4. Angel
Celestia takes the day off from work after Twilight (through Sunset) fills in the tiny missing details of goddess-her's big fight.
Luna — her Luna — calls to ask what's wrong. She lets it go to voicemail. (Luna doesn't call again — just texts "I'll be here when you need me" — which she takes to mean that Luna asked Sunset Shimmer for context.)
Celestia spends hours and hours wanting to vomit. Finally, she calls on her old dusty party skills and induces dry-heaving. It doesn't help.
How could she?
A thousand years.
How could she?
Her emotions finally boil over in the middle of the night, and she drives to Sunset Shimmer's and knocks on the door.
"Are you okay?" a pajama-clad Sunset says, after one look at her face.
"I need to send a letter," Celestia says. "To Princess Luna."
Sunset swallows and hesitates. "If this is about what you asked me about this morning," she says carefully, "that really doesn't reflect on you. And I know I promised to help you write — but we should find a less awkward way to introduce you than by making an apology."
"It's a question." Celestia chuckles humorlessly. "And it's a little late for introductions."
"Oh," Sunset says, and invites her in.
Questions — Celestia is reminded as she writes — are a little awkward too. The journal's more tin-can-on-string than cell phone. Single target only. She'll have to tell Twilight to pass the message on.
Celestia skips back up a few lines to add that request. She understands. But in a way, it's easier. Her question is far too big to ask directly:
How could you forgive her?
Then they kill time for half an hour (which involves a belated apology for waking Sunset up, a call to a 24-hour pizza place, and a lot of pencil-chewing over a half-filled crossword puzzle) as Celestia's correspondence winds its way between dimensions, through dragonfire, across a palace, and vice versa.
Sunset's journal finally vibrates.
There was never any question that I would, the response says (when stripped of its Twilight padding, and a frantic apology for the intrusion of privacy necessitated by being a middlemare for what appears to be deeply personal business).
I was the one who erred.
If I were to ask you the same question about your own sister, your answer would be identical. (But she never did anything wrong, Celestia mentally protests. ... And she finally understands.) So instead I shall return to the question weighing upon both our withers. What do we say to our better selves?
I have not yet ascertained what we should say — but I know what we will, without great restraint. It is the same apology for our own failings that we have already given to our sisters, for exactly the same reason, and with exactly the same response:
Their heart breaks at our clinging to guilt.
They love us.
I hope you can believe that more readily than I.
The room is silent for a long moment as Celestia lowers the book they're both reading. Then Sunset Shimmer lunges in to hug her.
Celestia numbly accepts — then feels tears dampen her shoulder as Sunset's body starts to shake, and remembers she's not the only one here who needs some permission to forgive herself.
They cling to each other as Sunset sobs. Flawed and bent and warm and caring.
Celestia doesn't have wings to wrap around her fellow angel, and it doesn't matter one bit.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Principal Celestia lets her pen tip hang. She's already started the letter over six times. That salutation sounds so unconscionably twee. And yet there's some sense of greater order to it.
I put you on a pedestal, she writes. That was my mistake. And frankly kind of a humiliating one. My entire life has taught me that that's how you break angels. But then, I'm the version of us that keeps getting things wrong
She stops mid-sentence. Crosses it out. Crumples the paper and starts fresh, again.
Dear Princess Celestia,
Luna walks in while she's staring down at the blank page. "Are you still writing that letter to the other you?"
"I have to," Celestia says. "I talked to her sister. It would look weird if I didn't. Like I was avoiding her."
Luna rests a hand on Celestia's shoulder and slides a piece of paper onto the desk. It's a photocopy of a journal page, containing calligraphic script in a deep, rich ink.
Dear Luna, it says.
I have so many things I want to say, but this is the most important:
Thank you for being an inspiration.
Sincerely,
Luna.
"I don't really know how to feel about that," Vice-Principal Luna says.
"I can tell you," Principal Celestia says, "from direct personal experience, neither does she."
Without even looking, Celestia knows her sister is smiling. Luna gives her shoulder a squeeze.
"I meant, that I'm an inspiration to an immortal moon goddess," Luna says. "That's a lot to take in."
"I don't think Princess Me will have that problem," Celestia says drily, and for a moment is tempted to simply copy the correct answer off her fellow student's homework. But that would feel even worse than getting it wrong on her own.
Luna tousles the fading aurora of Celestia's hair. "Well, when you figure it out, I just pulled your lasagna out of the oven." She takes a step toward the door. "It smells delicious."
"Hang on," Celestia says, and Luna pauses.
Celestia stands and throws her arms around her younger sister. "Other you is right. You're awesome and I love you."
Luna's laugh lights up the room, and she returns the hug warmly. "What brought this on?"
Celestia leans into the embrace with a grin. "I'm learning."
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First comment reserved for author's notes. Which are mostly here, so instead I'm going to post one of the thematic inspirations for this story and the source of its original Writeoff title:
This has quite a bit more Sturm und Drang than Millay, but at its heart that's the calm center around which all the storms whirl.
Now to get Time Enough For Love polished and published!
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My college choir did a setting of this poem one year and I specifically remember this line a lot.
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About. Bucking. Time.
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Maybe that's the irony of it?
This story is legitimately one of my most favourite stories on fimfiction. Like, ever.
Okay, so Principal Celestia made some mistakes after their parents deaths, but you don't really make the case that her earliest instincts were wrong. So all her mistakes come from trying to do the right thing. Or was she being paranoid or misjudging this guy earlier?
like...goddamn.
Thank you.
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I think Princess Luna is talking to Principal Celestia like she was Princess Celestia, either without realizing or for some sort of affect with Principal Celestia
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It's Principal Celestia talking to Luna in her dream (hence the wings) and realising belatedly that it's Princess Luna. I assume the intent is that wires got crossed somewhere and Luna ended up in Principal Celestia's dream?
8313218
Also an excellent title for a story.
Equestria Girls is over four years old, now. To date, this is the only EqG story I've read that I actively enjoyed. It also truly feels like it could only have been done with EqG, as most others I've seen are either poorly-fitting highschool dramas with horse names, or stories that could easily have been horse stories, but the author wanted to make human for whatever reason. Literally the single best EqG story on the site.
And trust me, I've seen a lot of EqG stories.
Damn amazing work, Horizon.
Also, fuck you for this incredible piece of wordplay:
Lovely story. I only wish we could see more highlights of Principal Celestia's strengths, and not just focus on her weaknesses.
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Aw man, you're totally right! Or a prompt! I think I might investigate this for potential.
So, wait. I'm confused...
Is The Equestria on the other side of the mirror an AU where Celestia was banished instead of Luna, or am I getting my mental wires crossed?
Edit: Never-mind, I get it now... Silly Multiversal crossover mechanics screwing with my head...
On the one hand it was really pretty and pretty moving. On the other I just don't care for the sudden drop at the end. Questions were asked that were never answered, possibilities mentioned, all of this teasing and you didn't even follow through with one. I'll like it, but you were so close to a fav...
This started out being a very fine exploration of one of the most heartbreaking (to me) parts of Equestria Girls—the mundane cognate's longing for the fantastic forever denied them.
Then it turned into a kick straight in the gut, to me personally.
More I cannot say but perhaps we've had enough offline talks for you to glean a little of what I'm feeling here. Straight to faves, not much choice.
Probably the finest written piece I have seen on fimfics.
Masterful control of tone, implication and storyline.
Making a wonderful and enjoyable story out of an otherwise benign, characterized, or overly hallucinogenic concept.
You used a bit of slice of life to make profound themes come alive in a fragile realism.
What particularly impressed me was your strong grasp of the ideas you pontificated.
It takes great intelligence to write a story about the struggles and worries of intelligent people.
I'm sure you would be fascinating to meet IRL.
I truely enjoy this story.
I personally prefer much less shallow plots, but you have all the makings of someone who could do justice to a much longer and much more exaggerated characters.
In a sense this is an easy kind of story to write, and you wrote it to the greatest extent that it *practically speaking, of course* can be extended.
However I would be beyond interested in seeing you try to handle stories of a higher grade so to speak.
Most stories worth talking about are longer because they have too much to say, *and not just because they like the sound of their own voice, Austraeoh*
They also have an average of 2-6 strong lead roles, followed by a dozen or so backup roles.
Good stories have a bare minimum of 3/4 lead.
*Note, the greatest stories often don't differ between lead and support, as their grasp of character eliminates the need to focus on any one.*
This story, is merely a short, a very good one, but a short no less, you have barely 10k words, only one lead role, and one supporting.
My point being, kudos, amazing, now l am intrigued by your display and want to see the product.
Even better than the (already superb) writeoff version. Thanks for sharing
Time Enough for Love is probably still my favorite Writeoff story, but only just barely now. This is downright gorgeous.
The Celestia-Luna scene on the mountain peak seems much more clear now. Perhaps something changed, or maybe it's a case of "once you know, the clues are obvious." The continued ending feels good, and important, but perhaps at the cost of some emotional sharpness that leaving off with Celestia and Sunset gave the original.
Still a brilliant piece that I'm happy to have had the good fortune to have read. Twice, no less!
You and your damn hitting it out of the park. Welp. Straight to favs with this one.
Still, in my opinion, within the Top 5 best Writeoff stories ever. Top 3, maybe.
Not including mine, of course.
This was stellar. Efficient, impactful and relatable. Bravo. I'm a little unsure as to what and why exactly Celestia was writing to Princess Luna, but I get the gist of the character development. Favorited.
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See my previous comment (which was left on Chapter 3). FIMFiction, unfortunately, gets a little wacky about replying to comments from the main story page — unless you've clicked through to the same chapter as the comment you're responding to, it never sends out a notification.
Masterful
Wow, that was just... beautiful. There's always been that... contrast between Principal and Princess Celestia, that gulf between an immortal sun goddess in one world and a high school principal in another. Sometimes I still wonder who has the better life (mundane vs. dealing with a thousand year banishment of family). Thank you for the excellent fic.
Wow, this was one of the best depictions of Principle Celestia I have seen. I love the reversal of fates between the two worlds, and the final sentence was a perfect place to end. That we are not perfect and have a lot left to learn is a fantastic takeaway.
Right... I don't really know what to say. I feel like this story is unique in a way I can't quite put a finger on. It deals with familiar themes of betrayal, regret, and longing, but it works them in a way I'm unused to. Majority of that is the way it's written. It feels like, upon a brief introspection, a story with much more focus on showing us the emotions of those it is about, rather than going from point A to point B, which is the typical nature of a story.
It's strange, not knowing exactly how I feel about a story just after reading it. And I'm not talking a Like vs Dislike kind of confusion, but rather not knowing quite what to feel. Happiness? Relief? Hope? Or a simple, quiet, joy that things turned out well in the end, mixed with appreciation for a great piece of writing? I feel like I'm closest with that last one. So safe to say, I liked this story. It's familiar, yet a novelty. Taking the old and making something new with it.
This story is both perfect and yet deserves a sequel. Not sure which feeling wins out more.
I'm going to join in with the others in praising this. This is the best ponyfic I've read in a good long while, and given how many brilliant authors this site has, and how many great fics are being posted, that's saying a lot.
Bravo!
Just a question.
Is there any words of praise left unsaid for this masterpiece? Asking for a friend.
Took me a few reads to understand what's happening, but that's because I haven't had my daily dosage of caffeine today, but you don't need caffeine to know that each and every sentence is beautifully crafted in this masterpiece. This is definitely one of those stories that will resonate with me for a long time.
horizon thank you for writing this. Also damn you for my slain hopes of reading what Principal wrote to Princess Celestia. I realized too late along this story how much I wanted it, until it was never coming. You didn't waste any movements with this, it's all substance and purpose. Such heavy themes--my great sympathies to Principal Celestia's dashed expectations in light of her Equestrian history briefing. The risks of placing angels on a pedestal indeed. Your take on their feud is novel and painful, in a cathartic way. And bless you for incorporating Sunset into this process, you're a paladin for that.
Exquisitely done from start to finish. Part of me feels the need to note that the journal hasn't quite come pu yet at this point in the timneline. The rest is telling ti to shut up and enjoy the beautiful, painful journey of someone who has to learn she isn't perfect and shouldn't expect herself to be, for all applicable definitions of "she" and "herself."
Seriously, amazing work here. Thank you for it.
I saw this story and the comments listed about it and I decided to read it and see if it actually WAS as deep as they said. I was not disappointed. It was touching and thought provoking. Thank you for writing such a beautiful story and I hope many more are to come in the future.
8315650
Just a quick note, and I'm not going to tell you that you're wrong. You've made it plenty clear that it's nothing but your own opinion, but I do feel like you're missing something about the story.
In particular, I'm talking about this part of your comment
See, you talk about this from an outsider's perspective, and from someone less fortunate than her it's not easy to see why it would come off as pretentious. However, no matter how fortuitous her situation looks to someone from the outside, to her this is indeed the End of the World. Everything she knew has fallen down around her, and she feels haunted by her own mistakes. The story, I feel, deals less with someone from the outside looking in (typical 3rd person view), and it isn't quite a 1st person view either. It's somewhere in-between. The way I see it it's a direct look into Celestias mind, and the weight put onto the negativity of her situation is her own. To her, she is in the absolute gutter, even if it doesn't look that way to others. The reason it feels like it's trying to convince you how bad her situation is, is simply because that is exactly what it feels like to her.
It's a look into her mind, and what we get out of it is relative to our own experiences and expectations.
Again, I'm not saying you're wrong - not at all - but give it a thought, eh?
I am now smitten with fics about EqG Celestia's backstory and personal life, and will go on a prowl to find more.
If there aren't any more good ones, I'm blaming you for setting me up for disappointment
8315839
Well, I don't think you really failed. You did read it, if only parts of it, no?
And I see where you're coming from. Not everyone likes to read stories like these, where not a lot of stuff happens and it's mostly about sorting ones feelings out. I also prefer stories where things do happen, but these are interesting reads every now and then.
Also, I'd just like to clarify a bit about my comment.
I meant to write "It's not difficult", but apparently I had a freudian slip or something and wrote the opposite word.
So yeah, I get where you're coming from, and I think it's cool that you try to step outside of your comfort zone. Anyhow, I hope you have a good day and find something to read that you find more interesting. I would suggest, maybe, Myths and Birthrights, or Within and Without. Two of my favourite stories. And stuff does happen in those
What 8313810 said. This was a wonderful examination of the human sisters, one that canon EqG will doubtless fall short of, should they ever attempt it. I was a little thrown by Sunset's first few lines of dialogue sounding beyond her years, but that prompted me to remember she's not the typical high school kid. If anything she's been age regressed by I don't know how much. Well done
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We don't really know how long it is between the first two movies, and we can only take rough implications for the time between Sunset's escapade and when she mentions the journal to Celestia.
If anything we can take the time difference between the first movies as pretty short because the Sirens spotted the magic from the friendship laser while in town and would have immediately sought it out.
And here i was wondering about the insane upvote/downvote ratio. Have another upvote onto the pile.
All that parallelism was awesome. I'm wondering if both Celestias made the same mistake, only with different consequences. That first dream might just as well have been Princess Celestia's.
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I feel like both of you are missing, perhaps, a crucial bit : It is a character study, yes, but there's elements of both magical realism & something greater at play here. The key, I think, is in chapter 1 :
What seems obvious to me here, at least, is that Celestia - human Celestia - has the potential to be a human equivalent of an alicorn; that moment, at least, was one chance to allow her spark to ignite and she denied it. But the spark is still there. The potential is still there.
To me this isn't just about a rich girl struggling to find peace and forgiveness for her past mistakes; it's also that everything fantastic she has ever believed is true, and in the story she's making a choice to, at least for a while, not worry about that dream because there are - to her - more important things that need her now; others she can only help as the mortal angel rather than the immortal one.
But Luna wants to fly - and if her first dream was right, Luna has wings too. And Luna, I suspect, will awaken first in this world. After all, she's the Greater sister here, as Celestia is in Equestria.
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That is true. I had forgotten about that, and it's an interesting thing to take into account. It does hint, rather heavily, towards there being a possibiliy for every person there, to "ascend" and become the equivalent of their Pony Selves, in terms of skills and powers. Receiving magic, as it were. I don't think it's limited to only Celestia here, because why should it be? There's the saying that, "An Adult is simply a child that lost its imagination" and it makes me think of why should Celestia be the only one? People might point out that her parents thought her silly and doing nothing but make-believe, but what if her Parents are the adults - the ones who let go of their imagination (their Potential), whereas Celestia still holds on to it.
...I hope this makes sense. I'm writing my Bachelor thesis and my brain is full on "Blurgh" xD
I thought this was weird... not bad, certainly, but weird.
I understand it was building up to this chapter, but giving Celestia that ridiculous backstory felt rather forced. Also, it was incredibly strange and mildly disturbing that Principal Celestia married Blueblood, Princess Celestia's great-great-great*10^100 nephew. And after reading it three times I can't tell if that last dream was Princess Luna and Princess Celestia, or Principal Celestia.
I thought the writing was great, and the emotions were very evocative, but I just thought some of those choices were very very odd.
Hmm... conversation had enough of an impact to knock the capitals off. (Or maybe not, given later?)
Lovely story. Reflecting roles across universes was a great tool to examine both Celestias (and Lunas, a bit), and the outcome was affecting and at times painful, even if in some cases that was the pain of healing given a chance to begin.
The reversal of the instigator of the Luna/Celestia antagonism also helped to deal with the problem of reduced scale on the EQG side of the portal, which left a real Nightmare Moon analog impossible, or better suited to comedy--thinking of the one where (I believe) Luna used Celestia's parking space for a few minutes and it escalated to her doing overnights in jail and maybe community service for a while (wish I could remember which story that was and who it was by--was that one of yours?).
I wonder, now, exactly what the content of the original principal/princess conversation with Twilight was, and if on her return to Canterlot High, the principal may have something to say regarding pedestals.
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All fair, in the end. Everyone can't like everything after all.
8315650
Considering this fic was first written anonymously for a contest—where it won third place against stiff competition—I don’t think this theory checks out.
8317886 Dude, up until now, you've been critiquing this story in good faith. I don't agree with your appraisal, but it was at least delivered respectfully, if bluntly.
Right here, though, you're just being a dick. Knock it off.
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A: I hated this food. It's such typical steakhouse food. Nothing but a giant slab of meat and some starches to pad it out. An actually good meal does cool things with sauces, maybe adds some hot peppers or spice blends.
B: Yeah, but this is really good steakhouse food.
A: I've never liked steakhouse food but I gave it a try. This didn't change my mind. I know everyone thinks steakhouses are the best thing ever. They're wrong.
C: Hey look don't slam steakhouse food. You haven't lived until you've had a farm-fresh top sirloin cooked rare and bloody.
A: I'm a vegetarian.
So, um, I should first note that I don't have a problem with the criticism. (On the contrary, I'm grateful to have someone push themselves out of their comfort zone, dislike it, and express their dissent with the story rather than drive-by downvoting or just giving up! I take it as a compliment that my writing is highly enough regarded that it's worth experimenting on, even if the experiment wasn't a success.)
Yeah, I feel like 8317886 did cross the line from critique into straight-up dragging the story, and I'd rather not see more of that, but if I was actually hurt by it I'd take it up with Jub. As Jub says, we're cool.
I'm just not sure if the conversation has anywhere left to go from here. The opinion has been stated that the story is bad because reasons, opinions have been stated that the story is good for orthogonal reasons, and there's a big genre mismatch that's already been straight-up acknowledged. So thanks for all speaking up but we should probably let this one rest.
I will respond to one of the criticisms in the original post — of Celestia being unrelatable because whiny rich girl problems — by noting that you are not alone in saying so. I totally acknowledge that as a problem that can keep people from connecting with the story, and I completely understand: I have actually leveled that exact criticism at other stories before. If that's a dealbreaker, then this just isn't going to be a good story for you.
For this story, the reason it works for me (and many others, apparently) is that this isn't just about a rich girl — it's about Celestia. It's a compare-and-contrast with a princess-goddess. EqG Celestia is a mere high school official, but I deliberately wanted to make her larger than life — to make her feel like someone whose alternate self was an alicorn. So the thing that I normally hate is something I'm deliberately invoking.
And (again) for me, Principal Celestia gets a class-warrior pass because Princess Celestia has always gotten a pass. She's uncorrupted power, or at least as close as you can get and still have a world with conflict. Yes, she has screwed up (and big), but the world of ponies we see is effectively a utopia and it's her utopia; I can't hate her for her wealth or power (or more importantly, the asshole-squandering-of-it-while-people-are-in-desperate-need that lights my class rage fires) because in canon ponies aren't in desperate need the way they are here. (Yes yes this is an arguable point: I am outlining why it works for me.)
This is a Principal Celestia story, and she's a screw-up with first-world problems. But commentary on her is (by reflection) commentary on the immortal alicorn she's based off of, and "there but for the grace of Harmony go I" is pretty compelling to me.
It's okay that you don't feel the same way. Again, thank you all for speaking up.
8318691 It wasn't the criticism of the story that bothered me. Like I said, it all came from a place of good faith, and an honest, if bluntly negative, review isn't something to get up in arms over. It was more the comment about the competition this faced in the writeoff. There were some damn fine horsewords submitted for that round*, and I didn't like seeing them belittled so casually.
*except the one with the eyeballs and shakespeare. whoever wrote that should be ashamed of himself.