- Member Since 7th May, 2012
- offline last seen Nov 22nd, 2017
ChaoticHarmony
Hey guys! I write sadfics and sadfic accessories! Oh, and I also do comedy things. Yeah. Feel free to check out my stuff! And I hope you enjoy whichever story of mine you happen to be on! ^^
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That was fast o.o
Short, but one of your best works so far! Good job, man.
It was great...i mean short but for the best...really really good
Good Job
ChaoticHarmony, I think this is one of those rare stories that proves that you don't have to write an epic, to have it be epic. This tale of Big Mac's coming of age is spotless. It has everything I would expect it to in a story. It has his hardships, his detractors, his obstacles...his losses. It has all of the feels in just the right proportions that make the story flavorful, but not an unnecessary tear-jerker. I can't help but sympathize with the stallion, though our situations are different, they are so similar...
Five years ago, my father broke his neck, in an accident working on our house - the one he built with his very own hands. He and I were at odds - though by no means to the extreme that Big Mac and his Pa were - over my desire to be a professional author. He thought it was unrealistic, that I needed a college education to put food on the table. Its not that I disliked the idea of college, but I could never get into the idea. Truth be told, the only thing I could think of was myself, my writing. However, just like Big Mac, my destiny was preordained. After my father's injury, I finished my semester of college and left to take care of my family. It did give me the time to write like I wanted, but the cost... Now, five years later, my father is in a nursing home, because he can't get the services for him to live at home anymore...my mum's health is deteriorating, due in no small part to an injury she sustained from taking care of him...and I am left as the man of the house and stand in as a father-figure for my teenage younger-brother.
I can't say I shed a tear for Big Mac from this story. No...I sighed.
I'm right there in the trenches with ya buddy, I'm right there with ya...
I've seen something like this before... There was a comic on Deviant art (I think) That had Big Mac going to a school in Canterlot, but he was kicked out because he couldn't do magic.
2715755 What can I say? I work fast.
2716477 Thanks
2716987 Short, who're you callin' short?
2717324 Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it and were able to relate!
(Not happy about your dad tho, but there's nothing to be done for that. Sorry that that had to happen to ya...)
2717443 Um, okay.
Whoho!
A story with one of the classic openers
I don't know why I am writing this...
Personal preferences aside, the quality and flow of this story made it quite a fast read. It was smooth and transitioned well without spending too much time on any one thing, but allowed sufficient exposition to get the point across. Big Mac's personality here was interesting, and I like how the simple wording of the story reflects the fact that he's well educated beyond what his minimalist dialogue reveals, yet not to the point of being a walking dictionary. The key point is that the story is believable, and I especially like the family tradition of using trees as grave markers.
The one thing that is a bit of a stumbling block is reading about being attracted to another male from a male's point of view. As a straight guy, it's hard to relate to him in that regard and somewhat awkward. That's the nature of the character you've built for Big Mac though, and I wouldn't say you made a mistake going that route, but it does have its downsides as a trade-off for putting him in the unique position of having his pick of the herd for Mares when he's even not interested in them. Gutsy move on your part to move in that direction.
There's an inconsistency in the story I'd like to point out:
By the time I got back, they were already in the ground
But then four paragraphs down, past the one-liner:
After Pa died, I had to pick up all of his chores and then Ma’s too after she passed from grief.
The former indicates they both died on his way home, whereas the latter says his mother died some undisclosed time after his father.
All around, I'd give this an 8/10. I'm left wishing there was some sort of lesson he learned that will better him in the long run, but the potential for feels for anyone who has had a big blowout with their father is certainly there, and the story is put together well.
2719051 Thank you so much for such an in-depth comment! I always enjoy reading these, as it helps me become a better writer
Also, I went backed and changed that little consistency error.... how did I let something like that slip?
You've got some wordy commenters, though that is never a bad thing. As per normal, I shall keep it brief.
Again, well done. Another tale crafted in your signature style. As of late, it seems your style has evolved from 'sad to be sad' to 'sadness from circumstances'. I think I've nailed down what it is that makes your works yours, finally. Even your early works seem to show it, but that is a topic for another day...
Again, great work.
2717691
well usually fics are more than 3000 words but im not complaining it was great XD
i loved this story. it was heartwrenching, to say the least. I sympathize with big mac, for the loss of a chance to better himself. I would have felt the same way myself. I hope he can reconcile with his memory of his father in the future. I would hate for him to hate his father for the rest of his life. that would be a tragedy in itself. I had a falling out with my own father, for different reasons, and was estranged from my family for almost 40 years. I have recently reconnected with my two sisters, but my father is another story. he died a few months ago. I did get to talk with him, but the only thing he asked me was if I had a job that gave me a livable income. when I go to heaven, im going to punch him in the face. I don't grieve for him. he missed out on me going to college myself, and my marriage of 18 years to a wonderful woman, who died 10 years ago, after we survived Katrina. he missed out on so much, and I hope to never see him again.
5668836 You said it all so beautifully. I sympathize with Big Mac a lot in this but the big difference is that I accepted and embraced the fact that my father is a piece of garbage years ago. He was a sperm donor, my REAL Dads are my uncles who stepped in, raised and fed me, loved me through my (very angsty) teen years, celebrated my marriage and children, supported me even more when the marriage crumbled, after drugs took over my ex-spouse. One of them passed in 2010 and I grieve for him every day. The other is just a short 10 hours away. Any man can be a 'father', but it takes someone special to be a Dad. I hope you have peace in your heart despite the callous treatment you received from your father. You made a beautiful life for yourself BY yourself.