• Published 21st Jul 2013
  • 3,361 Views, 34 Comments

Of Revenge Served with a Side of Brandy - RavensDagger



A pair of mares stepped into Ponyville with only two things on their minds. The first was revenge. The other was alcohol.

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Best Served Cold

The Halfway-Inn was located between Ponyville and the majestic metropolis of Canterlot, with Cloudsdale overlooking the two. The old building rose out of the ground, resting, as it was, right between two tall maples that had only been saplings when the first stone of the cellar’s foundation had been laid.

Celestia’s sun was high in the sky, bathing the clean woods with a healthy and cheerful light when a mare with a coat of blue entered.

With a creaking sound that was familiar to each one of the establishment’s patrons, the cerulean unicorn pushed her way into the inn, her dreary, half-lidded eyes finding the bar in a single sweep. It was empty save for an old, bent-backed stallion near the fireplace and the equally aged barkeep.

She sighed before moving in, hooves clacking on the well-worn wood as she made her way to the bar with the edge of her purple, star-patterned cape brushing against the floor. With a small breath, she slid herself onto one of the stools. “Brandy, something cheap,” she muttered under her breath and leaned onto the counter, allowing her pointed hat to tip just enough to hide the barkeep from view. All the better, for she was in no mood to converse with some patronizing old fart.

“Brandy, comin’ right up,” the stallion said, proving his worth when a glass slid across the table and stopped close enough to tickle the tip of her hoof.

Sighing in thanks, she touched the glass, then made the effort of levitating it over to her lips and tipping its bottom up. “Another.”

“Yer not gonna pace yerself?” he asked, a greying eyebrow arching up his forehead.

Gently, the unicorn removed her star-patterned hat and placed it on the seat to her left with the reverence due to a precious heirloom. Her light, icy blue mane obscured one side of her face, the end of her long, curling bangs frayed from lack of recent maintenance. She then glared at the barkeep through dull, violet eyes. “Another... please.”

The stallion shrugged, tossed his dirty towel over his shoulder and served her another glass. “You look like a mare who’s been through a lot. Somma mah clients like ta’ take a load off, talk a bit ‘bout their issues....”

The unicorn’s azure magic enveloped the glass just as the stallion was about to deposit it on the table and yanked it out of his grasp. “Well, Trixie is not one of those clients. She can handle her issues. She just needs a little assistance from her friends Brandy and Scotch is all.”

The barkeep barked a mirthless laugh, shook his head and went back to recleaning the same glass.

The sun’s light crawled across the floor, provided by the only window found in the open room. More ponies soon marched in. Some were young, fresh-faced recruits from Cloudsdale that had presumably snuck off campus, likely in pursuit of a little relaxation and rebelliousness. Others were businessponies from Canterlot, stopping in for the night or waiting for their next departure. A few sultry mares and even a scantily-clad stallion, who seemed to have an avid interest in wearing plumage, arrived as well, all coyly batting their eyes at the businessponies.

In time, Trixie heard the sound of a pony walking towards the bar, this one grabbing a tighter hold of her attention than the others. She recognized it as the slow, abashed walk of a defeated pony, all too similar to her own plodding step.

On the bench next to hers, an athletic young mare sat, wings tucked in tight but still displaying a taut set of muscles under her turquoise coat. She wore her duo-toned blonde mane short and combed back, a few locks deviating from the rest toward the front. In a manner similar to Trixie’s, the pegasus deposited a little insignia on the table, then covered it with her forehoof. Before it was veiled from her vision, the unicorn could have sworn it to be a winged lightning bolt. Trixie recognized it as the mark of the famous aerial acrobatic team: the Wonderbolts. “Hey, you,” she called out to the barkeep, her voice of a higher, raspier octave. “Scotch, something cheap.”

“Trixie suggests that you try the brandy,” the unicorn said, keeping her eyes on her own glass. “Same price, but she finds that there’s something to it that makes it go down better. Trixie also noted that there is a dead rat beside the bottle of scotch and that none of the regulars dare to touch it.”

The pegasus looked at her, brows screwed together for a beat as she hesitated. “Brandy, something cheap,” she muttered, turning back to stare at the whorls and scratches on the surface of the countertop.

The drink arrived with all the ceremony of squishing a mosquito before Trixie and the mare took a sip of the foul liquor.

“Trixie is curious,” Trixie said after their glasses were almost empty. “What brings a young mare like you to such a horrid establishment?”

“I’m curious as to what it’ll take to shut you up,” the mare growled, sipping at the rest of her drink.

“Barkeep, another round for Trixie and her friend.”

The young mare’s eyes snapped to glare with confusion at Trixie as their drinks arrived. Though it seemed as if drinking had taken priority, for she picked up her glass without a single word of reply. Trixie casually mirrored her, and the two raised the bottoms of their glasses as one. They glanced out of the corners of their eyes to see who would finish first; an impromptu race, of sorts.

When their cups tapped against the counter and they had caught their foul-smelling breath, Trixie decided to speak, “Trixie would not usually open up to somepony she doesn’t know so quickly,” the blue mare started, stroking the side of her glass absentmindedly. “But Trixie has some... issues; issues she needs to get off her chest.”

“Then take it to a shrink or something,” the pegasus scoffed, keeping her eyes unfocused in the direction of the shelves of wines and spirits on the other side of the bar. “There’s a barkeep right there. Pretend this is a bad movie and direct your pity party toward him.”

“It’s true, Trixie’s problems do not stem from any sort of tragic or traumatic event,” Trixie admitted, her voice lowering to a more acidic tone. Her touch on the glass hardened, applying mounting pressure to its brim. “But from one mare; a single, insignificant filly that has undermined Trixie multiple times.”

Trixie exhaled a measured breath through her nostrils, letting go of her momentary bout of anger, more to save the glass under her hoof than anything. A tingling warmth spread throughout her body, relaxing her muscles and slowing her racing thoughts. She let her head droop to one side, meeting her companion’s orange eyes with a more approachable expression. “Do you know what it’s like, to be beaten again and again by a such a pony? Trixie’s a little miffed, to say the least.”

“No duh. You’re alone, in a bar, with a stupid hat. You’re either ‘miffed,’ or just escaped the psych ward. It’s fifty-fifty. Heck, maybe even both.” She made a gesture to the barkeep, asking for more. “Look, I’m not here to get rid of all my problems and whine like some little filly. I’m here to have a drink and that’s it.”

The unicorn let her gaze fall back down to her drink. “Trixie’s hat is not stupid.”

“Yeah, and I’m a member of the Rainbow Dash fan club...”

Trixie paused, a hooftip poised above her glass as she traced a circle around the rim. “Rainbow Dash? That arrogant mare with the colourful mane? Likes to fly around like a mosquito all the time? Yes, Trixie knows of that mare, and of her little friends.”

The pegasus stopped in the middle of a long swig, turning her orange eyes in Trixie’s direction. A look of suspicion formed on her face, her gaze calculating. Slowly, she lowered the glass back down to the bar top, looking between her hooves and the unicorn. “So... you said your name was Trixie?”

Trixie raised a brow, although not without a small grin. “Yes.”

“Tell you what; you buy Lightning Dust another drink and she’ll humor you.”


During her first half-hour at the bar, Trixie had done well to keep a subconscious count of the drinks she had consumed. But as she grew to know the pale green mare that sat beside her, she had lost track of the number. It had been years since the unicorn had genuinely laughed to such an extent, so much so that the corners of her mouth had started to ache with exhaustion.

Trixie and Lightning Dust found themselves outside hours later, nearly having to hold each other up to exit the inn successfully. The moon had replaced the sun and was now bathing the entire forest in a peaceful blue glow while a wind flitted by, brushing against their coats before floating up and away.

“Trixie,” said Trixie, her head slightly conforming to the direction of the breeze, “wants to know what’s gonna hap’n next.”

Lightning Dust shrugged as they haphazardly made their way toward the road, finding themselves walking down its middle, to the right and then the left before repeating the process.

“Dunno.... Oh! We should go to Los Pegasus! There’s tons o’ stuff we can... wait, no, tha’s a long way away. And money... we don’t gotta lotta that. Maybe we could go back home? Or, or... maybe, maybe we could talk som’ more?” she said, her voice growing more and more excited as she spoke.

“Talk ‘bout wha’?” Trixie slurred, unaware if she had even formed the words she meant to. She stopped for a moment, her legs spread out like the points of a perfect square. After a moment, she regained what focus she had left, shaking her head and continuing down the road next to Lightning Dust.

"Ya’ know, ‘bout Rainbow Crash and Twilight Sp... Spittle? No, that wasn’t it. Spar-Kill? Naw, that sounds like a bad prison name. Whatever! Them stupid—hic—mares," Lightning said as she followed Trixie down the road.

"Trixie thinks it's silly to talk ‘bout them. Nothing Trixie can do. Twilight won; Trixie lost. The Sad and Drunk Trixie’s gonna go home, eat cry and ice cream... wait...”

Lightning snickered, biting down on her bottom lip. “You’re gonna ice cream?

“There’ll be ice cream n’ crying involved!”

They stood beside one another, quiet as the stars began to appear one by one in their blurry vision. Lightning Dust looked down the road where a signpost pointed in the direction of Ponyville. It wasn’t far; an hour’s walk, maybe.

“You know, Trixie, we could pay ‘em a visit.”

The unicorn played with the brim of her hat. “Why would Trixie want to do tha’?”

The wind blew by once more, whistling across the open top of the mostly-empty bottle of scotch that Lightning Dust was fondling. “We could get back at ‘em!” Her eyes grew wide, blinking individually. “Like we used to do at school. Play pranks or something. Egg their homes and hide in their trash overnight to scare them in the mornin’, y’know?”

“Trixie thinks that’s kinda foalish. There’s no... poetry to it.” she said, waving her hoof around in tiny circles.

The pegasus gave her an unimpressed look. “Ya’ want poetry to it? What light through yonder window breaks, cuz I just threw a brick through it!” she spat. “Come on, ya’ don’t need no stinkin’ poetry! Jus’ a really good punchline. You seriously gonna let that Twibright get away with humiliatin’ you?”

“Twilight.”

Whaddayou care?!

“Hmm... you’re right. You and Trixie should do something mean. Really, really mean!” A malevolent grin began to form on her face as she uttered sporadic giggle.

“What’cha—hic—thinkin’ ‘bout?”

“Well, Trixie’s a really powerful magician! The best in all Equestria... except Ponyville. But Trixie could still cast a tricky lil’ spell on ‘em!”

Lightning Dust took a swig of her bottle, swallowing the last of the scotch in a single gulp before leaving Trixie to respectfully place the bottle in the nearest trashcan. Despite her devious thoughts, she wasn’t about to litter. “Okay, like what?”

“Trixie can turn Twilight Sparkle and that rainbow-maned filly... into males. It’s called the sixty-third hex. It’s reserved for odd bonding sessions and the fantasies of crude little colts and fillies. But you and Trixie could use it!”

Lightning Dust quirked a brow, her eyes wide and her lips pursed. “Uh... So why do you know it? If it’s reserved for... ohhhh! Looks like Trixie’s got some kinks, eh?”

“What? Of course not!”

“Why else would you learn that kinda spell?”

“Th-the Great and Powerful Trixie knows many spells!” the unicorn shot back as quick as she could. “Anyway, that’s one idea.”

The mares stared at each other, Trixie regaining her excitement while Lightning Dust resolved to look unimpressed, both with a shade of pink across their cheeks. “Well, it’s a dumb and... weird idea,” Lightning eventually said. “And somethin’ tells me that Dash would actually like that sorta thing.... Got any other spells, or is that all the Great and Powerful Trixie can muster up?”

“Trixie could make them gain weight... temporarily. Or start to like certain foods... or fall in lov—”

Lightning Dust perked up. “That’s it!” she said, punching at the air with a forehoof. “Didn’t you say that Twilight was a librarian? Imagine the so-called coolest pony in Wonderbolt Academy falling in love with a nerd! Oh, imagine their faces when they wake up in each other’s hooves!”

Trixie’s brow furrowed as she sank into thought for a few moments. “Trixie is not certain if that would be wise. Those sort of spells are easy to break, anyhow. One shocking thing and poof, no more love-stuff. Trixie thinks that we could find something better to ruin their reputation.”

“Shocking thing?” Lightning asked.

“Ya’ know, like... if their minds are subject to great amounts of surprise,” Trixie tried to explain, her brain foggy. “Like popping out of a trash can or something.”

“Alright, but... Ruin her reputation? I was just thinking about a really good prank or something; nothing that would ruin their lives forever.”

Looking down the winding road to Ponyville, Trixie began to think, forcing her mind to work through the haze of one or three glasses of brandy too many. The night was clear, the air smelled of fresh leaves and springtime growth. Night-bugs chirped and made noises while bats arched through the air.

It was a night for action.

“Alright, love spell it is, then!” Licking her lips, the showmare began wobbling along the roadway, heading only slightly crooked as she made her way towards Twilight Sparkle and mild, yet undeniable vengeance.

Lightning Dust followed soon after, giggling maniacally as she beat her wings and took to the air. “Aww yeah, this is gonna be the best night ever!”


Many leaves rustled in the wind around Trixie and Lightning Dust, who crouched low on one of the large tree’s thicker branches. The unicorn was nearest to the obscure and suspiciously clean glass of a window, blinking at the candlelit interior of a library within the tree.

“Wha's goin’ on in there?” Lighting asked loudly, as if she were speaking to somepony across a hoofball field.

Trixie whipped her tail around, slapping it across Lightning’s face. “Trixie demands that you shut that mouth of yours. She’s trying to listen.”

The mare pushed her hat up her head and pressed an ear against the cool surface of the glass, the smell of brandy blowing back in her face with every breath. She listened until two distinct voices caught her ear.

“Um, what?” asked the voice of Rainbow Dash, her familiar squeak already grating on Trixie’s nerves. From her peripheral vision, Trixie could see the rainbow-maned mare sitting near the centre podium of the room. “Could you repeat that last bit in Equestrian?” She waved her hoof about in a vague attempt to emphasise.

“Alright, I’ll explain it slowly,” Twilight said from the other corner of the room. Behind her, a white board floated to the air and affixed itself to a tripod. Next came the flashing and jerky movements of a felt-tipped pen. As soon as Trixie’s eyes locked onto the violet unicorn, her motivation had reared completely to life. “Velocity is the name of what we call rate of motion. Basically, when you go faster or slower, your velocity changes.” A few quick notes were scribbled on the board with a few squeaks of the pen.

“Now, that trick you’re trying to do has a lot of dramatic changes in velocity; too many, in fact. A pony’s brain needs to pump blood at a certain rate. When you take into account that blood flow can be affected by a flying pony’s velocity...” Biting her tongue, Twilight covered the board with numbers and quick equations, finally coming to a conclusion with a satisfied humph. “There! You’d get G-LOC and fall out of the sky.”

“G-LOC?”

“G-force induced loss of consciousness,” Twilight said. “Like I was trying to tell you, the brain needs blood and oxygen to keep you awake and alive. With all these sporadic maneuvers at such a high velocity, the blood in your brain would be forced away by the g-forces you want to achieve, which would result in G-LOC.”

A yawn echoed out of Rainbow Dash and she blinked at her friend. “Oh come on, Twi, I’m telling you! It might be worth it if I can pull it off. I’d be a Wonderbolt for sure.”

“You would also be dead if nopony could catch you before you hit the ground,” Twilight pointed out with an exasperated sigh.

“Whatever.” She looked up to the grandfather clock tucked in the library’s corner. “It’s getting late. Maybe we can talk about this tomorrow? After I tried the trick?”

The librarian huffed and tossed her pen aside. “You’ll never learn, Dash! Come on, we can talk again tomorrow, but before you try that silly aeronautical attempt at a blunder. I’ll supervise as you try it...” The unicorn took another glance at her board. “Without the triple axel turn in the middle of the spinless-loop.”

The two began heading off towards the doorway, their conversation fading away as Trixie pulled away from the glass and looked over to the surprisingly quiet Lightning Dust behind her.

Of course, this was made difficult, as Lightning Dust was no longer there.

Cursing to herself, Trixie stood on quivering legs, on an equally shaky branch, looking over the edge to the ground below. “Where is she?” she muttered in annoyance.

Tossing her gaze from side to side, Trixie finally found the pegasus of her misfortunes hiding on the wrong side of a bush near the library’s entrance, upheaving and coughing out what could only be the remainder of her brandy.

Trixie placed a hoof against the tree’s side, looked down, and concentrated through the slow throbbing of an impending headache. A brilliant flash of cyan light issued forth from her horn, bathing the environs with its magical light before the mare ceased to exist, reforming at the base of the tree. She then tipped forwards and tapped her head against the tree’s bark, trying to keep the contents of her stomach where they were.

“Okay. Trixie can do this. Trixie will not be beaten by a little bit of drink! She has to do this to restore her honour, to besmirch the name of her nemesis... and to see Twilight doing lewd things in public!”

“Hey, Trixie! I think they’re comin’!” Lightning Dust hollered as she trampled by the library and trotted to Trixie’s side. “Look,” she pointed to the two shadows beneath the doorway. “Ponies!”

“Yes, yes, Trixie sees them. Now hush, she has to focus on her spell n’ stuff.”

The door creaked open and two indistinct voices poured out, the words jumbling together as Trixie paid no heed to them, instead focusing on her own inner mind. “This spell is special. The ponies hit will fall in love with the first pony they see, and it will only stop when Trixie wants it, or when they’re shocked by something big,” she said, talking more to aid in her concentration than to actually say anything of importance.

“Right, I’mma go keep them distracted!” With a pair of alarmingly excited and wide eyes, Lightning Dust charged ahead and trotted up to the other two ponies.

“Uh-huh, you do that,” Trixie muttered as Twilight and Rainbow Dash greeted Lightning with a fair amount of curiosity and caution.

Before they knew it, Trixie’s horn exploded outwards, radiating into the night in the rough shape of a heart, beating through the air. Cerulean tendrils of energy fluctuated around it, growing in size as they waved about in a seemingly random fashion.

“Rainbow, run!” Twilight screamed as she jammed her shoulder into her friend’s side and sent the pegasus sprawling over the roadway in a tangle of wings and hooves.

Lightning Dust cracked a grin and began guffawing madly as she stared right at Rainbow Dash.

Right then, Trixie released her magic, the heart melting to form a kaleidoscopic wave of shapes and lights that rushed towards the three ponies, splitting as it approached them. The stem of power lashed onto Trixie’s hooves, using her now glowing eyes to guide the magical projectile.

The first followed Trixie’s gaze perfectly, arcing through the air as if on the wings of a swallow to pierce through Twilight Sparkle.

The second narrowed then began twisting towards Rainbow Dash’s fallen form, a perfect beam that quickly made its way through the air. But not quick enough that Lightning Dust couldn’t stumble in its way.

Twin explosions rocked out, accompanied by a buffeting wall of air pressure that blasted across the nearby street, picking up dust and debris and sending them aflutter while a bright pink halo of ethereal energy formed atop Twilight and Lightning Dust’s heads.

“Oops?” Trixie had time to say before a pair of chimes rang and the square filled with a dazzling array of tiny hearts that popped and sizzled.

When the smoke cleared, three ponies groaned and pushed themselves off the ground, as if the simple gesture required all of their strength. “Twilight, what happened?” Rainbow Dash asked, a hoof trailing to her temple and rubbing it. “Are you okay?”

The lavender unicorn was sitting in the same place, her back straight and her chest puffed out while her eyes both stared at a point vaguely ahead with a distinct lack of expression. She blinked, and both eyes snapped to the left, narrowing on Trixie’s form.

A grin crossed her lips. A wry, devilish grin.

“Twilight?” Rainbow asked as the unicorn stood up and licked her lips, focus still entirely on Trixie’s now squeamish form.

“Trixie? Now what brings you around here?,” Twilight said, her voice husky and sensual. “And at such a late hour...”

Trixie swallowed hard and pawed at the ground even as her magic seeped out of her. “Trixie might have made a tiny error in judgement,” she admitted as Twilight began walking toward her. The mare was swaying her hips from side to side and flicking her tail about, as if the appendage was a whip. “And perhaps the spell...”

The cyan pegasus trotted to her friend’s side, a tender hoof touching Twilight’s shoulder. “Twi’, you okay? Maybe we should bring you back inside?”

“Yeah, let’s go inside, rainbow-flank.”

Turning, Rainbow looked into the crazed pits of Lightning Dust’s eyes. The mare smiled, a grin splitting her face and showing off two rows of teeth. “Hey, Dash... I’ve been thinking about you... a lot.” Her gaze fell, looking up and down Rainbow’s athletic body as she licked her lips. “Ever since the academy, in fact...”

While Rainbow Dash wasted precious seconds staring at her former competitor with parted lips and a look of confusion, Twilight slid out from under her friend’s touch and strode onwards. “So, Trixie, did you return for revenge?” the bookworm asked. “Oh, whatever shall I do under such dire circumstances?”

“Uhh,” Trixie managed to say, the weight coming back to her head as the world became clearer with every passing millisecond.

“Oh, is the Great and Powerful Trixie... hesitating?” Twilight approached once more and placed a hoof on Trixie’s chest, gently rubbing the tip of it on the mare’s coat. “Am I too much to handle now? Do we need to get to know each a little better first? I think we’ve done enough of that already.”

“Y-yes, definitely an error in the spell,” she sputtered, taking a half-step back. “M-maybe you should go inside and lie down, Twilight.”

Twilight paused, her hoof hovering over empty air as her eyes glazed over and a thin line of drool collected on the edge of her lips. Seconds passed; seconds that Trixie used to spin around and scamper away. Breath coming to her in short gasps, the mare held onto her hat and galloped off into the streets of Ponyville, her cape billowing out from behind her as she tried to gain some distance.

Overhead, twin streaks of movement danced, one a spectrum of vibrant colours that arched around in tight circles, the other a beam of turquoise light transpierced by sharp, angular lightning bolts. “Oh come on! You can’t tell me you’re not into this!” the second beam screamed like a banshee before they both vanished beyond the houses and into the night.

The movement only spurred Trixie on as she took a sudden turn into a dark alley, the stench of stagnant water and trash cans immediately stinging her nose. She took a moment to dance on her hooves, looking back and forth down either end of the alley. “Buck it, Trixie smells of booze anyway.”

Trixie went to dive behind the piles of trash and filth to hide, but was stopped before her hooves could leave the ground.

A flash of light emanated directly in front of the blue mare as it filled the narrow alley and crackled with an electric hum. As the sound died out, Trixie blinked back tears, greeted by the sight of Twilight’s mad grin. The magician yelped, scampering backward until her hindquarters hit the wall behind her.

“Oh Trixie, when will you learn that you can’t outrun me?”

“Uh... Trixie’s a little busy right now? Maybe you should come back tomorrow night?” she said while inching back and out of the alley. The moment hooves hit road, she turned and bolted away, only to freeze when another burst of light appeared before her. “Of all spells, why’d you have to be so good at teleportation?!” Trixie burst out with frustration.

“Come on Trixie...” Twilight turned and shook her hindquarters. “show me how great and powerful you are!”

A hard life of disappointment and despair can harden a pony, make them all but invulnerable to things like bewilderment or surprise. Trixie had believed herself to be one of those ponies.

Twilight rubbing her butt in her face destroyed that perception.

“T-Trixie has to leave now! She has to be Great and Powerful... somewhere else tonight!”

“No! You will become my honey muffin! Please! Come on, I’ll show you my books, we’ll be all alone in my house and we can read all night!” Twilight yelled in protest, throwing her forelegs around Trixie’s left hindhoof and held on for dear life.

Hopping on the spot as if to avoid trampling a mouse, Trixie lifted her head and bellowed, “Enough!” She kicked furiously until her leg was free, standing back to face the recovering Twilight. Furrowing her brow and biting her lower lip in concentration, Trixie directed her life energy to her horn and readied a simple spell.

“Oh, you look so sweet, biting your lip like that. Did you know that, psychologically, lip biting is a clear sign of nervousness or anxiety? I’m well-versed in psychology, you know. Maybe you could come on my couch and we could... talk about it?”

A tiny ball of roiling energy popped out of Trixie’s horn, flying around like a one-winged parasprite until it narrowed down and spiked towards Twilight.

The ball impacted on the mare’s forehead with a little plop, her eyes rolling back into her head. “That cape would look good as a carpet... in... my... room,” Twilight said, her voice halting and cutting off as she blinked and stared at the world with a heavy sense of confusion.

“Are you better? Trixie wishes to know before she decides whether or not to begin running again.”

“Hrm?” Twilight pushed herself up, closing her eyes into tiny slits as she looked about, taking in her surroundings with a hoof to her temple. They now stood in the middle the street, the alley Trixie attempted to hide in to the right and a building in the shape of a giant cupcake down the way. After a moment, the purple unicorn uttered a small groan, closing her eyes for a beat before opening them again.

“Are you okay?” Trixie asked again as she bent over Twilight.

“Yes, I’m... wait,” the mare managed, her voice gaining strength as she stood. The moment her eyes fell upon the blue unicorn, they blinked a few times before forming a distrustful glare. “Trixie? What are you... What did I... How did I get here?” She faced Trixie, every feature twisting into an accusing expression. “Did you put a spell on me?!”

Trixie began shifting her weight from hoof to hoof, becoming all too aware of just how sobering the situation had been. “Uhh...”

As Trixie hesitated, Twilight returned her hoof to her head, her pupils shrinking as realization washed over her.

“Wait... I remember running after you... but I wasn’t angry, I was happy... why would I be happy about chasing you? Unless... oh. Oh!” She coughed, sticking out her tongue in disgust and rubbing it on her forehooves as if to try and remove the taste of what had dawned on her. “Did you cast a lust spell on me?!

“In Trixie’s defense, it was supposed to be a love spell,” the mare whispered bashfully as she backed away. “Trixie can... explain?”

“Explain what?! How you hit me with such a lewd spell in public so you could—e-ech!—have your way with me?!” Twilight shrieked, turning the heads of a nearby couple, who stopped dead in their tracks with wide eyes. The lavender mare shot them a scorching glare, to which the two ponies scampered off.

“No, no, no, that’s not what—”

“Then what is it?!”

“Did Trixie not just say it was supposed to be a love spell?” Trixie retorted, stomping an irritated hoof against the road. “Look, you’re fine now, and Trixie is deeply—”

“Wait, where’s Rainbow Dash?” asked Twilight, throwing her head in all directions.

“Uh...” the blue mare trailed off, another wave of dread creeping along her spine.

In her hesitation, Twilight turned her glare back to Trixie, who felt the urge to turn tail and bolt again. “Don’t you dare tell me you hit my friend with that disgusting spell, too.”

“Trixie did no such thing!” the cerulean unicorn answered quickly, regardless of her intentions at the time. “But... Trixie might have hit her friend with it, which in turn... um, affected your friend.”

Trixie scurried back on reflex as Twilight shoved her face into hers, her purple irises constricted, pupils little more than pinpricks. Her face was contorted with anger, looking as if she would snap at any moment. The blue mare felt herself fall to her haunches under the other unicorn’s fiery gaze, grinning bashfully. “T-Trixie should note that she is very, very sorry for tonight’s little misstep in judgement.”

The purple mare coughed, recoiling before drawing her head back, waving a hoof in front of her nose. “Ugh! You smell like the world’s most disgusting dive bar! How much did you drink before coming here?”

Trixie furrowed her brow, looking down as she attempted to recall her time at the inn. “Um... Trixie tends to lose count after... let’s just say quite a few glasses. But again, Trixie is deeply sorry.”

Twilight glowered at her again, furrowing her brow. “Then you’ll get on your hooves and help me find my friend before that other pegasus does something the both of you will regret. Keep in mind that I can send a letter to the princesses instantaneously.

As Twilight straightened up, she pulled Trixie to a standing position. “Now hold on just one moment! Trixie has apologized! Should the matter not be over with that?”

Trixie’s words were practically shoved back down her throat as the purple mare shot her another heated glare, baring gritted teeth as her horn flared with violent-looking magic. “But... perhaps Trixie could spare the time to help find your friend.”

“Good,” said Twilight, the light of her horn fading away as she straightened her stance. “Since you were the one closest to the right mind, when was the last time you saw Rainbow and your friend?”

“Well, Trixie recalls seeing Lightning Dust chasing your friend overhead while trying to outrun... well, you.”

“Chasing? You mean like ‘hey Rainbow let’s have a fun little race,’ or ‘come back here so I can preen your feathers all night long’?”

Trixie offered another bashful grin. “The uh... latter, Trixie supposes.”


The sun was rising when Trixie and Twilight dragged their hooves along the main road through Ponyville. They had searched high and low, looking into every last nook and cranny. Every stone had been turned and every alleyway had been scoured. Even the public toilettes had been searched, although dreadfully. Twilight asked every late-night wanderer if they had seen a pair of athletic pegasi fly overhead, their search becoming more and more hopeless with every “no” or “good luck with that.”

Even when they came across the few ponies that had seen them, their descriptions conflicted with one another, resulting with no viable direction for Trixie and Twilight to take. Eventually, they reached the fields just outside of Ponyville, filled with nothing but rolling hills of lush, green grass.

It was only when the first rays of Celestia’s sun beamed down on the waking town that Trixie felt a tiny jolt coursing through her horn. Sharing a look, both mares instantly knew what happened.

“Trixie’s spell has been disenchanted.”

“Yeah. Did you feel a pull in any particular direction?” Twilight asked, stifling a yawn.

As an answer, Trixie tilted her head back and looked up into the sky. Only three clouds were there, two tiny puffs and one just big enough to hold a pony or two. “Oh,” the two unicorns echoed each other.

“So, um, should we bring them down or something?” Twilight asked as she shielded her tired eyes from the sun.

“Trixie is... rather afraid to,” the mare admitted, tipping her hat back. “But then again, the spell did just wear off. So if they’re up there... you and Trixie should be hearing a few cries of shock and outrage momentarily.”

Twilight shared a wince with her, their eyes locked on the cloud above. They waited for a minute or two, their ears folded back in preparation for the screams that would surely follow. But, when none came, the two unicorns exchanged a look of worry. Reluctantly, Trixie ignited her horn, surrounding the cloud in a veil of azure light. Fighting the urge to bite the edge of her hoof, she pulled the white, fluffy mass down toward the ground. It only took a moment or two, but when it hovered inches over the grass in front of them, the two mares looked away and screwed their eyes shut on instinct.

Slowly, they both turned back, cracking their eyes open in unison. As Twilight and Trixie registered the sight in front of them, their pupils shrunk to tiny dots in their widening eyes, jaws agape. Atop the cloud was Lightning Dust, laying on her back with Rainbow Dash on top of her, their lips locked in a passionate embrace. They looked to be attacking each other’s mouths with their tongues, their breaths quick and heated as they kissed in one another’s hold.

Trixie and Twilight were at a loss for words, their reddening faces contorted with shock. The two pegasi didn’t seem to notice them or even the descent of their cloud, but continued on with their embrace. When Rainbow’s wings began to flare, the violet unicorn finally found her voice.

“R-Rainbow Dash?!” Twilight almost screamed after a few moments.

The cyan pegasus snapped upright, tucking her forelegs close to her chest. She stared at the unicorns, her magenta eyes wide. “H-hey! Who said this was a peepshow?!”

“What?” asked Trixie and Twilight, one after another. The blue unicorn continued: “But... Trixie’s spell has worn off!”

Rainbow Dash and Lightning Dust exchanged a confused look before staring back at Trixie. “Spell?”

Author's Note:

Written by:
DiveBomb
and
RavensDagger

Edited by the https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_86hYr6EtqRWFU1X8MfKsb66trHI0o75NmvkWHdKoRI/edit?usp=drive_web]The Misfits and Special guest: Feather Scratch


Comments ( 34 )

I declare a sequel. And sexy sequel. Oh, yes.

I approve of Lightning and Dash making out at all times!

Also, I am surprised spell casting while intoxicated isn't more of a problem in Equestria.

2913653 Called it. Totally freakin' called it XD

Three cheers! Hip hip! :yay: hip hip! :yay: hip hip! :yay:

2913691
You so did. I was preparing myself for it the entire time XD

2913726
He can't reply. He's busy "flippin' buscuits".

:rainbowlaugh:
Glorious. Drunken shenanigans and mild, yet undeniable vengeance are always a winning combination. Thank you for this.

Well, let that be a lesson for you.

Getting drunk gets you laid.

While not a groundbreaking story, it was still humorous and enjoyable. I'm kinda wanting to see a follow-up but that would ruin the final line here. I'm torn!

Great work you two!

Probably one of the more solid one-shots I've read in a while. Quick, funny, in-character, and the ending was just fantastic. Definitely worth the read, especially after how much JustAnotherTimeLord gushed about it. :twilightsmile:

Pretty good one shot, thoroughly enjoyable.

That was pretty hilarious.

This was one of the coolest things I've ever read.

Nicely done.

~Skeeter The Lurker

Apparently Lightning Dust's revenge was a dish best served hot and steamy.

Why do I get the feeling that the chase went like this.....

Fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, fly, Rainbow Dash wearing out and just practically collapsing on a cloud. Lightning Dust too drunk to feel fatigued quite literally runs into Rainbow Dash and they end up in an awkward position. To which Lightning Dust babbles something about sex and Dash just shrugs and goes along with it. If any of the Mane 6 were Bisexual it would be Dash after all, even I the staunch conservative can see that.

I never knew that I would hear Twilight of all ponies say 'honey badger'. Also, "What spell?". :rainbowlaugh:

Ah Trixie and Lightning Dust friendship is like the perfect counterpart to Twilight and RD as well. Hell, they almost have the same initials too.

Loved it! :twilightsmile:

How sSason 3 Ep 7 - Wonderbolts Academy _should_ have ended:

:rainbowderp::rainbowkiss::rainbowlaugh::rainbowwild:

What spell, indeed.

I am the Web, and I approve this fanfic.

Aww, I wanted Trixie and Lightning Dust to end up together...

"Her eyes grew wide, blinking individually."
lel

Great stuff.

This is co-written by Divebomb. I'm most familiar with his Riflepony series which I love with an incredible passion only equaled by the passion Trixie's lust spell seems to inspire. :trixieshiftleft: Except this here is real! Anyway, this is very different from the Riflepony series. But it's really funny! :rainbowlaugh: My favorite parts being Twilight under the influence of Trixie's spell, and the twist at the end. :rainbowwild: It's a nice little sexy comedy! :pinkiehappy: Keep up the good work both of you.

3063179 That would have been nice but it was not the case.

3418994
/Aye, Riflepony is a masterpiece of pony. It's what got me to bug Divey until he finally conceeded to work with me!

3420692 Ooh masterpiece! That's a perfect way to put it!

I was expecting to find out that Twilight and Rainbow Dash were already together. This was funnier.

Although drunk Trixie obviously doesn't see the potential in an easily breakable love spell in the ruining-of-lives department.
Cast it on Twilight to fall for Spike, but not vice-versa. Stick it onto 2 of the Mane Six, and then break the spell partway through sex. Stick it on Rainbow Dash, then show her Tank, then throw Tank into the town square.
There are a lot of ways that can become absolutely ruinous.

Have you ever considered submitting this story to Equestria Daily? You can find out how to do so here.

4989767 What anime is your avatar from?

Trixie's magic color isn't azure. It's pink.

5549717 It's from Negima. I recommend it, but I highly extremely suggest beg you advise that you not watch the anime--read the manga instead. There are some good OVA's, but to fully appreciate them you need knowledge of the manga.

It starts off as a harem comedy, then slowly develops a much more serious storyline and awesome fight scenes (while keeping the comedy). The author--Ken Akamatsu, who made Love Hina--wanted to make an action story but the publishing company told him to make another romantic harem comedy. So he gave them what they wanted, then proceeded to basically give story the "Twilight's Kingdom Pt. 2 Treatment (tm)". The first 2 volumes are pure harem comedy, the 3rd introduces some action scenes, the 4th-6th cover the first significant story arc and start to show a larger overarching plot, and everything after that takes what the 6th volume baited you with and runs with it.

If you can, I suggest that you read the official translations--the scanlations don't include the extensive research Akamatsu put into this manga. The Latin, Ancient Greek, and Buddhist Sanskrit he uses for spells are almost universally accurate, and the back of each volume includes a section that translates them, tells you a bit about how they work and their role in the world, and provides the origin of many of the spells--from mythology to Jungian psychology to the precise details of how they screw with physics to the alchemical origins of the term "elixir". It isn't necessary, but it is extremely interesting to see how much detail he puts into worldbuilding apart from the already-substantive material given in-story.

(I don't know if you can tell, but I'm sort of a fan)

Seeing lovesick Twilight being forward for once instead of shy (and how!) is worth the price of admission alone (well, the ten minutes and change it took to read, that is).

And that, fillies and gentlecolts, is why you should drink whiskey instead of brandy. Because whiskey is distilled from grains. Which ponies eat.

Lightning X Rainbow is very fun.

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