• Member Since 14th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen 19 minutes ago

Nebula Star


Digital artist, both 2d and 3d, and author by hobby. Living in San Diego California.

Sequels1

T

This story is a sequel to Midnight Star


Thanks to Twilight and her friends; Midnight Star was given a second chance at life. A chance to be happy without the horrors of her memories; but those memories where never truly gone. With their return, Midnight finds herself torn between harmony and chaos. But her struggles are only beginning; a greater threat has emerged. The Frozen Empire.

With Celestia and Luna beyond reach while investigating the silence of Saddle Arabia, and Twilight injured, it is up to Midnight to act in Twilight's name in order to defend Equestria. The only question is; can she do what must be done to stop the Frozen Empire and still keep her darker side at bay? Or will she destroy the very land she's trying to protect?

Chapters (24)
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Comments ( 54 )

A good start. If the prequel is anything to go by I'm looking forward to this.

Popcorn?:pinkiehappy: GAH!

My excitement is too high to read now, but I promise I will read this later.

When midnight sees how injured twi is she is going to go ape(or pony)sh*t on those frosty-ponies?:flutterrage:

3279741
Well there's a bit more to it than that; Twilight really isn't that injured. She lost her horn and broke her wing in the crash; that's pretty much it. But there's the little matter of a hostile army headed toward Equestria. There will be a battle, and to put it lightly; Midnight is not as stable as she appears at the moment.

At last she made her final jump. Then, her magic gone; wings all but frozen; her body pushed far past the point of exhaustion; she dropped from the sky, barely able to keep her wings outstretched to slow her decent. Everything was already going dark when she felt herself crash into the ground. And as consciousness slipped away from her, the last half-formed thought to cross her mind was that at least she didn't feel cold anymore.

She made it.

what if someone came forth with two spells; one is called the "Professionalism Spell" because it temporarily disables the target's emotions.
the other is called a "Friction spell" because it causes friction when the target tries to cast spells.

The "Professionalism Spell" can be used to harden a soft heart.
If the Frozen Empire gets its power from hatred, the the "Professionalism Spell" could possibly a nonlethal weapon, because hatred is an emotion.
The friction spell would be useful because it makes energy leak from the spells that the victim is trying to cast, said energy would transform into thermal energy and the victim could possibly overheat.

3658497
Unfortunately for Equestria, neither of those would work with my head canon. Emotions can affect magic but magic cannot directly affect emotions. You can try to alter brain chemistry or implant visions or illusions but you can't simply change emotions.

As for the ice Unicorns, they're adapted to live in the cold, even when their bodies are as cold as ice, but the heat doesn't affect them any more than normal ponies. They can live in normal temperatures just fine.

3668136
what about using Christmas magic( The Fires of Friendship) to drive away the Wendegos, leaving the ice Unicorns exposed and taking away one of their advantages.

3669729
That is actually going to be covered in the next chapter.

Love Poison + Windego = ?
Love Poison + ice Unicorn = ?
my guess, an army immobilized by love

3688244
Lol, but then you have to get them to drink it. Plus windigo's are spirit beasts; I don't think they'd be affected by any potion or poison.

3689306
Please let the following happen
Chrysalis and ponies reconcile
the he emotions that everyone feels ignite the fires of friendship
Chrysalis explains "the fires of friendship are a manifestation of certain emotions"
Chrysalis suggests "The Zebras could help with making a love poison gas"

3689930
Well I can't really say what's going to happen, that would be spoilers. :pinkiecrazy:

The next chapter will be out soon (first draft is done) and will reveal some answers, but will also start to introduce some of my own head-canon concerning Changelings. Though some of that was already revealed in chapter 5.

I was right about the reconciliation; let's see if I'm right about the "Fires of Friendship" or the "Love Poison Gas"

Will King Sombra be appearing in this story? If I already asked this question, then just say so.

3840477
Nope, he was mentioned briefly in the first story as having shown up in Midnight's original world, but other than another brief mention of what happened when he and Midnight met up in her world in the Side Story/Prequel I'm working on, I'm not planning on bringing back Sombra.

Go forth, Rainbow Dash. Release your inner badass and kill 'em all for Lightning Dust.

...Except the mare with the broken horn. Apparently she's special. Or just lucky.

Why are there not more comments on this? :rainbowhuh:
That was an incredible fight scene! :rainbowdetermined2:
It seems that the other races don't know their magic limits yet, and are probably making the same mistakes as Lightning Dust.:ajsleepy:
Too bad they did not have more time to prepare, but you work with what ya got.:coolphoto:
When I read this chapter I could not help thinking "may be Midnight could enchant a HUD to the circlets to give the ponies a rough estimate of their magic reserves.":pinkiegasp:
Then I remembered they are in the middle of a war, and Midnight will not likely get much time to make a new enchant from scratch.:facehoof:
Not to mention that too many enchantments running off the same "battery" will likely just drain the pony faster.:trixieshiftleft:

Anyway keep up the good work!:pinkiehappy:

Well, I don't think there should've been too much doubt that any of the princesses (or non-princesses, in Midnight's case) could've easily turned the tide if not completely destroyed the army (Cadance being the possible exception). It was already fairly clear that Twilight could've easily handled the generals if it weren't for the fact that she got a bit too curious for her own good and was ambushed by the unicorns, so I'm not surprised that Midnight could do the same, if not more.

Well, now to see the outcome. Oh, and what happens to that one ice unicorn, cuz I wanna see where THAT goes.

4442761
Well as for that one ice unicorn. That doesn't come into play until the next story I have planned so it's going to be a while. Still working on the chapter by chapter summary for that one.

4443730 Hmph. Make me wait. *grumble grumble*:twilightangry2:

I just thought of an excuse for Discord to not be at this battle.
Discord's nerves were frayed in Saddle Arabia and he went to Ponyville to soothe them.

4478770
Actually, he's been gone for over a year already at this point. Right now they think he's just off causing mischief.

There is a reason for his disappearance, but they don't find out why until near the end of the next story. By then he'll have been missing for almost twenty years. And yes, that does put the next story a great deal further in the future. 18 years in fact.

I can't help but imagine things being very awkward on Midnight and Wind's honeymoon with Midi being a...*ahem* backseat commenter.:fluttershyouch:

Still, I do hope the ice unicorns take the offer.

Welp, SOMEPONIES are behind the times. I wonder how Hyperion's return will be taken.

Also, I noticed that you have multiple times of using a semicolon where a comma should be, such as the closing punctuation for a quote, like here

“I don't know exactly;” Midnight admitted

I can go through it again and look for them, but I hope you keep an eye out for that.

4521848
Midnight and Wind you mean? :rainbowlaugh:

She's not always just giving commentary... Let's just say that the other Midnight considers the youngest of Wind and Midnight's children to be hers...

But yea, that could make an interesting slice of life story, the two of them getting use to each other. Obviously, the next story being 18 years later, they've had plenty of time.

4521930
Thanks for pointing that out, that first chapter was actually written months ago, I haven't looked over it in a while.

4521939 I think you ought to do a story in those intervening 18 years of Midnight, Wind, Midi, and any of their children getting used to Midi's presence. It'd help you keep the creative juice going when you're drawing a blank on After Midnight or Father of Light, and I think your readers would appreciate it as well.

And yeah, I meant Wind. :twilightblush:

4521958
Actually that comes up in The Father of Light. Midnight keeps her split personality a secret. When the other Midnight is in control around others, she tries to act normal. Wind does figure it out, but doesn't say anything and waits for Midnight to tell him herself.

Finally, I've finished reading this. Now I can review it!

An amazing story, thrilling to the end. It really needs more exposure. Maybe I'll think about advertising it on my Tumblr blog. The problem with that, though, is that my most popular blog is a character blog, so I'd have to have an in-character excuse to do so. The characers aren't very nice, though, so considering the violence and Midnight's original nature, it shouldn't be too hard to come up with something.

That being said, this story does have some very serious issues, and it is imperative that they be dealt with. Here comes the brutal honesty...

Every author has their strengths and weakness. For example, my strength is spelling and grammar, while my weakness is coming up with details. You are the opposite: you come up with amazing, vivid stories, but your spelling/vocabulary is terrible, and some of your grammar could use some work, too. Worse, the misspellings I see happen to form other words that do not belong in those contexts. Because they form words, most spell check programs won't be able to detect them. I've noticed that most people who make one of the errors I discuss in the next paragraph tend to make most (if not all) of the rest of them as well, so don't feel alone.

Let's start with the most widespread issues and work our way down. First off, there's the word "yea". This is an archaic word that is pronounced "yay" or "yee". The word you're looking for is "yeah", which likely evolved from the former. The second one that popped up often was "of coarse". The word "coarse" involves a rough surface, such as sandpaper. The correct phrase is "of course". Two other phrases you frequently erred with is "use to" and "suppose to", which should be "used to" and "supposed to", respectively. Then there's phrases such as "should of", "could of", "would of", and "must of". These phrases do not exist. They should be the words "should've", "could've", "would've", and "must've", respectively. This issue didn't pop up often in this particular story, but I did notice it when it did. I also spotted "aloud" being used where you should've used "allowed". There are also other, similar errors that I remember seeing throughout the story, but didn't pop up often enough for me to remember specifically.

Now for the punctuation side of the problem. I've seen many questions asked by the characters, but nowhere in your story did I see even a single question mark. Your apostrophe use was hit-or-miss: sometimes you got it right, sometimes you didn't. There's also issues with comma and semicolon use, but those can be confusing, so I don't often make too big a deal about them. I can let that go. I also spotted a few capitalization errors, where you didn't capitalize someone's title where it was displayed with their name. For example, "captain Valor" should be "Captain Valor". You got it right sometimes, so I'll be optimistic and assume them to be typos, in which case fixing it is simply a matter of being a little more observant.

Before you release the next one, you need to get a proofreader so that he/she can go through and correct the mistakes in each new chapter. Most readers feel a perfected chapter is worth the wait. I know I certainly do. If they're willing, maybe they can even clear up the mistakes in the first two stories. I really wish I could make an offer to do it myself, but I already have my hands full with proofreading for two other authors.

I look forward to your future (and hopefully gramatically-improved) installments in this ongoing saga.

4568146
Thanks for the review. I thought I got all the coarse/course mistakes last time I went through it, but I guess not. I've had that one pointed out to me before. :facehoof:

I'll probably go through my stories again now that I've finished the second of the series. Likely check over what I've done so far on my two WIP as well. I do usually try to make my own corrections, mainly because I find it helps me learn.

Part of the reason I started writing on this site was to improve in the areas you pointed out, so thanks. It's always good to know what I'm still doing wrong.

“Well apparently Celestia's father didn't hold to the belief of keeping to one wife. While he was living here in Equestria, he took several other wives and fathered quite a few foals; all half brothers and sisters to Celestia and Luna, but none were alicorns.

...you cheeky dog...:trixieshiftright:


3277701
Don't worry pinkie jumps in ti a lot of my comments to-
Hi
Gawd Jesus pinkie
sorry but my nose was scratchy, then my ear thumped, then my tail rolled up and down, meaning somepony is talking about me in a comment
Hum how specific

FIRST
SECOND
calm down pinkie and stay out of my comments

***** Excellent job
******/5 perfect score good job
Pinkie that makes no logical sense
gee I'd have thought that you'd have gotton used to that by now

The fells there everywhere
Pinkie what are you doing?
hey look the microphone you use for the comments piked you up
Hu? Wait get away from that computer

hey Eddie could you make me more hyper
Two things pinkie:
1) I told you magic doesn't exist in this universe
2) I doubt that its possible
And a bonus third
3) STAY OFF MY COMPUTER!!!
wow that's a lot of exclamation marks!
Grr

4719154
Don't you mean
[like big mac] yeeup

PS: you might want to ctrl-F this chapter and find every instance of "strait" so you can change them to "straight". I found at least two of those typos.

"You're not aloud to make mistakes"
allowed.

I'm kinda surprised at the number of typos I'm seeing that I'm not sure were there before.

7307669
Yep, two "strait" and one "straiten." Thanks for pointing that out. I've only gone over this story once since I finished publishing it, while most my others I've gone over at least twice. Even then, there's some things I just miss when I'm going through making corrections.

I always thought that being fed off of was harmless on it's own except if the dinner partner if you will was either unknowing about that what was happening, unwilling to be fed on, or the changeling in question consumed a large amount of love from an individual in a short time frame, it would lead to exhaustion. Shining Armor had no idea that Chryssy was feeding on of his love for Cadence, and that's why he was getting weaker from having his love fed off of. It would be a revolutionary new cure for insomnia.

Was King Sombra the father of Princess Platinum and the leader of the Frozen Empire? It would make sense because he was a unicorn with a heart as black as night and was seemed to have a hatred for all those that weren't himself, not just earth ponies and pegasi, he seemed to harbor a hatred for unicorns as well (remember what he did to Shining Armor's horn?)

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