your story so that they make more sense and are more blended within the text.

"I could only shake my head and walk back into the house to dispose of the paper given to her. My head instantly hit another pony’s nose before my body, still unaware that I was running into Vinyl jumped forward and we both fell to the ground." -- this is confusing, though a minor error.

25293 Hmm... considering the sentence you stated, apparently my mind skipped over what I was meaning to add in there which would have made it make sense. I will be sure to correct it.

As for the ellipses, I began to realize that I do over use them while writing this last chapter and have dramatically cut back on them. Thank you for pointing them out. :pinkiehappy:

After I posted it, I looked back at the Octavia and Pinkie conversation and did quite hate it. I have been working to fix it, again thank you for pointing it out to confirm my suspicions that it needed some better work.

As for the moral lessons, I have never included them in my writing before, so they are a new element that I am getting used to implementing. I will be sure to check my work more heavily and try to resolve those conflicts. Thank you for the criticism. It is always appreciated. :twilightsmile:

nicely done

♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪

FIRST YAY:yay: looken good so far.

♫♥I look forward to reading what happens next in your story♥♪

YAY FIRST:yay: any ways i got nothen to say cept keep it comin

Whoot! Octavia's a bard with inspire courage x3

I really hope nothing bad happens to any of the ponies. :fluttershysad:

This was quite the enjoyable addition to your story; however, there are still a couple issues. You have some missing commas, a comma splice or two, and a few other errors. They're minor and few, but they need corrected. It may help you if you read through the story backwards, take each sentence on its own and then evaluate it in regard to the rest of the story. This chapter was quite a change from the last. I would strongly recommend you monitor this stark variation in your story and ensure that the cohesiveness of the chapters isn't hampered. You may have gone a little overboard with the darkness in it. It is all wonderfully written, but even the characters seem to have changed in comparison with your previous chapters. The argument was overemphasized and wasn't major enough to warrant such dramatic reactions. Hmm, I'm not sure how exactly to advise you to fix your story, Harold, but I recommend you take another look. (hopefully this isn't taken as negative feedback...the story truly was well-written...the best of the first three chapters.) Good luck. =]

“Come in.” Vinyl gruffly spoke, breaking me from my trance again. <-- This portion was a bit confusing. You should better clarify what is happening in this moment of the story.

“What is it Tavi?” <-- every single piece of dialogue in which another character is being directly addressed you leave out the comma. I don't know if this is a stylistic choice or not, but it bothers me (though I do respect your writing style).

I caught a grin crack at her face though she kept up ‘being angry at me’. <-- this just needs minor revision. The emphasis wasn't executed very smoothly.

DUN DUN DUUUUNNNN!!!! :pinkiegasp:

hahaha bubble butt... quite hilarious i must say..
really nice work you have going here, can't wait for more!

It gets better and better... I like your slow build up between octavia and vinyl.. keep it up!

Perhaps a one-on-one consult would be beneficial to you in locating and correcting all of the various mistakes that are dispersed throughout your stories. Most of the issues with the story deal with mechanics, a variety of simple mistakes that are easily fixed. Your story is quite charming and I am truly enjoying it. The change in writing style has allowed you to better develop the plot and put you back into your element in writing. I wish you the best of luck. :)

Vinyl grew solemn as she neared me. “But I thought you said you were coming.” She tossed a pouty face at me--I couldn’t say no to a pouty-Vinyl-face. ^^ I would recommend incorporating the dash into this sentence. It just adds a nice flare and a bit of variety to it.

I seriously don't know how to react to this.
This is still awesome, but damn.
Can't wait to see what happens next.

I wonder... have you read Elie Wiesel's memoir "Night", for i see a reference at the end of this chapter... oh how fitting that reference is... i really like this fic, keep it up!

50351 Why yes, I have read that book. I'm glad you are enjoying it and picking out some of the more finer details. :twilightsmile:

...where did HE come from!?:flutterrage:

We're doomed. :rainbowlaugh:*just lost his mind*

The doctor reminds me very strongly of you. :) It was interesting to see where you included different aspects of yourself in your writing, as well. Hmm, there was the usual array of mistakes but nothing catastrophic. I still reccommend that personal consult with someone just so you can get all of the little things corrected. (I know I said I wouldn't comment again, but I'm too anal to keep my mouth shut. My apologies.) Take care and good work. :)

Awesome continuation to the story! Still looking forward to the part where Vinyl will actually confess to Octy though. Great chapter as usual.

I honestly thought that she would still be able to play her cello because it was her love for Vinyl that was taken away. Guess I was wrong though.

Really nice look into Vinyl's history with Octavia... I can't wait to see more:twilightsmile:

68719 It shall be explained as to what is going on. The character knowledge of what is happening inside of Octavia's mind is weak. There are reasons which will be revealed slowly throughout the rest of the story. :twilightsmile:
All in due time. :scootangel:

You have the usual variety of mechanical errors and different portions that need reconsidered, but other than that your story is good. I enjoyed the dialogue you included though I think the portion between Lyra and Octavia could be removed. i don't know how vital that is to the central story, but removing it may help with your concern with the story being boring. Other than the little issues everything is good. :) A lot of this is very well done. I especially enjoyed noticing the little bits of you in the story, mentions of "joke material" and "striking a pose". It's a nice story. Kudos.

A few minor errors but otherwise a bucking good chapter!

Oh wow... Their dealing with discords brother..
Great chapte, keep them comin!

Octavia has hands?! Ooh, Lyra's gonna be so jealous :trollestia:

108824 :twilightoops: I that was a bad slip of the mind. It should be fixed now. Lyra can be unjealoused now. :twilightsheepish:
108411 There is a lot of story behind him. :raritywink:

Great story so far! Really enjoying this one. You sir are dedicated. Read quite a few fanfics that end up being rushed. Keep up the good work! I feel disappointed in myself for asking this but.. do you have any idea when the next chapter will be done? :twilightsheepish:

118721 Now. HA! I am glad you are enjoying it. Enjoy the next chapter as well. Thank you for the compliments. :twilightsmile:

118785 Was just about to head to bed but decided to check if anything updated. :yay: Yay! But yeah really loving how this is coming along. So much.. well, more has been put into this that a lot of other fics lack. I'm pretty bad at all that description kind o' stuff but lets just say that losing sleep because of this is totally worth it! :twilightsmile:

So, uhm, long story short, this fan fiction now holds a special place in my heart. I love the thought of Vinyl Scratch and Octavia being together. Masterfully written and beautifully portayed emotions. Exquiste work (:

My Little Dashie didn't get me this close to tears.

...I hate cliffhangers so much right now...

I completley liked tjhis first chapter. It made me laugh out loud on a number of of occasions. I also already like Vinyl, and this story made me like her more, along with Octavia. The section on the subject of grinding must have been my favorite part. Pinkie as Octavia's sister? Great thing there because Octavia does look a lot like one of Pinkie's sisters. All in all, it was a good first chapter.

125127 There aren't many chapters remaining in this story. I will be wrapping them up shortly. :pinkiehappy:
125155 I enjoy them. :scootangel:
125309 I am actually planning on rewriting the beginning chapters because, simply put, the mood difference between the first few and most of the rest are starkly different. I will have to see what happens to them when I go back to see if they need to be changed.
125473 Hopefully there was enough emotion and the reactions seemed realistic enough. I will be writing the finishing chapters up shortly. (I can't really tell if your comment is positive or negative to this chapter.)

Anyway... I hope everyone has been enjoying the story so far. Thank you for reading it, I will try to update it as quickly as I can so I don't leave you in the dark for too long. Thanks. :pinkiesmile:

Noooo! Octy! :raritycry: Hatin' the cliffhanger, but lovin' the chapter. Please don't make us wait too long! One of my favorite fics right now. :twilightsmile:

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