• Member Since 31st Mar, 2014
  • offline last seen February 25th

loga1005


Love to read and write. Became a brony right after season 2 ended and everyone that knows me in real life calls me Hippie because of my long hair.

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Source

This story is about Vinyl meeting Octavia and creating a new friendship with hopes of more.


This is my first Fan Fiction and Id love to hear your thoughts. So please leave a comment.

Thank you

Chapters (3)
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Comments ( 26 )

This is so nice. Tbhough maybe things are progressing too quickly.

Comment posted by loga1005 deleted Jul 16th, 2014

4702427 Thanks for the fav andi was wondering on what way is it moving to fast.Just wondering

4702456 I just mean that they became friends rather quickly but the story is quite great.

Pretty good story, could use a bit more friendship build up, but good nonetheless.

Pretty good story, I haven't read a wropiting style like this before. I only have a few things to say, if your going to make it over twenty thousand words don't make it progress so quickly. If you wanted it to be longer, I feel like you could have put this into at least two chapters. Another thing is, don't say it's your first story that's like trying to get a mercy card for people to like your book, though I'm not saying it's a bad one.

Till the next one

-R

Requires more polishing, but... I'll give it a like for now.

Maybe needs an editor as there are a few minor spelling mistakes and though the format isn't bad, it could be better. Personally I think you are moving too fast but really depends on how long you want this to be?

Keep up the good work though, but as I said it would be better with the touch of an editor or pre-reader.

4703708 I plan on hopefully making it about 5 chapters but it won't be just give story days in a row.

4702911 I don't know how long it will endup being but I plan on trying to write it over a course of about 2 months in the story.

4702568 I'm going to build up the friendship over the chapters it won't really go straight into them being a couple.

are they anthro's or humans?

4705138 its wrote as a regular ponys.

4705159 lol, just looked up why i though that, there is a part where you put stage hand where the other times you put stagehand so i got mix up

Comment posted by loga1005 deleted Jul 17th, 2014

4705207 Ya sorry I don't really have a editor of proof reading so i have to do it myself.

4706757 I have the time I could do some editing for you if you want.

This could be the start to a rather good story.so take my notes as an offering of assistance.

The progression is clipping along rather quickly but that's fine. I mostly expected a slower arc due to description.

I would use different words in certain places, for instance Octavia is a cellist she is more likely to say instrument rather than gear also her bow is pink (no worries I had to look it up).

Upon dropping off her equipment you actually skip over saying home, also gotten would work better than got in that sentence.

Best of luck bud. I'lol keep reading if you keep making.

4708039 Thanks a lot for pointing out that stuff. I have fixed the bow tie, and when back and put in the {gotten home} that i forgot thanks for pointing it out. And where i put gear is because she plays a string instrument she has to prepare both her cello, bow and in some cases depending on the speed and intensity of a song the stabilizing point.

4706757 well that explains why your using stagehand, it's not a word

4708645 I'll go in later today and fix it thanks for pointing it out.

4709146 your welcome X3 btw, if it is real word then it's not a real England English word, that's why my google didn't know it

Intresting story so far I hope to read more soon.:pinkiesmile:

This is cute.:pinkiehappy: I like it so far. Keep up the good work.

The way it reads is a little rushed, it just sort of jumps from one sentence to the next. although I really like the story.

I like it, I like it.

Very nice! Well-written and technically proficient. The only critique I have is that you sometimes mix your tenses, so watch out for that. Looking forward to more. Faved-to-follow!

(BTW, flattered by the Hayloft ref!)

4954518 thanks for the comment and iv had a idea to do a chapter called (missing time) or something that gives more backing to the backstags meeting.


4912653 I'm just glad you said it was ok for me to use it.

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