Hello, Master
“Hey, Tavi, ready to go?”
I hear a groan from the room. “What did I tell you about calling me that?”
I laugh. “Sorry. So, ready to go?"
Octavia walks out of the bedroom. "Do I look good?"
Im at a loss for words for once. "Nice bow tie" I finally say.
"Thank you. May we pick up a friend before we go to this club" -she almost spits the word- "of yours?"
"What, got yourself a little date?"
"Yes, in fact, I do" she sats defensively.
I laugh lightly. "Alright"
Elswhere
I slip into my trenchcoat. Sweet Spaghetti God I love these things. It’s the feel of the fabric brings back unpleasent memories. Things I had to do, and things that will haunt me for the rest of my eternity. I push the thoughts from my head, and walk into my room. I pick up my device from my bedside table. I click the switch on, and it emits a weak buzzing. As if it’s angry at me for not being used.
“Oh, knock it off, you” I flip through all the settings, and hit the button. It emits a more vibrant buzz this time. “Good girl” I tell it. I slip it into a special pocket made just for it.
I grab a golden key, and slip it around the thin metal necklace chain I wear. Always go prepared. Although it’s been centuries since I’ve flown.
Someone knocks on my door. I cover the chain up with the collar of my trench coat, then greet my visitor. Vinyl, and Octavia, right on time. I smile. “How’s it going?” I ask them, in mock cheerfulness. It’s hard to smile and mean it when someone’s life is at risk.
The three of us walk out of the building, and into the evening air. I take a deep breath of it.
“Can’t breathe right, Lonepone?” Vinyl asks me.
“Nah” I say. “Just breathing in the air. Been a while since I’ve been out on such a nice night”
A shrieking noise fills the silent air. I know that sound. But I’m the only one who has one of those, and I don’t remember any past versions on myself visiting me. A blue box appears about ten feet infront of me. Mine’s silver, not blue. And the doctor doesn’t go outside his native universe. That means there’s only one person who can be in there. A renegade Timelord.
“Get back to the building!” I tell Octavia and Vinyl.
The doors to the box swing open. I run towards them, and tackle the human walking out of the box. He falls back in, me on top.
The human recognizes me. So it’s this version of him, then.
“Hello, Wanderer” He says.
“Hello, Master” I say, using his self-given title.
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wha...
3641555The sequal is in production. Theres a reason I was adding alot of stuff. This story is just the intro to the universe. Well, universes.
What just happened. @.@
and when Octavia walked out of the door, vinyl was speechless. Maybe you could try to describe how Octavia was dressed the next time? Just try to go more deeper.
3642094detail isnt my strong point, and this story demands alot of minute details like that, so thats one of the reasons I ended the story
3643159 let me know when u need detail for the sequel ill jump in. im great with detail.
Honestly...I prefer University days :/
3665292 I haven't heard of it, but it probably is better. Honestly, this story here is quiet a mess. But it served it's purpose, setting up a universe.
3670842 I reccomend it honestly. The author is gonna release the final chapter on christmas.
3671536 I'll check it out, put it on my to read list
3672203 C: Great
3672205 Ah, that one. Someone else told me to check it out too. Now I definitely have to.
3672214 :) good!
I liked it. I really did.... But, You tried to put crossovers in it. It was an awesome fic, but there were just too many left turns in it for me to stay interested. Sorry
3715008 yeah, ive realized that ad my biggest flaw.
3721367 Don't get me wrong though, it's an awesome fic
I read the whole thing so I'm not gonna be like "Muuuuurr no ponies for you"
This was goin pretty good.... Then it took a hard right into whatthefucksvill
Srsly... What the fuck
vinyl never found out what was wrong with neon sky. also vinyl and octy never got together please tell me the sequel is a romance and you just didn't label it as such
3798862 It was going to have romantic tones to it, which would lead up to 's death, and then have a chapter on that. But then my friends made me start writing homestuck fanfiction. I'm debating which is more important.
QUICK MAKE VINYL WAKE FROM A BLACKOUT AND HAVE IT SEEM LIKE IT WAS ALL A DREAM AND PICK UP BEFORE IT GOT OUT OF HAND!!!!!!!!!
Breaking the fourth wall, crossovers, suspense and a death in the near future. What exactly does this fic not have?
4039262 A legitimate story line that hasn't been corrupted by time travel. Sense.
Wait...Dr Who/Whooves.......Vinyl is time lord? I LOVE YOY
4282436 Is she that also in here?
Oh my, my chapter sizes towards the end are quiet terrible...
This has got to be the best and worst fimfic I've ever read. Didn't really like it being in first person perspective but it wasn't that bad.the only problems were the fourth wall breaks, the spelling, grammar, crossover, and did chapter 18 not happen or something?
The following is my opinion.
This story is a mess.
Here's why: Leaving aside the confusion of the author between "then" and "than" as well as similar misnomers (considering the frequency that they appear on fimfiction, I'm not really surprised), I still have to consider the structuring and intent of the story. Both appear to be missing. Some people may like that, but I don't. Hence the labeling of this as my opinion.
The breaking of the fourth wall and the cross-overs are completely arbitrary and lackluster as well.
The following is a fact.
This story is a mess.
Here's why: The description of the story is completely detached from the story itself and therefore completely misrepresents it. The description also announces a link to a reading, but then doesn't actually contain said link.
While the grammar of the story can be ignored for the time being, the complete lack of structure and intent in any action of the characters is quite telling. Things that happen are immediately forgotten and never mentioned again, making them completely irrelevant. The result is a lot of exposure with nothing of any consequence happening and the story cuts off at the point that the reader might expect the actual story to begin. And since there is nothing actually happening in the story, there also can be no character development. The crossovers are superficial and - again - bear no consequences and the same goes for the breaking of the fourth wall.
This story contains quite a lot of means, but there appears to be no end for them to be used towards.
well don't leave us hanging