• Member Since 8th May, 2014
  • offline last seen June 18th

Poetic Justice


Excellence is not a Skill. It is an Attitude

T
Source

Octavia's family owns a restaurant. If you didn't know her family, this would be shocking, it certainly was to one of her classmates ,Vinyl Scratch. Vinyl saw Octavia playing on a small stage in the restaurant while walking home from university, and decided to see what it was about.
Please keep in mind that the name in parenthesis in the chapter names is the point of view that chapter takes place with. Like, chapter one is Octavia's point of view, chapter two is Vinyl's, and etc.

Thanks Muzzle_luvr for helping me out with this. I'd tell you all go to read his stuff, but....they haven't written anything yet. Soooo...just know that they are awesome.

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 56 )

Is it YourEnigma? The youtube artist you referenced, I mean.

4440686 Not them, but you're on the right track.

4441478
Ooh, now I want to figure out who you're referencing so I can listen to what they have to offer.

4441478
4443362
Its Eveningstar's "Octavia". It's a wonderful song. I'm listening to it right now.

I like this. its nice. although it feels as if its going to continue instead of a one shot. it doesn't really wrap up properly.

4449806 You think so? If I was to revisit this or make a sequel, what points are there to wrap up? And don't say "Do they end up together" please. There's a reason I left it at that ending. :trixieshiftleft: :trixieshiftright: :trixieshiftleft:

4451217
4449806
I would like to expand on Air Heart, I would like to know what happens next. The story has a very open ending and a lot of unanswered questions. Why Don't get me wrong, it was and excellent story, but I would like to know more. Maybe give a Vinyl point of view even; come up with something that at least reveals Octavia's intentions, such as going out ti talk to Vinyl, or maybe get back at Vinyl, or something, I like a good romance novel as much as the next guy, but it does get old sometimes and it may not appeal to you. I say just start writing, because I kind of doubt you didn't have any ideas about how to continue this while you were writing this. Anyways, hope you continue the story.

4452144 Just keep an eye on my profile if this story did interest you add much as you claim.

4452579

add much as you claim.

What?^^^
I don't understand what you mean by that

4452678 I meant "as much as you claim" phone autocorrect and whatnot

4452702
Okay, thanks for the clarification, and I will keep watch.

4451217 put simply, the conflict didn't really resolve, it just advanced, they talked, a few details came to light, vinyl left her number, done. nothing was resolved. and there was no infomation as to what came about from these events.

But Vinyl leaving her number for octavia and their talk how vinyl is interested screams that something eventful is going to happen. it's textbook of the 12 stages of the hero's journey by Christopher Vogler. but it only really covers the first, second and maybe third steps. the normal world, the call to action, and the refusal of the call. the story ends like a first or second chapter in my opinion.

4452986 Yes, but not every story deserves all loose ends to tie up. The point of this ending was for the reader to question what happened next. Since you are here discussing it should go on, I've done my job rather well. However, I will consider expanding this story, since there is a demand for it, and I'm not working on any other writing projects.

4453246
Holy crap, I hadn't even noticed that was the only chapter until I saw the comments. The story is even marked as "complete," yet it completely crossed my mind... So I guess you were trying to leave the ending ambiguous, then. There's nothing wrong with that at all, and it can certainly do wonders in a story like this. However, I honestly couldn't tell that last part there was the ending. It seemed like it was just seg-waying into the next chapter. I don't mind the ending being ambiguous, but maybe try to make it more apparent that it is the ending.

Bear in mind, though, that I'm just some random user with only one fairly decent story under his belt and no real writing or critiquing experience, so everything I say has the potential to be complete crap. This is just the impression I got from this story. I dont even know how i would fix the ending. And other than what I've said about the ending, I really enjoyed reading this. The premise was pretty interesting, and you explored Octavia's personal life in a way I haven't really seen before, so that's pretty cool.

Comment posted by Poetic Justice deleted May 28th, 2014

4453246 I understand open ended stories and such, but I have to agree with others that this should be expanded on.
It could become a very interesting story. :twilightsheepish:
And I enjoy the way this story played out so I do hope you make more! :D

I also like the way it isn't a 'for sure' ship. Hell maybe she just wanted to be really good friends, or maybe it doesn't work out. But this story could have so much to it.
Also props to you giving Octavia a 'different' family than most fics, the 'hatefull parents who want their worthless daughter to bring them fame' has been played out to much. Also I don't think I have ever read a fic with multiple siblings related to Octavia. Nice touch. :moustache:
If you do end up expanding on this, the family can be used to build off of as well (character development, etc)

WOOHOO! Party at the coffee shop! :rainbowwild:
Now we will have to wait to see what Octavia will do.

Also am I see things? I have a notification of a chapter called Poor Service yet it doesn't exist? :derpyderp2:

4462274 It was a chapter I wrote, then deleted. It was bad.

Huh, things are left at a cliffhanger once again! Still like the story so far; it is a lot shorter though, didn't know if you did that on purpose or what, but good overall. Look forward to the next chapter!

Well shit... this isn't going at all like I thought it was going to go. :pinkiegasp:
DUN DUN DUUUUN!
I wonder how long it will take Vinyl to notice that isn't Octavia... probably not long since she spent so much time staring at her.

Alright! :rainbowkiss:
Also

Octavia, the last two digits is -37, not -81. The ink is smeared, so you must have seen the wrong numbers.

should have quotes around it :twilightsheepish:
No is Octavias sister oldder, younger or are they like twins or something?

4477533 I'll go back and fix the grammar mistakes, and her sister is Octavia's twin, but technically older.

Oh snap! Whatcha gonna do when they come for you!

I should wait longer, she's probably still walking in the snow. Alone. With nothing buy a scarf.

I would change 'buy' to 'but'

I found this in your sister's saddlebag, take better care of your things." She levitated a set of blue and white headphones my way.

how did her mother jump to the conclusion that those were hers?
Also I hope you werent referring to Beats, Vinyl is a DJ and hopefully smart enough not to buy something like that! :rainbowlaugh:

4487498 Whaa, naawwee. No pro DJ in their right mind would ever buy Beats. Psht. That's. Psht. Yea. Whatever. :twilightblush:

4487503 You own some don't you.
lol if you do. that would be too funny :rainbowlaugh:
But I mean they are OK and all. just expensive for their sound quality

4487616 I don't. I'm a TurtleBeach / Skullcandy person.

4487620 I... Um... Yeah...
Those will work I guess? :twilightblush:
Those are... pro :facehoof:
lol

4488449 I'm not a professional DJ. ::fluttershysad: So yes, they will work.

4488558 Fair enough :twilightsmile:
Anyway keep it up man! i am digging this story!

4487498 oh yea, to answer your question about the mother thinking the headphones were hers, there is a quarter note on the left ear cup (referenced later). Since Octavia is the only musical pony in the family (Chapter 1), it would make sense (to me at least) that her mother would think they were Octavia's. If that seems really far fetched, I'll re-write it when I do my overhaul

4492629 Well I guess that would make sense. But I mean headphones could be anyones :twilightsheepish:

I just noticed you mentioned me in the descript! :rainbowkiss:
I have done something!! :pinkiehappy:

Nice story, What happened to Lemon's perspective? I'm probably a little late :twilightblush:
Anyways, I got a little confused when you said this wasn't going to become one of those Vinyl X Octavia pairings, but it seems it is going to turn into one of those. :derpyderp2:
Unless of course you are going to make Vinyl's little crush.... crushed.

4506689 I never said "They aren't going to be a pair." I just left the ambiguous ending in the first chapter so people can draw their own conclusions, but since people started commenting and even mailing me "Want more", I expanded on it. Now, OctaviaXVinyl is like, one of my favorite ships, but I also love a good tragedy. I honestly have no idea what each chapter is going to be about as I write them. I just try to write as I would think each character would react to each situation, and let them carry the story. At this point, I'm waiting to see if my shipping side or my tragedy side is going to win over the story. It can still go either way. Oh yea, and I took out Lemon's chapter and added more to the two chapters before and after it, since I felt it didn't flow as smoothly as the other chapters did.

4506764
Okay. I understand more now, thanks. So yeah, Look forward to what's coming up next.

Time for Lemon to use Vinyl. I wonder what the event is?

And what do the guards or Octavia´s mom have against Vinyl? Fiddlestick is the one who gate crashed the party and got drunk on her own. Vinyl had the enormous decency of leaving her party and taking Fiddle back home, with not even the slightest evidence of having taken advantage of the mare.

Oh shit. So Lemon is... damn. Didn't see that coming. :pinkiegasp:
Also this big event sounds like it might be... bad. Lemon sure started acting particularly rapey

She did just stand there though.

I think that should be 'didn't'

Lemon:You see there is a large event coming up. :moustache:
Vinyl: oh y-yeah? W-what kind of event? :unsuresweetie:
Lemon: Just a big group of me and my friends getting together for some fun, we are looking for some... fun. :pinkiecrazy:
Vinyl: W-w-what kind of fun did you have in mind? :unsuresweetie:
Lemon: A bukkake party!

4510206 Well, think about it. Her filly is brought home, drunk, by a pony that she already has a negative opinion toward. In a state of panic and anger, it would seem to make logical sense to over-react and start pointing fingers about whose fault it is, probably because she wants to believe her filly is perfect and would never go to a party like that. -shrugs- No idea what her personality is. I'll have to go into that next time I write her I suppose.

4510801

I´m talking about Vinyl´s reaction. Why is she running away? that only makes her look guilty. Like I said, she can perfectly defends herself in front of the authorities.

Came here expecting comedy fic with Free Bird joke...was disappointed. still good though.

4744038 I'm really bad with comedy. All I can do are bad puns. However, if worse comes to worse, I can write about a theatre of puns. A play on words. :pinkiehappy:

Woohoo! New chapter!
*reads*
Wat. :derpyderp2:
I was just thrown through a loop. I had no idea what the actual was going on at first lol. I feel as though I have forgotten something from earlier in the story, but maybe it wi be explained in the next chapter. I was expexting the rest of what was going on with Vinyl. But then! Then I was punched in the stomach. Lyra. :rainbowderp:
Didnt see that coming. I feel as though Lemon must be taking Vinyl then? Thats not good. Also you should totally ship LyraTaviScratch. Triangles are the best shapes of love! Please please please! :rainbowkiss:

4745253 There was a large time gap between these two chapters that I tried to enforce near the end, but yea. Octavia found out Lemon is taking Vinyl. I guess it is really confusing since I had to play the pronoun game the entire chapter. I'll re-write it later if 2 or more people find it confusing as well.

4745908 right on. I figured there was a timeskip. Its not too confusing I just had to reread the last chapter to make sure I wasn't missing anything. :twilightsheepish:
And I totally think you should try to make this a threway romance!:rainbowkiss: That would be awesome!:pinkiehappy:

4745944 I guess you'll have to wait and see what I have planned for the next chapter. :ajsmug:

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