• Member Since 15th Feb, 2015

JackTheQuiet


Avid devourer of horse-words

Favourites 1364 stories
Found 1,276 stories in 78ms

Total Words: 36,176,936
Estimated Reading: 14 weeks

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  • Featured 13893 stories Stories that have been featured on Fimfiction ( Automatically populated! )


  • Interviews 399 stories Stories that have had their author interviewed


  • Reviewed 0 stories Stories that have been reviewed
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There's a crime wave gripping the sleepy town of Apple-Morepone, and nopony on the City Watch seems to care. Corporal "Rainbow" M. Dash naps through her patrols, her partner Dobby is an infamous kleptomaniac, Captain Rhymes is a drunkard, and the entire Watch is a group of burnt-out misfits.

They're about to meet a batpony (adopted) by the name of Carrot, visiting town to return an overdue library book.

And none of their lives will ever be the same.


A crossover/homage to the "City Watch" books of Terry Pratchett's Discworld, written to be readable without any familiarity with the series (though they're excellent, and if you do read them you'll catch my Pratchett in-jokes).

Winner of Aragon's "Comedy Is Serious Business" Contest! "I was quoting this offline for days, forgetting where I was remembering the lines from. … This story made me legitimately jealous, both of its cleverness and of its funniness." –Contest judge MrNumbers

Rated ★★★★★ by Louder Yay! "The best comedy I've read in a long time."

"Highly Recommended" by Super Trampoline! (Video review here @ 09:17) "It's 13,000 words long, but it doesn't feel long, because so much fun stuff is happening."

Other reviews: Present Perfect | City of Doors

Thank you to Themaskedferret and Caliaponia for prereading, and GaPJaxie for motivation/inspiration!

Chapters (5)
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An ongoing collection of stories and poems too short for standalone FIMFic publication. NOT a scraps file — there are some contest winners in here! Contents, newest first:

Retirees [Drama] – Celestia and Luna have a plan for their post-princess days. Fifth place, "Through A Mirror Brightly" Writeoff! (3/2019)
The Shipper Is: IN [Random] [Romance] – Discord takes advantage of Cadance's metaromantic powers.
The Illusion Of Choice, Or Vice Versa [Drama] – A prodigious filly struggles with the burden of high expectations. Finalist, "Illusion of Choice" Writeoff! (10/2015)
Moon Bright [Slice of Life] – Two isolated farmers try to figure out how to react to Princess Luna's return. Third place, "The Morning After" Writeoff! (12/2016)
We Only Live Twice [Slice of Life] – When Bon Bon walked into her own funeral, that didn't shock us nearly so much as Lyra walking in alongside her. Tenth place, "It's Your Funeral" Writeoff (3/2016)
Charlotte's Goop [AU] [Crossover] [Comedy] – A changeling queen is leaving messages on Applejack's barn about her farm animals.
F=MC^2 [Alternate Universe] – The great and terrible road to the Manehattan Project.
Through The Fire And Flames [Random] [Comedy] [Equestria Girls] – Blue Oyster has a fever, and the only cure is a brainless minific.
The Slow Fall of an Unfamiliar Star [Sad] [Romance] [Human] – Sunset watches a sunset, alone with her memories. Eighth place, "Just Over The Horizon" writeoff (10/2014)
Eponalepsis [Slice of Life] [Far Future] – The immortals gather at Celestia's end, and debate forgiveness. 22nd place, "Famous Last Words" writeoff. "Highly Recommended" by Present Perfect! (8/2014)
Why I Left [Human] – A chance encounter at a failed pony convention. Eighth place, "Long Way Home" writeoff (6/2014)
Torn, Discarded Pages From An Old Notebook [Romance] [Adventure] – A young Twilight Sparkle writes about the adventures of a pony who is completely made up and imaginary. First place winner in the Twilight Sparkle's Secret Shipfic Folder badfic contest! "Highly Recommended" by Present Perfect! (6/2014)
You, Ms. Harshwhinny, And A Pair Of Cougars Go On A Double Date [Random] – what
Night Mare's Party [Filk] – Luna's transformation vs. Oingo Boingo.
Alicornication [Filk] – Twilight Sparkle's ascension vs. the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
On Alicorn Fiction [Slice of Life] – Twilight has found plenty of nonfiction for her collection of Celestia's writings, but she's having a hard time finding any novels.
Deleted Scenes [Comedy] – Celestia introduces Luna to movies.
War Averted [Alternate Universe] – Cadence solves a problem.
From The Stars [Adventure] [Poem] – When a star falls upon ancient Equestria, a filly journeys to save what remains of her tribe.
Breaking The News [Comedy] – Ponyville prepares for disaster. (Published in the Everfree NW 2013 conbook!)

Chapters (20)
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This is a pony adoptition (NOT a troll fic u haters!! bcuz my OC is ALICORN not a troll!) of the best fanfic ever written except the original was too dark an goffik. So now it's abt sports and MEdal is Miss Harshwhinny's son. He does sports things and inspects cities for the inter Equestrian games. With his friends and sometimes his mom.

Written for the best group on FIMFiction which is about the best pony on FIMFiction! (But Medal is just as awesome too)

Also -> As seen on the Pony Friction Vault!!! w/ interview

Also also -> listen 2 dramantic reading by Skirider!!! (charp. 1-7) oH mY bUCKING aLICORN thx u

Alsalsalso <- now w/ith gUEST arthur Furzebert who is mUCH betar arthur then Madny!!!!!!! he ficced sum crapters.

Alsalsasalsaso --> MiSTificated with commentation by Thethorglame which it has swears so that means he liked it! Part 1 and Part 2

Also more aoslos ↗ HAILY WRECCED! @ REviwed by perfect presnet! ""t this review) is a mind-bending black hole of literature, where the English in fact has go"

Also sports

Chapters (21)
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This story is a sequel to The Last Dreams of Pony Island


If somehow you're reading this without having read The Last Dreams Of Pony Island, stop now and read that first. Otherwise, this will make no sense and thoroughly spoil that story!

The Last Dreams Of Pony Island told a tale of an Equestrian colony's last days and a hated merchant's disappearance by the docks. Back in 2015 I held a contest for entrants to piece together Myinnkyun's mysteries and provide the best explanation for what happened to Peridot (and the town). These are the collected submissions; I'm publishing it now because unpublished stories are no longer accessible.

Each chapter is a separate entry by a different author, narrating one proposed epilogue for Pony Island from the point of view of the individual who they decided was the one peering into the other residents' dreams. They were originally presented here anonymously and in a random order, for purposes of contest judging; after the competition was over I added each author's username to their chapter title.

A list of entrants, and more details, can be found at this blogpost here. The contest is long since over, though; this post has the winners.

Chapters (26)
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Another subterranean temple. Another priceless magical artifact. Daring has fought him for the fate of the world before …

But now she's discovered who killed her father. And only one of them is going to walk away.

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My entry in the "Famous Last Words" minific competition (14th place out of 51), expanded and polished for FIMFic publication.

"Highly Recommended" by PresentPerfect! Rated ★★★★ by Louder Yay!

Chapters (1)
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A Cutie Mark amplifies potential. It makes a pony formidable — but it makes a human a god.

When humans started visiting Equestria and returning with Cutie Marks on their hips, Earth changed overnight. Now a young man with an unwritten future is about to discover the true consequences of that change … and his choice of Marks will forever alter the fate of two worlds.

** CONTENT WARNING: Offscreen rape, mind control.** Earns its Dark tag.

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Highly Recommended by Present Perfect! "Completely memorable ... I've never read anything like it. Also perfectly terrifying."

"It went on my Favorites shelf, and I really don't do dark."iisaw

Third-place winner in the September 2014 Writeoff Association competition! Newly edited for FIMFiction!

Praise for the Writeoff version:
"What in the hell. … This is a really remarkable and surprising piece, one of the best HiE’s I’ve ever read, and the best Friendship Is Optimal-style sci-fi I’ve read since FiO itself." –Present Perfect

"F**k you for writing an HiE that I actually thoroughly enjoyed. Just f**k you." –Golden Vision

Chapters (4)
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This story is a sequel to The Waiting Doom


It was just a bad cold. But the Cakes are first-time parents, they panicked, and... well, the twins fully recovered in the Canterlot hospital. Pinkie just didn’t know about any of it until now, because she was on a mission. So to make up for her absence, she’s sending the Cakes home. Pinkie can bring the foals home after they’re discharged. Which should be any minute now.

...or hour...

Well, it’s a big hospital. Maybe she can find something to do.

(While this story is tagged as a sequel, the only thing it shares with the previous one is theme. It can be read as a stand-alone, and no reader knowledge of previous events is required.)

Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.

Chapters (1)
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This story is a sequel to Tales Of The Canterlot Deportation Agency: Soul Survivor


Out of all the entities in Equestria, human and pony, Joanna is the only one who has been Saved. Long before finding herself in a realm of evil temptations and demonic powers, she heard the Word, and so her soul alone is safe. All of those around her will find their deaths lead to nothing more than eternal torture, and Joanna is perfectly content to tell them all of the details. She doesn't understand why anypony has a problem with this, much less how she's become the most hated resident in New Cynosure. But that doesn't really matter, not when her soul is Saved.

And it's not as if she knows that everything else about her is broken.

(Part of the Canterlot Deportation Agency series, which has its own TVTropes page. Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.)

Cover art from Distorted Harmony. No, really.

Chapters (1)
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This story is a sequel to Tales Of The Canterlot Deportation Agency: Bree


It's part of the CDA's mission statement: every human has to ultimately be sent back to their place of origin -- and no other. To simply evacuate all of the incursions to a single receiving world could do as much damage to that place as the intruders are doing to Equestria. But even with some of those realms currently unreachable to ponies, there was always a world on the other side of the Barrier.

One of those worlds is now gone.
Seven billion are dead.
Four survive.
And Bree Daniels, once the CDA's lone agent in the world known to ponies as the abattoir, has nowhere left to go.

(Part of the Canterlot Deportation Agency series, which has its own TVTropes page. Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.)

As this story is a direct sequel to the original, I strongly recommend reading that one first.

Chapters (3)
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As words go, very few utterances get a businesspony's attention like 'free'. And making a profit on free? All Mr. Rich has to do is ask his cashiers to discreetly slip the same sample item into every customer's cart, one sample per day, and Barnyard Bargains will get paid for that. Because the marketing company wants feedback on the new products, and that means getting them to the public.

And the public has feedback. Lots of feedback, especially when everypony is getting the same sample, every single day, whether they wanted it or not.

The public also knows where Mr. Rich's office door is.


Now with author Patreon and Ko-Fi pages.

Chapters (1)
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