• Member Since 12th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Jun 4th, 2016

RavensDagger


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Source

Some think that love is complicated.

Others fall in and out of it with ease.

Snails does a lot of falling, and he’s far from complicated.

Apple Bloom learns that complicated things are easy to fall for.


A commission for: Piquo Pie, who, for the record, is planning a number of commissions over the coming months!

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 41 )

Will the feature box tremble? Or will it swiftly deny this story? Only time will tell. . . .

Really Rarity? You're going to believe them over somepony you know? And her sister's the Element Of Honesty! I think that might have rubbed off on her a little bit! Time to slap a marshmallow!

So a Applebloom x Snails, huh? In the same universe as FeatherBelle? Awesome. Wonder if that means we'll be getting little hints/snippets of RumbDinks as wel

Wait, which one of you wrote this? I'm confused.:rainbowhuh:

2855820
I did! Took forever to figure out that weird perspective.

2855827
Then shouldn't it say "A commission for: Piquo Pie"?

2855835
It should and now does!

I hope you enjoy it.

2855842
I hope I enjoy it, too. :pinkiehappy:

Say, any word on that book you wrote?

I bet this'll be on the featured box. No doubt about it.
Loved the story, the way you switched between characters. For some reason, I like those kinds of stories way too much. I guess it's because of Will Grayson, Will Grayson.
I also love the picture.

2855820>>2855827

In my defense I really Liked how Raven but did it but I did lay out the whole base plot and help with the the perspective at first.

Never seen this ship before. This should be interesting... :pinkiehappy:

2855929>>2855884

Not a one.

But I think I'm going to self-publish anyhow. Just raising the bits to pay for good (professional) art and a decent presentation.

2855920 That book is fucking terrible and you should feel terrible.

who’d shown me the shortcutslicin' through the air like a snake's hiss, tryin' to snap at the back of mah bow and tug at mah mane.and mahself for taking it.

you've got an extra bit of sentence here copied from the previous paragraph

Okay, well the second person is unusual, but I think it's working fairly well despite my initial reservation...but I really need to ask; who the hell came up with shipping AB and Snails? :rainbowhuh:

2856630
Original idea by Piquo Pie. While it is odd, that is how Raven rolls.

2856630
Ah, thanks for pointing it out! Muchly appreciatafied!

2856630

The original idea came about during a unrelated fic well grounded about how being an earth pony is just fine and AB doesn't need to be jealous of unicorns or pegasi.

Bravo, quite a nice way to spin the second person! I like the premise, and Snails was excellently given character.

Really well written too! Just a few inconsistencies I wanted to point out:

Apple Bloom, I cannot find it in my heart to talk to Applejack about this... incident.

I'm pretty sure Rarity needs an extra not in there, or, since that's a little awkward for her:

Apple Bloom, I cannot find it in my heart to keep the truth from Applejack about this... incident.

Since she clearly is planning on telling Applejack at the end of that dialogue.

Also, Snails might want to reword this a bit:

Nope. I would want to hurt such a delicate filly by letting her bite off more than she can chew.

Otherwise, brilliant job as always!

This is the only kind of second person I can stand, where the narration is directed at a character in the story and not at the reader, while still technically second person it feels more like a dialogue driven narrative.

Your portrayal of Applebloom was truly adorable. Just like her sister in so many ways, yet her own pony; she is a very believable and lovable character through your writing style. And the way that you wrote Snails was just phenomenal. I have never seen him represented in such a way; it was just a joy to read. And I'm hoping that we get to read more very soon. Please keep up the wonderful work! :twilightsmile:

At this point, I'm just glad there's a non-clop fic in the feature box.

25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lz3gzsDDbo1rn95k2o1_500.jpg

This, err, this isn't second person perspective. It's third person perspective in the alicorn!Twi talking parts and then first person perspective in the flashback sections with the "you" pronoun used to refer back to the a character from the third person part. You use first person well -- in particular, it captures the "I am telling the story" aspect -- but second person is not made by repeating "you" a lot. True second person relates events so that the character's perspective is portrayed as if you, yourself, were there.

Or in other words, stuff like this

You stared at me

prevents this from being 2nd person pov and makes it 1st person pov instead.

Would write more but on clock, ah!

I love how descriptive Apple Bloom is. I chuckled at most of her descriptions, like when it smelled like the pig stall in rutting season.

i just want snails to pull a Forrest Gump. and for 'bloom to live.

2858516

Technically it is a third person perspective of a character telling a story, which would be first person, but they are telling it to someone which means they are telling it in the second person.

Its a bit odd and when looking it up I didn't find anything that wold exclude each-other.

Not bad, I like the budding chemistry between the two of them.

2859908

It doesn't matter who they're telling it to: what matters is the perspective through which events are narrated. In first person perspective, they are narrated such as though the narrator was there; in second, such as though the audience was there.

In this story, the flashback sections are narrated such as though the narrator was there, with an intended audience refered to be "you" present for parts. What matters, though, is how these events are perceived: if it were second person, they would be relayed through the pronoun you. As it is first person, they are relayed through the pronoun I -- or Ah for Applebloom.

Using "you" to refer to a character is a pretty novel trick, but it makes it second person in the same way using "she" makes it third.

The cover art is kind of confusing. The shadows and the fact that she's crying make it seem like it's a sad fic, but there's no Sad tag.

2862108

I was voting for a pick of snails personally. Maybe Raven will change it as it is a good point.

The chapter title makes this sound like a clop fic.

Aw yeahm kick her flank!!! Oh, and my AP (Anti Pony rounds will keep Filthy in check.)

Go south, huh?

Rarity's there, calling it now.

I swear to god I've read this, but I honestly don't remember editing it...

I cannot find it in my heart to talk to Applejack

needs a "not" after heart.

Uh... think you might need to edit this to get rid of the comments at the bottom, perhaps?

Anyway, nice to see the truth about DT finally seeing the light of day. I guess she bullied Silver Spoon into it as well? Hopefully she can now move away from the little bitch and get on with her life, perhaps make some friends that mean something.

You'd think that the Element of Honesty would have seen a lie coming a mile away...:applejackconfused:

Fantastic! Brilliant! Five stars *****

I recently found you fiction, Ever since the first words of the first chapter I've fell in love with this story. DT got what was coming, Ss didn't deserve it.

Can't wait too see more on how this story developes. I await with burning lust and over-joyed excitement~Windchester

Nice job stepping up, Snails. Of course, having Mac as inspiration for doing so sure doesn't hurt.

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