Unable to tell reality apart from his imagination, John's world is falling through the cracks. He can't tell if this place is real or is just his mind's conjuration of a world where he can escape his own. Cortana told him he was home. Is this what she meant, or is he just unable to open his eyes and accept what happened?
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Editors: The people who turn horribly written trash into gold.
-I really have to thank the following people for editing this story, and giving me suggestions to keep the story going...
LDSocrates
Wolfton
Crusadier
The Alching Brony
Awkward Taco
Kagji5
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Chapters (2)
uhh..... there where othere chapters..... right?
It's back!
I thought that this was a pretty good chapter, I like this more than what you had before. I saw a few mistakes and repeated word choices, but nothing major.
ITS ALIVE? YES!
Now on a more serious note, I like the re-write, and look forward to more chapters.
Of course, first chapter I have been anticipating for ends with a cliff hanger :(
3937952 Why, of course it does. It wouldn't be a good first chapter if it didn't.
I am so glad this is back i like this new chapter more than the old one i also loved that Master chief knocked out Discord
I literally have no memory of this. I usually have at least a small tab for everything I read, but I just came back from a story and found this on the top of my favorites list, with one chapter and six hundred likes.
Could I have a small explanation on what this was originally?
3938089 Of course. However, I don't know how well I can jog your memory, but I'll try. The original chapter one included events such as chief falling from orbit during a meteor shower, a scene with Cortana and Chief on board the UNSC Infinity, and was roughly 4,500 words. I can't really say much else other than some plot points as the only other thing I could say is what's in the description: John is slowly seeping into a state of mild insanity and the like. Other people have said the same thing you did, but this is all I could do. I apologize if it doesn't help, but thanks for still having it in your favorites.
3938115 Just one question, is this the story involving crystals? If so, I think I remember, if not then damn.
I am going to have to read this later either way, I am in the mood to laugh.
3938132 Unfortunately, no, it doesn't. It appears as if the memory is gone, heh. Nevermind, the fact that you're here is good enough for me, and I know the feeling. Sometimes you want a good laugh and not the exact opposite.
I see you've returned. Good.
3938210 Indeed, I have.
1.bp.blogspot.com/_yfSIRh8OjEw/Sd-pUal6pQI/AAAAAAAAAB0/kniTqgqSoQk/s400/AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.bmp me when i saw this story,,,but more posative
3937830 It did not. This revised first chapter, however, is more than double the size of the last.
Interesting
I seem to remember in the original story Chief being casual, or at least indifferent, with the ponies. I hope you keep him with that attitude, because in all the other stories I've read Master Chief is usually really violent with ponies.
3938345 I will, and I agree with you. There are large variety of ways that Master Chief could be displayed inappropriately. For example there's emo chief, abnormally violent chief, open to all forms of affection chief, go with anything chief, pansy chief, and chief that actually takes shit from people chief. So, I can say definitively that I have his persona close at heart. It would hurt me as much as it hurts you if I wrote him wrong.
3938432
YUS.
Finally someone that realizes that the stone-wall personality of the Chief is a legitimate personality, not a lack of one.
I don't know how many times I said that in Halo crossovers, where the author decided to ignore
the fact that Chef was a super-soldier trained from childhood to be what he is in the game.
That, as well as his answers regarding questions about him/humanity.
But I'll get into that when I'm more awake, or if the need arises.
I am a very interested in seeing how the story will play out now that it has been rewritten. And Discord being knocked out and the Chief being a boss is great. Especially since I'm looking forward to the chaotic magic that surrounds the Master Chief being explained and what will happen when all the ponies find out about the hyper-lethal vector super soldier that doesn't know the meaning of surrender....or peace.
YEAH! It's finally back up!
Now, to school! Then, to read!
i.imgur.com/soa48gm.gif
Sir, I shall wait for the next chapter of this glorious story!
I imagine Star Stride to be Irish… am I right in that regard? And I honestly like how you revised this story. I could have worked wight he original, but this is even better! I wish you the best of luck, good sir!
3939176 You are correct that he's Irish. I'm still not 100% sure how to write in that accent without overdoing it, but I'm trying. Thanks, though, for the compliment, and I'm glad you think this chapter is better than the first since this is a chapter that I can build off of with the story plot I had in mind.
3939184 Well, then… I bid you farewell for now, and I repeat myself, good luck!
3939187 As to you in all your endeavors.
Alright, good job on this first chapter, soldier, but I damn well expect you to bring me another and soon!
I see great potential for this story! I haven't really gotten around reading this. I HAVE favorited this for a long time.
So far, the re- write is BRILLIANT! This could potentially become as popular as M.I.A if you update the chapters faster and do the re-write right.
I want more!
I really liked the original chapter compared to this one. It was more confusing for John, as well as, in my opinion, well written. This one was more... Childish.
3940407 I can see you're point in this one. While the Coe of the story is still on my mind, I did lighten the mood on the first chapter. I can tell that future chapters won't be as childish. This one was more to get to know the basics of the relationship between Discord and Star and not so much confuse John as the last one did. I can testify to that since roughly 8,000 of the words in the chapter are directed towards Star and Discord rather than John. Still, I can assure you that not all chapters will play like this; the first one was to really get the basics out there. Thanks, though. I really appreciate and enjoy feedback such as this. It helps me understand what direction I should take.
I expect a report on his luck very soon. Ya know? The huge factor that allows him to get out of practically every situation. Whatever, just so long as the writing stays at about this level then keep me' coming.
Neat… I notice that in most stories, John tends to just go 'oh, noooooo whenever soldiers die around him. But here? No, you're staying game-accurate. When a soldier dies, they're beyond helping, and he knows it. John simply decides to forget about the lost. That's the sign that he went through some really tough shit in that Spartan academy…
3940582 Interlude - Report: Luck
I honestly forgot how the original chapter went, let alone how far along you got in the story before deciding to do a rewrite. However, I know that I liked and fav'd this for a reason back then and I am pleased that this rewrite did not disappoint!
I am looking forward any further chapters when you release them.
I've waited so long for this!
I NEED MOAR FROM THIS!! MOAR I TELL YOU!
Excuse me, but are the old chapters still up somewhere?
Interesting
Awwwww, you did a "Ctrl alt Del" on the original story? Oh pooo........Oh well! This one seems just as interesting.
3941622 The old story's premise is still present just portrayed differently. Still, thanks for keeping with it.
3941147 The old chapter's somewhere, and I plan on finding it and posting it near the end of the story kind of how there was an anniversary edition of Halo: Combat Evolved.
im going to enjoy these interludes especially if there reports about the Chief
An entirely different direction than the one that was first seen, and it's quite the refresher than just "Chief falls down from space to the planet" scenarios I see all over the place. I wonder what Chief is going to do now... and how bad a spanking Discord's going to for screwin' up good.
i228.photobucket.com/albums/ee154/Dumbwad/YouDunGoofed.jpg
3941666 when more?
3951452 I'm sorry, what do you mean by when more?
3952248 when will the story be updated next?
3953466 Within the next week. The next chapter is at 2,600 words and I hope to have it around the same length as the first.
gbtrdsxz<
3953984 lol what?
Old version was better. I had to force myself to read the rest after the first 2,000 words.
Hopefully, future chapters won't be as disappointing.
3955932 To each their own, I suppose. No hard feelings but as any author would ask: What caused it to be as disappointing as it was?
Well, this is certainly interesting. Successful reboots are so rare nowadays, and it's nice to see them each and every time.
Not to mention my personal attachment to Chief as the first character that I ever played as.
My only complaint so far is the need for a good, thorough grammar-sweep. The tense wobbles back and forth between past and present, particularly early in the first chapter (that crucial part before story immersion sets in), and there are a few jumbled words here and there.
Other than that, you're golden! Good to go!
And when you come back, bring me a look at the Chief that nobody has ever seen before! The kind that only you can show!
...
Sorry, was that too cheesy?