"I couldn't keep going without you, Dad. I needed some way to hold on to you, to never let you go. I needed to grasp onto the breeze you left behind in your dust, but it was intangible, and I was stopped by the barren force field of reality. You were gone..."
After the painful death of her father, Rainbow Dash decides to write a letter. A letter of regret, a letter of apologies...
A letter of love.
Sequel: Dear Dashie
"I'm just gonna say it. I cried when reading this." -Lordnateguy
"I really liked it! My heartstrings felt like Jimmy Page himself had just played a concert with them." -Jack_mahoff
"And there go my feels..." -EpicNinjaGamer
"Great story! The feels really got to me..." -InsertBronyUsernameHere
"I'm literally crying right now! Ugh, that was amazing! " -Pizzy1334
Cover Art by: Me
Great story! The feels really got to me..
I suspect this will have personal value for many readers.
Shit. First a story about rainbow dash scared that Fluttershy might be dead, my story that rainbow dash is mourning Fluttershy's death, and yours about rainbow dash mourning a death.
Everyone is just beating up on rainbow dash these days.
Great story.
3773056
You're right on that account
Both of my parents arn't amongst us
3773070 I'm writing a story where Rainbow Dash loses her wings, then has to mourn for the deaths of both Pinkie Pie and Scootaloo...
And there go my feels...
3773122
Both of mine gone as well. For that matter, I should probably make my kids read this.
3773487
Well, I'm 17 so I don't have kids
3773487 you're going to make your kids read this? Wow I feel honoured XD
3773518
At the moment, there are no fences that need mending, so it wouldn't serve as a warning, exactly; still, I am old and far away, and neither of those terms is metaphor.
I really liked it! I could imagine this as being the closing to a much longer sadfic of some kind, like one that details the events that lead up to this letter being written. Good job making Dash in character as she wrote the letter. My heartstrings felt like Jimmy Page himself had just played a concert with them
Well, there goes the tears for the night...
Man, when I see my dad I'm gonna hug the hell out of him and tell him just how much I love and appreciate him...
...
i am sorry for asking but is this based on my little dashie?
3777915 Nope.
I'm just gonna say it.
I cried when reading this.
I'm literally crying right now! Ugh, that was amazing!
You think that three months after I lost my grandfather, I would finally have moved on. This story shows I haven't
tinyurl.com/llaz5ct
Your story has been reviewed!
This awesome link right here!
Powerful!
I held back my tears, until the last paragraph, and then I could no more!
The work's premise is clear. It remains on topic. The diction and flow are a little wonky. There's no narrative causality, as it is simply a letter ('story by device'), so continuity and metering are minor points. Characterization was believable. Therefore, I must rate based on the unifying concept; something I will expound upon my personal opinions of; "the feels".
The feels are definitely there, but it comes off as deliberately grasping for them, which cheapens the experience. It wants your heartstrings like a baby wants that plate of spaghetti, and he's not going to be subtle at getting it.
Keep in mind I'm a paid literary editor, and thus a tad jaded. I read stuff just like this every damn day; on how the smell of an apricot reminds someone of how their grandmother's hair (or mane) smelt, or the light reflecting through an old bottle conjures the night their now-dead father smashed his model ship, etc. etc. etc. Shoot me. There's a few really well-actualized lines in there, but all in all this does not break the mold.
I did find this an appropriate accoutrement; played while reading:
Words don't come easy, they're forever my hurt.
3826171 I understand entirely. It seems forced to you? If you don't mind, could you care to elaborate how it could be improved without breaking the concept of the entire story being a letter? It seems what you suggested (what with the apricot hair example) that solid "feels" are established with description. I considered that why writing, but saying something like "I ate an apricot the other day, Daddy, but it reminded me of you" just doesn't sound in character it make sense since this is Rainbow's voice we're hearing. Either way, thanks for the insight
Regrets are hard to let go of. It's hard to forgive yourself. Believe me, I know. This was written straight from the heart. Heart and soul are what makes
any kind of story work for me, even grimdarks. You want a follow? I'll give it to you, but it will be because of this story. Well done!
Is everything you write poetry?
3967501 No...
I'm pretty sure this was prose, if my memory serves me correctly.
3967537 Believe me, I know the differences.
3967572
And I know the difference between Hufflepuffs and Jigglypuffs... right?
The feels!!!!!!! WHAAAA *
clutches chest* Ah-Ah-Ah my my heart its breaking!!!SOMEBODY HELP...HELP ME!!!!
*falls to the ground* Ok...ok... Im good evreybody dont panick Im good
But wow this was deep and really cant help but cry sooo good this is going to my favesl
list
3967576
Add Flufflepuff to that list