Rainbow Dash is definitely not a super genius, right?
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 7th Feb, 2013
- offline last seen April 25th
Princess Glitzy
I'm a human being who writes stories about ponies.
Princess Glitzy
Joined 7th Feb, 2013 ·
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@Princess Glitzy...
Mm...not "bad." It started out strong for comedy laughs (the part where Rainbow was trying to deny her slipped out intellect was very funny), but tapered off quick and fizzled out with its end.
As it is currently (first) written, I cannot give it more than a 5.5 out of 10.0 score.
With some refinement &/or more writing, you probably would have a really good Comedy story (upwards of 7.5+).
So I cannot give you a Like, but nor is it terrible enough for an Dislike either
.
3023130 I know that. I wrote this in about 10 minutes. I might as well fix it now. I usually publish an okay story and then make it better later. I`m lazy though. Fine, I`ll fix it. It may get better. Also, my best comedies are Knowing Everything Hurts Your Brain and the sequel so read those if you want to know my usual standard.
Dafuq
?
Btw, how can this be complete o.o? Sequel, nao!
Before I liked this story, it said it had one like, when I liked it, I said it had five likes! Glitch much?
3023130 I just re-wrote it. Feel free to read it again. You don`t have to. I just don`t want you to walk away with a terrible story. I think I made it better.
3023153 Well, I added a bit more to it so you can read it again if you want a little bit more detail in some parts. I also, think that it`s a bit funnier. I may make a sequel. If three people request a sequel (two more) I will make a sequel.
3023172 Well, more likes for me! Hmm, maybe it caught up with the actual number when you hit like? Hmmmm...
i demand a sequel.
Your boss
3023409 If I get one more request for a sequel I will make one.
3023437
The swarm demands a sequel.
Sequel!
Pinkie Pie the Cupcake (Pinkie is really a cupcake!)
Fluttershy the Bully
Rarity the Spy
Applejack the Bull (Applejack is really a bull!)
Twilight the... Oh No I Don't!
Great job!
Too short
3023461
Is that a good or bad thing?
(Did you like it so much you want more or do you think it doesn't fully flesh out because it's so short?)
3023153>>3023409>>3023444>>3023452 The fun will be doubled! If you didn`t understand what I meant by that, I`m writing a sequel!
3023490 more chapters
3023549 I would have to change the name and description. I`ll write a sequel with chapters! The sequel will have the other five! Thank you for giving me the idea!
Dafuq
3023687 Maybe because I have awesome fans like you who make me smile by writing nice comments!
3024150 Yes, I can`t say that I disagree with that.
Wouldn't the solution be '3 (x+y-z) + 4 (5x + 3y) = 23x + 15y - z', that is to say, a simplification?
3025140 Well, yes, but I looked up commonly messed up math problems and this popped up. It also had the right and wrong answer. It`s simplification, but without something saying what the letters are you can never truly solve it.
The concept is interesting but the execution is poor. As pendrake72 said, the start was nice but then fizzled out, even if Twilight harassing ponies with a question fits her (when her sanity's slipping). It has potential if you ever rework on it.
The typo in the very title is jarring too; it should be brainiac, not braniac.
You have an issue with narration. Don't write two different points of view in the same paragraph. The biggest example is the discussion between Twilight and Spike;
'"I just don`t get it! I`ve searched through all of my memories to see if anything pointed to Rainbow Dash being smart! I even put them in order in my notebook!" Spike raised his eyebrow at Twilight.
"Did you just say that you thought Rainbow Dash was stupid?" Twilight gasped.
"Of course not! I just said that I didn`t think anything pointed to Rainbow Dash being smart!" He frowned.
"So, in other words, nothing proved that Rainbow Dash was smart so you assumed that she was stupid." Twilight smiled.
"Yes! That`s exac- oh..."'
should be
"I just don`t get it! I`ve searched through all of my memories to see if anything pointed to Rainbow Dash being smart! I even put them in order in my notebook!"
Spike raised his eyebrow at Twilight. "Did you just say that you thought Rainbow Dash was stupid?"
Twilight gasped. "Of course not! I just said that I didn`t think anything pointed to Rainbow Dash being smart!"
He frowned. "So, in other words, nothing proved that Rainbow Dash was smart so you assumed that she was stupid."
Twilight smiled. "Yes! That`s exac- oh..."'
Also, as per the writing guide here, you don't need to indent and skip a line at the same time. One is enough.
I liked some lines;
'The sarcasm was obvious. (...) Apparently, it wasn`t that obvious,'
'"Rainbow? Ah didn`t understand a word that ya said." Applejack frowned slightly, feeling rather stupid'
and
'"I just don`t get it! I`ve searched through all of my memories to see if anything pointed to Rainbow Dash being smart! I even put them in order in my notebook!" Spike raised his eyebrow at Twilight.
"Did you just say that you thought Rainbow Dash was stupid?" Twilight gasped.
"Of course not! I just said that I didn`t think anything pointed to Rainbow Dash being smart!"'
I found some mistakes;
'23x = 15y - 3z' should be '23x + 15y - 3z'
and
're shelve' should be 'reshelve.'
3027859 Thank you for telling me my grammatical errors! The title didn`t have a red line under it so I assumed that it was spelt correctly! I didn`t notice that it was wrong! How could I miss a typo in the title?! Thank you for pointing out the accidental typo with the math. She was supposed to get it correct, that`s the point and I wrote it wrong! Silly me! Thanks again for reshelve. It kept telling me that reshelve wasn`t a word so autocorrect fixed it, I knew that it was wrong, but I didn`t realize that it messed it up for me! Also, yes, you`re totally right about the story not being very good. I wrote this in a short period of time and then went back and added more. I still didn`t do a lot. You should`ve read it before! It didn`t flow at all! At least it`s a little better now. I`m not great with comedy. I usually write sad/dark/tragic stories. I`ve written like five comedies out of twenty five stories. I hope to get better. By the way, I didn`t know about the writing structure thing where I shouldn`t write it with the "Spike nods." after Twilight speaks kind of thing. I could fix it, but I`ve written that for all of my stories. I`ll look into it and decide if I`ll change that. Thank you once more for telling me! I appreciate your comment and I`m happy that you still partially enjoyed this story! I realize that it`s not very good, but I`m happy that people even read it! I still think it`s nice, it could be a lot better though. Have a nice day!
3023437 Tee Hee, make a sequel
3023365 most likely
3028286
You're welcome.
A good way to check if a word exist is en.wiktionary.org.
It's part of this site's writing guide; one idea per paragraph.
3033480 I`m currently 12 years old and it`s fanfiction so I don`t believe that I will do that yet. As an adult I plan on being a surgeon and author. I have high hopes! At that point I will make sure that I fix my writing completely. I know that I make errors, but I like the way my stories are. Right now I hit the wrong key for words like don`t. It should be don't. I haven`t corrected it because that`s how I`ve always written. I`ll correct everything at some point. I`m not sure when though. I`ll probably fix it before Highschool because that`s when it really starts to matter. Also, I usually make sure that I have correct structure and grammar. I just have a few things that have yet to be corrected. I`m basically just too lazy to do it.
Very basic, but not bad. Keep working on your writing, and work on your creativity and descriptions. It felt fairly cliche and left me with many questions.
3052566 Yeah! The description leaves you with questions so then you read the story. You may still have questions so feel free to ask me! Not to mention that I plan on making a sequel so I would really like to know what needs to be answered or fixed.
I was going to write a sequel, but I just don't have any ideas for one. Not to mention that fact that all of the ideas in my head just don't seem like they would make a good story. If I get an idea I will make the sequel, but if not then sadly there won't be a sequel.
its obvious she must be smarter than she leads on to be. think of all she must know for physics and aerodynamics alone she must know in order to fly as fast as she does.
this is pretty funny I like it
3871886 Good! I'm writing a sequel soon.
3025442
...
You realize that a random polynomial isn't at all exciting to smart people, right?
5187928 I do problems like that in school, all the time. I just needed to put something in to show that she's smart. Sure, it's not super complex, but we're talking about Rainbow Dash, here.
5188819
k
5187928 Well then why are you bitching about it then?
Childish. And utterly uninteresting due to that.
5513191 Okay. Thanks for your opinion. But, do believe me when I say, not everything I write is childish. This thing is, but not everything. http://rockint765.deviantart.com/art/Her-487439735 Better?
P.S. This story is old, therefore it is crap. Basically, everything that I have posted on this site is crap. The stuff that isn't posted, yet, now that stuff is almost good.
5513736
Your point being? You know it`s crap, you posted it, and you got told it`s crap. Par for the course, if you ask me.
5515052 My point was just that most things, on here, are crap, and I was just agreeing with you. But, I don't like it when a bad story leaves a reader disappointed, and I was hoping that if you read the (in my opinion) better story, you wouldn't be left with a sour taste in your mouth.
P.S. This is something that really has nothing to do with the conversation, but I believe will help you in life.
In here, you said "it`s" which is not correct. Now, there's nothing wrong with your sentence, but there is an error with your usage of the ` symbol. Here's an article about that symbol: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grave_accent You meant to use an apostrophe, or at least I hope you did. Then, "it`s" would become "it's" which looks more normal, as the space between the lettering isn't as odd.
I used to do this, constantly, in the past. And, it was frustrating. I would type a word, and it would tell me it was spelled incorrectly, even though all I did was hit the wrong key. Plus, it's much easier to hit ' than it is to hit ` because of their different distances from the main keys.
Now, you don't need to change anything. I am just, simply, pointing out something that once infuriated me, and I'm sure you feel the same. Sorry if this just seems like pointless grammar nazi stuff to you!
5515540
I already explained that one. Used to typing on russian keyboard, single quote key is occupied with letter, so ` is used whenever an apostrophe is needed (which isn`t bloody often) in Russian.
Might I also remind you that ' is a single quote, and in no way apostrophe either? It`s merely used in lieu of such for convenience.
With that in mind... I`m going to disregard your notion that "it`s" is somehow wrong. As I`ve just pointed out, it`s a matter of typing convenience, and many signs are pulling double duty in punctuation - single quote as apostrophe, minus as a dash,... You get the drift, don`t you?
5516926 Okay, then. Wow. Have a nice day.
Loved this!! Where's the sequel?
5747735 I'm happy you love it! But, it's not done, yet! It's kinda on a very long to-do list. It may be a while!
5749309 Aww ok! I'll add it to my tracking list
gud. i lik