A novice writer with a big case of writing two sentences then removing three.
Damien Silver never expect to be sent to another world.
Nor though a Bright flash of light
But curiosity didn't kill this cat
(Well..not yet)
So follow his antics adventures
From the Crystal Empire to the Chrysalis's hive
As he's usually more interested with the world around him rather than finding a way back home.
Photo is not Mine
I will add or remove tags as I write
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Oh my god this story kicks ass!
Maybe i should fight 'them' in order of fastest to slowest, I think it's supposed to be.
Also cool start to the story, look forward to any future chapters.
Please put spaces after the full stops, also, the sentences might be a bit short.
Otherwise good! would like to see how this develops.
8345811
Thanks
8346019
Thank you for the tip
hi
THIS IS AWESOME!!!
8346791
That's great to hear
8346164
Hoi
I see potential in this story, but I would recommend not switching from 1st person to 3rd person often.
Lets see...
He presents himself as a typical arrogant street thug.
He steals from market vendors seemingly just because he can.
He runs from guards when caught breaking the law.
Rather than trying to get away since “they’re almost as fast as me.” which implies they AREN’T as fast as he is and he could just run away, he turns around and murders the guard trying to arrest him for theft.
He does everything with the casual disregard for morals or life found with the typical sociopath.
well... it seems we have our unlikable antagonistic sociopathic villain, so when do we meet the hero of this story?
now this would be a good story if there was more then one chapter I look foward to more in the future
oh that guy is gonna get in so much trouble when twilight gets her hooves on him
8391347
probably be accused of being a changeling
8392171
not all shape shifters are changelings
8392176
oh let me correct it then. probably be accused of being a changeling
8392758
well there might not be any changeling in this world but yea I can see your point there
8393150
brehh did you even read the description?
8394717
nope im a simple man i see kitty i cliks it
This is starting out nice, just want to point out that it is written Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash, and you may want to put in spaces after full stops and commas as it makes for easier readability. You might also want to use itallics for thoughts instead of quotation marks.
Keep at it, this story is starting better than a lot of fanfics I know.
8396802
Thank you,I wasn't sure if I wrote their personalities right.
8394786
...K
8396828
You wrote them pretty well, your grammer just needs some work but the story telling is great!
Moar.
8394786
Same.
Great Story. A tiny bit of grammar is wrong, but still, love it!
do you continue this story?
I mean no offence, but I don't understand why they often put stories into their groups that maybe don't get any new chapters like storys that are from two or three years before. To me there is no point in reading incomplete stories. I think at least that is where I found it
Now I kind of like the idea and hope he plays the part of a pet a bit longer before showing himself to the ponies, I plan to read it tomorrow.
8793512
I am continuing it.I just lost motivation to write but I'm writing chapter 3 now.
8795982
Alright, then I add it to my list and start reading tomorrow.
aawww I hoped they only meet Damien the cat at first and I kind of hope no divine being or Discord claim that they brought him here.
No one ever really use the pet thing long enough or at all.
After Da
ooooohhh he was a cat.
good job, I know several characters that would have started their "fuck fuck fucked fuck fuck fuck I'M fucked" mantra, it just get's annoying to only have those type of main char. Sometimes I think I get easily annoyed if I see to much of the same stuff.
I kind of expected to read some talking.
I mean they just left when he laid himself down?
Now probably either Applejack or Rainbow are going to typically attack him I guess.
8797130
That last comment is clever but Fluttershy's house is too far from Aj's farm for him to be there.
Also didn't realize that wasn't clear
8798188
It's okay, If I remember it right you just forgot to let him actually transform in the chapter before that.
I looked again, that was probably the only sentence where I could have noticed that he was a cat again, but I haven't noticed the word "paw" there.
8798188
okay then, I guess I'm just to used to other authors letting their chars arrive at the farm or at Rainbows place in no time. I actually like it that you said that somehow right now.
Now I'm suddenly excited for new chapters.
8798346
The second chapter hopefully will be published before May.
There's a little something called "Grammarly" - you should use it. The grammar in this is absolutely awful.
So much potential...
8927335
I use it all the time
8927335
I have Grammarly now so I'll make sure to review that chapter.
8977756
I know that this story has a lot of potential so I've been working on keeping it consistent. I created the first two chapters on a whim so I didn't even think of my main character's personality. I have gotten an idea of how I want him and am currently writing the next chapter.
8995682
Yay
"oh haha thats cute, kids are chasing him because he looks like a cat!"
"now he needs food so i guess he has to resort to stealing i guess..."
"uh oh he's in trouble with the guards i bet he'll outrun them in his cat for- oh holy shit he slit that mans throat"
i0.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/447/822/80a.png
9006164
Just about right.
Well the grammar has definently improved, making this a lot more enjoyable to read. Main thing to improve would be your flow and rythm of sentances now, 'cos once you figure that out it'll become so much more immersive. Keep learning because this is shaping up nicely!
Also, what's with this?
you liiiiiive!!!!!
9072399
oops, I left that in. I have to fix that.
I was using Word to write this one.
Not sure if I didn't looked closely enough at certain parts, but I didn'T understood the whole situation every second. I thought in the end he either went to Twilight or Zecora and then he was suddenly in front of Fluttershys house.
I think the way I read maybe made me miss one or two keywords to help me understand the situation, at least in the end it was maybe a little bit clearer once I took a second look, then again I know now that he was supposed to be with Fluttershy.
Sorry I can't exactly tell you why that happened but I noticed again, that this was your first story so it's okay no matter if it was me or the way the sentence was written.
Well I'm still pretty tired so I get my coffe now and give it a second read later I guess, thank you for the new chapter. I really hope that you keep it up a bit and maybe make him impress Fluttershy a bit while he is still in his cat form. I forgot why he was maybe still in it anyway and have to reread the first chapter. (prologue)
9073748
Sorry if it wasn't clear as I had a lot more attention on grammar this time and didn't have my prereader reader reread it as they were busy this week, I'll pay more attention to that while writing the next one.
Thanks for telling me.
Please continue
You missed doing an oblivion reference
10253260
What they said⬇️⬇️⬇️