Granny Smith's Dating Advice

by democritus

Bonus Chapter: Appeasement of the People who Demand such Things as a Eeyup/Eenope Joke from one Big Macintosh; or; A Loaded Question is Worse than a Loaded Gun

"Hey, Big Mac!" Applejack asked. "You painted that doll magenta yet?"

"Eefuck you," he replied.

Comments

[Seether00]

Oooookay, that was...well... something. Actually it was pretty much what I expected so carry on.

[Rachel Rayne]

umm... ok? im actually kinda interrested in the idea brought about in the actually chapter. it would be cool if ya turned it into a full blown story of applebloom tryin to win pip's heart

[Zeyon The Green]

Hey I love those violent video games. This is an awesome story: I love the giant robots, existential crises, conspiracy theories, and a lot of emotional baggage from Big Mac apparently.

I'd love to see Rarity being told "You can't trust that Fashonista, Rodney, she's a spy!" She called me Rodney. That's a mule's name...

[Less_than_good]

2580222 No offence to mules, of course.

[Jake The Army Guy]

Hmm...

I really want to like this. The premise is excellent, but your execution was a bit off. A few things:

1. "Remember, when using speech tags, you use a comma," Tweak said. He phased for a moment, stroking his chin. "If you don't use speech tags—which, if I'm being honest, is preferred—then you use a period."
"Oh, unless you use a question mark or exclamation point, understand?" he asked.

2. Your tone seemed to dance around a bit. It felt like it started as a heartwarming tale of schoolyard crushes, but then you made it all super serial and whatnot.

3. The characters felt inconsistent. Apple Bloom seemed to randomly age by several years every other sentence. She's either a young filly who is ignorant of love, or a jaded teen who just want advice.

4. I did love Granny Smith's batshitness. So, good job there.

All in all, this was an entertaining diversion, but it could have been a great story. I'd advise you reconsider some dialogue chooses and decide the tone you're looking for. If you ever need any help, feel free to drop me a line.

[HJSDGCE]

Why would he need to paint the dool magenta?
That color is a bit like Rainbow Dash's eyes.

[democritus]

2580111
The idea was Apple Bloom getting "the talk" but instead of just "oh gee my eldery grandmother is talking about sex how embarrassing" it turns into conspiracy nonsense because one of the characters is insane.

I can't exactly continue this because that'd mean I'd have to break Apple Bloom's heart. I don't write happy successful romances.

My next story will involve me personally ruining Rainbow's chances with Applejack. Not because I steal her, oh no, but because I let it slip the story's a romance.

2580921
I think what I want to write are miserable old men, since they don't move around much. But I'm stuck here with ponies. Somehow.

2580487
At least with tone, it opens with Cheerilee teaching school kids that free will doesn't exist and choice is an illusion. I establish frightening existential nightmares in the first line!

[Pyromaniac]

"Eefuck you," he replied.

I am so using that someday.

[Zeyon The Green]

2580361
Sure why not. Mules are ponies too. I mean half of their hybridization comes from ponies.

[Luna Aeterna Solutae]

...................
That was...
Beautiful. *wipes away a tear, slowclap.*

[democritus]

2584877
One of the requirements of being on fimfiction is an intricate, almost sociopathic knowledge of minor details and quirks of Equestria, such as using mules in similes and apologizing to a convenient mule for the casual racism.

The mule is so conditioned he doesn't know the entirety of society thinks he's living garbage.

[democritus]

Who here likes me pretending like I know what the fuck I'm doing?

Well HER EYOU GO:

http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/165493/authors-notes-granny-smiths-dating-advice

[democritus]

2589720

I like you.

[Herp-DerpyHooves]

Good story!
That's really funny!
I give up...
Ok. This story made me laugh. It was alright. I'm just really bad at expressing how I feel through text.

[democritus]

2596868
Consider a tree. Not just any tree, but the tree you think of first from the unqualified word "tree". The ur-tree, the platonic ideal of tree.

It most assuredly doesn't match my ur-tree. It may be a different type of tree, or in a different setting or condition. Perhaps some experience one of us had the other didn't is connected to the ur-tree. Regardless, they're different. The one word "tree" can refer to different ideas.

This is true of all words. How many different emotions, processes, and identities all fall under the one word "love"? I can love my mother, my child, my spouse, and the act of writing post-modern My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic fanfics, and these four are different concepts.

You're not bad at expressing how you feel through text. Text is bad at expressing how you feel.

[Inferno demon Dash]

What?

[democritus]

2636718

WHAT

Goddammit I referenced both episodes we see AJ's room to see if she had a closet

how do I miss something like that

I have failed my own creative process and must now commit sudoku

[cosmicobubisi]

2580885 Cheerilee.