Oh, Darling!
“...and then there was this totally super-duper fantastic blow-up bouncy castle. I mean, I didn’t even know balloons came in that size, but then when I actually saw it with my own two Pinkie eyes, I knew it had to be real, because if it wasn’t real then I wouldn’t be seeing it, would I now, duh!”
“Uh-huh,” Twilight grumbled as she glanced up from her book. Pinkie was still skipping around the walls of Golden Oaks Library, even after forty-five minutes of almost non-stop, incessant chatter. Pinkie Pie was only manageable in small doses, and Twilight had almost reached her limit.
“Hey, but you know what else comes in big sizes?” Pinkie continued, “Cake! You remember Snowflake, right? Really big and muscled stallion. I made sure I baked him an extra large, splenderific cake for his extra special birthday this year. Did you know he’s now twenty-four! Can you believe it? That’s, like, five years, three months and seven days older than me! Those three numbers also happen to be odd numbers, which is exactly what Snowflake called me the first time he saw me!”
“Pinkie,” Twilight sighed impatiently, “Why are you telling me all this?”
“Why do you think?” Pinkie replied in confusion. “You asked me about my day, so I just told you: first I helped out Mr and Mrs. Cake, then I delivered the cupcakes to Pipsqueak’s birthday party and saw that really big bouncy castle, and then finally I met Snowflake on the way here. It’s only half-past eleven, you know, and we haven’t had a single disaster in Ponyville yet!”
“Isn’t that a surprise,” Twilight grumbled.
“Of course it’s a surprise! A good surprise, too! Normally, something always goes wrong by this time. You know why? Because it’s a Saturday, and you know what always happens on Saturday?”
“No, Pinkie, I don’t. Now can I just—”
“That’s when you and I can have the day off and you can come out of your hot and stuffy library!” Pinkie announced gleefully. “We still have time to organize a picnic!”
“That’s actually a great idea!” Twilight said suddenly. “Spike! Could you help Pinkie prepare a picnic!”
Before Spike could run down the stairs, however, Pinkie was holding a wicker basket in her mouth.
“No need, silly!” she chirped through her teeth. “I already have one ready!”
Twilight glanced at the clock. It was indeed half-past eleven.
“Well, it’s still a little early for a picnic. Maybe you can just read a book quietly for an hour or two?”
“Sounds fun!” Pinkie sang. “Hey, do you know where I can find a book about chocolate and icing sugar? I’m kinda hungry right now, so I want to read about food.”
“It’s over here, Pinkie,” Spike called from across the library, holding a book in his claw.
Whatever Pinkie Pie had said next was drowned out by Twilight’s book. It was a particularly complex book that dealt with the complexities of complex things that only Twilight Sparkle could understand. Secretly, however, Twilight had swapped her book out for another one.
Spells that affect speech? Well, it couldn’t hurt to try.
Honestly, these spells looked like they cured verbal dyspraxia, but really, how different was that from Pinkie Pie?
Twilight felt warmth rush to her head as her horn glowed. Power floated through the air, and yet in an instant it was over.
Glancing up, Twilight was surprised to find Pinkie reading a book quietly. Had it worked?
“Pinkie?” Twilight called, clearing her throat.
“Hm?” Pinkie responded, not even glancing up from her book.
“Do you want to borrow that book? You can keep it as long as you like.”
“Sure,” the earth pony replied simply.
Twilight blinked. Was there no more? Wasn’t Pinkie going to rant on about some other mundane topic such as what book she’d recently read or what she ate last week.
It worked!
It had to have done. There was no other explanation.
“Actually, I should probably get back to Sugarcube Corner,” Pinkie replied. “The tray of cookies in the oven should be just about done. See you, Twilight.”
Before Twilight had a chance to respond, Pinkie had tossed the book she had been reading onto her back and had walked out of the library. The unicorn watched her leave with considerable interest.
“That was amazing,” she murmured. “Pinkie was quiet for once.”
“Yeah, talk about weird,” Spike chuckled as he finished reorganizing the books that he had been sorting through. “I’ll be upstairs if you need me, Twi.”
Plucking a book from the shelf, the dragon headed up the stairs.
“Okay, see you, Spike!” Twilight called.
Returning her attention to her book, Twilight hummed to herself merrilly. It had worked. It had actually worked! This was surely something to write to Princess Celestia; it was almost as if Pinkie’s very character had changed after she had cast the spell. It was probably ethical gray-area, but it was an incredible breakthrough nonetheless.
“Spike, grab my quill and—” she began, but stopped herself when she realized the library was empty. “I’ll just have to find it myself then.”
Heading to a nearby drawer, she searched inside for any writing equipment. Suddenly, the sound of hoofsteps interrupted her search. Turning around, Twilight was met with the familiar sight of Rarity.
“Oh, hey Rarity. What brings you here?”
“Good morning, darling, and not much. I’m just here to return this most wonderful book that you lent me the other day. It was simply splendid, darling.”
“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” Twilight replied. “Is there anything else I can help you with?”
“Well, I could do with the next book in that romance series, darling. I did quite enjoy the simpleness of them, darling.”
“Umm, okay?” Twilight quickly found the book with her magic and levitated it over to her. “Is everything alright?”
“Why, of course, darling!”
“I see.” Twilight frowned. “Will you be joining Pinkie and I for a picnic this afternoon?”
“Why, of course, darling!” Rarity repeated. “Darling, I would simply love to join you, darling.”
Twilight couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at this.
Why is Rarity acting so...
Twilight searched for the right word.
...Rarity?
“Are you sure you’re okay, Rarity? You’re not normally quite so affectionate.”
“Darling?”
Twilight’s frown deepened.
“Rarity, why do you keep saying ‘darling’?”
“Darling? I don’t know what you’re darling, darling.”
Twilight gulped. This couldn’t be because of her spell, could it? It had all been going so well, and now—
“Darling?” Rarity interrupted inquisitively.
“Don’t worry, Rarity.” Twilight reassured the already calm mare. “I’ll sort this out. I’m sure there will be a counterspell in here somewhere.” She motioned to the book she had been reading and walked towards it. Before she could pick it up, however, she was interrupted by more hoofsteps.
“Howdy, Twilight, Rarity,” Applejack greeted as she walked in, nodding at each of them in turn. “Y’all alright, sugarcubes?”
“Oh, thank goodness,” Twilight sighed in relief.
“Oh, hello, darling. I’m fabulous, darling,” Rarity sang.
“That’s mighty fine and dandy, sugarcube.” Applejack smiled.
“I’ve accidentally cast a spell on Rarity, and now she won’t stop saying ‘darling’,” Twilight explained.
“Well that sounds like a mighty pickle, sugarcube,” Applejack chirped. “Say, yah don’ have any sugarcubes do yah, sugarcube?”
“Sugarcubes? Why—” Twilight gulped down her words as the realization dawned on her. “You too?”
“What do yah mean, sugarcube?”
“Darling?”
“Stop it,” Twilight wailed. “Just give me a few minutes and I’ll fix this!”
“Sugarcube.”
“Darling.”
“Sugarcube,” Applejack breathed.
“Darling,” Rarity purred.
Twilight glanced up from the book to see Rarity and Applejack staring into each other’s eyes.
“Sugar...cube...” Applejack repeated faintly.
“Darling,” Rarity blushed.
“Enough with the weird mating call!” Twilight yelled. “I think I’ve found a counter—”
Before she could finish her sentence, however, she was interrupted as an entire wall of the library caved in, destroying several bookshelves of books and several hours of time. At the centre of the travesty was Rainbow Dash.
“Oh, sweet Celestia,” Twilight grumbled, rolling her eyes. “Rainbow Dash, you’ve got to help me—”
“Twenty percent cooler?” Rainbow Dash asked.
Twilight blinked.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
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Now, this isn't a half story!
What a surprise coming from Vexy!
Seriously now, this is very amazing. Your comedy stories are absurdly fun, and always have those twists to not get boring, congratulations on another job well done!
Whoo hilarious best comedy story I have ever read! I love it! Yay! I am so faving this!
"Darling...."
awesome-engine.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/snapshot20081231165847.jpg
First thing I think of.....I think I'm addicted.
I was amused enough to add it to several groups.
And I have the Beatles stuck in my head, which is a good thing.
The Sugarcube Darling part reminded my of Pinkies torture method in The Last Roundup.
Pickle barrel kumquat, pickle barrel kumquat.. At least I read it like this.^^
21 Darlings were killed during the writing of this fanfic.
I was almost disappointed that Fluttershy didn't show up, but then I remembered that she's the quietest of the Mane Cast and doesn't have a catchphrase.
Well, maybe except for *whimper*
Great story!
what
@Vexy...
Having that bit with the very lightly-touched Applejack & Rarity 'ship/flirtation [portmanteau'x make my eyes twitch.] was a good comedic call, that part definitely added a lot to the humor of the story.
And now I'm imagining Twilight in her pith helmet, stalking the wild Rarity. She sticks a decoy call out of the tall grasses, and blows on it.
"Darling?"
SUGARCUBE!
Oh dear. Twilight had not reckoned on coming face to face with a herd of wild Applejacks.....
How about YES!!
Also, happy 200, bra.
faved and like!
Author: What you liked about it?
faved and like!
Author: Why?
faved and like!
Author: Dear god what have I done?
...
...
...
!!
Go! Darling! I CHOOSE YOU!
DARLING DAR!
SUG SUGARCUBE SUGAR!
Darling, use Frou-Frou Fancyspeak!
What a most eloquent endeavor we have invoked this evening under the twilight sky, my darling Applejack!
SUGARRRRR!
A Wild Sugarcube Appeared!
IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!
Wild Sugarcube fainted!
3718806 That made my day almost as much as this story, haha.
OK, that was hilarious. Yeah, "Two fucks up a spell" is old hat, but here it's executed hilariously.
3716800
how would she tell with mac though? 80% of his speech consists of only two words already...
3719250...
Exactly the pun/joke.
Well that definitely happened.
My little ponies
Rainbow Dash
Cutie mark
Muffin
Talk about your monkey paw wishes
And so, death by despair.
How amusing it is to let reality fall under nonsense.
Quite intriguing indeed...
Excellent work, dear Author!
3716668
Oh god the nostalgia.
...I wonder if there's an Urusei Yatsura/My Little Pony crossover.
3721985 No. But I have read a good deal of Urusei Yatsura fanfiction.
If you want I could show you some.
3721999
By a good deal, I suspect you mean "All of it" much like I have.
Seriously, Urusei has almost no fics. Ranma and Inuyasha are still getting fics written to this day, but nobody writes for Takahashi's first work anymore.
3722040 There's about 88 fics, but some of them are amazing; truly amazing.
Not gonna lie, I thought Pinkie was gonna say something about a new episode premiering on Saturdays, once again breaking the fourth wall.
This story was pretty hilarious, and I can only imagine what Rarity's and Applejack's conversation translate into.
fc00.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/303/d/f/rarijack_vector_lv__2_by_jcos88-d5jesm8.png
Whatever it was, it reminded me of this image.
3722047
88 counts as almost no fics in this day and age, since only about 10% of them will be worth anything.
3722118 That's true...but that 10% are incredible.
Squee, Squee, squee-CHI!
I have no idea what I just read, but whatever it was, I just read it.
dunno if somebody posted it already but
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/9/8/422461__safe_solo_rarity_faic_hoers_artist-colon-furseiseki_one+word_darling.png
But for Applejack should be apples, she talk only about apples, apples apples applessadasdae
derpicdn.net/img/2013/11/23/478756/large.jpeg
In the words of my ancestors. Thou hast won the pony express
Albeit it didn't belong in the group I found it in but hay worth it
3726417
Which group was it misplaced in?
I apologize for any confusion caused.
3726421 I already fixed it and you weren't the one who put it there any ways
3726568
Much appreciated.
3716646
I agree, it is more of a quarter of a story.
3727444
It's still more amazing than some stories with 50 chapters of 12k words...
Congratulations! This story has officially been deemed a Ruby by The Gem Hunters!
3727715
Thank you very much!
Do you have any advice on how I could improve this to diamond standard?
3727775 Make it a little bit longer. I hungered for more, and maybe draw out the pacing a little but more.
3727882
Thanks for the feedback. Much appreciated.
I really like this story, but....
I don't think the final line spoken by RD realy works for me. She only said that once in the show, plus it's not really adjective/noun like Darling or Sugarcube, but an idiom. I can't see RD repeating this over and over in any sensible way, nor even in a ridiculous way.
Moreover, there Is (IMO) an adjective very overused by RD that would work much better, and that make this story AWESOME!
This is just my opinion, I just think "Awesome" works better than "20 percent cooler" as the final line for RD.
3728569
The whole pun of the story relies on Rainbow Dash saying that line. The point is that she said it once in an episode, but bronies made a big thing about it regardless. Twilight's reaction is basically my own reaction to the meme.
This story was hilarious, darling.
I think Twilight was somewhat out of character in intentionally casting such a spell on Pinkie without her approval or even knowledge, but otherwise the story was really fun
I can't believe someone actually made that happen in a story.
derpicdn.net/img/view/2013/7/20/379325__safe_rarity_applejack_animated_image+macro_gilda_griffon_one+word_sugarcube_darling.gif
Anyway, that was a really funny satire about how everyone keeps making these ponies saying these "catch phrases" so much on their fics. In fact I think the latest season has those two saying that a lot now. ^^;
Edit: By the way, congrats on making the Popular list.
Me: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, and yes.
Me: Of course, it's just...
Me: I did, but you're getting really...
Me and
: AAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!
Twi, you bucked up!