• Member Since 20th Feb, 2014
  • offline last seen 17 minutes ago



Equestria has always been a land of peace, harmony, tolerance, love, and friendship. For anypony who has grown outside of Equestria...it is the perfect place for retirement. Statice has worked hard as an adventurer to start a new life and he has chosen Equestria to be his new home. Sadly, Statice will find out that being a pony doesn't mean that he will fit in with other ponies, especially due to his "unique way" of solving his problems. Join Statice as he learns what it means to be a pony in Equestria...if he does not end up getting arrested in the process.

Story takes place in an alternate universe. It mostly takes place in season 5. Early chapters are between the end of season 3 and the beginning of season 4.

Chapters (43)
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Comments ( 166 )

Okay this is awesome, and I hope to see more of this.

Oh, if you still are looking for a proof reader I wouldn't mind lending a hand.

6269754 Thank you so much, man. Of course you can be a proof reader. Glad to have you on board.


Think nothing of it, as a community we all have to help one another.

Okay...that was unexpected, to say the least. However, I can't help but ask, what brought you to having Static do that to Twilight, of all things.

Heh, I'm faving this just for that horn sucking scene. Good job.

Neat. I think this is going to be a good story.

Equestria lookin' like a bunch of assholes here, really.

I'm gonna be a massive D&D geek for a sec. Hammer space spell= Bag of holding.
Statice= the ultimate chaotic neutral.

That probs made no sense but I had to say it. Good chapter keep it up.

This is pretty good. It's accepted as canon that most unicorns know more than just teleport, kinesis, shield, and something related to their mark, but we never see one actually use a full spell complement.

Love it! Go Statice! U are awesome!

P.S. Nuuuuu~ Why do u have to take their first kiss away! Poor bro! Oh well, it was bound to happen one day, one way or another muahahah.

6713715 Thanks a lot for your comment. It really means a lot to me. This is my first serious fight scene. You are right. The show does have a limited amount of magic when it comes to fight scenes. It is usually limited to blasting, force fields, teleportation, or something relatied to their cutie mark. To be honest, I wanted my fight scenes to be more elaborated, using more spells rather than the traditional ones than those seen in the very few fight scenes in the show. Thanks a lot for your compliment. Tell me, what did you like about my complement?

Twilight really annoys me in this chapter

Twilight Sparkle was officially crowned. This received wide publicity. Plus, there are only 4 Alicorns at this time.

The others are B list celebrities who are famous in their circles but probably not to the general public (Don't tell Rarity I said that). But, it seems unlikely he wouldn't figure out who Twilight was.

But, that's quibbling. I like this so far.

Life's Ironies If they knew he'd flattened Blue Blood, they might have let him go.

OK, this explains why he didn't know who Twilight was. Still, damn careless of him to pick Equestria to retire in & not even know who is in charge.

It should be standard procedure not to open a cell until you have sounded the alarm & gotten backup.

Sheesh! What is it with the Guard? Is it some kind of threat to their masculinity to call for backup? He basically made the same mistake Loyal Pawn did: try to deal with a threat himself and not wait for help.

Now RD shows that it's not just guys that can be dumb. Seriously, Celestia issued a commandment 'thou shalt not call for backup"?

I've read that Capoeira was developed by slaves in Brazil, dating back to the 16th century. It has some moves that can be used even with your hands tied and specializes in deception -lots of attacks don't look threatening.

Plus, there is a certain amount of homogenization among martial arts. Come up with a good move & everyone copies it. Capoeira is supposed to be among the most distinctive.

Echo that. If the Mane Six were better friends, they wouldn't put Discord in the middle like that. Plus, they treat him like he exists to grant them favors. They can't even be bothered to say "please" or to fake being grateful.

betting all kinds of old people out to hunt him are comming

Thanks for your analysis. It is nice to meet a martial arts enthusiast in this place. I wanted to come up with an African styled martial art that fitted Zecora. I settled with Capoeira because it was thought to have existed before African slaves made it in Brazil, supposedly under the name of zebra dance. To be honest, Zecora knows staff fighting as well, and she also knows other zebra martial arts that are based on African martial arts. However, these martial arts will appear on latter chapters.

To be fair, it's not a commandment from Celestia, lol. RD has a tendency of being reckless and underestimating her opponents. To her, Statice is a minor threat compared to the likes of Nightmare Moon, Discord, Chrysalis, and Sombra. The fact that Twilight defeated him on her own during a fit of rage just reinforces RD's belief that Statice is a chump that she can beat on her own. She learns soon enough that just because Statice is no national threat, it doesn't mean that he's not somepony to be underestimated.

To be fair, Shining decided to call for backup after the fight was over. He only confronted Statice one on one because he thought that he had Loyal Pawn as a hostage. Besides, it's kind of hard to ask for backup when you're in the middle of a fight. As for the backup not arriving, same reason why nobody in fiction seems to notice a fight taking place despite the high visuals or noises, nobody paid attention unless the plot said so, lol. But seriously, jokes aside, Shining Armor does intend to use the guards to capture Statice now that he's seen what he's capable of doing.

Good drama. Wholesome. Balanced.

Good chapter!

Excellent pacing on the reveal.

Good chapter!

An interesting evolution. Once Static stopped being Aster he forgoed all forms of social manipulation to explain himself or attemp to recover his relationship.

Good chapter!

Ah, the summer camp experience.
Truly a punishment worthy of Discord.

Good chapter!

Never expected him to have been the direct cause of the blindness.

Good chapter!

I see this was updated thus month. The quality of writing is so superb i eagerly await more!

Good chapter.

Statice is correct, but incorrect; the mask of a forgiving persona is artificial, but the path to maturation is irreversibly fusing that mask to the flesh of your soul.

The base hindbrain logic that decides such actions never changes, it can only be rerouted.

If Statice was voiced, what would he sound like?

I'd say Greg Cipes or Yuri Lowenhall.

Personally I like how Statice is and I dislike the Mane 6's idealistic approach to everything.

7643967 I can imagine that being Statice's voice when he becomes an old stallion , minus the accent. I can also imagine him using the Creepy Voice Spell to use the voice as one of his disguises. What gave you the idea of the actor being suitable for Statice? I just saw a trailer of Friends and I can see the bizarre setting as relatable with Statice's misadventures in the past, but I'm curious to see your point of view.

7644032 I'm not really sure, it seemed like an amusing suggestion so I just put it out there.
Haven't even seen The Room, only certain scenes.

I vote that Statice does not get sent with the mane 6. They are from two different lives and would not mix well as previously shown. The only way they could possibly become true friends is if they altered his mind which I'm pretty sure is illegal. In short, I would like to see the girls fail his challenge and Statice either go free or stay under the supervision of Luna and Celestia

Ooh! What game!? Yahtzee? Tic-Tac-Toe? Global-thermonuclear war? :pinkiecrazy:

Good chapter!

It seems Statice is what any unicorn could be if seperated from a formalized society.

ehh he did friendship as Aster

7703318 Funemployed? Snakeoil? Cards against humanity (or whatever its called in Equestria)

It's not truly friendship if you're lying to your friends. Besides, there's a difference between hanging out with others and making a true connection like the way Twilight and the rest of the Mane Six did. It's pretty much why Statice felt bad after his welcoming party since technically speaking the party wasn't for him but for his alterego Aster.

Please let Statice win this one.

I like this story but a major problem is the obnoxious levels of self-righteousness from the Equestrian side of damn near every character.

I mean when Statice gets arrogant they find some way to shoot him down but everything he says to them just bounces off or goes in one ear and out the other and its like they're always right.

Please have him win just so we can deal a blow to Equestrian pride for once here in this story.

I'm happy you updated this story. It's even better since it was on my birthday! Love the story mate keep it up.

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