• Member Since 28th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen Feb 7th, 2017

Sage Runner


A courier by trade who writes stories. Welcomes feedback and/or constructive criticism.

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Source

On a seemingly normal day, Twilight Sparkle and her friends are abruptly taken from their homes and imprisoned by a coalition of foes both old and new. As Equestria, without its Elements of Harmony, prepares to defend itself from its greatest threat to date, the Mane Six will delve into the struggles of the surrounding nations, clash with its rulers, and unearth an ancient secret that could change life as they know it forever. Each must rely on her own strength and faith in her friends if they are to find their way home and save their world.

Chapters (16)
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Comments ( 42 )

Why didn't Twilight teleport herself and AJ out of the car into a safer place?

Why didn't she teleport herself out of the hive the moment she woke up?

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In the first instance, Twilight didn't have enough time to properly concentrate in order to safely teleport the two of them out of a moving vehicle from the time she realized that they were in immediate danger to the time she was hit by the first attack (opting instead to use an offensive spell which is less unpredictable than the teleportation spell has been shown to be in the show). In the second instance, she was still too weak from the previous attacks to teleport before she and Applejack were put to sleep again. I've edited the chapter a bit to make the second instance clearer, thank you for your comment!

And getting Equestria's aid wouldn't be using their resources? Twisted logic at it's finest.

I want to first say that this has been an interesting story so far. I like how the differences between the groups are shown, very versatile. And, this mysterious badguy is going to be fun to read about, I can already tell. Can’t wait to see how this story ends~!

Now, normally I would put up some C&Cs, but currently I am on break. However, there are two things I need to talk to you about, both regarding names. The first one is simple: It is supposed to be ‘Sweetie Belle’, not ‘Sweetie Bell’, an honest mistake that can be easily fixed through simple and quick research. The next one is a bit more complex, and I am not going to hound you for it, since I know that Cloudy Quartz Igneous Rock is one of a few fanon names for Pinkie’s family and there hasn’t been a canon name for them yet. So, I'll let you think about what I'll present to you and let you decide to keep them or not...

If you look at things in a logical point of view, you would notice that Pinkie Pie is the rare exception to the pony naming process. I’m not sure why, per se, but her full name is Pinkamena Diane Pie, a name far different than what is expected from a pony name. And, if you also recalled, she has a grandmother that goes by ‘Granny Pie’. So, if you connect the dot, it would make sense that her family would also have ‘Pie’ at the end of their name. Therefore, it is a bit strange and off for Pinkie parent’s last name to be anything other than ‘Pie', or even have the typical pony names for that matter.

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Thanks for reading and for the favorite! I appreciate you catching the error in Sweetie's name, I think I corrected the mistake in all the places I made it. I really should have checked to verify that I was spelling everybody's names correctly before publishing.

With regards to the names of Pinkie's extended family, while there isn't a solid canon set of names to go with, the closest thing I could find were the names given to them in the book Pinkie Pie and the Rockin' Ponypalooza Party!, so that's what I had decided to go with for the time being. I agree with what you've said regarding her full name, her grandmother's name, and the overall naming process. Best I can figure is that maybe "Pie" isn't actually a family name, and that she's simply named after her grandmother. I believe I read that at least one of her sisters will appear in season 4, so hopefully that sheds some light on it, but I think that for the time being I'm going to stick with the names presented in that book.

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Thank ya ma'am! Glad you liked the opening, I hope you enjoy what comes next! :twilightsmile:

Wow, lots of new and interesting stuff in this chapter. I'm curious as to who the fourth participant of that midnight meeting was. I was initially thinking Sombra's spirit, but know I'm not sure.

One error: in the beginning scene, when one of the Diamond Dogs says, "I heard it to," it should be "too".

Oh damn. I think I know where this all is heading. ... Have to see if I'm right.

Dammit. Just when I was starting to like the Big Deep, it turns out the Dogs' pleasant demeanor is all a ruse. :fluttershyouch:

I have a feeling the King better keep a close eye on Gilda...

Intense chapter! Really can't wait to see more of that mysterious creature.

Wow. So my suspicions were correct. Delacroix must have been the one Celestia and Luna forgot to transform...

I can't help but feel sorry for Greyjaw.

Intense prison break scene was intense. Loved it. Hope the Griffon rebels don't double cross them. And Zecora should have locked that damn box!!

Another intense chapter! Loved seeing Twilight outsmart the CNS and escape. Looks like I was right about Delacroix. Can't wait to see what happens next!

Oh man... Things aren't looking good for anypony now...

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Thanks for that :twilightblush:

And thanks for reading! I'm thrilled that you're liking the story!

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You're welcome!

I do and look forward to more! :twilightsmile:

What little daylight was left illuminated three lycanthropes huddled around Rarity, who's legs were tied together

*whose legs

Good chapter! I'm interested to see what Shining Armor does next, and what happens when he or one of the Elements directly confronts the "Sasquatch". :raritywink: Blueblood acting as ruler? Let's hope Celestia and Luna aren't gone for too long, though... :rainbowlaugh:

Awesome update! :twilightsmile: All the pieces are coming into play...

Twilight's conversation with this Delacroix kind of reminds me of Sherlock Holmes from the show Sherlock.

Comment posted by MariusIoannesP deleted Apr 16th, 2014

"Junk, you say?" an elderly voice said behind him as a light fixture clicked on illuminating a gray-coated pony with a braided, light blue mane and a small pair of glasses clutching the top of his muzzle.

It's the dude Trixie bought the Alicorn Amulet from! :trixieshiftright:

3147479 Actually, Cloudy Quartz and Igneous Rock are the names given to Pinkie's parents in the chapter book "Pinkie Pie and the Rockin' Ponypalooza Party". Plus you should have also mentioned that this is how you spell "Apple Bloom". :applecry:

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When I saw the names the first go, I took a look to check before posting the previous comment, so I know about the books when I finally mention my thoughts. However, as I was examining the books (and some short summaries), I noticed that some details in those books actually didn't follow the show all the way (like they changed a few parts here and there in Equestria Girls' book adaption, for example), so I am not sure if they might be all that reliable of a reference, considering the possibility that they might just be taking some creative license with the names. But, to be fair, I am not sure either way, so don't worry about it and go with what you want to use.

Canon-wise, 'Apple Bloom' is the correct form to use, so you are right on that one. The reason that I have never mentioned it was that 'Applebloom' (if that was what you had used) is one of those rare names that can work just as fine (though, if you still want to change it, go for it). It doesn't change the feeling or meaning of the name and can be flexible to the readers. Names like 'Sweetiebelle' or 'Apple Jack', however, are examples of names that are incorrect and are usually frown upon.

Anyways, yeah, 'Apple Bloom' is the correct use of her name (one I used myself), and frankly, I would like to hug you for checking up on it yourself. Sadly, I don't see many authors nowadays doing such a thing.

I appreciate you catching it, I'll go through and fix those later.

Well, this is an interesting story. I like all the Season 3 references. I like how all the villains aren't necessarily bad guys. Like Mahugpin isn't a bad guy so much as in a bad situation. The thing with the Griffon King was a nice surprise. Kind of reminds me of a significantly more sinister version of the Earth King from Avatar: The Last Airbender. But Chrysalis sees fit to betray them all in the end. Why do I sense this will end with everyone working together against the Changelings? And Clarion Call is delightfully villainous. :pinkiecrazy: And then there's the mysterious Delacroix. I wonder what he is truly after in the end.

The whole thing with Twilight in the Changeling pod was interestingly trippy in a sort of Inception kind of way. And now it appears the Hive's Central Nervous System is inside her head. :twilightoops: This should be interesting.

The only thing that bothers me is the idea that apparently Luna and Celestia did away with humanity even if it was kind of destroying itself to make way for the world of Equestria as it stands today. Felt kind of Conversion Bureau-y for my tastes. And then I keep wondering if Delacroix's presence warrants a "Human" tag for this story. I see how an argument could be made about how Delacroix is no longer technically human and influence of humanity is very minimal in the story overall.

Anyway, this story was still pretty cool, and I look forward to seeing more of it. Keep up the good work. :pinkiehappy:

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Thanks for reading, glad you're enjoying the story! The "Human" tag is something I've been on the fence about, myself. The premise is that basically everyone in Equestria and beyond descends from the human race (and no unaltered humans will appear in the story), and, as you pointed out, that Delacroix is no more human at this point than any pony, but since he's the only one who actually *was* human at some point, I'm still undecided. As for the fall of the human race, I'm going to elaborate more on the specific circumstances in later chapters, but I will say now that Celestia and Luna hadn't known what the exact effect of the Elements would be when they first used them, only that it was their one remaining option at that point.

Wow! What an update! I can't wait to see how our heroes handle this!

First, I have to give Prince Blueblood credit here, he really redeemed himself here. Too bad that evil dirtbag Delacroix had to step in like the metaphorical snake that he is. Second, Pinkie is making sense and being serious in one get-go...yep, if there is ever a sign to tell you that the world is in trouble, it would be that. Seriously, though, way to keep Dash's head on straight!

Third, Mahugpin seems to be the only one who is resisting that douchebag's magical influence, at least a little bit. If there is anyone that might help the good guys out, I can say he is the most likely to be the one. Finally, I don't know what Delacroix want with Cloudsdale, but something is telling me that it won't end well for anyone, neither the good guys nor the invaders.

By the way, it is 'Appleloosa', not 'Appeloosa'. There was another error, where you forget a space...but, heh, I forgot to keep track of it. Sorry about that, I'm a little sick right at the moment. I'm sure someone will keep an eye out for it, though.

Anyways, great job with this, can't wait to see more.

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Thanks so much, and I really appreciate you catching the spelling error in "Appleoosa", I went ahead and fixed it. Also, hope you feel better. :pinkiehappy:

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Ummm, it is 'Appleloosa'. The link is just a reference. Sorry about bugging you with this...

And, thank you. I appreciated it. It isn't anything big, but it is still an annoyance. Still, it could be worse.

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Whoops, fixed for real, thanks agan. And it's not bugging at all, I always want to be as accurate as possible.

Wow, Greyjaw is a jerk...and yet, strangely, I just feel sorry for the poor guy. He is trying to do everything in his power to push everyone away, because he is afraid of being emotionally hurt again. Hopefully, he'll realize that the girls are not like those who had wronged him in the past.

C&Cs:
At that point it's basically a game of how long you can survive before getting ate.
> I think ‘eaten’ might be better here.
Even so, his eyes wandered the treetops suspeciously.
> Correction: ‘suspiciously’.

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Thanks, my spell-check doesn't seem to be working tonight :facehoof:

As far as "ate" vs. "eaten", it's a reflection of how Haggert talks, relaxed and informal is what I was going for there.

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Ahhh, I see. Okay, I'm fine with that. Truthfully, a part of me thought there was something to it, so I used 'think' and 'might', because I wasn't sure if you had a plan for it or not.

Amazing chapter. I love how the song flowed with the scene there between Shining and Delacroix. I have a feeling Mahugpin will turn.

I still pity Greyjaw. Now to see how Rarity and Fluttershy get out of this...

Nice to see that this has been updated. :twilightsmile: I hope Twilight can find some proper help for herself and Applejack though. Good chapter!

Why does this story has so little likes? It explores a whole civilisation of diamond dogs. Something I was looking for ages. I'm really looking forward for the other chapters here. :pinkiehappy:

But still, if I were Rarity and Fluttershy I would try to get out of here somehow. I hope they won't give in and become victims of stockholm syndrome.

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