• Member Since 22nd May, 2012
  • offline last seen Yesterday

TorontoFCBrony


A simple plot, but I know one day, good things are coming our way.

T
Source

This story is a sequel to Violet Hill


A day after the wedding at Violet Hill, Soarin and Rainbow take a trip down memory lane on their honeymoon, leading to more stories about their past. After returning, it is back to reality, which may prove to be difficult because the couple are no longer Wonderbolts.


This story is the sequel to Violet Hill and was inspired by the song Til Kingdom Come by Coldplay. Rated teen for some hinted adult themes and jokes.


Artwork by: Aleximus Prime.


First Story: Violet Hill.
Second Story: Til Kingdom Come.

Chapters (7)
Comments ( 214 )

Yay! Its back! :D
I'm really excited to see where this is gonna go! :pinkiehappy:

2581958 It's not going to go as far in time as the first story did, but it will give feels, as well as recount some good stories from their past. I am planning for the whole story to only take a few weeks Equestrian time (it will take a few months to complete), but flashbacks and backstories will make up a good amount of this story.

2581970 Ohh! I love flashback stuff! :pinkiehappy: Keep up the good work! :pinkiesad2:

2581975 Thanks! Will do, and thanks for being a loyal reader!
2581977 LOUDER!!! :rainbowwild:

2581981 Not a problem, your stories are good enough to make me a loyal reader! You've got me hooked :raritywink:

*Sigh*
I guess I'll never be featured. Oh well. I even got 40 thumbs up and no thumbs down on a story on one day and didn't get featured. I guess some things just aren't for me :applejackunsure:

And I kinda wish that, even though I've gotten thumbs down on almost every story I have, that I would get just one comment explaining why so that I can improve. After all, I can't improve unless I'm really told what I need to do better.

But thanks everyone for the thumbs up and constant great comments. I love you guys!

Okay, there are a number of glitchies that you might want to look out for. Grammar, mostly. And the whole flashback thing was a little dry, in my opinion.
I suggest giving it a thorough read through, make sure you caught those glitchies.

2582558 Could you please, please give any examples? I know my grammar is not the best, but I've always written that way. I know that I use too many commas. The problem is that a place like EQD just says "bad grammar" but they don't give any examples so I can never see what they mean, and nobody else seems to find anything, or at least they don't tell me anything about it.
But you have to admit that it's still pretty good for a guy with English as a second language!

2582636

It the day after the wedding to her beloved husband, Soarin.

"It was the day after the wedding to her beloved husband."

Rainbow lived a tragic life. Her father had died when she was very young, and her mother also passed away when she was just a young mare. She had to live for years feeling like a widow, raising their quiet filly, Violet, alone.

The way this is set up makes me think that Violet is the daughter of her parents, and not Dash's daughter. It's a bit confusing, you could add something about how she thought the father of her filly was dead to clarify it.

Rainbow Dash had to leave due to refusing to serve in the war in Saddle Arabia,

'due to refusing' would be more fluid as 'because she refused'.

The truth was: Soarin was keeping it a surprise.

The colon is unnecessary.

“You know not to open the doors to anypony to don’t know,

"-anypony you don't know."

“You’re daughter?!”

Should be your, as you're is the shortened version of 'you are' and your is a possessive term.

and it's where I first got a chance to see you as a person."

Technically she's a pony :P

The two of them spread their wings and took to flight, the hot afternoon sun now upon them. Thankfully, they packed snacks to eat on the way. As Wonderbolts, they were talented flyers, so they could multitask by eating while flying.

This is not really needed, and just hampers the flow of the story.

"Yeah, well, we're focusing on what actually happened here, Dashie," Soarin joked. This is where I feel that my life truly began, and this is where we start the next chapter of our story."

You missed a " before 'This'.

These are just what I could find on a quick re-reading. I suggest you pick over it for anymore. And yes, this is very good for a non-native speaker. I tried learning a second language and failed miserably. :moustache:

2582708 Thanks for finding those. A few of them were made because I wrote the first chapter on a tablet (big mistake, I guess). But thanks.
Also, "you're"? Holy crap, that's really embarrassing that I did that, especially because that is my most hated thing when it comes to grammar.

2582724
No problem. This is an interesting idea for a story, and I hope you finish through with it.

2582765 Well, I'll do it for my readers from the previous story. They've been with it to the very end, and I told them I'd do it. I know that this one won't have as good a rating, though.

Hey...guess who's back to critique your story again?
i1.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/006/088/trollestia.png

But in all seriousness you've earned another follower.:twilightsmile:

BTW, this caught my eye in the author's note...

...hopefully I will be able to come up with the same quality as I did last time.

Don't sell yourself short, aim for better quality, not the same.:raritywink:

2584379 Thanks, I'll try, but it will be hard.

Your fanfics are the best(and I mean it)!Keep up the good work!

Photo Finish approvez diz :coolphoto:


(and btw, portuguese subtitles on the music video?)

2585798 Yeah it's Portuguese, it was one of the best versions of the song I could find. Also, thanks so much!!

Wonderful... i loved Violet hill, and this is going to be just as good i hope :)

2594787 I hope so too :)
I am also working on probably the saddest story ever, a completely different story, so I'll be busy working!

I'm ready for the ride! Looking great so far, like there was any doubt. :rainbowwild:

torontofcBrony can you countinue this story tooo i loved vilont hill it made my cry so many times and i loved it so pleas countinue this ;3

2628266 Don't worry, I will. It just won't be as often because I'm really busy.

Ooooookay, I had 3 thumbs down and now there's only 1? Sweet!!

i loved this as much as the rest of you work

This was a great first day of summer present! I can't wait to see where this story goes.

I used to love taco's (pancake) but now i love this :D :derpytongue2::derpytongue2::derpytongue2::derpytongue2::derpytongue2::derpytongue2::derpytongue2::derpytongue2::derpytongue2::derpytongue2::derpytongue2::derpytongue2::derpytongue2::derpytongue2: and my famous moustache to round it off :moustache:

My little human and powerpuff fillies! ( I see what you did there!) :rainbowdetermined2:

Please write more chapters for this fic! :)

ive been waiting years for more and this is what you give me :flutterrage: 2 chapters really

2919385 Hey, it's either this or the Flashlight one. I can't do both at the same time. And that one has well over 20x the favourites.

Amazing chapter! :pinkiehappy:
Keep going! :raritywink:

2975953 Thanks. I was wondering when the first comment was going to come!

2975956
I was first comment? :rainbowderp:

What's my prize? :trollestia:

2975959 Your prize is that you got to read it before everybody else :rainbowwild:

2975982
Best prize ever.

By the way, this fic is the first fic that I never had to type a comment to correct mistakes. Well done!
You get no prize. :trollestia:

2975990 Lol. That's probably because I already fixed them. There were quite a few.

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