The Wheel and the Butterfly
A Dan X Pinkie Pie saga
Part 1 Pinkie Vs. Van Nuys
Chapter 1 Dan Vs. Mugger
-oooooo-
The large man turned back to his prey briefly. “Stay there,” he commanded.
Pinkie wasn’t sure if she was up to getting very far on her new legs. Anyhow, part of her wanted to see how this played out.
“Listen, buddy,” The large man walked within inches of the smaller, angry man and stood tall just to help point out he stood a good foot or more taller than his opponent, “I think you better move on. This ain’t your business.”
The shorter man grinned. “And I think you better stop, drop and, roll, pal.”
The smell of burning fabric caught the large man’s attention as he looked down to see a hip flask that had some of its contents spilled onto him, a lighter which had IGNITED said contents, and the important fact that his clothing was, in fact, on fire.
His tough guy act evaporated in an instant as his voice gave way to panicked screaming and flailing at his fiery clothing.
“Listen, buddy. Maybe you didn’t hear me, I said STOP..” The angry man threw a right hook that caught the large, failing man right on the jaw. “..DROP..” He followed with a well-placed kick to the man’s knee that caused him to lose his footing and hit the ground hard. “..And ROLL!” The angry man launched a flurry of kicks to the larger man’s gut. The would-be mugger dropped a small box from his pocket and fled into the street, a run cut short by a blue sedan rounding the corner and slamming into him.
The driver’s door flew open, and a tall, lanky, man in flip-flops, khakis, and an unbuttoned orange shirt over a blue shirt quickly emerged. “Oh my gosh, oh my GOSH! Don’t tell me I hit another cyclist!”
“Niiiiiiice assist, Chris!” the man in the ‘JERK’ t-shirt called at the driver.
“Dan, I can’t keep going out with you like this if it means vehicular manslaughter.”
“Relax, Chris,” Dan responded, putting his arm around his much larger friend and pointing an assertive finger at him. “You just took out a mugger fleeing the scene of an attempted crime. We’re pretty much heroes here.”
Chris expression visibly brightened. “Really?”
Pinkie just stared at the scene, her brain trying desperately to catch up with what she just witnessed.
“Hey, he dropped loot.” Dan bent down to pick up the small box the man left. He opened it up to reveal a handful of small cylindrical objects.
“Dan, you don’t smoke. In fact, you lecture on and on about how cigarettes are just a tool to keep”--Chris raised his hands for some air quotes--“‘the moron population down’.”
“Listen, if you defeat someone, you’re supposed to eat their heart to absorb their power, and since I’m not a cannibal…”
Dan put one of the cigarettes to his mouth and lit the tip with his golden zippo lighter. As the small flame lit his face against the gloom of the rainy night, Pinkie couldn't help but think to herself that Dan looked pretty cool.
Dan took a puff and his face went green as he let loose a hacking cough that brought him to his knees. Pinkie stumbled over to help him up as Dan tossed the cigarette angrily on the ground. “HE TRIED TO POISON ME!” Dan leaned on Pinkie as he delivered a few well-placed kicks into the large man’s gut who softly grunted in reply.
“Dan, you lit the wrong end,” Chris replied flatly.
Dan regained his footing. “CHRIS, WHY DID YOU LET ME SMOKE THIS!? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME?!”
Chris rolled his eyes. Before Dan could continue his tirade, a high pitched voice interrupted his vitriol.
“THAT WAS AAAAMAAAAAZING!” Pinkie Pie threw her arms around Dan’s neck and embraced him tightly, “THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUSOMUCH!” She stood a good few inches above the rather short man, and he found her grip surprisingly strong.
Dan’s face turned red as he struggled to breathe. “Chris, help! This girl is obviously part of some dastardly trap to kill me!”
“I’m pretty sure she’s just thanking you.”
Pinkie’s grip loosened.
“That’s EXACTLY what she WANTS you to think,” Dan said leveling an accusing finger at Chris.
“And thank YOU, too!” Pinkie threw her arms around Chris’s torso, and he smiled, enjoying the very rare occasion of one of Dan’s revenge schemes doing some good for a change.
“Great, we’re thanked. Can you move along? We’re kinda busy…”
“Ohmygosh, OHMYGOSH that guy was all gonna grab me, and then fwoosh!” Pinkie spread her hands out and wiggled her new fingers to simulate fire. “Then you were like pow,” Pinkie threw a punch in the air for effect, “right in his face! And then snap,” Pinkie kicked her leg out, “Right to the knee, and-WHAAA.” Pinkie lost her footing and fell strait to the ground.
Chris and Dan watched this display with very different expressions. Chris had a blank look focused on the girl, while Dan looked increasingly annoyed.
As quickly as she had fallen, Pinkie stood back up. “I’m ooookaaaay!” she assured.
“Dan, did you set that man on fire?”
Dan giggled to himself. “Heheh, yeah…”
“Since when do you carry a hip flask?” Chris asked pointing to the flask that Dan had shoved back into his pocket.
“Since I needed some fuel on me to quickly start fires! Keep up, will you?”
“Don’t tell me there’s gasoline in that thing.”
“What am I, psychotic?”
Chris opened his mouth to answer, than thought better of it.
“It’s Everclear.” Dan turned to face Pinkie. “Well it’s been weird, erm…”
“Oh my gosh! I’m being sooo rude! My name is Pinkamena Diane Pie! But you can call me Pinkie!” Pinkie smiled from ear to ear.
“Riiiiight…” Dan leaned in closer to Chris and moved his hand in close so only Chris could hear: “What kind of stupid name is that?”
Chris ignored Dan and extended his hand. “Hi! I’m Chris.”
Pinkie tentatively extended her hand, looked at it, then grabbed Chris’s hand and gave it a vigorous shake.
“Daaan, would you like to introduce yourself to the nice la-OW!” Chris yelped as Dan threw a quick punch into his arm.
“You talk to me like a child, I punchy you!”
Pinkie giggled. “Dan, was it?” Pinkie extended her hand.
Dan looked down at her hand, glared, and spat in it.
“DAN! That is not how we make friends!”
“WHAT DID I JU…” much to both Chris’s and Dan’s surprise, Pinkie then spat in her own hand and quickly reached for Dan’s and gave it a good shake.
“Does this mean we’re extra, SUPER, special friends!?” she said with a smile.
“Eww! Gross! Unsanitary! UNHAND ME, WENCH!” Dan yelled as he tried to pry his hand free of Pinkie's very moist grasp.
The signs of a smile quickly entered into Chris’s face and gave way to uproarious laughter.
Dan whirled around to face Chris. “And you! Stop encouraging her!”
Pinkie giggled. “You two are really funny.”
Dan glared at her. “Well Pinkie,” Dan said, his voice laced with venom, “it’s been weird and gross, but we need to get going, and…”
“Go? Go…right…” Pinkie started to pout, looked down, and played with her skirt hem absent mindedly as rain pelted her.
Dan just glared, not sure how to react.
Chris broke the silence, “Hey, Pinkie. How about I give you a ride somewhere?”
Pinkie’s eyes lit up “Really, really?! That would be amazing!”
“WHAT?! No way! Uh-uh there’s no way that...” Dan quickly found a hand covering his mouth as Chris dragged him off to the side.
“Ouch!” Chris pulled his hand away and gave it a shake. “You bit me!”
“That’s what you get for manhandling me, you ape. And before you say something, no, she is NOT coming with us.”
“Okay, first: it’s my car; if I want to give her a ride, I will.”
“TREACHERY! THIS WILL NOT STAND!”
“Second: For once after dozens, if not hundreds, of schemes, I actually feel really good about what happened. And you’re not going to take that away from me.”
Dan went silent, folded his arms and looked to the side.
“Third: I can’t in good conscience just leave her to wander the streets of Van Nuys to be picked up by the next mugger-potential rapist that happens upon her.”
Dan attempted another tactic, whining to get his way, “But she’s all huggy, and loud, and icky…”
“Fourth: it’s pouring rain and I don’t want to be out here getting drenched as we put out your stupid flyers.”
“The noble war on the apostrophe must continue!”
“Can’t it wait ‘till its daylight and not pouring rain?”
Dan mumbled a few obscenities under his breath and answered, “Fine, but let me finish up here.”
Chris smiled and waved to Pinkie as Dan approached her.
“SO! What are we going to do first?! Huh? Huh? Oh, I just know we’re going to be the bestest of friends for ever, and EVER, and…”
“You talk too much,” Dan said coldly.
“Oh, I’m sorry! I know I tend to ramble, and it annoys some ponies, and I should really learn…”
Dan raised an eyebrow at 'ponies'. “You’re in my way, pink girl,” he answered in lieu of addressing the strange turn of phrase.
“Oh, I…” Pinkie shifted over allowing Dan to approach the pole she had been standing in front of.
Dan pulled out a now rather crinkled sheet of paper and a staple gun and affixed it to the pole. He smiled, admiring his handy work.
“So, ummm…Dan….”
Dan turned to face Pinkie and moved his face within inches of hers, causing Pinkie to shift back a half step. “I don’t like you.”
“Oh well, I’m sure when you get to know me we’ll be great friends,” Pinkie insisted with an anxious smile.
“I already have ONE minion.” Dan motioned to Chris who had entered the car “I don’t need another.”
Dan kept walking.
“ONE minio…I mean friend?! No WAY! I can never have enough friends!”
Dan turned on his heels. “LISTEN! I’m sure this shtick tricks plenty of other saps, but…”
Dan was interrupted by a horn honking.
“Dan! Leave the poor girl alone! We need to get her out of the rain.”
“GAHHHH!” Dan yelled in frustration and trudged towards to the car.
Pinkie grabbed her bag and simply stood around looking pensive.
Before Chris could react, Dan poured the rest of his Everclear onto the unconscious man.
“Oh dear,” Chris uttered as Dan gleefully sparked his lighter and set the unconscious man on fire... again. The recently motionless man suddenly woke up, screaming in pain. He fled into the night, despite the shooting pain in his broken and damaged body.
Pinkie simply stared in disbelief, and muttered, “Sooo cool,” to herself.
Dan looked back at Pinkie and scowled. “ARE YOU COMING OR NOT?!”
Pinkie smiled hard enough to make a tiny squee sound and bounded to the car, falling once on the way over, and quickly picking herself back up.
“Seriously?” Dan asked from the passenger seat as he buckled up. “She can’t even walk right,” he said, angrily motioning to the girl outside.
“Dan, did you have to set that man on fire…AGAIN?!”
Dan chuckled to himself, “Hehe, yeah… anyhow, I already told you, we’re doing a service here.”
Chris said nothing and watched Pinkie through his side view mirror.
“Dan…ummm…I don’t think she knows how to open car doors,” Chris said in a tone of genuine surprise.
“What? Seriously?!” Dan looked out the window to see a perplexed Pinkie Pie staring at one of the car doors. “This is unbelievable!”
Dan quickly undid his seatbelt and exited the car. He walked over to the driver side backseat door, shoved Pinkie back a few feet, and then opened the door.
“Ooooooooooh,” Pinkie uttered as if she had just achieved some sort of enlightenment watching Dan open the car door with his hand.
“GET IN THERE!” Dan yelled as he roughly pushed Pinkie into the back seat.
Pinkie hit a stack of papers face first, spreading the mass across the back seat.
“AND DON’T MESS THOSE UP! THEY’RE PART OF AN IMPORTANT AGENDA AGAINST THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE!”
Pinkie sat upright and quickly tried to fix the pile of papers she had just messed up with her face, or rather, the pile Dan had messed up with her face, though the distinction was lost on her at this point.
Chris shot his friend a look that said, 'Really? You really just pushed a girl like that?' as Dan reentered the car and buckled up.
Dan shot him a look that just screamed 'mind your own damn business.'
Pinkie finished straightening the papers she could reach and sprang upright in the seat. "I'm up!" she announced to the men in front.
Dan sighed and shook his head as Chris started the car and continued forward.
It's going to be a loooong night.
*Peeks head out. Looks around.*
Carry on...
But let it be known, there's a lot of a dialogue- with very few emotions being displayed. We get he is annoyed and angry- but please show us "how much."
I don't think Pinkie would be so happy over setting someone on fire in the pouring rain... twice.
Also, what computer did that guy mention?
Well, I'm happy that there is more DanXPinkie fic out there.
3188318
Why I'm not surprised to see you here?
You're real good at writing for the characters, it sounds so natural I can hear it in their respective voices
Dan is a badass
poor Pinkie showing up in LA the only day it rains....
I revised this chapter.
Nothing really worth rereading if you've already read it once...or...twice (You guys are great ).
Honestly, I'm not nearly as tempted to mess with this I as thought I would be.
I'll probably do the other early chapters at some point, though my main focus is still on continuing to pump out chapters.
Revised again.
How does this chapter have more views than the prologue.
3660485 A lot of folks skip prologues because they think that they are boring. Or they simply decide to go straight to the good stuff, like When Pinkie Met Dan...
This, all of my this. The fantastic-ness is amazing here, plus, I can actually read this in all their voices and it makes it so much better. You have a very good story here, have a like and fave.
damn this is funny. Good work.
The only reason I'm not faving this right now is because there's so much of it and I don't want it to sit in my fave section that long. x3
The first chapter left me kind of dubious, but this one... Their depiction is so spot on that I can hear them in my head.
in my heeeeead
This story Inspired me to start hunting down episodes of Dan Vs. on the internet (not a long hunt apparently its free on hulu) and After watching the First season I get so many of the jokes and some motivations.
Teesny weensy little mistake, here.
i.imgur.com/yrD40ok.png
I understand the large gaps in the dialogue, but why the rest? (Couldn't reproduce the gaps when copy/pasting, hence the picture.)
And why is Pinkie so impressed with Dan for burning, let alone fighting someone?
Other than those, I'm liking this so far!
4107131
I'll fix the error.
Those gaps are a weird formatting thing FimFiction does for some reason when I string out a word, scream, or sound effect for too long.
You're not the first to bring up Pinkie's reaction to Dan's actions. Her reaction has a lot to do with what it seemed likely the mugger was going to do to her. So, in this case, Dan's actions seem like those of a dark avenger instead of a psychotic maniac.
Edit: Fixed! Thanks!
Hey, so, we are doing readings of this on youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TwHP_bem6u8
We will take them down if you wish.
One hundred and twenty...
Oh...oh...oh my...
3188318 Perhaps you should emphasize show other than how much. Which is what I think you meant to do...
This was pretty good and very funny!
I see you like to revise. That's... Cool... I guess?
4451675
It's mostly grammar and spelling errors, but there's some slight adjustments to the writing to make it more dynamic. I'm still going through the chapters with an editor, the story will continue to have these minor tweaks for a while.
Wow Dan and pinkie, sooooooooo good wait are they gonna ship?
Welp, I'm already in stitches. This is going to be a great ride...
This was hysterical. Definitely reading the rest of this!
“Then you were like pow,” Pinkie threw a punch in the air for effect, “right in his face!" Uh, okay, since this is really old and, compared to your stupendous writing in later chapters, I'm willing to let it slide. But that still begs the question: How could you not have said "POW, right in the kisser!" here?
4639841
You know, the reference never occurred to me when I wrote this... Possibly because I had just started and hadn't begun tossing references around like they where going out of style.
started reading out of curiosity...noticed the 147 chapters this is gona be a looong night
4758555
Glad you're interested at least.
Fair warning, many have abandoned meals and sleep in favor of marathoning this beast, though I encourage you to pick a pace that works for you.
So Dan set the guy on fire twice? That's cruel, even for him.
straight*
Really excellent fic so far
What is this a crossover with
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Dan Vs.
4926468 Hey! Chris drives like me in gta5!
4926468 Is Dan Vs still running? I loved that show when I had cable.
This is the first story ive ever read that goes into the triple digits in chapters. IMMA HAVE FUN TONIGHT BOI!
4926468 Dude! That dentist is the devil!
Excellent...
Cute!
Dan is written really fun XD
I drank a shot of Everclear once.
Once.
*shudders*
What is Everclear?
5926699
It's basically as much drinkable alcohol as is physically possible to create in liquid form through distilling. People use it for cleaning, first-aid, or if you want to get smashed in a hurry (though it's usually mixed with something).
Good god Everclear? Dx
Holy crap man! XD hahahaha, where did Dan get that from?
Awesome job mate, awesome job!
I can tell this is going to be epic.
3188786 The same man that tried to assault and rape her. Also, I know the comment is really old, but... meh.
Pinkie lost her footing and fell strait to the ground.
Can't believe I didn't notice this until a re-read. Straight
I have a question? Is Pinkie's skin pink in this fic or is it a normal human color?
The English language needs to be revised!
6971642 Regular human skin, like what skin is supposed to look like on a genuine human being
Why didn't I read this earlier? This is freaking hilarious!