The Accident
In the fair land called Equestria, in the middle was a magical kingdom called Canterlot. There, was King Solaris and Queen Luna. They had two children. The first was Prince Sombra, a grey little Alicorn colt. (Alternate Universe= Alicorn Sombra.) He had strange red eyes, but he was kind, and he absolutely loved to play with his little sister, Princess Twilight, who was a lavender five year-old Alicorn filly. Her eyes were deep purple, like her hair. Sombra's hair was black. Every morning, the two would play with Sombra's special gift.
The sun was starting to rise. The window was starting to leak out sunlight. There, in the room were two beds. One blue, one pink. The blue one held a sleeping eight year-old Alicorn colt. The pink bed was empty. Princess Twilight popped out from the ground, next to her big brother. "Come on, get up! Let's play!"
Sombra returned the gesture by throwing his pillow over his head. "Twilight, go back to sleep."
The little princess hopped onto her brother's bed. "I can't. The sky is awake, so I'M awake!" She shook her brother. "Come on! I want to play!"
Sombra sighed. "Go play with yourself." Twilight slunk onto the floor, about to face defeat. She thought a moment, wondering what her brother would do with her. Suddenly, her eyes brightened as she thought of something.
"Do you want to build a Crystal Pony?"
Sombra grinned inside his pillow. He couldn't resist.
Twilight was a flurry of giggles as she and Sombra raced down the stairs. Sombra kept trying to contain his laughter as he shushed her. Their parents were asleep, and he didn't want to wake them. Finally, they reached their destination, the old ballroom, where Royal Balls were held by their parents.
"Are you ready?" Sombra asked an over-excited Twilight.
"Yes, yes!" The filly cried, hopping around.
Sombra laughed, and with a stomp of his hooves, beautifully colored crystals formed, and created a slick rainbow floor. Twilight smiled and played as she slid around the ice on her toddler legs. Sombra enjoyed seeing his baby sister play so happily.
Together, they created an Alicorn Crystal Pony with a smile and tiara. Sombra hid behind the Alicorn Crystal Pony, and put his voice squeaky like a mare's voice. "Hi, I'm Cadence! I like warm hugs!"
Twilight laughed even more. "Hi, Cadence!" The happy siblings danced around the Pony, giggling and having much fun. Then, Sombra used his hooves to make a crystal slide. Twilight ran toward it, climbed to the top, and slid. She zoomed into the air. Sombra then realized that she couldn't fly yet, and panicked as he made another one. Instead of getting off when she was near the bottom, she jumped, making Sombra create another one. She wouldn't stop! He soon had created ten, and she was almost at the ceiling!
"Twilight! Stop! Slow down!" He created another one, and another, while twilight was having fun. Sombra panicked, until his hoof slipped on his crystal ice. He landed on his face. Twilight leaped. As she flew she realized what she did, and screamed. Sombra, hoping it would catch her, cast his hoof out. "TWILIGHT!" he screamed. As she was about to hit the ground, the magic sliced through her head. She toppled over the ice, and landed unconscious in the middle of the room. Sombra yelled her name, and ran to her. She was cold, and she wasn't moving. A lock of her hair turned black. "MOM! DAD!" Sombra screamed. As he called for help, his worry increased. The crystals around them were turning black... In less than a minute, King Solaris and Queen Luna burst through the door, seeing the crystal mess.
"Sombra, this is getting too strong!" King Solaris scolded. Queen Luna cradled her daughter, on the verge of tears. King Solaris ran out the door. "I know where we need to go!" Sombra and his mother ran after him.
After the family packed up in a wagon, they rode. Meanwhile, an Earth Pony Colt who wandered the streets with his dog, Winona, saw them rush past. A trail of black crystals followed them. He was stunned. He called for his dog, and ran after the wagon.
Sombra and his family went through the forest, and finally reached a hut. Inside, a zebra was cooking up a brew. When the royals burst in, she stopped.
"The King! The Queen! This is NOT a pleasant visit I see!"
The king told her all about the accident.
"Was he born with them, or cursed? Either way can not be reversed."
"Born," the King answered. "And they are getting stronger."
Zecora nodded. She put her attention to Twilight. "You are lucky it was not her heart that was struck, for then she would be completely stuck." She paused. "We must remove all memories of power, as so they do not devour."
The King nodded. "Do what you must."
With a special brew, she pulled a series of glowing memories from little Twilight's head. The memories hovered in the air as Zecora transformed them into more sensible scenes. Instead of a magical Alicorn Crystal Pony in the ballroom, Twilight would remember a regular snow-pony in the courtyard. Instead of remembering a crystal floor, Twilight would remember an outing o a frozen lake. All the magical moments she shard with Sombra, were gone.
"There, she will remember fun, but not the powers of the son."
"She.....won't remember my powers?" Sombra trembled.
"No." Zecora simply stated. "But listen, sweet Sombra, for your power is just a stranger, but if you don't control it, it will become a great danger." As she spoke, Zecora conjured up an image of an older Sombra in the sky. The image twirled gracefully, with dull rainbow crystals all around. Then, amid the Northern Lights, the crystals sharpened, and turned black. The spectre of a crowd joined Sombra in the sky, and the people used the black spikes to attack him.
"Don't feel it, just conceal it, and DON'T let it show." Zecora warned the terrified Sombra.
The King brought him close. "We'll protect him" he promised. "We'll lock the doors, reduce the staff, and keep her powers hidden from everyone. Including Twilight....."
Back at the castle, King Solaris and Queen Luna immediately ordered that the castle door to be locked. All the rest were closed, and the windows shuttered. They kept the siblings secluded in different rooms, and no longer opened the castle to visitors. The family stayed hidden, tucked away inside their walled kingdom. The King and Queen acted just as cautiously inside the castle. As the siblings grew, their parents did everything they could to ensure that Sombra could control his powers. That meant the siblings were hardly EVER together.
Day after day, Sombra spent most his time training to be the next ruler and keeping his powers in check. The training was difficult, and Sombra often felt unable to control his magic. Crystals seemed to form on his hooves if he laughed or cried or became too upset.
Worried, the King gave him grey hoof padding. He advised Sombra to keep it on at all times, and reminded him he had to hide his crystal magic.
The years slipped by. Twilight spent most of her time alone. Sometimes, she played with dolls, sometimes to pretended to have conversations with the stained glass window portraits in the halls, sometimes she even asked Sombra to play. But, she was lonely.
Time after time, she'd ask Sombra to play, but Sombra would ignore her. The memory of their friendship was fading.
One day, a heavy snow landed in the royal courtyard.
*knock knock knock knock* Sombra? Do you want to build a Pony? Come on, let's go and play, I never see you anymore, come out the door, it's like you've gone away! We used to be close siblings, but now we're not. I wish you would tell me why?! Do you want to build a Pony, it doesn't have to be a Pony She sang out, hoping to confront her brother.
His response was, "Go away, Twilight......" It was soft, but firm.
"OK, bye...." Twilight sang sadly as she returned to her room.
Soon, Twilight was 10, and Sombra was 13. On another snowy day, Twilight asked her brother to play. "Do you want to build a Pony? Or have a race around the halls? I think some company is overdue, I've started to talk to the stained glass windows! It gets a little lonely, all these empty rooms, just watching the hours race by!"
This time, she was completely ignored.
"I'm scared!" Sombra yelled at his father one day. "It's getting stronger!"
The King placed his hoof on his son's head. "Getting upset makes it worse, calm down."
Sombra recoiled. "NO! Don't touch me! I don't want to hurt you!" The King stepped back, shocked.
Years passed again. Twilight was 15, and Sombra was 18. The King and Queen decided to have some fun out at sea for a couple of weeks. twilight said a hearty goodbye, while Sombra begged them not to leave. They reassured him that they would be back in two weeks. But that night, their boat smashed, and they were lost at sea. There was a funeral held, and Twilight spoke out a memorial for her parents. Sombra did not attend. When Twilight returned, she was overcome with grief, and needed a friend. She softly knocked on Sombra's door.
"Sombra? Please, I know you're in there, ponies are asking where you've been, they say be brave, and I'm trying to, I'm right out here for you, just let me in! We only have each other, it's just you and me, what are we going to do?" Twilight began crying. "Do.....you want to build......a Pony?"
When there was no response, Twilight sat against the door, and sobbed. On the other side, the whole room was covered in black crystal. Sombra was sobbing, wanting so badly to reconnect with his one and only sister, but his magic was strong, and he didn't want to hurt her.
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Have you heard the phrase "show, don't tell"? Your descriptions are dry and don't integrate with the story. It feels like the story is put on hold for a moment while you dump information on us.
It's a wee bit fast, but I like it, please continue!
Calm down! You should really finish your the stories you're already working on. If you get an idea, write it down on a notebook! Also, did you make that pic?
Is this a Crossover with Frozen?
3631848 Yes. I really like the movie. I forgot to put hat in the category.
3631831 No. But, I'm deleting a lot of them.
3632155 NOOOOO! Please don't delete Bruised Apples!
3632513 I'm deleting everything except Ice Daggers and lava. It's on hiatus right now.
Hello Frozen inspired creation... This is a nice interpretation of the movie in pony.
3632595 Thanks.
3632541 Aww. Ok
3631745>>3631747>>3631848>>3632513>>3632595
Thanks to all the complaints, and compliments. This chapter has been remade, and is now more detailed, and more than 500 words longer.
3638773 Nice!
This story is a tad fast paced but it's still quite good. A good ponified vesion of Frozen (which, by the way, I loved!!
) It's a little too fast paced, but that doesn't matter too much for me. Anyways, my stories usually end up like that as well. Keep writing!
Do you want to build a crystal pony....
DAWWWW!
This is awesome I can't wait till you update.
To be frank, I don't like this. To explain why, I'll just copy-paste what Ezra has to say about fics like these in the writing guide.
This is exactly what you are doing. You've basically dressed up Elsa and Anna as Sombra and Twilight, even though none of those characters really have anything in common (and I think Celestia and Luna would fit the parts far better, but that's beside the point). Tartarus, you didn't even change the colors that decorated the nursery from the ones in the movie! The most creative thing you've done so far is write the Grandpa Troll's lines in rhyme for Zecora, but even then...well, you rhymed "Queen" with "see". It's not that impressive.
I am sorry, but this story has my down-vote. I've already seen Frozen, you see. I don't need to read the same story all over again. Maybe if you mixed it up a little! Find a way to bring in the rest of the Mane Six as main characters instead of background characters, perhaps! But, until then, this is just Frozen disguised as a pony story. Not very interesting.
3822005 It makes perfect sense. Sombra has the idiotic crystal power. Also, this is NOT completely frozen. Big Macintosh will be the mountain pony but he's not going to fall in love with Twilight. But I am thinking about maybe changing Pinkie Pie to Sombra's sister. Another thing is that the Mane Six will be main characters. Rarity is a Crystal Pony formed from Sombra who stays at his castle. SHe falls in love with him, but it doesn't end that way. Applejack will be traveling with BM along with Winona, Twilight will be an apprentice to Zecora, Rainbow Dash will be a spiteful sister of Prince Blueblood, Fluttershy will be another Crystal Pony hybrid, and Trixie will be Sombra's love interest.
As you can tell, I'm completely re-writing the story.
3822787
Now, see, that sort of wording can be taken badly. I know you're not trying to imply that Elsa's ice powers are "idiotic" by comparing them to Sombra's powers, but that's what it sounds like.
Characters are defined by more than their powers - that's basically the premise of both Frozen and FiM. Just because someone has an "evil" power does not make them a bad person. And, just because two people have similar powers does not make them the same person. Sombra is an evil sociopath who enslaved an entire race of ponies just to keep their crystals all to himself; Elsa is a quiet, responsible young woman who just wants the freedom to be herself without persecution. Take away the powers, and they have little to nothing in common.
Now, what about Luna? True, she had a bit of a psychotic breakdown, but then again, Elsa nearly had one as well. Indeed, Luna is very much like Elsa might have been had she actually succumbed to her fear - a genial, responsible young woman who is socially awkward and misunderstood because she has a big, scary power involving weather (thunderstorms, in this case). They both have bright, bubbly sisters who are torn between their love for their sister and their duty to their country, though ultimately Celestia made a different decision than Anna did. A case can really be made for those two in the parts of Elsa and Anna.
However, there's also Twilight. Twilight is a responsible, organized, but somewhat stand-offish young pony who takes more interest in the happenings of the world than in social interaction - and so is Elsa (...minus the "pony" part, heh.
). Twilight sorta freaks out when something happens beyond her control - so does Elsa. Twilight has many, many brighter, bubblier friends who are as close as siblings - like Pinkie Pie, whose personality is exactly like Anna's...no, really, that's a stroke of genius on your part.
And, Twilight has her actual sibling, Shining Armor, with whom she was somewhat close, but they've recently grown somewhat apart. Shining's story arc is even rather similar to Anna's; he's pursued romantically by somepony who just wants to use him to get her own kingdom and doesn't care about him at all, he eventually marries his real true love (who happens to have been raised by Celestia, who is often called a troll), and he comes from a family of completely normal unicorns, but somehow has a sister with super alicorn powers. Him and Twilight I can see as Anna and Elsa.
But Sombra? Keep him as an antagonist, because he's good at that. Make him play the part of Hans...or, if you make Chrysalis Hans, make Sombra the Duke of Weaseltown. But, chances are, if you have to change a person's character to make them fit the part of a character in a movie, you aren't using the right character.
I apologize for the fact that my opinion of this story is negative. I know you're going through a hard time, and trust me, I know, I've been there. However, I figured that you'd appreciate a politely-worded, thought-out, analytical review on the first chapter, rather than a bunch of trolls yelling "BOO THIS SUX YOU SUX EVERYTHIN SUX" ten chapters in. I do hope you'll take my advice into consideration, and I wish you well.
3823503 You're right. I think I could change Luna to Elsa. I can't change much more, except Sombra as Hans. but thank for the advice. But you never DID tell me how you thought of the Mane Six's parts.
I just went to see frozen today, and suddenly prince blueblood as (?) Hunze (?) makes perfect sense
er.... not to seem rude or anything....
but are you going to continue with this story? 
it's just I'd really like to see how it turns out.... and it's been a wile since it was put up (you know)
4293457 Sorry. I will be. But here's the thing. I'm on maternity leave. Be back in June!
4294625
ok
The snow glows white on the mountain tonight
Not a hoofprint to be seen
A kingdom of isolation,
And it looks like I’m the King
The wind is howling like this swirling storm inside
Couldn’t keep it in, heaven knows I tried
Don’t let them in, don’t let them see
Be the gentlecolt you always have to be
Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know
Well, now they know
Let it go, let it go
Can’t hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don’t care
What they’re going to say
Let the storm rage on,
The dark never bothered me anyway
It’s funny how some distance
Makes everything seem small
And the fears that once controlled me
Can’t get to me at all
It’s time to see what I can do
To test the limits and break through
No right, no wrong, no rules for me
I’m free
Let it go, let it go
I am one with the earth and night
Let it go, let it go
At last my dreams take flight
Here I stand
And here I'll stay
Let the storm rage on
My power spikes to kiss the sky straight from the ground
My soul is shimmering like flashing facets all around
And then a thought takes root just like a briar patch
I’m never going back,
The past is in the past
Let it go, let it go
And I'll rise like the break of dawn
Let it go, let it go
That gentlecolt is gone
Here I stand
In the light of day
Let the storm rage on
The dark never bothered me anyway
4296405 You are so awesome! Can I use that?
3823503 I really do appriecate the advice, but I think I'll just continue with the regular story. Thank you so much. I might tweak the storyline, but use the same caracters in a new story
4296744 go right ahead, but I honestly I thnk I culda done better
4298311 Well, I love it! It will make a great song for the story. Thank you so much!
4296405
4566953 in retrospect, I realize i could have done a better job.
Or r u facehooving over somthing else?
4567091 just the idea. Dont worry about
CONTINUING? PLEASE?
OR ELSA WILL FREEZE YOUR FACE OFF!
Hey just wondering if this is going to continue
(I am cleaning out my Read Later and tgis has neen in since December)
(not to be rude here but...)
WE'RE STILL WAITING!!!
We all want to know where this story is going to go (Even though we should all know it cause of the movie anyway) and in just over a month it will be a year since you put it up...
Not saying anything against tardiness cause of how far apart some of my updates are, but please continue
Please...
I like it so far so I'll have patience for the next chapter
This is a nice story so far, hope you continue with it.