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Infinite worlds. When Princess Twilight Sparkle discovers the possibility, she is determined to see and learn all she can. Her experiment goes wrong however and she accidentally pulls another pony's soul into herself. Who is Midnight Star? Twilight thinks she knows, but the mysterious Midnight has her secrets. Secrets that could cost Twilight and all of Equestria the peace and harmony the nation has known for millennia.
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Great story! I do have to say that there were a few errors. Such as: throughout the whole thing you wrote coarse. The real spelling is course.
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Lol, thanks for pointing that out. I'll have to fix that.
Alright, fixed those pesky coarse / course, mistakes as well as many other minor corrections. Hopefully there's no more glaring mistakes. No work is ever perfect though, so feel free to point out any you may find.
cute story ya got here, reminded me of past sins quite a bit. I do feel as though the ending was a bit too happy. I would of liked to see some lasting after affects of midnight star's actions. it seemed to be wrapped up a little too nicely. I'd recommend spike dieing somehow, but that is just because i hate spike. anyway, i liked the flow or the story. the writing was simple and easy to follow, which i appreciated. While the action flowed well, there were a few parts that came off as slightly rushed, but that might just be my own preference for wanting things to slow down during some interesting parts. anyway, let me know if ya write anything else, i'd love to read it. -appleblumpkin
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I am already working on a sequel to Midnight Star set 16 years later, but it is definitely a more complex story and with that much time passed; obviously there has to be changes. This presents me with a chance to have some fun though in imagining what could have happened in those 16 years. I've written a rough summary and started a more in-depth one, as is my typical method, I'll keep in mind what you said though and try not to make parts seem rushed.
Edit: I'm readjusting the timeframe on the sequel, it will probably be 10-11 years later.
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this story really should have more comments and views. It is a lot better than the attention it has gotten. you could always release the next one in staggered measures instead of all at once. I get more views when i release stories like that... of course i usually take too long to update and lose some viewers there too. I'll follow just so I know when you put up more stuff.
Well done.
This was the most original, well, origin story of any OC I have read so far.
I admit I was kind of expecting an obvious self-insert.
Again, well done. Midnight seemed like an uncaring recluse, instead of biding her time.
I would call it a little plothole for Twilight not to ask how Midnight lived in her world.
Like, how did the ponies treat ther after "saving" them all? Twi may never suspect her other self to be evil, but wouldn't the ponies over their coronate their benevolent savior? Wouldn't she, being a princess, draw the parallells and expect her to be a ruler?
Evil Twilight without it being an Evil Twilight story. Again, well done.
Too bad Twi would rather risk destroying Equestria instead of asking the Princess for help and ensuring her secret is spilled.
On a side-note. If Dark does not reveal herself, she will have a much easier time taking over Equestria.
Who would WANT to fight Twilight?
should be steel
good one, it prevents us from expecting Twi to get mad and break through.
Wicked, should it have a capital?
Can you find a stronger, more expressive word instead of "confused"?
course
And no pony died yet, though Sweetie might wish she had. Somehow all of this can be set right again.Either this is bad writing to avoid a Gore tag, or Midnight really is just trying to teach Twi a lesson. In that case, this is some redemption fix-fic about friendship?
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Thanks for pointing out some of those corrections, I thought I'd gotten all the coarse/course ones but apparently not.
add comma
ivory is a material, ivory white's a color. I know it's a trend to interchange them. But look at this example : "A steel ball" It could mean a steel-colored ball, but I bet your first interpretation would be a steel-composed ball.
"Am I supposed" might flow better. Again, just IMO
,
correct. I did not know that, the only word I knew was bluEish
Ah, she blames Celestia for her misery.
+1 Character development
Nebula Star, I suppose you're getting quite enough of all these little remarks of mine.
I really DO enjoy, and will reread this story.
But it is often hard to edit your own story, because you know exactly what it's supposed to be like.
One example is the first error, here
quiet.
Spellcheckers won't catch a mistake like this. I only found it because it's my first time reading.
never
Nah, I bet they will use some sweet, delicious alicorn magic / friendship wave / robot limbs
Oh, I did not catch that, thought it was regular flames. If not, why would Shining and Cadence think it wildfire?
either lose the capital, or replace comma
When has Celly ever done something?
Sorry, my bad, I read to many Tyrantlestia stories
What? Chin up? Buck you?
Aww, I never thought of this, but they did spend an awful time, the Gala even, together
ouch, chemical brain imbalances are a bitch to deal with. Hope she can still laugh.
did I miss something?
Pff, Nightmare shattered them as well.
by definition, elements can not be broken down,
Quick Twilight, realise you can still use them, perhaps even from the ethereal realm!?
Original. This is just another example of how creative you are. Though I was expecting the 2 clouds intermingling and battling. Perhaps even, becoming one. You can not fight hatred, you have to Love it.
she's ethereal, she should learn to stop wasting energy/life and DODGE!
I know, I know, it was a reflex.
[quotethrough the air strait for her]straight
No words, especially when she repossesed her body.
Wow
Hehe, now that is something to brag about. Maybe she could brag that her love was so strong, she classified as a an actual threat?
plot hole patched up before it came up..
I wish we could have seen it, but I suppose words would do him no justice.
that, and we all love Nyx. Though taking her memories, isn't that partial murder? I only the body is left, what's the difference with cloning a dead person?
And I like the mane talk.
Finally reached the end of my reviewing. Not that I did not enjoy the great read, but I really should go to work now.
What colour is Midnight now?
Ah that's why.
Pfew, she's her own pony, not a mini-Twi.
Should I know them?
A shame I did not hear about this gem sooner.
It's sad, but you really have to publish one chapter at a time if you wnat people to notice you. Thereis only so much space on the update list.
Well, that's it. Let me know what you thought of my work.
Fey out.
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Well thanks again for pointing out those corrections.
I've heard from a couple people now that it's better to release new fics a chapter or two at a time, and I'll probably do that with the next one.
As for the Pegasus twins mentioned in the last chapter, no you shouldn't know them. They're OCs that come into play in the sequel I'm currently working on that takes place 10-11 years later.
Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it.
.3266364
Always happy to help out a fellow brony
I did not seem to pretentious, right?
I'm looking forward to reviews of my story, but some people actually feel offended by them.
this is one AWESOME STORY
HELL YHEA
can't wait till next one
thx for writhing this story
Short version: Amazing!
Long version: AAAAAMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This was a damn good read. I look forward to anything else you write.
*too many
after the ending of season 4, i think this story would be a good kickstart for a new season
MY FAVORITE STORY IS IN HERE!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!
welp, she's fugged
Shouldn't you wait until After Midnight is complete before starting this story?
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Just finished responding to your other comment, lol. This one was written first before I ever had the idea for the story of After Midnight. That's why After Midnight is a prequel / side story.
Past Sins was my first fanfic actually
Yow!
This story is inspired and original
Pinkie Pie approves
Shhh no spoilers
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I agree completely
7251892
I've never heard that one before. Lol.
This should be He was right, it would have to be a good long vision in order for her to learn anything complex, and most of the simpler spells that wouldn't take long to learn had probably already been discovered in their own world.
There's no telling what would happen if your spell somehow connected you to one of those other worlds.
Rainbow had to spend most of her time showing me what to do,”
“You wanna get out of the rain and grab a bite to eat?”
Though Twilight really wanted to get back to her studies, she enjoyed the lunch with Applejack and her family.
Apple Bloom had been really excited, having apparently helped Granny Smith with baking the pies.
Wait just one second...Sonic Skyboom. That's what you would call it. The Sonic Skyboom.
The dangers of the deep forests, however, took their toll.
This should be “Really? Sounds like she has had a hard life indeed,” Rarity said as she continued to work a few moments in silence and thinking carefully before going on. “Well, in that case, I think all you can do is make sure they know that you're there for them and wait for them to come to you.”
You know, this only needs a few fine tuning and it might become as big as Penstroke's masterpiece, though I can definitively see the connections between the two!
this was a fun story but my one problem with it is that none of the actions of any of the characters have any real consequences. I think that in future story's that you right there need to be some actual consequences for the actions of the characters and your story's wold go from a fun reed to something that truly draws me into it.
8109969
I actually have gotten a similar comment on this one before, that there weren't really any lasting affects when all was said and done, which is why I've mostly tried to avoid using a fix-all-button in my later stories even if it is common in the show.
7251892
This is the main reason I came here
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It’s funny, until I saw that comment, I didn’t even know that song existed. And I used to listen to a lot of Weird Al
9799083
Yeah, it's not the most well known song. Amusingly, it's the second song off of the "In 3D" album, right after Eat It, one of his most well-known songs.
Maybe it's because of the size of the shadow it's sitting in.
Just like the first Godzilla.
My Trolluna Detection System went off this chapter.