• Member Since 9th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen Monday

Pandora


Emmy. Twenty-two. Bellingham, WA. Still kinda dead inside but honestly doing pretty solid, thanks for asking.

E

Prologue to Missed Calls.

Fluttershy is unable to move, and unable to feel anything that is going on around her. Her world is strange, and she doesn't really know what is going on. So, unable to move, she does the only thing that she can do.

She remembers.

Translated into Russian by Athlete.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 25 )

Did she just bucking die in the Rainbow Factory?!

Damn, that's heavy :ajsleepy:

I... Wow. Having read Missed Calls I'm actually not sure I want to read this. Not sure I could take that much more sadness for a second time. :raritydespair:

Ow.....I need a minute.

Hm... I honestly didn't enjoy this nearly as much as Missed Calls. There are many things I could chalk this up to, but for me I think the biggest is the fact that you leave less up to the reader here. There's so much less for us to imagine for ourselves, and the writing is more direct.

The forces on her body weakened and stopped altogether. It became hard to breathe. But Fluttershy didn’t care. She had her friends by her side, even if they weren’t there in body, they were there for her in spirit. And she knew they loved her.

This is what I mean when I say the writing is more direct. That part I have underlined could be removed completely. I could tell it wasn't 100% literal before I read that, and having that extra little bit in there just makes it feel redundant.

Fluttershy’s head was turned and she saw a green, gold, and red figure laying beside her with a couple blurs sitting on top. She wondered who it had been, even though it looked like the mare who had been with her just minutes earlier.

Aargh! there it is again! "Green, gold and red figure" is all the hint we need to figure out it was the mare Fluttershy had been with moments before. It means so much more when you show us who it is rather than telling us. Ya get what I mean?

These are just a few examples. There are plenty of times in this story where you do a wonderful job of "showing" us things, and then you turn around and "tell" us what you meant. Show, don't tell, not show and tell! :twilightangry2:

I also feel the hinted romantic relationship between Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash removes not only from this story, but it removes a little bit from Missed Calls itself. Romance is too black and white of a reason for Rainbow Dash to get so horrifically depressed over the loss of Fluttershy. I don't like black and white. no one likes black and white. We want grey, and Missed Calls had many, many layers of grey.

This wasn't by any means bad; I've read far, far worse. It could simply stand for a bit more depth, I think. :twilightsmile:

3750840

True. By the way... did anyone actually figure out who Fluttershy was with?

3751118 F. Scott Fitzgerald in pony form (heheh... cuz gold and green... I'm probably the only person who gets that...)?

3751140

Nope.

Lightning. Dust.

3751147

Yep. She was another one of the victims of the explosion. Plot twist - I had written nearly 6,000 words for a prequel in which Lightning Dust comes back to Ponyville to visit for Hearth's Warming with Fluttershy, and gets thrown out by Rainbow Dash. Fluttershy takes her back and THEN this happens.

But I scrapped that, much too long for a prequel, plus it wasn't the best. Rainbow still thinks she was the sole pony to blame though, which makes for the same kind of ending and fits smoothly into her helplessness in Missed Calls, and the fact that her friends don't seem to be as effected (or the grief process is already over).

Urgh. Did she die? I can't tell. What did rainbow have that she didn't like? I don't know. Please author, explain a little better.

P.S. If the story was written this way on purpose then my apologies. I've never been the best at interpreting stories.:twilightsmile:

3762465

It was written this way on purpose, and I totally get where you're coming from. :pinkiehappy:

In my stories, I try and make it seem like the characters know more than the reader does (something I take massive pride in), other than the other way around (in most stories). In this case, Fluttershy knew:
1: She had major brain trauma from the Weather Factory Explosion.
2: Lightning Dust had been with her and also killed, but due to her brain damage she couldn't remember details (e.g. how they got there, what her name was, where she had seen her before, etc.).
3: Rainbow and Fluttershy had an argument about something (relationship problems? I leave that up to the reader), but were obviously in a relationship.
4: She knew the ponies around her were trying to keep her alive, yet she did not know for how long, or how long she was out.
5: Yes. Fluttershy is dead. The six oneshots I'm making for the "FlutterDie-Verse" are going in chronological order. SPOILERS: Fluttershy-Rainbow Dash-Rarity-Twilight Sparkle-Pinkie Pie-Applejack.

3762614 I see. I actually really appreciate you for writing I'm this style.
It will be nice to read a story that's different for a change so I will look forward to your new stories. Consider yourself followed by me.

P.s. Love the team rocket reference in your avatar :twilightsmile:

Even though I knew what was going to happen it still hurts!:raritydespair:

It feels as though someone just punched me in the stomach and pulled out my heart and ran over it with a tank. I'm just going to go now and go burst into tears and hide in a corner for the rest of the day. :fluttercry:

another good story. it wasn't quite as sad as the first since we know how its going to end but still good. makes the first one have more feels to it knowing they had a argument before the accident and you know Dash would never forgive herself for that being there last words. too bad it still doesn't explain how the accident actually happened but oh well. keep up the goodwork

Another good story. So sad and good.

Hoo boy. Lotta feels. Having just read this Fics sequel (which Is odd to say) I knew what to expect. Still hit me pretty hard though. But I do feel a little silly for thinking this took place as a sort of alternate Tanks for the memories, in which rainbow tinkering made it explode, thus being directly responsible for her death. Then I looked at the publish date. Whoops. Ah well. You got a follow, a fav, and a thumb.

6142983
Thank you! Yeah, it's a fairly old story d:

Wow. Now everything in missed calls is evan more depressing sense there last moment together ended negativly. I see y rainbow broke. Well done:fluttercry:

Why would you write this? Why did I read this?!?

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