• Member Since 14th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen 4 hours ago

Nebula Star


Digital artist, both 2d and 3d, and author by hobby. Living in San Diego California.

Sequels1

T

Infinite worlds. When Princess Twilight Sparkle discovers the possibility, she is determined to see and learn all she can. Her experiment goes wrong however and she accidentally pulls another pony's soul into herself. Who is Midnight Star? Twilight thinks she knows, but the mysterious Midnight has her secrets. Secrets that could cost Twilight and all of Equestria the peace and harmony the nation has known for millennia.

Chapters (16)
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Comments ( 54 )

Great story! I do have to say that there were a few errors. Such as: throughout the whole thing you wrote coarse. The real spelling is course.

3214563
Lol, thanks for pointing that out. I'll have to fix that.

Alright, fixed those pesky coarse / course, mistakes as well as many other minor corrections. Hopefully there's no more glaring mistakes. No work is ever perfect though, so feel free to point out any you may find.

cute story ya got here, reminded me of past sins quite a bit. I do feel as though the ending was a bit too happy. I would of liked to see some lasting after affects of midnight star's actions. it seemed to be wrapped up a little too nicely. I'd recommend spike dieing somehow, but that is just because i hate spike. anyway, i liked the flow or the story. the writing was simple and easy to follow, which i appreciated. While the action flowed well, there were a few parts that came off as slightly rushed, but that might just be my own preference for wanting things to slow down during some interesting parts. anyway, let me know if ya write anything else, i'd love to read it. -appleblumpkin:moustache:

3236099
I am already working on a sequel to Midnight Star set 16 years later, but it is definitely a more complex story and with that much time passed; obviously there has to be changes. This presents me with a chance to have some fun though in imagining what could have happened in those 16 years. I've written a rough summary and started a more in-depth one, as is my typical method, I'll keep in mind what you said though and try not to make parts seem rushed.

Edit: I'm readjusting the timeframe on the sequel, it will probably be 10-11 years later.

3236194
this story really should have more comments and views. It is a lot better than the attention it has gotten. you could always release the next one in staggered measures instead of all at once. I get more views when i release stories like that... of course i usually take too long to update and lose some viewers there too. I'll follow just so I know when you put up more stuff.


Well done.
This was the most original, well, origin story of any OC I have read so far.

I admit I was kind of expecting an obvious self-insert.

:flutterrage:Doctor, get this girl a lobotomy!
:pinkiecrazy:Okie-(takes knife)-dokie(sharpens it)-lokie (coming)

Again, well done. Midnight seemed like an uncaring recluse, instead of biding her time.
I would call it a little plothole for Twilight not to ask how Midnight lived in her world.

Like, how did the ponies treat ther after "saving" them all? Twi may never suspect her other self to be evil, but wouldn't the ponies over their coronate their benevolent savior? Wouldn't she, being a princess, draw the parallells and expect her to be a ruler?

Evil Twilight without it being an Evil Twilight story. Again, well done.
Too bad Twi would rather risk destroying Equestria instead of asking the Princess for help and ensuring her secret is spilled.

On a side-note. If Dark does not reveal herself, she will have a much easier time taking over Equestria.

Who would WANT to fight Twilight?

Midnight's was like solid steal

should be steel

If she did have the same potential; if she had that strength within her; she didn't know how to reach it

good one, it prevents us from expecting Twi to get mad and break through.

Midnight's Wicked grin

Wicked, should it have a capital?

to stare after her, confused as to why

Can you find a stronger, more expressive word instead of "confused"?

Of coarse I do

course

And no pony died yet, though Sweetie might wish she had. Somehow all of this can be set right again.Either this is bad writing to avoid a Gore tag, or Midnight really is just trying to teach Twi a lesson. In that case, this is some redemption fix-fic about friendship?

3262887
Thanks for pointing out some of those corrections, I thought I'd gotten all the coarse/course ones but apparently not.

/for strait ahead

straight

glare off of crystal homes

I know this is grammatically correct, but can you find a less redundant word? just my own opinion

like it's mostly to this side from Ponyville though.”

either "this side of ponyville", meaning ponyville is burning only partially, or "coming from the direction of ponyville"

Twilie

Twily, "lie" would be an insult, i believe. Not quite sure if Twilie even sounds like Twily

such a crystal prison again would be a horrible experience

and don't forget she is highly sensitive to emotions. Stress the negative nature of the feelings embedded within, to torture her more.

Darkened steal

steel

Nice look in to the married life of Shining and Cadence.

princess feeling

add comma

ivory blade

ivory is a material, ivory white's a color. I know it's a trend to interchange them. But look at this example : "A steel ball" It could mean a steel-colored ball, but I bet your first interpretation would be a steel-composed ball.

I'm supposed to be frightened of you

"Am I supposed" might flow better. Again, just IMO

fight Twilight

,

bluish

correct. I did not know that, the only word I knew was bluEish

and just like my own, it will be your weakness that doomed Equestria to its fate.”

Ah, she blames Celestia for her misery.

+1 Character development

Nebula Star, I suppose you're getting quite enough of all these little remarks of mine.
I really DO enjoy, and will reread this story.
But it is often hard to edit your own story, because you know exactly what it's supposed to be like.
One example is the first error, here

The library was quite

quiet.
Spellcheckers won't catch a mistake like this. I only found it because it's my first time reading.

Cloudsdale again, Never perform

never

Only she had had her dreams taken away forever

Nah, I bet they will use some sweet, delicious alicorn magic / friendship wave / robot limbs

smokeless emerald flames

Oh, I did not catch that, thought it was regular flames. If not, why would Shining and Cadence think it wildfire?

tended to, Then

either lose the capital, or replace comma

“I can't stop her.”

When has Celly ever done something?
Sorry, my bad, I read to many Tyrantlestia stories

“Buck up, Princess

What? Chin up? Buck you?

Celestia looked at her surprised, 'friend'

Aww, I never thought of this, but they did spend an awful time, the Gala even, together

Pinkie had to be encouraged to and put hers on with a sigh.

ouch, chemical brain imbalances are a bitch to deal with. Hope she can still laugh.

Luna banished to the moon

did I miss something?

shattering the Elements themselves and breaking the necklaces in two.

Pff, Nightmare shattered them as well.
by definition, elements can not be broken down,

didn't think that there was anypony who had a strong enough connection, as well as true enough understanding of the Elements of Harmony to wield them without the artifacts. Except perhaps one... Only Twilight had both.

Quick Twilight, realise you can still use them, perhaps even from the ethereal realm!?

Calling on her own magic, she did the same.

Original. This is just another example of how creative you are. Though I was expecting the 2 clouds intermingling and battling. Perhaps even, becoming one. You can not fight hatred, you have to Love it.

with a flick of her horn a shield wall formed in front of her blocking the spells with ease

she's ethereal, she should learn to stop wasting energy/life and DODGE!
I know, I know, it was a reflex.

[quotethrough the air strait for her]straight

No words, especially when she repossesed her body.
Wow

I was banished like Princess Luna!?” Sweetie Belle exclaimed, her mood changing drastically, seeming excited to have something in common with the Princess of the Night.

Hehe, now that is something to brag about. Maybe she could brag that her love was so strong, she classified as a an actual threat?

she truly hadn't noticed its return.

plot hole patched up before it came up..

Discord fought valiantly, if a little strangely

I wish we could have seen it, but I suppose words would do him no justice.

“I think that when the Elements are used to purify somepony of the evil in their heart; that they also revert the pony back to the age they were when that evil first took hold

that, and we all love Nyx. Though taking her memories, isn't that partial murder? I only the body is left, what's the difference with cloning a dead person?

And I like the mane talk.

Finally reached the end of my reviewing. Not that I did not enjoy the great read, but I really should go to work now.
What colour is Midnight now?

original owner made the main floor into a library because they felt that every town, even one as small as Ponyville, needed a library

Ah that's why.

Knowing the truth about what she was, Twilight was actually quite surprised that Midnight didn't seem to be anything like herself at that age. She did enjoy reading, and liked to learn new things, but she was also adventurous and very active and athletic.

Pfew, she's her own pony, not a mini-Twi.

pair of pegasus twins; a colt and filly, both with icy blue coats and silver manes and tails

Should I know them?

I don't think anypony ever just chooses to be evil.

:eeyup:

A shame I did not hear about this gem sooner.
It's sad, but you really have to publish one chapter at a time if you wnat people to notice you. Thereis only so much space on the update list.

Well, that's it. Let me know what you thought of my work.

Fey out.

3265221
Well thanks again for pointing out those corrections.

I've heard from a couple people now that it's better to release new fics a chapter or two at a time, and I'll probably do that with the next one.

As for the Pegasus twins mentioned in the last chapter, no you shouldn't know them. They're OCs that come into play in the sequel I'm currently working on that takes place 10-11 years later.

Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed it.

.3266364
Always happy to help out a fellow brony

I did not seem to pretentious, right?

I'm looking forward to reviews of my story, but some people actually feel offended by them.

this is one AWESOME STORY
HELL YHEA
can't wait till next one
thx for writhing this story

Short version: Amazing!

Long version: AAAAAMMMMMMMMMMAAAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZZIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This was a damn good read. I look forward to anything else you write.

Comment posted by Midnight Solace deleted Dec 8th, 2013

after the ending of season 4, i think this story would be a good kickstart for a new season

A young black alicorn with a frightening resemblance to Nightmare Moon except that her cutie mark was a blue shield.

:pinkiegasp::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::rainbowkiss::raritystarry::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy:
MY FAVORITE STORY IS IN HERE!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

...even Celestia wouldn't stand a chance against Midnight.

:trixieshiftright:what else is new?

Shouldn't you wait until After Midnight is complete before starting this story?

5286858
Just finished responding to your other comment, lol. This one was written first before I ever had the idea for the story of After Midnight. That's why After Midnight is a prequel / side story.

Past Sins was my first fanfic actually

Yow!
This story is inspired and original
Pinkie Pie approves

3265177

Discord fought valiantly, if a little strangely

I wish we could have seen it, but I suppose words would do him no justice.

I agree completely

7251892
:rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

I've never heard that one before. Lol.

He was right, it would have to be a good long vision in order for her to learn anything complex, and most the simpler spells that wouldn't take long to learn had probably already been discovered in their own world.

This should be He was right, it would have to be a good long vision in order for her to learn anything complex, and most of the simpler spells that wouldn't take long to learn had probably already been discovered in their own world.

There's no telling what would happen if you're spell somehow connected you to one of those other worlds.

There's no telling what would happen if your spell somehow connected you to one of those other worlds.

Rainbow had to spend most her time showing me what to do,”

Rainbow had to spend most of her time showing me what to do,”

“You wanna get out of the rain and grab a bite to eat.”

“You wanna get out of the rain and grab a bite to eat?”

Though Twilight really wanted to get back to her studies. She enjoyed the lunch with Applejack and her family.

Though Twilight really wanted to get back to her studies, she enjoyed the lunch with Applejack and her family.

Apple Bloom had been really excited having apparently helped Granny Smith with baking the pies.

Apple Bloom had been really excited, having apparently helped Granny Smith with baking the pies.

What would you call it if it wasn't a rainbow of colors? A purpleboom?

Wait just one second...Sonic Skyboom. That's what you would call it. The Sonic Skyboom.

The dangers of the deep forests, however, took their tole.

The dangers of the deep forests, however, took their toll.

“Really? sounds like she has had a hard life indeed,” Rarity said as she continued to work a few moments in silence and thinking carefully before going on. “Well, in that case, I think all you can do is make sure they know that you're there for them and wait for them to come to you.”

This should be “Really? Sounds like she has had a hard life indeed,” Rarity said as she continued to work a few moments in silence and thinking carefully before going on. “Well, in that case, I think all you can do is make sure they know that you're there for them and wait for them to come to you.”

You know, this only needs a few fine tuning and it might become as big as Penstroke's masterpiece, though I can definitively see the connections between the two!

this was a fun story but my one problem with it is that none of the actions of any of the characters have any real consequences. I think that in future story's that you right there need to be some actual consequences for the actions of the characters and your story's wold go from a fun reed to something that truly draws me into it.

8109969
I actually have gotten a similar comment on this one before, that there weren't really any lasting affects when all was said and done, which is why I've mostly tried to avoid using a fix-all-button in my later stories even if it is common in the show.

7251892
This is the main reason I came here

9799031
It’s funny, until I saw that comment, I didn’t even know that song existed. And I used to listen to a lot of Weird Al

9799083
Yeah, it's not the most well known song. Amusingly, it's the second song off of the "In 3D" album, right after Eat It, one of his most well-known songs.

Maybe it's because of the size of the shadow it's sitting in.

Twilight sniffed realizing she was crying, but not caring as she went on. “She told me some of it... Some of what she'd gone through. The world she came from. It was terrible, a nightmare. I think she'd just been hurt so many times, that she was lashing out at the world. She just wanted the pain to stop.”

Just like the first Godzilla.


My Trolluna Detection System went off this chapter.

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