Ace lived his life day-by-day, minding the shop to make more than enough money to live an easy lifestyle. Things were going great, but in everypony's life, a little rain must fall; given inspiration, Ace conducts a dangerous experiment...
After the experiment ends unexpectedly, Ace has to seek out help, and the only pony he knows who might have a chance to help is a total stranger, Princess Celestia's star pupil, Twilight Sparkle.
Grateful for the bit of help Twilight is able to provide, Ace repays her in the only way he is capable: helping her with her magic and teaching her things she may never have learned otherwise.
How long before Ace's lessons get Twilight into trouble? What is a Spell Misfire, and why is Ace the only Unicorn who seems to suffer their adverse effects? Why does Ace's name sound so foreign, and where did he come from? How will Ace get along with Twilight's friends who don't have the same talent for magic? Only time will tell.
(Additional Note: The story will have words or phrases from an old language known as Al Bhed. If you're having trouble understanding the Al Bhed or pronouncing it, there's a Phonetic Translator here, provided by Stefan Gagne. Not good with phonetics? Just copy-paste them to Google's Translator [English > English] and click the speaker in the bottom right.)
Neat can't wait for more chapters
Great story! I like the plot. It just needs a proof read, and MOAR CHAPTERS! Really good fanfic.
nice chapter
dont understand why you got dislikes
3031083
More chapters are on the way! Unforeseen disasters aside, I should get at least five chapters a week, if all goes well!
3031506
Thanks! Also, I'm sorry, the first few chapters were done on a whim, and then I later decided to write a book, and SPOILER: Maybe even a series!
I will re-read and correct the first chapters before the book gets the Completed tag, promise.
3037762
By the Night, thou art active! Many thanks, and I hope I can continue to impress you!
3038178
It is unfortunate, but if they did not like a part of my story, I do wish they had at least told me what I could do to improve.
I will admit that the style of writing is meant to reflect the way I like to see the story progress, and this may not be welcomed by all of my readers. I also expect that my story will conflict with many other pony's head-canon for the show or that my character may not interact with a character as they would wish.
And to all of the readers thus far who has given me a tremendous boost of confidence, I thank you! I hope that all of you will enjoy reading my story as much I have enjoyed writing it!
nice chapter
3050023
My thanks! I'm glad that so many readers have already enjoyed my unfinished story.
Speaking of unfinished, there are many things that I already know about Ace that hasn't made it into the story. Is there anything you readers would like for me to mention in the story? Message me or comment on my profile page and I'll work as many questions as I can into the story!
(Please try to keep questions at a Teen level, and I'll only answer questions that I can work into the story. Good question: How does Ace know Princess Luna/Celstia? Bad Question: omg twilight and ace ned tah mak babies!)
Love the story so far but please no more chapters like the first three, I almost quit because I thought they were going to stay like that throughout the whole story
I'll give it a shot.
Changing titles is a bad idea. Pick one and use it.
You story suffers from Rainbow-of-Tags Syndrome. The idea isn't to tag as many as are applicable; it's to inform your readers of the 1–3 principle tones.
Does that sound like a pony name to you? To most users, it sounds like a joke that's trying to sound cool.
Using the Pony Creator is incredibly cliché and generally indicative of a poorly written story. Ditch the cover pic. And those colors — you have no idea how many preteen boys like to make their super-cool OCs red and black. This too is cliché.
Just tag it, man. Your readers are not impressionable seven-year-olds.
I haven't gotten into the actual fic because I won't be able to read it without cringing every few sentences. The above advice will make your story readable enough to begin work on the plot.
very good chapter made me laugh
3054765
Thanks for the feedback! Let's see here...
1. I haven't decided on a title just yet, and full well intend to give it a singular title when I have.
2. You're right, I can certainly see that. I'll definitely fix it.
3. I agree that it's an unusual name, and the latest chapter at the time (Chapter 11) goes a little in depth as to why the main character bears the unusual name.
4. My artistic skill lie in the written word more than actual artwork, so I'm afraid unless somepony with an artistic talent would like to donate an image, this is the best I can do.
5. You're right, that was actually leftover from when I was working on the story privately under the Everyone tag, but later had to change the tag to Teen/Gore for the submission to take. Sorry about that, it's gone now.
6. Wait, what? Isn't there a saying about books and covers that would apply here?
nice
that is all
Colt friend?
3070739
It's meant to be the pony equivalent of guy friend, not boyfriend.
I know it sounds like boyfriend, but it was either coltfriend or stallionfriend, and the latter sounded more like boyfriend to me.
Also, while I thank you for devotedly reading my book, I have this fascinating new concept called 'sleep' for you. :3
It's a really BAD name for a pony, sound way too Gary Stu-ish to be a plausible name. " Ace " alone is plausible ( a tennis pony goes by this name ). It's really immersion breaking for me to read the adventures of a MC with this kind of unpony-like name.
You write a story about ponies, you give them ponies names.
The story is a MASSIVE wall of text. Seriously, make more paragraph and space, it's really tedious to read 5k words chapters with only ONE break.
And as for the idea of a random unicorn teaching magic to Twilight ... No. Twilight is able to learn any spell in a matter of second just by watching it being cast ( teleportation trick from NM and dark magic from Celestia ) and she's married with books. So making a huge story about how random OC teach Twilight his powerfull magic and various knowledges don't work for me.
3070830
1. Ace Deus Fenrir IS an odd name for a pony, this is discussed WITHIN the story that I'm not quite sure you've read.
Ace isn't from Equestria, and yes, his name sounds strange to other ponies. Zecora isn't a pony, and thus she has a different name as well, because she is a zebra.
2. You're right about the wall of text in Chapter One: This is a formatting issue with copy-pasting from Word 2013, but I've corrected it now. Sincere apologies on that one.
3. By your logic, Twilight should be able to raise the sun and moon because she has seen the Princesses do it. No, she cannot. In my story, Unicorns have to train their magic to become stronger. Besides that, the book isn't about teaching spells, as Twilight's eidetic spell memory is accounted for in numerous sections of the story.
"Maybe next time you will take a second look, and not judge the cover of the book."
— Zecora, Bridle Gossip
nice chapter i look forward to more
Why do I have a feeling a little more of his history is going to come out with this meeting with the sun princess?
First, I JUST caught this update before I went to sleep and finished it fast like I normally do, second is that it adds more and more story and mystery to the plot that makes me just BEG to know more. Third and finally what I feel is one of the big climaxes is approaching and I eagerly await the next chapter
Also....because its my first time ACTUALLY managing to get it....FIRST!
To know ones country if to know its dungeons form inside.
I liked this story when I first started it, now I like it even more so. It's politely disrespectful of the princesses, and it shows the grimy part of (every) society. And it has this interesting pony named Ace.
Well...that escalated quickly
Really, I was not expecting a chapter so soon, but it is a nice surprise. It makes me believe you have this story basically completed and are just posting updates every day to tease the readers, but who knows *shrug*.
Either way I await the next chapter of this story, it makes me have ideas for my own stories but I never get around to writing them *shrugs again*
-Member of the Scarlet Legacy: Manah Scarlet Shadowsong; Fae of Fragments; Fae of War-
Wow, that came out fast, while I was in the middle of reading another story too! Either way it is a likewise good chapter although I have to admit you LOVE cliffhangers, though yours are not as bad as others could be *shrug*
Wow, I seem to like being your first
Leather? As in animal hide?
3090529
Oh my, I had not thought of that. Good catch!
First again! this chapter was a surprise and yet I feel as though Twilight's reaction was...underwhelming. For some reason I have a feeling all this is going to build up till it explodes in some way, and from what I understand about Twilight's Potential its going to be big
-Member of the Scarlet Legacy, Manah Scarlet Shadowsong: Fae of Fragments; Fae of War-
3092565
Thanks for the response! The implication is that spending time with her parents is meant to cool her mood - for now. Seeing Ace hurt is meant to be portrayed as shocking before troubling. Twilight was too worried about Ace being hurt to remember to be angry at Celestia. Perhaps Twilight and Celestia will have an intense argument? Who knows! I don't yet, cause I haven't started writing the next chapter just yet.
3038178 The formatting is pretty bad, the characters name is horrid, and the story itself is pretty meh. The formatting makes it pain to read, and the story is mildly interesting at best. Introduction scene was pretty nice taught, plenty of action and dialogue that show the character. Better than most, but story starts up slow. Also a lot of repeating and unnecessary descriptions of stuff and the main character is borderline Mary Sue.
*Edit: Is Now Awake* Now that I'm awake and have re-read this chapter, really I can't say anything special about it since its more akin to a slice of life chapter then anything, but the cliffhanger is delish
3097654
That's alright, it's meant to be an interlude to build up suspense for the Discord situation.
Hmmm, so far the plan is sound, but as I have heard, no plan survives the first encounter with the enemy. Besides, who is saying that Discord was not listening in on them in the first place?
3107866
story's good, but could you make the paragraph shorter, it will make reading easier.
3114090
Greetings, and thanks for reading! The first three chapters are pretty rough right now, as I intend to edit them in the near future. I'm sorry for bad start, but I promise the quality of the writing improves past the early chapters. If you would be so kind to give the book a chance up to at least chapter five or six, I would consider it a personal favor.
*clap* *clap*
Well done. I like the scenes where Twilight would blush or stammer. Very good. I have the feeling that you may need an OC soon. :/
Anyway, love the story. It seems to be working along nicely, and the fact that you've shown the readers that Celestia isn't all the niceness she seems to be works brilliantly.
Remember, if you need any help, message me.
-SamMaherGamer
are you going to make ace or twilight wear the alicorn amulet?
3120271
Now, now; that would be telling.
3122615
oh you
.....KWAIIIIIIIII!
3090529 It was Pleather. PONY leather.
3133299
In my eyes,this has two possible meanings.
1) Pleather is leather used by ponies and is a substitute for leather
2.1) Pleather is made of ponies, meaning Ace goes around killing ponies so that he can cut their skin off and turn into leather
2.2) Ace knows Pinkie rather well, and Pinkie has a teleporter in her room that goes to Ace's mansion. Perhaps this story takes place in the "Cupcakes" universe, and Pinkie sends the pony skins over to Ace
3134078
I amended the phrase to be made from plants. Ace does not wear the skin of dead ponies!
3135134
It can be rather confusing, seeing how leather is animal skin, and 3133299 said it was made from ponies. Maybe you should say anything except leather (twine, string, cord, etc.) so that no one gets confused.
3135289
I'm telling you that I changed that line already.
The new line is:
I changed it the first time you mentioned it. ;-;
3135648
Sorry, I didn't notice that.
I figured that name would be used, but from how you describe Night Scroll no one would know who she was unless they knew the real her *sage nod*
Sorry for not commenting on the last chapter but I have been so busy as of late its hard to have time to comment on anything, thankfully my work is pratically done and I can refocus on reading and building now, altering things to fit within the rules
Manah, your letting Pas bleed though...
Scarlet-san you know she got her knowlage from someone...
....point
3149670
Particular roleplayers aside, those who have followed Ace's mannerisms closely would know. Others will be pleasantly surprised in the next chapter. 'Tis as it should be.
I don't know but for some reason when I got done reading this chapter the first thing that came to my head was that shit is preparing to hit the fan
neat