My name is Smarty Pants.
I want to tell you about my friend, Twilight Sparkle.
She's my best friend. And I'm her best friend too.

Or, at least I was...

If you wish to explore Equestria - you'll need this guidebook. It details all the creatures you'll most likely meet on your adventures, and the rarest ones too! This is Fascinating Creatures and How Not to Get Killed by Them.

Written by: Some newt that waves a stick around and mumbles weird words
Cowritten by: Fluttershy

Inspiration taken from that one book where a newt who waves a stick around to shoot lights into the air went around some world where there are witches and gathered all the information for a book detailing some monsters and creatures so you don't get killed by them.

This is meant as a joke - so if you want the shitpost part of it skip all the legit ones about the dragons and whatnot.

Pinkie sets out on a quest to determine which of her friends makes the softest pillow.

Thanks to 6-D Pegasus for writing one-fifth of this story and for proofreading.

Thanks to Forcalor for pre-reading.

Cover done by IrradiatedPirateBooty.

Translated into Chinese by Nova Twinkle, available here.

Now with two readings, one done by Rainbow Infinity Readings, and one done by Pony&Wolf Productions.

Twilight Sparkle definitely learned her lesson from her last time-travel experience. This one's not her fault. Really. Sometimes nature can be... annoying.

Featured on Equestria Daily!

Many thanks to Uma for the story idea.

Reading by The Living Library Player Society.

Twilight Sparkle has important friendship problems to solve. However, that's hard to do with a "reformed" villain following you around all day.

(Context for later readers: This is based on the old Season 5 buzz when Starlight Glimmer — who got beaten in the Season 5 opener but escaped — canonically showed up in the background of the café in "Amending Fences". It was a big deal at the time.)

Audio versions:
Livereading by mindlessgonzo and friend!
Reading by Pony&Wolf Productions!

Finalist in the July 2015 Writeoff! Now revised and expanded for FIMFiction!

"Highly Recommended" by MLPmatthewl419! * Other reviews: Present Perfect, Titanium Dragon, PaulAsaran, Ghost Mike

Just what became of six legendary Equestrian heroes? And where did the first Alicorns come from?

The answer is both more exalting and more disgusting than one might expect.

Rated “T” for Turbid, “IM” for immaturity, and “S” for unapologetic silliness.

The Critics Rave!

“…a classic undignified farce…”—A British Gentleman

“…I am impressed, amazed, shocked and appalled. I’m impramazocktapalled.”—AlphaBrony

“GGA burns the good faith I had in him after the Riverdream Manuscript…” — Anonymous

PRINCESS TWILIGHT SPARKLE: DEAD AT 18

TELEPORTATION INVARIABLY FATAL, WARNS LEADING SCHOLAR

One look at the headline of the Canterlot Times and Twilight knew that she should have slept in today. But at least none of her friends would be silly enough to believe she was killing herself every time she teleported, right?

There is now a Spanish translation of this story, courtesy of Spaniard Kiwi

Celestia discovers she is eight thousand years older than Luna. Both of the sisters go down to the basement to see if they can discover the cause, and they find something even better.

Cute pictures.

Gift for Otterwa.

This story is a sequel to Alcohol Addled Alicorns

Princess Cadance receives a summons to appear at a Canterlot police station regarding her multiple citations for drunk and disorderly behavior.

There's just one problem. Cadance hasn't been in Canterlot in months.

Featured from 1/18 to 1/22/2022, peaking at #1. Thanks, everypony!

Princesses Celestia and Luna would quite like to retire, now that Twilight Sparkle's ready to take the throne. But Twilight doesn't seem to have gotten the message.

Reading by Straight To The Point Studio

Thanks to Solstice Shimmer and MitchH for putting up with my random thoughts.

Cover image: this + this