• Member Since 11th Jul, 2012
  • offline last seen 26 minutes ago

fallen starr

How can I be home and still feel out of place.


Sweetie Belle is ill when Rarity leaves her home for a week to check her shop in Appleloosa. The third day there, Twilight sends her an urgent letter, telling her Sweetie Belle had passed out while at Sugarcube Corner. Rarity races back to Ponyville to find that Sweetie has a serious condition, one the two sisters will have to work through together.

Chapters (5)
Comments ( 129 )

does she have diabeties?:unsuresweetie:

6895549 Thank you! It'll be explained in chapter 3, though I think chapter 2 will make it obvious.

It's very nice and I can't wait to hear about Sweetie's illness!:pinkiesick:

This will be interesting

Oh Celestia, I JUST figured out what's wrong with Sweetie Belle.

Bulimia, right?

6895564 Thank you!

6895825 I certainly hope so.

6895847 Oh, I'd love to know what you think it is! (Although I didn't exactly try to hide it, so you probably have an accurate guess).

6895898 I'm going to assume that's a joke, no but she will be eating a lot soon, probably a lot of strange food.

6895993 I don't want to spoil it but if I'm right:

Sweetie Belle's condition will probably go away after a little under a year then she'll have something to "take care of."

Let me guess: Sweetie found a boy at a party, had some "fun", and is now paying the price.

No joke, it's my guess at what her problem is, suggested by the lack of urgent running to the bathroom in the middle of the night.

6896487 6896634 You both seem to have the same idea. Like 6897095 has said, these are all just your guesses, so don't worry about spoiling anything, I'm not going to confirm or deny guesses, I just like knowing what people are thinking.

is it that obvious? I didn't notice anything...

Well if I'm right you're warm but not hot.

6897616 Well, I thought it was, but seeing as we've had three different guesses, it probably isn't as obvious as I thought. I am on the other side of things, so I already know what's going on. Chapter 2 is already written and will be out on Thursday, with more hints dropped at what's going on. Then chapter 3 on Monday, if I finish writing it by then, when everything will come to light. :raritywink:

The indent is fine. Though I'm a bit confused as to how people in the comments are oblivious to the obvious. Of course it's bulimia, all the signs are there, I already guessed it to be an ED from the description. Though I thought it'd be anorexia… either way, interested to see where you'll go with this. Tracking!

6897899 Oh, that's good. I think this is the first time I've ever used indents on a story. I just don't want the formatting to be what turns someone off of the story. And thank you for tracking, I hope you enjoy reading the rest of it.

horray! how long will the whole story be?

6898173 I have four or five chapters planned, although chapter five will just be a short little epilogue type thing. Not to very long.

Huh, I have a suspicion as to what's up with Sweetie Belle, but I'm still curious. I'm following this.

The format is odd to say the least.

But Pacing, Character Detail, World Detail and Story...

Is absolutely fabulous!- If this format is what you enjoy writing with then go on ahead, it didn't stop me from continuing to read the story!

Lovely Job! Fav'd, Hoof Up, follow and even a Blog spotlight from me if that is ok with you. :raritywink:

It was the mystery that intriguied me upon this story. So far the comments section is divided between:

-Morning sickness (ie, pregnancy). Of the three, I'd consider this least likely. There's no real arguments against, but there's not really any arguments in favour of, either. It's here for the left-field option.

-Bulimia/Anoerexia (as they're both eating disorders, I'll lump them together here) Of the three, I'd consider this somewhat likely. The general maliase in Sweetie's demanour, the late night lightless foraging and a general evasiveness in her manner suggests this.

-Diabetes. Of the three, I'd consider this most likely, but still only marginally more more likely than the B/A option. Sweets, as in the title, are something of the clichéd antithisis to diabetics, and the description-described passing out in SCC has the hallmark of a diabetic episode.

Spoiler tagged, just in case other comment sections peoples want to puzzle the pieces themselves, for their own conclusions.

I know what's up. If you need help: You will see what's wrong with her, by reflecting on this chapter's clues. This chapter needs a little proofreading in a few spots, but it's good.

6898446 Thank you!

6899980 Could you explain what about the format is weird? I'm not particularly attached to any format, other than having a space between paragraphs. I'm glad to hear about the positives of the story, especially since those are all things I tend to worry about. Sure, go ahead and do a spotlight, I won't complain. :twilightsmile:

6900197 The thing is, I can now see where all three of those are coming from, where as before I thought I was only pointing to what her actual issue was. It's nice to see how people interpenetrate different things, and the final answer will be in chapter 3. I liked your reasoning through all of them.

6900201 I don't doubt the need for proof reading. The technical aspects of writing have never been my strong suit. i'm just not sure how to approach someone about doing so.:unsuresweetie: I read through and try to catch what I can. I'm glad you liked it anyway.

6900705 I enjoyed the story and all.-Very hard to find a story that flows well, the last one I found was called skating.

Being able to read a story and have it play out in your head is rare to come across.

Well the sentences are spaced off to the right just a bit, which at first just gave me a bit of a second to get used to. Looked odd to me, lol but as I said it wasn't really affecting the story at all. I read through it perfectly fine.

Spacing is ok Imo. a few of the paragraphs stretched a bit long. But overall once you get used to how it looks it doesn't affect nothing at all. I've seen other stories formated so bad it ruined a story. Not in this case though.

Not bad, but there were quite a few areas you could have condensed by showing Rarity's thoughts instead of telling us. One example is her thinking of the new boutiques she's opened. Instead of telling us, you could have maybe had some pictures of them hanging on Rarity's wall, she glances at them and then has a few thoughts on them. Same with the dresses for Applejack. Just little things like that can go a long way to making your story seem more believable.

6900784 okay, thank you for the explanation.

6900972 oh, that's a good point. I hadn't thought about it, but you are right. Description is something I struggle with, so I really appreciate the advice. I'll try to keep that in mind and work it through later chapters.

6901139 Awesome, I hope you do. And it's something all writers struggle with ^^. I've had plenty of over bloated paragraphs and sentences in my stories; it's quite easy to look them over and shift them to something better, a lot of us simply get over excited and post (or are lazy). :twilightblush:

6900197 Diabetes was my first guess after just reading the title but after reading the actual chapter I'm leaning more towards bulimia.

Will Sweetie Belle be adorable in this story? More adorable then she already is, I mean?

Hmm. The diabeetus, mayhaps?

nuuuu! its deeabeeteees! nuuuu!

6904732 That would be blood sugar not blood pressure, I would know, I have type 1 diabetes.

If the author ends up saying that it is diabetes, then they'll have to make a few adjustments with the story.

Now for more Rarimom.

What I wanna know is how did a pipsqueak like Rumble, and whoever his friend is, appear to be fully grown royal guards, and able to haul a chariot and pony for hours?

6904670 I think she's going to stay at the level she currently is? I honestly can't judge that.

6904732 6904761 Two more votes for that. It seems to be the most popular theory, just in front of bulimia, with pregnancy at third.

6904930 If you want Rarimom, you're going to love chapter three.

6905158 Okay, I'm going to be honest, I stopped reading at the comma for a second, and I was so confused. I was like, 'Pipsqueak hasn't even been mentioned in this story' and then I continued reading and realized what you meant. :facehoof: Anywho, answering that actually takes a bit of headcanon.

So, when a foal gets their cutie mark in Equestria, from what I'm given to believing, they have three options. Quit school and strike out on their own, right then and there, maybe getting an apprenticeship (I imagine this as what Pinkie did). Stay in school and finish learning, and then find an apprenticeship of some sort or go it alone, working on your skills (a la Rarity). Or they go on to secondary school if what they want to do requires that, and maybe even college or something (like Twilight). Although parents are still responsible for foals until they reach around the age of like 16-18.

Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Apple Bloom are starting their own company once the building is, well, built. Rumble got his cutie mark and went to start training to be a Royal Guard. When it was time to be assigned, he wanted to be in Twilight's guard, and then (this might come out in the story, so I'm putting a spoiler tag) Twi asked for volunteers to go and get Rarity. Rumble is one of Sweetie Belle's close friends, so he offers, and so does Streak. Between his training and his knowledge Ponyville and Rarity and Sweetie Belle, he's able to pull through. Plus I was thinking like, a three hour trip at most.

Eep, that's a bit of a long response, but yeah. That's the basics of it.

I'm surprised I haven't seen anyone mention Anorexia as the issue.
To me it seems like the obvious problem, but then I suppose knowing people with Eating Disorders may simply means I'm more familiar with it.
My question would be as to what the Mental component of the issue is. I suppose spending so much time with Rarity and 'high class' ponies might have caused the initial problem. It could also have to do with feeling like there is something wrong with her since her parents keep abandoning her, but I'm sure it will be explained in later chapters.
Enjoying the story and looking forward to what comes next.
Keep it up ^_^ .

6905336 I think most people are putting Anorexia and Bulimia together when they guess at this point, and Bulimia is actually the second favorite theory.

Well that clears a lot up. I thought the story was set with Rumble and the others still being the foals we see on the show, not aged up.

6905240 I used to go to a school with a kid who had diabetes... The signs point to that...

6905388 Oh, no, I'm sorry. I did mention that Sweetie was almost 16 at the very beginning, but it was a tiny mention, so it's probably easily overlookable.

6905404 I can see where people see that, but I can also see where people get the others as well. (I'm trying to make sure my replies don't reveal what it is and whether any of the guesses are right, just because there are people giving reasonable thoughts to them. Plus, spoiling the story before I put it up would suck). My older brother has had type I his since he was a toddler, so I have a pretty good understanding of how it works.

Oh dear... I really wonder what Sweetie Belle has. I honestly don't think it's diabetes, because it was her blood pressure. Also, the whole not eating thing is concerning.

6905359 Easiest way to figure out the mystery is to just look up the symptoms on 'web md'.
It's Cancer obviously.

She's lying about eating, and she threw up last chapter so I'm guessing anorexia/bulimia.

Like how many people are still trying to guess at the diagnosis when it's just becoming more obvious. Well I guess not everyone can have experience with EDs.

I like your narrator, it keeps just the right distance. There was one point where you used a structure meant for more intimate storytelling, which I found jarring. The "and soon she was running" bit or something like that. Anyway, carry on :twilightsmile:

Reference to Wilson from House?

Comment posted by Penjacker deleted Feb 6th, 2016
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