Rarity gives Celestia a very special, very generous gift for their anniversary.

Maybe too generous.

A human, a pony, and 576 cabbages shipwreck on a deserted island. The human wants to eat the pony. The pony wants to eat the cabbages. The cabbages aren't sapient creatures and thus have no thoughts on the matter. Reeking of untapped potential, this is a very dumb, disappointing, and unfunny--yet somehow authorized--parody of The Savage Way.

My apologies, Horse Voice. You didn't deserve this.

Speaking of undeserved, praise for the story from Cynewulf:
”Better than Waiting for Godot, more Tragic than King Lear, more filled with cabbages than a smallish box of cabbages

9/10 cabbages would lettuce this salad of destiny”

Principal Celestia always has wings in her dreams.

They got her into trouble, once. She let herself believe that they meant she was an angel. Then she grew up, and learned some hard lessons about what being an angel really required.

Now six magical girls have just fought a demon in front of her school. And her phantom wings are itching.

Her life is turning upside down ... and she hasn't even heard about Equestria yet.

Rated Highly Recommended (Top 15 Stories Sitewide) by Present Perfect! "It's f**king flawless, you guys. … The first [6]00-word chapter by itself is a masterpiece."

"Literally the single best EqG story on the site." —Professor Plum
"[One] of the best stories on the site, period." —Pearple Prose
"One of my all-time favorite pieces of fanfiction." –brokenimage321
"My favorite EQG fic of absolute all." -Skywriter

Rated Why Haven't You Read This Yet? by PaulAsaran! "I might have been skeptical going in, but horizon knocked it out of the park."

Rated 5/5 by csquared08! "The opening chapter here was truly something else. ... Then I hit the end of chapter 3. holy crap."

Rated ★★★★ by Louder Yay! "A lesser writer might have made a horrible, cliché-ridden mess of this story, but fortunately horizon is not a lesser writer. For a start, it's by some distance the best portrayal of the human world's Celestia I've read."

Third place in the "Under the Sun" June 2017 Writeoff!  (That first draft has been revised and expanded for FIMFiction.) Praise for the Writeoff version:

"Holy cow ... That's how you write an EqG fanfic! You captured the heart and SOUL of this/your version of Principal Celestia, wrapped it up in bi-universal consistency, and sold me on an idea of redemption I didn't even know I needed." —Xepher

"This is gorgeous. A thorough, exhaustive, incredibly moving portrait of a character who I don't think I've ever seen get quite this much development or attention." —Posh

"This is actually, after all these years, an original take on a story on Luna's banishment. If that's not something to be celebrated I don't know what is." —Quill Scratch, Radio Writeoff

MORE REVIEWER PRAISE: Rated "Definitely Read" by Super Trampoline! Reviewed by City of Doors! Reviewed by Titanium Dragon! Featured on Equestria Daily!

Rated T for brief cursing and alcohol use. Cover art by Seniloko, used under Creative Commons license.

Translations:

中文 - 行政天使

Even in our darkest moments, the stars shine coldly down – distant and remote, but bright in the blackness. Refuse them, shut them out, and they remain. Let them in, and they may convince you of the warmth in their embrace.

This is not a story about stars.

This is a story about people and ponies, and what they visit on each other in moments of darkness.

With thanks to Neighrator Pony, Thornquill, Illya Leonov, and the ever-loving Dark River, who put themselves all through pre-reading this.

Inducted into the Royal Canterlot Library, 28 October 2017
Reviewed by Seattle's Angels, 4 November 2017

Now with a Russian translation by Doof Ex Machina.

Crime was easy before Princess Twilight and the First Five ushered in a golden age of Harmony. Back then, any idiot could plan a robbery, just like any rat could sneak through the cracks in wooden granary walls. But now that everything is cloudstone and clearsteel, with magical countermeasures over the few remaining holes, it takes a different breed of rat to survive.

"Slippery" Jimmy the Grey is one of the rare few ponies who can still slip through the cracks — even with the legendary Rainbow Corps on his tail. Now he's got a billion-bit heist planned in the gleaming skyscrapers of Cloudsdale. If only he hadn't made the mistake of stealing from a dragon …

Now with a reading by Illya Leonov and Scribbler!

* * *

This is a crossover with Harry Harrison's Stainless Steel Rat novels, but it assumes no knowledge of the series.

Winner of February's Writeoff Association competition! * Featured by Equestria Daily! * Featured by Seattle's Angels!

REVIEWS: "Highly Recommended" by Titanium Dragon; "Recommended" by Present Perfect; rated "Why Haven't You Read This Yet?" by PaulAsaran

WORD OF MOUTH:
"The Iridescent Iron Rat was not only my favorite story from the most recent writeoff... it's my favorite story of anything I've read in months." —Sharp Spark

"What a ride it is. This story is made of awesome moments." —Casca, Seattle's Angels

"[A]stounding on so many levels. … If there’s one story from this round you have to pick, make it this one." —Corejo, Seattle's Angels

"Absolutely beautifully done. It fits the style and feel of the books to a perfect T." —Themaskedferret

The most important day of her young life, the hardest challenge she'd have to face, and she failed... or had she? The thunderous sound, the dazzling light, the surge of magic... then she wakes up in a place bereft of all light and shape and sound, alone...

Sometimes, it just takes a spark to rekindle the light.

Sorry, this story isn't here now. I've unpublished the story's only chapter, perhaps temporarily, perhaps permanently.

Early one morning, Twilight Sparkle gets up to make some tea.

Sometimes, a cup of tea is just a cup of tea. This is not one of those times.

Somepony struggles to remember their childhood. But something's wrong. The facts aren't lining up, and things are becoming blurred. What's at the bottom of this mystery?

It's been a long time since Adagio Dazzle lost her powers but she never lost her drive. In a small town far away from Canterlot High, she and her onetime rival Trixie share an apartment and make a tough living together off odd jobs, street racing, and Trixie's magic act. She hasn't thought about the other Dazzlings for years, but one summer night, Aria Blaze turns up on their doorstep with shocking news.

Basically a product of my rampant Ameriphilia. A little piece about independence and self-discovery.