How does Pinkie break the fourth wall? How does Lyra know about humans? Where does the Doctor get his Sonic Screwdriver? Well here's my take on how.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 22nd Feb, 2012
- offline last seen 1 hour ago
Jlargent
Not much to say really, I write stories for the Brony Nation and the Pegasister Alliance that's all I do really.
Jlargent
Joined 22nd Feb, 2012 ·
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The writing isn't too good, it feels that you are more pitching ideas of things to be written than actually writing the ideas.
I don't like it. The grammar needs work, the story lacked a plot, and the entire thing felt liike a half-brained attempt to explain a few memes. The idea is interesting, but needs a worthy tale to go with it.
Choosing the name 'Hole in the Wal', while a good play on words for referencing 'breaking the fourth wall, it gives a double-meaning to bronies like me, for whom 'Hole-in-the-Wall' means ATM.
Wall smasher 4000. 4th wall. I see what you did here.
410553
To be honest I made it up on the fly. But it fits the scheme of the story in my opinion.
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I'm going to have to agree with what these two said, in a sense. Your grammar and word placement could use some work, for sure, and I think if you had more of a plot line to go with you'd be on a better track.
410606
However, I do enjoy a nice, silly story every so often, and this fit the bill quite nicely. So, I'll be giving it a thumbs-up for now. Keep at it!
This is a cute snippet to set a scene, but it's not a story as such. There's no conflict. There's no rising or falling action. It's simply... a moment. In fact, in that regard, it's really closer to poetry than a story.
2891545 It's just a short, there is no conflict or anything, just a explanation.