• Member Since 7th Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen October 7th

Princess Glitzy


I'm a human being who writes stories about ponies.

E

It's the little things that Rarity notices. An occasional glance her way. The slight blush whenever she talks about finding her true love. The content smile when she sits next to her. She's always known, just never let on. She can read her like a book.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 83 )

Short, sweet, and simple. I love it! :twilightsmile::heart::raritywink:

Nice and sweet story.

A couple of things bugged me in the wording.
"They would see each other each day"
Could have been written as:
"They would see each other every day"
Using the same word too close together, when you can choose another word to fill the space instead, breaks the flow of the story in my opinion.

Also
"She also tried to read Daring Do, but couldn't get herself to finish even one."
Could be:
"She also tried to read Daring Do, but couldn't even make herself finish one."
The "even one" also breaks the flow, it's something you might say in conversation but does not fit so well in a story like this.

Still I love it. You should write one from Twilight's point of view.

:heart: I really liked reading this.

3828561 Thanks for the suggestions!

3828561

You should write one from Twilight's point of view.

Seconded.

3829285 I might! If two more people ask for a sequel (either a normal sequel or from Twilight's point of view) I will write it!

3829313 That makes me tempted to make an evil twin of my account, and request the sequel...
I'm thinking maybe under the name ExplosiveSecret...

3829313 that actually sounds like a really good idea.

3829388 I don't know if you mean how I'm handling the requests or the sequel idea. Either way I'm counting it! One more!

3829388 I'd get started on that story... What would this ship be called though? Twility? Rarilight?

3829411 I like to call it Rarlight. I'll start the sequel.

Good story, I loved it and I love this shipping! Can't wait to read the sequel.

3829411 yeah, it's more commonly called rarilight

Always love a short and sweet Rarity shipfic.
Great work :twilightsmile:

Short, sweet, deceptively simple tale.

I quite enjoyed this.

~Skeeter The Lurker

3829975 Thank you! Also, I have a question for you. Is it a goal of yours to read every single story? You seem to have read every story.

3830620

Nope, not at all.

I just like to read.

~Skeeter The Lurker

3830632 It just seems like every time I read a story's comment section you're there. I like to read too. I have so many favorites.

Sweet! This looks really cute. I love RariTwi! :raritywink::heart::twilightsmile:

Well a story without dialogue throughout. I don't think the end counts. A damn good story.

You need to do a sequel of this. :flutterrage: Cause it is AWESOME :pinkiehappy:

3831952 Thank you! I will!

3831850 Thank you so much!

You wanted an in-depth review? You got it.
I'll be ranking this story in several categories: plot, grammar, length, and pacing. Each will be given a score from 0 to 4, as follows.

0-1.4—OH GOD MY EYES IT'S SO HORRIBLE
1.5-1.9—Pretty damn bad.
2.0-2.4—Slightly below average.
2.5-2.9—Mediocre.
3.0-3.4—Pretty good.
3.5-4.0—OH GOD MY EYES IT'S SO BEAUTIFUL

Warning: this contains spoilers. Not that there's much to spoil in this one, due to the type of narrative it is, but I'll warn you anyway.









Okay, then. Let us begin.

Category 1: Plot. Not much in terms of story here, but there doesn't need to be much. Overcomplicating things would have absolutely ruined this story, which you thankfully didn't do. 3.5 of 4.0

Category 2: Grammar. I saw almost nothing wrong here, and I have an eye for things like this. However, one particular sentence She studied magic to impress her with some relatively difficult magic ended up feeling extremely awkward due to you using magic twice in one sentence, which completely threw me off. Other than that, you're doing well here. 3.5 of 4.0

Category 3: Length. I follow the rule of two: A single upload should be longer than 2K and shorter than 20K. This somewhat broke the rule, but it felt like it fit here-more on that later. 3.0 of 4.0

Category 4: Pacing. In a story this short, pacing tends to be sacrificed so that you don't have to write as much. Here, despite the length, it was immaculately paced. Impressive. 4.0 of 4.0

And your final score is... 3.5 of 4.0! Great job.ddd

Interesting start, maybe I should look into it, when I have the time.
oh, 'barely leagal', by word count, but what the hay, why's that a problem? it should be contents, ans in Quality over Quantity that counts, at least it is in my book. :pinkiesmile:

One shipping story with feelings actually explained with reasons is worth noticing. Most of the time they tend to be out of the blue love, granted from the start, and kisses.

Thumb up.

sfs

3829313 I'd like to see a Twilight's POV version, as well. You have the chops to pull it off, and this was really cute.

3832908 Thank you! I fixed that one sentence to say the word tricks instead of magic the second time.

3833593 Thank you! I'm happy to say that my story is unique.

3833026 I could write it longer, but that would kind of mess it up. Thanks!

3833905 Yeah, I guess you could.

Though if it would not add anything of value to the story? it is their los, in my oppinion.

I could care less for making it longer, just for the word count.

I want a story to have a Punch, and to have an Impact. This isn't improved by adding words.

3833593 a story like you mentioned could be better, had it had a Prequel, where the initial details were filled in?

"I'm a human being who writes stories about ponies. One day one of those stories will be featured. That day is not today."

You might have to change that description.

that was a very beautiful short read.

3834586 Did it make it yet? If it did I'm going to cry. If it didn't, I know that it's close and practically is. Either way, I'm very happy with the ratings for this story.

This was a nice read. Short enough to go back and read it again.

Rarity is not one of my favourite ponies, not by a long shot... but this fic made me like her a little more.:heart:

I liked that she waited for Twilight to be more comfortable with the idea and a fic from Twi's POV would be a nice addition to this. :raritywink:

I look forward to more, you have earned a fave and watch from me!:twilightsmile:

3837057 Thank you! I'm happy that you like my story so much! Also, Rarity deserves more love. :heart:

I don't mean to be a downer, but this is, well . . . painfully bland. As the old axiom goes: show, don't tell. This isn't a story or even a scene; it's a brief summary that lays out the basic facts for the reader and then calls it a day. There's very little character or detail.

3838709 True. It's more or less just Rarity's thoughts and views on her relationship with Twilight. I plan to write a sequel from Twilight's point of view that will most likely have more to it. This just isn't a great story.

3829417 I like to call it Twilarity, especially since I like to read romantic comedies.

Anyway, sweet story, I await the sequel. Will you add a link in a new chapter on this story? I don't want to miss it, but I prefer not to follow people if at all possible.

3840160 Well, I know that the new FimFiction feature shows any story sequels on the side of a story. I might make a new chapter and say it, or I'll just let people look and find out.

this is the good stuff! good quick read when you need to waist abit of time but don't have time for a long story. keep it up

3842740 Thank you! One-shots are my specialty!

Login or register to comment