• Member Since 11th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen May 5th, 2023

fallen starr

How can I be home and still feel out of place.


It's a cold New Year's Eve, but everyone is keeping warm at Sugar Cube Corner's New Year's Party. Of course, it would be better if Spike could get up the nerve to ask Rarity for a New Year's Kiss.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 16 )

He is older now, if only by two years, and she is too, even if it is a few more.

Y'know, this could be the beginning of a freaky time-related story.

(Warning: kinda depressing or something) "He is older now, if only by two years. She is too, even if it is a few more. He could see that she was blossoming quicker than he was maturing; he looked into the future to see himself as a dashing man, and her as an elderly woman. A few more years soon turned into a few more decades, and he soon found himself in a world filled with young women who wanted him, and one elderly woman he could relate to, and would never be able to see again."

But I'm going off track. Apart from quite a few technical errors, I thought this was sweet. It was a nice small story between Spike and Rarity. Nice buildup, nice character interaction, nice dialog, and a nice resolution. I think it's pretty nifty that you didn't outright state that they kissed, instead opting for it to happen while something else happened. That was nice. I don't see anything I really disliked, although I personally would've liked to see what the party looked like.

But that's just me. This was a pleasant story.

That was freaking adorable!

3653772 thank you!

3653747 oh, someone should write that! Oh, there are errors? Drat, I hoped I had caught them all. Of course, I suck at grammar so...yeah. I read it twice just making sure it was all in the same tense. :unsuresweetie: that can always be fixed later, though. No big. I'm really glad you liked it, though. Especially the kiss, I was worried people wouldn't like that bit. But thanks so much for the comment! :pinkiehappy: EDIT: I totally just looked at who was leaving comments, and NORTHY HI HOW ARE YOU OMG. Dude, like...I'm super glad you liked most of it, especially the parts I thought were most important! Thanks!


He pushs the door open, taking in a deep breath of the cold night air. The steam from his cup of warm cider swirles around, mixing with the puffs of white he exhales. The snow crunches underfoot as he walkes down the three steps. He consideres trying to clear a place to sit, but decides against it. He won't be outside long, just enough to cool down.

I have no idea why you have extra e's in a lot of places. It's something that cropped up a lot in this story; you should keep an eye out for that in the future.

And I'm alright. Trying to work on my story and get a blog-review out soon. Chilling with family for the holidays. Just being busy, trying to be even more so. :twilightsmile: And yes, I did enjoy the story, despite the grammar errors.

:rainbowlaugh:lol make some more like this

3653896 it was where I started in past but ended in present. I went through and tried to get rid of all the past and change it. I guess I missed those es. I'll go through it again soon. And that sounds nice, I'm just chilling at home too.

3653914 glad you liked it!

That was really nice, good work.

A few minuscule errors. You opted for a far less popular narrative choice of third person limited, very limited at that, it's a nice change of pace and certainly makes the story stand out. It's short but it is sweet. An excellent piece.

3654569 thanks! Glad you liked it!

3655265 ah, sorry about the errors. I've edited it as best I can, but I'm not very good at it. I'm glad you liked it though!

A somewhat abrupt ending I wish had been dragged out more, but it's still a really good story. :3

3659869 thank you! I'm glad you liked it, though I'm sorry the ending dissapointed you a bit. Do you mean you wish what I have written had been explore in more detail, or that what happened after had been included?

This is adorable! I don't even really ship Sparity but I loved this story :heart:

Yep, needs a continuation.

Oh my Gosh we need a sequal!!!

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