Fic recs, March 1st: Super Happy Hearts and Hooves Lovefest Edition! · 6:51pm Mar 1st, 2015
Before I start, since I said I would post it, my reading of Magello's Most Dangerous Game Contest entry, To Love the Sun is now live!
So, the Super-Duper-Pooper-Scooper Lovey-Love-Love Thingy came out of entirely fucking nowhere, as far as I'm concerned. I didn't notice the original announcement, nor did it really hit home when Pascoite showed me his entry for "Seth's thing" just what it was he was doing. So I was rather peeved to see the EQD post on February 14th, as I was barely a quarter of the way through MMDGC at the time and not looking forward to putting it off. But put it off I did, in favor of something that had more of an expiration date (I had rightfully resigned myself to not finishing MMDGC any time soon), and now here we are, surprisingly less than a short month later!
Sadly, I was not too impressed with this event, and the numbers reflect that. :/ I suspect this not being a contest, people weren't trying their best. There's also a lot of first-time writers here, and I hope they'll take this feedback into account, should they see it. I did try to be a little constructive at least, but these reviews are more for readers than authors. And on that note, the next time there's a non-contest event on EQD? I will be discerning and only read the stories I think I'm going to like. :| No more of this completionist bullshit. (Now I know why people hate shipfics, I'm serious.)
On that note, if you're not into horse kissing where is the joy in your life you're probably not going to be too interested in these, so I've adjusted the ratings to reflect that. You won't find any "For shippers only" in this round! That said, there are a few you might want to check out, and I'll list them here:
Peachie Pie's Very Special Somepony by Vital Spark
The Great and Showerful Trixie by Pascoite
Crystal Legacy by Cerulean Voice
Too Much Love Will Kill You by A Hoof-ful of Dust
That last one does feature shipping, but it's not a shipfic. It's also fantastic and should be skipped only if the very thought of two ponies being in a relationship for any reason makes you physically ill. Seriously, it's fantastic and not a shipfic and you should read it. Anyway, check out those and 53 more lovey-dovey shipfics after the break!
Highly Recommended: 2
Recommended: 5
Conditionally Recommended: 10
Vaguely Recommended: 10
Not Recommended: 29
Incomplete: 1
(And yeah, I didn't proofread these as usual for events, cuz there's too many. :B)
A Two-Toned Augmentation! Mactavia! by Greatmewtwo: A chance encounter leads Octavia to join the Ponytones. Gotta love a nice anime title. I like this story because it makes no sense at all. How do you fix a wagon wheel with a cello string? There are word use issues everywhere and the pacing is ludicrously fast. It does nothing to sell the MacTavia. Yet there's a certain charm to it, an eagerness, that really shines through. It's like a crackfic, save that I think it was written in earnest. A fun read. V
Follow My Lead by Bysen: Snips tries to find a filly to be his special somepony, so that Snails will ask Twist the same thing. Man, I remember when Twails was a Thing. I shipped that hard. This is a cute fic. I love the setup, and Snips and Snails are characterized well (to say nothing of Apple Bloom). That said, general readers are going to be turned off by the sheer lack of proofreading at work here. Just about every error you can think of is present. I can’t help liking it, though, so just be warned. V
Dinner and Show by Crimsion Ink: Cheerilee grows increasingly irritated by her date’s reticence. This is somewhat amusing, playing as it does off of the Ponytones episode, but I still don’t think Cheerimac can work, and this doesn’t offer much besides. The writing has a lot of structural issues and the climax of the story comes down to a dramatic tear-fest from Cheerilee. There’s something to be said for the importance of communication in a relationship, which this very clearly illustrates, but the whole thing feels like a non-issue. N
Running Into You by Hasegawa-Miharu038: I honestly can’t figure out what’s going on in this story. Are they already together? Usually you’ll get a “marefriend” or two thrown in when that’s the case. I suppose it could be a series of unconnected scenes spanning the course of a relationship, which would explain some of the confusion. It definitely feels like A.S.S., though, not to mention very little happens and the final line is way too sappy to be Rainbow Dash. This feels like an entry from someone who hasn’t been writing very long, given the deluge of paired adjectives. N
Her Day by Hillbe: “The sun was doing what it does” is how you start off a comedy, not a serious romance-tagged fic. And that’s just the beginning of the troubles. This story is marked by a distressing number of highly idiosyncratic writing issues at the basic level. The characters don’t talk like people, let alone themselves. It’s fast and full of typos. Various sentences make no sense, and transitions only serve to obfuscate the story’s meaning. Worst of all, it’s Sparity and it ends on a pregnancy joke. Even if it wasn’t poorly written, I would be disgusted. N
Spark Ignighted by DuskShimmer: Princess Luna invites Twilight to Canterlot. This is very plainly written, with things just happening and the reader being told about them. More to the point, I couldn’t penetrate those blocks of dialogue. Oh my god apparently Twilight and Luna use R63 spells to have babies with each other. This is one of the worst things I’ve ever read. It’s not even laughably bad, it’s like this person has never actually read a story. N
Love Is a Four Letter Word by snapplejackdaniels404: This is every bad Sparity fic ever. It’s got the usual slew of writing issues, Spike confesses his love to Rarity, she reciprocates, it doesn’t matter because they don’t sound like themselves anyway. Oh, but randomly Flashlight at the end. That makes everything better. Also, the second chapter is the same scene copypasted twice. N
Sweet and Complete by Blazewing: Throwing a party for Sweetie Belle brings Rarity and Applejack closer together. There’s something to be said for this, if only in context: the author definitely understands how to write the characters. The narration gets fairly bald in places, but this is better than most of what I’ve read so far. Then there’s a couple paragraphs detailing just how large Rarity’s belly has gotten and ehhhh. Yeah, this is Rarijack for fat fetishists. And it’s likely the best one you’ll ever read. The shipping is decent and plays well off of Simple Ways. Mostly it’s just the fact that it will only appeal to a certain niche. C, For Fatty Chasers
Big Mac in a Small Town by Anonymoose: Spike and Big Mac try to decide how to make their relationship public. I’m sorry, but changing the pony doesn’t change the fundamental issues with Sparity (though he’s at least aged-up). This also turned me off early on with some overwrought drunken speech peppered with random asides like how “dykey” Bon-Bon might be. Even if I liked this ship, I think I would take issue with how the characters are written: Spike’s a dick, Rarity’s manipulative, Big Mac is moony and ineffective. This also takes the preachy route with their relationship status. In all, not something I enjoyed reading. N
The Stars by Stormie-squall: What if Twilight Sparkle had been visited in her dreams by Luna? This is an AU that will require a lot of hard things to swallow in order to work. The moon, for instance, is a literal prison holding Luna, who is able to exert her power over dreams while in exile. Celestia knows about this. The Nightmare is a separate entity. Unfortunately, years of commentary from other writers has rendered me unable to appreciate this kind of setup. It removes a lot of the tragedy of the Nightmare Moon story, not to mention the agency from Luna. This thankfully skips redoing a lot of the pilot, but it also moves pretty quickly and I have some issues with how both Celestia and Nightmare Moon are written. Not to mention Twilight knowing what she’s getting into with the Elements deflates a lot of what made the pilot great. Lastly, the shipping doesn’t really work. This isn’t terrible, but I feel it might have been better off done after the fact than during it. N
Kiss Me in the Rain by Paris Sprite: Fluttershy and Big Macintosh meet as they always do. The first thing that makes this hard to read is the lack of spacing or indenting for paragraphs. The second thing is the pronouns. “She” is used to refer to two characters, and hardly ever with a referent in the sentence to make it clear who’s being talked about. This is honestly pretty cute otherwise, but it’s not going to appeal to many readers. N
A Scaly Love Story by Big Brony: Twilight tries to help Spike get a date with Rarity. This gets off to a bad start with hyphenated Sweetie Belle dating Button Mash via WoW — literally, World of Warcraft — at an internet cafe. Not to mention that everyone is paired with someone. There’s something to be said for having more than one relationship in a shipfic, but this is ridiculous. But of making Twilight a Sparity enabler just serves to make the ship even worse. At least they don’t end up totes in wuv by the end; that helps balance out the earlier bad point, but the end result is kind of pointless, all things considered. N
A Dragon’s Love by Blue Lightning Brony: This is poorly written enough that I couldn’t figure out what was going on at various points. Silver Spoon and Diamond Tiara aren’t introduced, for instance, they’re just disembodied voices taunting Sweetie Belle. I think there’s some translation issues at play, honestly. N
Peachie Pie’s Very Special Somepony by Vital Spark: Peachie Pie is determined to find a very special somepony. I’m of two minds about the characters in this story: it’s very coy about them being aged-up, which is important to know if you’re going to evaluate a shipfic, but on the other hand, it does a good job not just coming out and saying it, so kudos. Of course, it is rather forward about its premise, and I grew quickly tired of seeing the words ‘very special somepony’. The narration feels a little odd until this moves into something of a fairy tale. There’s honestly a Goldilocks cadence to them running down the list of potential someponies that I found charming. This is overall cute, and the ending actually surprised me. Don’t let me undersell that: this story actually dares to be different and not simply deliver expectations, and that means a lot in this event so far. Slice of life fans will get the most out of this, but it has a lot going for it. R
First Date by Miss Spectrum: Sunset Shimmer wants her date with Twilight Sparkle to go perfectly. This gets off to a rocky start: you have to accept that the date has already been set up and also Rarijack. But while this suffers somewhat from random asides, I rather liked Sunset’s narrative voice, and that made a strong impression even while I was trying to figure out what was going on. (Oddly, the dialogue doesn’t sound the same.) This ends up being a strange mix of “off” and “on”, which left open to be somewhat disappointed by the ending. Diehard Sunlight shippers might want to check this out, but I don’t think it’ll have much appeal beyond that. V
Thunderbass Asks Sunset Shimmer Out by Tennis Match Fan: This is amusing and all, but it’s just a thousand words of a guy trying to “wear down” a girl, pestering her until she gives up and goes out with him. It’s an outdated narrative these days, and we need to move away from it. N
Luna and the Moon by Unicoding Unicorn: I think this is a story about Luna having magical sex with the moon. I need to lie down. V
Passing Notes by hunterz263: Octavia catches the eye of a certain Royal Guard. This story very awkwardly sets up a darker, grittier Canterlot as an excuse to have more royal guards there because this is, believe it or not, a FlashTavia fic. Which amused me to no end because I thought it was going to be just another OctaScratch (that I haven’t seen any yet amazes me). There’s a lot of problems with the dialogue, though, which trends toward naked exposition and lends this even more awkwardness. Not to mention Octavia consistently calls him by his full name. Vinyl’s role is a lot of fun, though, and seriously, flaws aside, I’m just glad for something different for once. V
A Date at Dusk by keaton-furman-prower (Review #1800!): After returning to the “wrong” Equestria, Sonata Dusk starts up a relationship with a certain alicorn prince. Goddammit, DuskDusk. No, seriously, that ship name is great. This story is stupid cute, heavy on the stupid, because the setup is just so ridiculously convoluted. But it’s able to get a lot across in medias res. If this does anything wrong, it’s having both of them secretly like each other. I was very disappointed by that. Can’t say I didn’t like it, though. C, For Sonata Fans
Fit for a Princess by bookplayer (Sequel to A Fact for Twilight): Applejack hopes the necklace she wants to propose to Twilight with will be enough. After reading A Fact for Twilight, I was looking forward to this, which should tell you something about that story if I haven’t reviewed it first. This is the kind of story that makes me love shipping, and on that note, I really needed it because very little of this cockamamie event has been enjoyable for me up to this point. >.< But it takes AJ and Twilight’s relationship and frames it against AJ’s parents, and the meaning of the necklace and hat, and AJ’s youthful excursion to Manehattan. It’s romantic and emotional and full of character understanding and I just want to hug this story. ;_; H
Prince Blueblood Hate Tea by Skarsnik: There’s the kernel of a good story in here, another one about the importance of tea to high society ponies and the unusual TwiBlood ship, but it’s buried under what I have to assume is a language barrier. N
Hearts and Hooves Day by Leonardo Oliver Osborn: I’ll give the author credit for doing something unusual, having basically a stallion and mare version of the same comment-run story, but second-person already makes this tough to read, and the writing is just not there at all. It’s incomplete, but I don’t have any desire to continue past what’s there. N
Loving the Night by kindofararity7: If you don’t look at the description and tags, you’ll be lost for a significant portion of this piece. And even if you do figure out this is Luna and a nameless guard, the characters are flat. Without personality, they have no chemistry, and so the romance is entirely lacking. There isn’t much story in here either, or maybe I just wasn’t able to care about it. N
Love Is Life by QueenFangirl: This labels itself “barely edited”. It is correct. This involves some very, er, original characters of the author’s design, and I couldn’t really figure out what I was supposed to care about. Something about a serial killer, which is not exactly what I expected from a shipfic. N
Pancakes at the End by oddsbodiKittens: Twilight brings her library to life. Like so many stories in this event, this is very much a first fic, and it’s got a lot of issues, writing-wise, but damned if I don’t love the concept. It’s so outlandish, it’s just wonderful. V
Mail Call by BlazzingInferno: Rainbow Dash gets a letter from a secret admirer. Blazzing pulled a Titanium Dragon and submitted a writeoff fic, the cheeky cad! (Wait, I haven’t done MMDGC yet, no one’s gonna understand that.) This moves a little fast, but it’s fun because you know more or less from the start who the admirer is and get to watch Rainbow putting things together. Plus, Derpy has a fantastic role as matchmaker. I like the complications the story goes through, it’s just the pacing that’s an issue. C, If You Don’t Mind Fast Pacing
Blind Date by arrogantkitsune: Big Macintosh is set on a blind date by Discord. This is a crackfic. It’s glorious. It moves fast and I don’t really see what Discord has to do with anything, but you’ll never guess who his blind date is. (This did gay shipping without preaching!) C, For Crackshipping Fans
The Anniversary by Birdy: Derpy and the Doctor celebrate their one-year anniversary. It took me a while to figure out the author was using underline for emphasis. I spent the rest of the fic being disgusted by the ship. I do not ship Doctor Whooves because canonically, he's been married, what, once? Why would he shack up with a pony? (Also, I just hate the romance aspect of new Who.) Anyway, this might appeal to people who are into that kind of thing, but they'll have to contend with rapid-fire expository dialogue and everything having already happened. The rest of us will miss nothing. N
”The Wedding Bells Will Be Ringing Soon” by Big Brony: Two lovers keep in touch while one is off to war. I immediately noticed the constant malapropisms. They make this an interesting read, if nothing else. The tone is very overdramatic, but there's an underlying romanticism in this that just wants to come out. I honestly like the idea here, I just hope the writer will continue to work on improving their writing. N
Forever by Rubbaduckwolf: Sweetie and Button would wait for each other forever. You had me at 'OC Quarantine Area'. (Of course, the story then places Button Mash there, which is incorrect, if allegorical.) This story is hilarious, but fails to stick the ending, transitioning from patently gleeful ridiculousness to serious and brief. It almost feels unfinished. Still a fun read, just don't expect a punchline. C, For Laughs
Room Sweet Room by Eugene Velvelidis and Jim Fotopolous: Applejack accompanies Rarity to Manehattan. This isn't just telly, it's explainy, regularly filling us in on minor details we were just apprised of. It's also got some dialogue passages in script format, not to mention AJ is written poorly. As is everything, really. I honestly have nothing positive to say about this one. N
Three Chords and the Truth by Hsere: Sunset Shimmer runs into Flash Sentry in the music room. This coasts by on some good Sunset characterization (to say nothing of the way Flash is written!), a look into her history with Flash and the music they once shared, and of course I am all about the Sunflash. They way they act around each other is great, perfect teenager romance, and honestly, there’s nothing I don’t like about this. R
A Non-Chaotic Hearts and Hooves Day by ajvasquezbrony28: Discord decides to kick things up a notch at the Hearts and Hooves Day ball. This is another of the event stories that has a lot of writing problems but a good core. Discord’s motivation is solid (despite me not liking that ship!), and of course I like who he ends up drugging with love potion (not poison). Plus, there’s a couple more side ships in this to enjoy. Not something for the broad audience, but I’d say this author is improving. V
Don’t Be a Grump on Valentine’s Day! by A_Door_To_Imagination: I got to "Meanwhile in Los Angeles, Danny Sexbang" and ragequit. Don’t write RPF, people. N
A Stern Lesson by flying_whimsy: One of the guards assigned to duty ahead of the royal wedding meets an enchanting mare. The dialogue immediately comes off as wooden and expository. I also found this hard to believe, though as a look at the wedding from another angle, it’s certainly novel. It’s just, a guard dancing with a random pony, then leading another to his house? A little hard to swallow, and it didn’t hurt that the tags give away the reveal. Plus, I’m not entirely sure what the point was, i.e., whether both mares were one and the same. V
Shipwrecked by Ren Sen Solomon: I think this is trying to be a comedy, but ‘trying’ is the operative word, as in ‘trying too hard’. There are some gems to be had, like the line comparing Celestia to a four-year-old with a snowglobe, but overall this just wants to be zany and goes way off the deep end. At least it pans Sparity. N
Falling for You by Geasswolf: This is actually a single entry of a piece called My Little Pony Beyond Worlds Dokusha no Sentaku, which translates to ‘reader’s choice’ (or 'reader's laundry', depending on who you ask :V) and is a comment-driven story, apparently. It's also not a stand-alone, as we immediately encounter Fluttershy and a grey pegasus named Lelouch. I'm going to assume, given the author's name, that this is a crossover with an anime I've never seen. Yeah, he's from Japan and Fluttershy likes him. Unfortunately, not being familiar with the show or story, this guy just feels like a random OC, and I didn't give a damn about him. Ridiculous plot aside, the narrative was telly and the dialogue expository, which had the benefit of bringing the reader up to speed. Still, why would you submit a single chapter of something to an event like this? N
Sweetie Ultima by Vaze Mardez: This is beyond random, and not in a good way. I can't adequately sum it up, save to say the author says they weren't really trying and it shows. This might have appeal for those into crack/badfic, but even then I wouldn't call this a must read. N
For a Very Special Somepony by EmyliaHawke: Misty Moonrise gets roses from a secret admirer who doesn't know she hates them. After suffering through so many poorly-written stories in this event, it's nice to come across something written by an author who obviously likes words. Granted, I was slightly turned off from the opening due to floridness, but overall, this felt like one of the official novels (the author says she writes for younger sisters), if skewed slightly higher, vocab-wise. The all-OC cast (Twilight is the only show character who makes an appearance) reminded me of Moonlight, if only because one dude is pine tree. The characters are slightly plain, though they do stand apart enough to keep straight, and the cafe scene lets one or two of them really breathe. (I suspect this is not meant as an introduction to the characters.) As for the plot, it’s simple, but effective, slightly pat as H&H Day stuff goes, but thankfully doesn’t overshoot the ending. It’s just about two ponies getting closer, and nothing more. Overall, a pleasant read. C, If You’re Not Turned Off By Florid Prose
Let Sleeping Ponies Lie by HapHazred: Applejack finds out Rainbow’s been drawing her. I’m not entirely certain I buy Rainbow Dash secretly being an artist, which is unfortunate, since it’s the central impetus behind everything that happens in this piece. That said, the way she’s written on her own otherwise is quite good, and an early comedic scene featuring AJ dealing with an unruly customer helped win the story back into my good graces. This vacillates between “good characterization” (points for Rarity here, too) and “I can’t believe what’s happening”, like AJ throwing another pony’s furniture at Rainbow’s house or pretty much anything related to Twilight. And taking this as an AU only really covers Rainbow’s end of things. I think the problem with this story is that the elements upon which it focuses are the clearest, and everything else is kind of muddled around the edges. It’s still one of the better pieces in the event, for what that’s worth. The nail in this is the A.S.S., sad to say. V
Scotchy Don’t Hurt Me, Don’t Hurt Me, No More by ChaotixSpark: Bubble Berry contemplates a dream he had about his friend Butterscotch. R63-verse, anyone? The voicing is convincing, as is Bubble’s dislike of Hearts and Hooves Day (seriously, I’ve never seen that before, but I totally buy it). That said, I find it hard to believe that Berry of all ponies would be concerned with ‘homoequestrian’ (prize for worst pun, right there) relationships, let alone liking anyone at all. And unfortunately, this is caught up entirely in gender politics and not, y’know, telling a story. The shipping isn’t terribly good (that it happens offscreen is the least of its problems), and while it’s nice that everyone ends up being supportive by the end, again there’s barely a story here. Also, this doesn’t appear to have been edited and fails the Artemis Luna Test. N
The Plunge by An-Twan Star (Sequel to Old Paths, New Directions): Aerial play takes on new meaning for Gilda and Lightning Dust. All you really need to know from the previous story (the author's Outside Insight entry, originally) is that Gildust. Which is apparently better than Gildash. I continue to enjoy this series, and like its predecessor, this excels with world-building and characterization, not to mention the look into Gilda's past. The writing is still a bit rough, but given how far the author has come, I have no qualms about recommending this. R
The Enemy of My Enemy by Pen Stroke: The return of King Sombra unites Celestia and Chrysalis in an uneasy peace. When not being pedantic and overexplaining its every nuance, this is a good adventure. Despite being the second-longest story of the event, you can feel it straining to be longer, but through just a smattering of intermittent scenes focused on characters at a very personal level, Pen Stroke has been able to convey a surprisingly epic scope. Granted this same intermittence does the romance no favors, but this still puts my attempt at Chrysalis/Luna shipping to shame. This pushed all the right Badasslestia buttons, and fans of changelings will appreciate the world-building. I also liked the use of love as a central motif. C, If You Don't Mind Overexplaining
There’s a First Time for Everything by Dubs Rewatcher: Pinkie falls in love with Fluttershy, much to Fluttershy’s consternation. Now for a story where Pinkie does like H&H day! (And eating cookie dough. Why have I never read her eating cookie dough before?) This story is super-duper cute, not to mention hilarious. It portrays Pinkie in what I see as the most realistic manner when it comes to romance: she’d be terrible at it. The difference between Pinkie-terrible and Twilight-terrible romance is that Pinkie has no idea she’s bad at it, you see. And of course, playing this off of Fluttershy, who isn’t about to let her know things are going poorly, sets this up for some tragic fallout. Despite that sudden tonal shift in the middle, this goes where I was hoping it would and ends on a comedic note once again. This is definitely one of the top entries, y'know, if this were a contest. R
The Smith by rathgood: After finding out he's good with numbers, and Crystal pony magic, Twilight starts learning more about Big Macintosh. The first sentence of this story is a run-on, and the writing never gets any better. What's neat about this is that Big Mac goes to the castle to help Twilight figure out why one of Apple Bloom's potions went horribly wrong. Like, he's doing complex math with her on a blackboard. It's definitely a good starting point for TwiMac, it just doesn't have the writing chops to back it up yet. N
Sunny With a Chance of Shipping by The 24th Pegasus: Hearts and Hooves Day is a great day for Princess Cadence, and a bit of pain for anyone without a special somepony. This sets itself up as a comedy pretty quickly, but even still, it has one of the most atrocious footnotes I've ever seen, and that despite having only the one. I really could have done without the self-aware narrator, too, because when this isn't trying to be wacky/zany/random, it's pretty darn funny. No, but I seriously love that Cadence makes motorboat noises, it's perfect. C, If You Don't Mind the Joke Being in the Cover Art
The Great and Showerful Trixie by Pascoite: Trixie shares an intimate moment in the shower with the pony she loves most. Here's one I read earlier! And it happens to be the most sensual story of the event, not to mention a good look at Trixie. What's great about this story is how cattily it plays with expectations. Unfortunately, well, someone's already done it. I won't say who, because that would likely spoil the twist, but if you haven't read that particular story, this one might actually be better. At the very least, it does the same idea more seriously. C, For Trixie Fans
Third Gear OSS: Sharing Hearts Is Magic by BNuts: A series of vignettes about couples on Hearts and Hooves Day. You know, up until right now when I checked, I thought this event had an upper word limit. It doesn't. This story is 27k words long. Anyway, the opening chapter of this turned me off by being entirely dialogue; that's not a good way to introduce a lot of characters, even if some of them are from the show. Thankfully, the whole story isn't like that, it just serves to give something of a framework to what would otherwise be unrelated scenes. The first installment is Dislestia, and despite that being one of my absolute favorite ships, I didn't enjoy it. Celestia is moony and weepy, and has pretty much no reason to do anything with Discord other than "I'm lonely". It does a great disservice to both characters and the dynamic they have in the show. I gave it another chance with the second (well, third) chapter, which involves a wholly original ship: TrenderPie. Unfortunately, it has the same problems: flat dialogue, flat narration, and, yes, lengthy dialogues of talking heads. It's at least easy to keep track of who's who, but ultimately did nothing to convince me it was even trying to ship them. Given the author's inability to write show characters well, I don't even want to think what the original characters are going to be like. DNF: 3/15
Donut Nights by Azure129: Tired from avoiding intruding on intimate Hearts and Hooves night dreams, Princess Luna seeks refuge in Canterlot's best late-night donut shop. I really want to like this, because the idea is great, but the writing is kind of rough, the POV slides around, and the shipping is pretty heavy-handed. But really, "Joe of the Donuts". This has some Luna Test issues, but that little phrase, and the dialogue in general, goes a long way towards making this an enjoyable read. Discord, written very well, injects a lot of humor into the story (the narrative humor is another part that doesn't work as well), and rather steals the whole thing. Honestly, it was a bit of a crapshoot before he showed up, but he saves the story. C, For Discord (And Luna) Fans
Crystal Legacy by Cerulean Voice (Sequel to Essenza di Amore): On Hearts and Hooves Day, Princess Cadence has something to show her husband. The writing's a little shaky at the start, mostly filling us in on the background so this can stand on its own, but after that, this becomes another pretty cool installment of Cerulean's Cadence mythos. Honestly, all you need in order to understand this is knowledge of Cadence's canon backstory; the details from Essenza will fill themselves in in due course. This turns out to be a really intense and emotional story, and not for the reasons you'd expect, an adventure-in-a-bottle with Cadence reconciling her past. It's some great stuff! R
Too Much Love Will Kill You by A Hoof-ful of Dust: Can Twilight be sure who her marefriend is? Someone once posited to me that Twishy is such a low-energy ship that it might as well be comatose. That they wouldn't challenge each other, just sit around and say nothing and it would make for a boring story, at the very least. This story seeks to challenge that, in the sense that being low-energy is not a bad thing at all. Of course, this isn't a Twishy fic. Not at all. The writing is gripping and the twists and turns engaging. This is a great piece, about the nature of reality, that will titillate and enthrall anyone who enjoys dream logic and time loops. (Although this isn't a time loop!) H
And now it's time for the incompletes! I saved these for last hoping they would finish. They didn't. Time's up.
A Respite by Night_Prism: The first chapter of this is a blow-by-blow rundown of the climax of Griffon the Brush-Off. Not only is it plagiarism, with only the final line adding anything to the scene, but the rest of the story is in first-person, so I really have to wonder why the decision was made to do that. It gives a very poor first impression, too, because the writing in the rest of the story is a lot better. This follows a friend of Rainbow Dash's from flight school, as they have dalliances and comfort each other (well, mostly Dash needs the comfort), and despite the POV character being kind of a self-absorbed ass, I was pretty convinced and read the whole thing. Real review when it's done, I guess! I
The Shipping Bar by Spirit Guide: Twilight opens a bar for couples. Okay, the concept of this story, just... what? Not to mention that it's actually called "shipping" by the characters in the story. And then you have the plethora of super-special OCs, including the self-insert who's a love interest for Twilight. Not to mention the extremely telly opening and otherwise odd writing did nothing to sell this. It's not terrible, but it's not the kind of story I'm really interested in. N
A Pegasus Salute by Winged Cat (Sequel to Seeing Sanguine): If anything feels off about this, I don't think it's the writing, but this being a side-story that does not stand alone to a story I have no particular interest in reading. Anyway, the first chapter involves Twilight teasing and then rejecting Rainbow Dash. I didn't feel like either of them was in character (it could be explained in the other story, who knows, I didn't come here to read that one, and using an EQD event to promote another of your stories by writing a sequel to it is pretty low), and the fact that this opens with a discussion of wingboners -- the titular 'salute' -- didn't really make me want to read any further. N
Cadance: The Love Arsenal by IndiBrony: Princess Cadence introduces the readers to the 'arsenal' she uses to spread love in Equestria. The way this is written -- awkwardly present-tense, Cadence talking to the audience -- is bizarre, and doesn't endear me to the story in the least. Also, I sense an "over 9000" joke on the horizon. Like, that may be the entire reason this story exists, and I don't want to find out if that's true. N
Be Mine Tonight by AppleDashShipping: During a class assignment, Button Mash is partnered with his crush, Sweetie Belle. The first chapter almost lost me, between Button's feelings belying his age, the POV sliding around, and Diamond Tiara acting out of character. When that last bit was revealed to be a ruse, my attention was got, but ultimately lost. POV aside, the writing in this story is pretty decent. But the further I got into it, the more I realized it's just every Button Mash thing ever. Chapter 3's lengthy "characters inside the video game" Minecraft sequence is what ultimately lost me. That said, I can't honestly pan this as anything worse than derivative, and I'm sure ButtonBelle fans will enjoy it. But probably no one else. V
Of Lonely Hearts and Objectum Sexuality by Electronic Pony (Review #200 of 2015!): The first chapter turned me off with fast pacing and Applejack being both loudly expository and whining about being alone on Hearts and Hooves Day. Then I realized this is a story about each of the mane cast being in love with inanimate objects and noped away. I mean, I wrote that once, but it was a one-off joke. Despite the random tag, this isn't particularly funny and I don't think we need to cover that ground anymore. And so we end on a low note. N
If you read this far, I thank you. I plan to do a "normal" journal next, to get some things that've been festering for a while out of the way, and then I'll get back to MMDGC. See you later!
Woo, more romancey things to read. That one genre I'll never truly get down pat. :/
THIS IS ALL THE VALIDATION I EVER WANTED
You're a braver man than I. Glad I could provide you some relief.
Seriously, thanks for taking the time to review my story.
You know that I always love your reviews, Present.
If we were in Equestria, I'd TOTALLY ask you to be my very special somepony.
But seriously, I'm glad you liked it! The idea of "Pinkie thinks she's in love with Fluttershy but is actually just sick" had been in my Ideas document for about two years, and I decided that this would be the perfect time to use it. I basically wrote and edited the entire thing over the course of a single ten-hour writing session, which saw me get kicked out of the College Union at two o'clock, then have to go sit in my dorm's computer room until five. I think it was worth it, though.
By the by, keep on the lookout for more stories! I have one fic I recently submitted to EqD, so assuming that it gets accepted, that should be getting posted in a week or two. And after that, I have another one fic waiting in the wings. In the past two months, I've somehow become more productive than at any point in my life.
I hope you keep reading, my friend! Have a wonderful March, and stay warm!
Too Much Love Can Kill You should be Too Much Love Will Kill You, as that is the title of the story.
I was going to participate, but ended up not finishing my story in time. It still hasn't been published.
It is a lower priority than Mistletrapped and finishing up some other stuff at this point, but it will get done.
Someday.
Maybe next Hearts and Hooves Day?
Nah, I'll post it before then.
Worst horse kissing day yet. Maybe most of the top tier authors were burned out from the other events.
Well thanks for the review. I glad to know that people are seeing my improvements. Though I'd really love it if I could find someone who could really find out what I'm doing wrong
I have to thank you for being frank in your review of my work, even if you did not take a thorough cross-sampling of the work. Yes, you do not have to read every chapter, but the reason I would suggest trying out different ones is because of the characters' different dynamics (as I said i the work's comment section). I understand that, for example, the dialogue style in the Prologue is a style that is poorly matched to you. Quite frankly, short stories are not my style, however I decided to give it a try this time. I thought having a collection of short stories that let people pick and choose what they wanted to read would be a good fit, however your opinion is that it does not work so evidently I am wrong. Well, that is the impression you got from reading just the first three chapters. Although you became tired of reading these short snippets after just three of them, would you consider reading some of the others another time?
One challenge I faced was trying to write relationships with these characters in a timeframe that was just a slice. My usual style is to write in chapters, story arcs, and even by seasons or 'books.' I like to be able to take my time developing characters and their aspects, creating event chains, and reaching back into things that seem inconsequential and turning them into crucial things chapters, or even books later. None of my OSSs let me do that because I'm given about 1/6th the space, but I thought I still could rise to the challenge, cut out the unnecessary, and write under a more focused style. I failed.
There is also a challenge in writing seldom-explored characters in one-shots. If I was to do a Valentine's shipping again, I would focus on just one couple and expand into the details of their relationship. Celestia is a challenge for me to write, and so are Trenderhoof and Blueblood (his chapter with Rarity uses a version of the character who has already been partly redeemed. It also features some Button/Sweetie shipping), whose portrayal on the show actually inspired me to actively hate them. But I do believe the pairings I use would work really well, given the chance and time to work.
There are some concepts in my OSSs I am thinking of integrating into my main work, The Gear Series. That includes some of the relationships I tried to explore. Unfortunately I do not think I will be exploring Dislestia, because I don't use either character's viewpoints. But some of the others may find a home in the main story, where I will be fully stocking Chekhov's Armoury.
It would really help me if people could tell me what I am doing that works, and what I could do to improve my work. Is there anything in particular that you would like to tell me? Please let me know.
Well, there's a few for the Read It Sooner list, and a whole lot of sympathy.
I'm glad you enjoyed Crystal Legacy, PP. Glad to make your reading a little more bearable.
Woo-hooo! A legit review for once! Thanks for the awesome, if very deflating, review! I know Passing Notes is not the greatest thing I ever wrote, but I mainly wrote that story for the event. I somehow wish I took my time with it though and finished it like I originally planned.
Ah well, there is always next time. Thank you so much!
Wow, that's a whole lot of reviews... You, sir, are a tremendous credit to this fandom.
Thanks for taking the time to review Mail Call! Since the EQD H&H thing wasn't a contest, and the story is massively expanded from the writeoff version, I had no qualms about using it here.
29 non recommended fics. I feel sorry for you, man. That sounds like it was hard reading.
I could not have asked for a better review.
Sorry you didnt enjoy it, but woof, 2841609 was right. 29 not recommended? That must have been hell.
Ooh, I'm in here! I didn't know I was getting a review. Thank you very much! It's a nice review too. Very accurate.
2840737
I got it right in the important spot. :B
2840945
Well, it's good that you stepped outside your comfort zone to try this! To be 1000% honest, I was looking for any excuse not to have to read too much of your story, long as it was, and after what I saw as a poorly-written Discord and Pinkie, I found myself very much not wanting to try out the OCs later on. Character voicing is definitely the weak point in this, from what I saw, but I don't have any ready suggestions for how to improve that. With show characters you can at least go back over major scenes where they feature and just listen to how they sound, but with OCs? I got nothin'. :B
2841286
There were a distressing number of authors' notes along the lines of "I didn't bother editing this". I mean, that's okay if you ran out of time and wanted to get it in or whatever, but given how long it took me to read all of these, everyone should have had time to go back over their stories at least once if they felt editing was lacking. :/
2841609
I'm not sure, but this may have come out worse than batponies, percentage-wise. :(
2841691
I'm glad responses are positive. c.c I'm also glad you were one of the few who attempted M/M shipping, even if I didn't think it worked. Not enough of that in this fandome.
2841836
I actually sent it to an editor.
guys did you see though
he read my fic
out loud
with his mouth
2841901
ngla ngla ngla ngla :V
2841836
Honestly, that is why I attempted that one. I knew there wouldn't be a lot of M/M representation in the H&HD event. Though from memory, mine wasn't the only one, which was good to see.
About Falling for You. Lelouch is from Code Geass, and I find the paring creepy and superficial. First off the main reason to chose it is Lelouch also has a thing with eyes and compelling peopole to do what he wants, but to a more brainwashing degree. Second there are two women he cares a great deal about in the anime, both are very kind and sort of silent. One is sister, the other his half sister.
Oh, but Code Geass is great and if you like anime at all you should see it.
2845529
I remember Code Geass being a Thing a number of years ago, but I never really knew anything about it. After your explanation, I'm not sure I want to. c.c; I shouldn't judge a series on its fanfiction, but c'mon.
mlpforums.com/uploads/monthly_10_2011/post-124-0-11981000-1319946391.jpg
2845787 No, it's a normal sisterly kind of love in the anime, it's just they're both similar personality wise to Fluttershy, so we end up in creepy town pairing Lelouch with Fluttershy. In the anime he has two other possible love interests, and it's been awhile so I can't remember if he ends up with either since romance is not the point of the anime. The point as far as I'm concerned is Lelouch is a magnificent bastard chessmaster on the level of David Xanatos and it's just awesome to see him work.
You sir, are crazy to have read all of these. Just linking them all on the list took waaay too long.
2854290
And I'm not nearly as far through MMDGC as I thought I was. :(
2855728
Just think of all of us who just want to read the good stories that are waiting for you to read them all and tell us about them.
2855980
It's guilt that keeps me going. D: