• Member Since 4th Mar, 2012
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Comments ( 220 )

Good story... Can't say I'm a Harry Potter fan myself though, so in my head, I'm changing his name to Frank. :twilightsheepish:
As long as there's no magic from the human side of things, I'm willing to keep reading.
Apart from that, good story. I say keep going!

More! More!
The fighting sequence was incredible, every detail captured in a way that had me at the edge of my seat the whole time. (And the mane-na pun. I had to laugh at that). It was interesting seeing Discord seem to panic slightly and loose his trickster side. It gave an incredibly scary image that competed the scene.
I feel like you could have expanded just a tiny bit on Harry's scene at then end, it felt a little bit rushed, but I guess that's why this is just chapter one, you just needed to get him in there.
I'll be watching this one.

This story shows promise and I honestly want to know what happens next. Tracking and Watching you my friend.

Great story so far, detailed perfectly so we know what happens but not so much that we get bored. Amazing story so far too, keep up the awesome work please.

Just one thing.

Twilight and her friends are teens, not fully grown women yet.

You need to reduce their ages some.


Actually, I have a theory for that...

Being more or less a utopia, Equestria provides an environment that lacks any of the stimulus that we encounter as we grow. Hence, while they might ACT like teenagers, it is entirely possible that they're actually in their later teens/early adulthood-- it's just that they haven't had to grow up as fast as we do. Does that make sense?

...That, and if I did make them the age they appear to be-- early to mid teens-- it would be extremely awkward when an early- to mid-twenties Harry starts sleeping with them.

293468 When they fought Discord Fluttershy was 20, the rest were 19.

Still it's your fic and you can make them whatever age you want to now.

But just my opinion, when I see the phrase "grown women" I think 30-40, "young women" is 20-29... might want to change that.


Er... change what? I've gone back to check, and I never describe them as grown women. Can you point out where I describe them as such? I might have missed it...

Also, "young women" status would technically start at 18, since that's the age of adulthood in America...

Very interesting.:duck: I look forward to reading more of this.:rainbowdetermined2:

I wonder one thing.
How did the harmony charged magic misile spell teleport them to (if I am right whit the location) Godrick's hollow.


That'll be explained in a couple chapters. And whoever said they were at Godric's Hollow?

Well I at lest know it is not Privit Drive. I don't know if it was a forest near Sirius old house.


No, not Privet Dr. or Grimmauld Place. Don't try guessing, as Potter Manor is mobile in my fic.

I was realy unsure there.


I'm keeping you guessing, then. Good. :moustache:

Guess which house I was in on Hogwarts.

I know a bit of random stuff and got a good result on the last exame. But far from the best :(

You will need to look around to find my home deep in the ground. The door in the roof is the only way down to my staircase. I like to be insolated and it is easy to make the trapdoor invisibul so none that don know magic will find me.

A wand of oke and a core of unicorn hair is what i use. But my fireplace shimny was not easy to hide. And I am glad none think of a fire when they se the smoke.

Some bopkases whit my old school books and a standard culdron is something I have but my ingridiens storage is bad. I may be from Sweden and that, but in a evergreen forest is a nice place to live. But the magic I sence now is fealing wird. Now I must find some new spells to test. This is my ultimate test. I must detect where this new magic surce is an secure it from evil. This is what I do for livign. Find and secure what shuld not be here. Make so it can't be use for evil.
My name is Kim M. F. and I aprov this story very much.

I don't know why I wroth it. I gues I got myself to much in my Harry Potter fantasy. And the house I was in on Hogwarts was Ravenclaw.

I also think it is my ADHD and Asberger that make me wrhite it and this.

Ah... I feel your pain. I've got ADD-- not as bad as ADHD, but still annoying...

I am actuly proud of having ADHD and Asberger.
It makes me feal special.
I meby must take medicin to be calm in school (and it unfortunantli makes so I'm don´t feal hunger and don't eat as much as I'm suposed to) but it makes me me.
My abilities in relion mey be bad but I'm god in history and geografic.
I don't like to se the inside of a body but I am astoniched by electronic, SPPPPPPPPAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCEEEEEE, andanyhing els in physic and kemi (don't know its english conterpart name), and I mey be laking in physical gymnastic put I can do the mental.
I am put up to be a game designer, if it don´t work a electik worker, if that don´t go maybe something whit history. I take it out one day at a time.

And i thing it was my ADHD and Asberger that make me whrit this. I can't stop talking when the stream is going. :pinkiehappy::facehoof:

In that case, I'll stop for you.


[Emotional eruption activ]

At first I was like:unsuresweetie: then I was like:facehoof: AND THEN I was like :pinkiesmile: THEN :pinkiegasp: THEN :pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:

Twilight seems very much in character: no problems there. Good story, more please!

I agree with you completely

While I find the concept of Harry Stu + Harem to not really suit Harry Potter I'm more commenting on a smaller detail that bugs me when it comes to transformation related stories. Namely the whole "reversed joints" thing, in changing from Pony to human Twilight wouldn't experience any joints having been reversed. I know you say "but what about the knee?" well it wouldn't be reversed, Equine knees face forward, the joint mistaken for a backward facing knee is the ankle joint.

Ok, now you really have my attention


Thanks for pointing that out. I have since gone back and fixed it-- the joints are now shifted rathered than inverted, and I tacked on a note about how both her fetlocks and hooves disappeared and her hocks are jointed(?) differently. By the way... where ARE the knees of a equine's hindlegs? The stifle? Since what I orignally assumed was their knees-- their hocks-- is actually their ankle...

I think when my fantasy have got to go this far i can only ask a dump question. Can I be in this story? You have sean what I wrote in that comment.


Er... sorry, man, but no can do. No OC's in this story, I'm afraid... well, maybe a cameo... maybe.

I am not angry like I said it was a dump question.

Good story so far! Can't wait to see more :pinkiehappy:

Yay :yay: new chapter! anyways this chapter is looking great! keep up the good work :raritywink:

Good... but why does he have six wives? Is serial bigamy legal in this universe?
Not to mention that having six wives would create a whole host of other problems. :applejackunsure:

When did gods, and chaos magic come into play in the Harry Potter universe? I'm enjoying the story, but I'm afraid I can't draw parallels with the books and movies I know or I get confused.

Why in the name of Cthulu are you Harem-Shipping!?

Aside from that, It's...not the terribly-shitty fanfiction I was expecting?

Why in the nine circles of hell are you writing Harry with a harem? Jesus fucking christ almighty.


Somewhat. I'm using the whole "line of succession" plot device-- noble lines need to be continued, and that's how harems start.

The problems that come of this arrangement... well, that's what the Soul Bond's for-- there won't ever be any miscommunications as they're inside each other's heads, and any actual problems are worked out at the speed of thought. It's a cop-out, yeah, but I'm no good with complicated, soap-opera-esque drama. Besides, it worked for selector, so why not me?

Or, if you were talking about how the ponies will fit into the harem... well, let's just say Luna is contagious. And horny. And I'm not quite sure which Luna I'm talking about, either...


This isn't a canon!Harry universe. In fact, it stopped being canon after... OoP, I think. This is a Harry you might find in your average, somewhat-well-thought-out harem fic, after everything's been said and done... for the most part.

As for the Chaos Magic and gods, I'm working off of my own system, which will eventually be explained (because Twilight's going to ask, and we all know it). I can tell you it's a modified Ah! My Goddess! system, with a multi-tiered elemental twist.


Two reasons:

1) I like haremfics, and think there should more of them out in the world. It's as simple as that.

2) To date I have never seen a MLP harem fic. The closests I've come across would be Memory Pending, where the male lead came very, very close to getting Twilight and Fluttershy to share him. The chance to be the first ever to succeed in such an endeavour is too good to pass up... especially if I can start the assimilation of the (former) ponies into the established harem before Memory Pending's sequel comes out. :twilightsheepish:

And I'm glad this isn't as shitty as you thought it would be. I've come across too many horribly written haremfics to not know I walk a fine line between pure epicness and pure fail.

First off I'd like to say that your writing so far as grammar and spelling have been excellent. Though I am saddened that Harry already had a harem before the girls from Equestria showed up. I thought he was going the make a harem with the princess' and the mane six only and not involve any of the girls from the Potterverse. Now on to the griping.
Man I was really liking this story...but then I saw the words soul bond and that killed it for me. Why do authors of HP fanfiction always use the soul bond cliche, it really irks me and usually instantly turns me away from a fic. I have been in the HP fandom for years so this might have something to do with my intense dislike in anything soul bond related. I feel that soul bonds are use by authors that either don't want to or don't know how to write a good romance with a believable progression; not that I'm accusing you of either of those. I can't say I enjoy harems very much but I was willing to give this a chance but now I don't think I can continue with this story.

I don't actually know where it is in equine anatomy terminology, only that mammals have the same overall skeleton configuration. It comes from being a fan of transformation stories, the "the knees reversed" is such a common mistake as to almost be cliche.


Well damn, sorry to hear that. But can you at least hear me out before you completely give up on me?

The reason for the Soul Bond is: 1) I kinda need the Soul Bond for a plot point later, and I needed to establish its existence early on. Also, just because the Soul Bond exists doesn't mean the romance won't be good or the progression won't be believable-- this isn't the type where Harry looks at a girl and BAM! they get bonded. The Soul Bond in this case is more like a magic-enforced marriage: (Spoilers from this point out) it is either sometimes automatically induced during... *ahem* certain activities, or manually induced via a modded Pactio ritual (think Negima). Hence, Harry still has to work for the girl, its just that, afterwards, they won't be as liable to have a huge blowout due to some kind of miscommunication, since they'll be in each other's heads.

2) Comedic potential-- he's going to have both Luna Lovegood and, eventually, Pinkie-frik'n-Pie in his head. Can you imagine the conversations they will have? I'm not sure if I can dwelve that deeply into my inner insanity to do such a set-up justice, but I'm sure as hell going to try, and have fun doing so. :pinkiehappy:

Hmm interesting that's actually the only way I'll read a soul bond fic. I can very well see the hilarity that will ensue with Pinkie and Luna. I was actually bouncing around a story idea for a HP/MLP crossover where Luna does something that lands her and Harry in Equestria, ponyfied of course. I would be a comedy mainly but I fear my writing skills will not be up to the task.


Have faith, my fellow Brony! Half of the time I'm sure my writing skills aren't up to the task, only to be told otherwise by helpful reviewers. Just keep at it, and you'll do your idea justice.

...Oh, and I want to read that fic when you upload it. It sounds hilarious. :twilightsmile:

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