• Member Since 22nd Feb, 2012
  • offline last seen 44 minutes ago

Jlargent


Not much to say really, I write stories for the Brony Nation and the Pegasister Alliance that's all I do really.

T
Source

After an unexpected tragedy at Sweet Apple Acres, Applebloom is left without those that she calls family. Vinyl Scratch a long time friend to the Apple Family steps in to help raise the filly and hopefully help her recover. Pairings for this AB/Scootaloo and VS/OM.

I was inspired to make this fic due to the picture shown. I would like to thank Graphic-Lee for permission to use this picture as a cover for this story.

Rated T for now, might elevate to M depending on how the story unfolds.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 38 )

Okay

I love the idea of Vinyl Related to the Apples (somehow) :twilightsmile:,
I love Octavia and Vinyl, :derpytongue2:
and I'm curious about what happened to the three grown up apples and what will happen next...

Have a Fav!

4459992 Heh, I must be insane to even think of this :pinkiecrazy: but I digress.

Really good so far! Can't wait for more to be added :)

will you explain how they passed away?
and it would seem the elements are useless now if they still use them in this verse.

4459996
More insane than I was in creating the Friends and Family storyline?

I like this idea. I've got it under my read later tab so I can give it the thorough go through later when I have the time.

Hmm... The idea is certainly out there. There's WAY too many run-on sentences, the flashback doesn't make much sense, the labels (Vinyl's POV and End Flashback) are unnecessary and put in the wrong place respectively. There should have been more explanation to the recent deaths in the note. I'll follow it though, out of curiosity.

4462108 To be fair I was up until four in the morning when I published this.

I made it to the end of the first paragraph before I had to stop. Each sentence runs on so long it's painful, and this makes it very very difficult to follow. If this was remedied, I would love to see how this interesting story pans out. As it is now, I just can't.

So, Vinyl is an Apple?
Didn't even know I wanted this.

I like the sound of this story...
31.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lvrf58vBkL1qibz0jo1_r1_500.png
in a good way, of course.

4462226 Oh, I know the feeling, and I'm sorry if that little review came across as a little harsh. It's hard to find the line between constructive and destructive criticism.

Try to organize your thought flow and try not to get off topic. I read a little bit, but I'm sad to say I lost interest due to the scattered and/or run-on sentences. This work has potential, but it'll need a decent refinement overhaul

This seems interesting

well. the strt is the biggest buzzkill it the entire history of buzzkill's. but I shall keep going

:moustache:

Not sure if I like the idea of it not being an accident...

Also for some reason this didn't show up on my favorite list as unread, weird.

Love the story!:heart:

Keep up the good work. Hope the next chapter is uploaded really soon. Please! :pinkiehappy:

Also I think the two ponies responsible for the accident are Flim and Flam. Did I get it right?:raritywink:

So we have two villains... I have my suspicions on them but the first pair that springs to mind might be a blind, kind of Flimsy when they're not very Flamboyant in behavior to give us clues. But at the very least they need to be charged with murder and endangering all life in Equestria for killing one of the Elements of Harmony... so maybe :flutterrage:BANISH THEM INTO THE SUN WHILE NIGHTMARE MOON MAKES THEM SUFFER IN ENDLESS NIGHTMARES!!!!

4555266 My gut says you're right... but they're also the obvious dupes if someone else is behind this atrocity.

4555266 4557416 I'm not saying for certain. I gave no indication that the voices were male.

4557605 I know, that's why I said they're the OBVIOUS choice. Never go with the obvious choice until you have evidence... then the obvious choice gets hit HARD!

Agree with 4555247, you had it set up for a nice, touchin' drama. All this stuff about a conspiracy runs the risk of overshadowin' that. But at that, ah think no matter what this chapter would be stronger without that bit. A proper mystery story shouldn't be givin' us snippets of conversation that only the culprits're privy to, whether or not it reveals who they are. Instead, the knowledge that any crime has been committed at all should be somethin' we learn through watchin' the protagonists, along with any possible clues to their identity.

Ah'm gonna feel cheated now, because ah know from that scene alone that Flim an' Flam are the only suspects without some serious character derailment or plausibility failures, or OCs. If it's Flim an' Flam, then that information was jus' handed to me without havin' ta think about it. If it's OCs, then settin' it up like a mystery was all some dumb gimmick an' ah never really had a chance ta guess it.

4572917 Mind you I am making this up as I go along. And also as much as I hate the brothers I really can't see them stooping to murder just for profits and a revenge kick.

4573132

And also as much as I hate the brothers I really can't see them stooping to murder just for profits and a revenge kick.

Seriously? They're literally the only ponies in Equestria who have both the potential to actually profit from the deaths of the Sweet Apple Acres Family (in that they'd be able ta buy up the land an' use it for their business), and a grudge against 'em (for thwartin' their schemes twice now). They've also attempted to evict the Apples from their home in the past, as well as nearly gettin' Granny Smith killed. Ah'd totally believe they could stoop that low.

When ah said they were the only suspects, ah wasn't kiddin'. The profit motive literally eliminates everyone else. The profit margins of Sweet Apple Acres are pretty much nonexistent, nowhere near enough money ta consider killin' for, an' it's simultaneously indispensable to Ponyville so ya couldn't make money by replacin' it with somethin' other than a farm. Only Flim an' Flam, with their ability ta mass-produce cider usin' the orchard, could turn it into a real asset. A local produce rival might've stood ta gain from their deaths by reducin' competition, but that's out since it's somebody who can't show their face in Ponyville. Couldn't be another farmer, like Cherry Jubilee, since no farmer would consider ownin' another rinky-dink farm a ways away from their own property profitable, an' it especially couldn't be anybody related to the Apple Family, because they'd actually be expected ta show up after their relatives died.

So if it's not Flim an' Flam, it's OCs. Anything else wouldn't hold up. But if it's OCs, there's no point in buildin' the "who are they" mystery, because they're jus' some random jerks we don't know anything about. Another reason ya shouldn't have scenes like that; if ya didn't drop information about their motivations an' methods, ya couldn't reveal things that don't make sense in yer intended context.

4573335 Did it occur to you it is possible that a family as influential as the Apple Family could have other enemies aside from the Flim Flam Brothers? I mean you don't get to where you are without stepping on a few toes weather intentional or not, there's also the possibility of a rival member of the Apple Family wanting to commit a bit of patricide so that they could take over the farm and replace it with their goods.
I'm not saying that a member of the Apple Family did it but I am laying the possibility out there, hell for all you know it could be Blueblood since AJ inadvertently hit him with the flying cake since she was the one that made it.

4573386
Again, yer own scene rules out any member of the Apple Family (there would be no reason for them to avoid Ponyville), as well as pure revenge motivations (the villains explicitly want money, it's only your subsequent comments that suggest revenge is even as much as an added bonus). And again, ah wouldn't be able ta point out the flaw if ya didn't give those details away on a whim.

4573477 Ah, but I gave no indication to the identities of the culprits, therefore my theory is valid to a degree. Besides if the culprit was a Apple Family member were to show up with sympathy and tears would you suspect me? The answer would be yes, in this case the culprit would lay low and let things settle down first to avoid suspicion.

4573507
Vinyl is an Apple Family member.

Nobody suspects her.

Nobody in the history of everybody would assume that the supposed accident was actually a murder based on the fact that a member of the victims' family did something respectful like coming to visit.

4573545 Vinyl's an adoptive member of the family. As such the records would be in Golden Delicious's records. Besides it's not like there would be some contempt, I mean the Oranges treated AJ as though she wasn't worth having (Hmm...That would explain Babs Seed's disposition.) also who's to say that petty jealousy is involved in this? I mean sure Money and Revenge are good motivations but it has to start somewhere right? Maybe AJ pissed off some rodeo competitors due to the number or wins she's accumulated and it eventually boiled over, it could be any number of reasons but let's face it what it boils down to is jealousy plain and simple.

Now stop poking holes in my story and let me work okay?

4573580
But how are you ever going to assemble a coherent narrative if nobody points out the incoherent parts?

4573641 Didn't I say that I am making this up as I go along? Besides, if they like it or hate it that's their problem. I just write for the hell of it and not to mention I have WAY too many story ideas bouncing around in my head. Like a Saber/Rider lemon fic that I have planned.

Pretty good so far, but could you please work on punctuation, mostly commas ( , ) ? It's a little disconbobulating reading so much stuff in one sentence with no pauses.

nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:fluttercry::fluttershysad: why!? WHY?!?:raritycry::applecry:

I have a huge hunch that the killers where the Flim Flam Brothers :pinkiegasp::rainbowdetermined2::rainbowdetermined2::flutterrage::flutterrage::applecry::twilightangry2::twilightangry2::derpyderp1::trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright:

I LOVE that twist. Kinda obvious if ya REALLY know the show, but sweet. Waiting for Chapter 3!

Flim, Flam isn't murder... A bit extreme? Seriously, a gas line explosion because of a business rivalry? :facehoof: Anyways, that being said, I'd like to see this continued. But... Can we not go the stereotypical instant love route with Vinyl and Tavi? A slow burn gradual attraction would fit this kind of story better.

Also... Really? Filthy Rich and Diamond Tiara? I have no words....

Found this in my rl list. Got sucked in and… last updated over two years ago. :raritydespair:

7810511
There are a bunch of stories on Fimfiction with good story potential who are left on "incomplete" :ajsleepy:

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