Twilight is bored, sitting alone in her castle, and contemplating what to do with her day, when Pinkie shows up with a surprise.
How can I be home and still feel out of place.
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Wasn't bad, very cute as well. But I felt that it was all done too quickly with no much buildup.
Nicely done. A bit fast-paced sometimes, but still rather pleasant story.
Have a like and a place on the appropriate bookshelf.
I advise you to split the first paragraph into a few separate ones to follow the 'one idea per paragraph' rule.
Also that sentence about Spike is completly out of place there. It breaks the semantical line betwen two parts of the paragraph it separates.
Something like that.
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Teleporting ponies from one scene (Twilight entering the room) to another (Twilight jumping from her throne) doesn't work for me for some reason.
It does work if two scenes obviously follow one another. But Twilight could do a million other things after she entered the throne room.
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Don't forget your quotation marks.
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Thank you for the story again^^
6888765 Sorry, yeah, it was just a small idea I had in my head about Pinkie writing Twilight some blackout poetry. Glad you liked it though.
6890300 IT TOOK ME WAY TO LONG TO FIGURE THIS OUT because holy crap its so simple and it's actually funny but i was like...I have no idea what's going on. Now i do. I just am so slow sometimes.
6904822 Oh, hey, thanks for the advice. I see what you mean about that first paragraph and teleporting Twilight.. I probably won't go back and fix it on this story, but I will try and do that in future writing. That last bit was supposed to be her thoughts, actually, as I feel like that would be rude for Twi to say to Pinkie. I have went back and added in the proper code for that. I hope you enjoyed it anyway, and it's a pleasure to write. Again, thank you for the advice.
My mind is blown........... By Cuteness
Super cute story Wish it was longer!!
BIG MAC AND RAINBOW DASH ARE DATING!!!!! WHAT!? (i just read that part) += idk
All i can think about is this cute story and other cute things.....please make it longer
+=
Who did what, now?
Anyway...
That was fun. I do wish it could have been longer, though. Regardless, it still is an endearing piece of fluff.
Good job.
7065176 i am terrible at responding omg I'm sorry, but thank you.
7079158 thank you.
7179554 it seemed interesting. Idk.
7179570 glad you enjoyed it.
7465208 I am ashed at the amount of time it took me to understand what you were doing, but once I did, I loved it. Thank you so much.