Throughout the ages, the Moon has remained the charge of Luna, but what if it was more so than that
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An entry for the Equestria Daily Shipfic Competition.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 21st Jan, 2015
- offline last seen Jul 31st, 2016
UnicodingUnicorn
Something about myself huh? Well, I'm but a Student of the Queen of the Sciences and Her Subjects, average in many but exceptional in none. Also, I'm pretty good at sounding mysterious. I think.
UnicodingUnicorn
Joined 21st Jan, 2015 ·
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Wow.
At first, I was expecting something silly to come out of this, considering that Luna gets shipped with an immaterial object here, but this..... this is a real serious story.
The way you describe Luna's relationship to the moon, the reasons for that and how she lives out this relationship, this makes all more sense than it should.
You really think you're bad at writing romantic stories? Considering that you are capable of evoking so many gentle feelings in a shipfic about a pony and a lifeless object, how much feelings must you be capable of evoking in a shipfic about two ponies? You can't be bad at romantic.
Have a fave and a follow, for making a concept as unusual and strange as this working!
I am really not sure what I just read. Also, you need to not randomly capitalize words in the middle of a sentence.
Here via 5656157's review. Sorry, PP, but you are a philistine and crackships played straight are the best thing ever. (Granted, I might be slightly biased.)
This is somewhat purple and full of bombast, but I get why you did it, and I think it works for the story you're trying to tell. A bigger issue is that you seem to be trying to have it both ways on whether the moon is reciprocating her passions or not. This could work as an unreliable-narrator story in which Luna is projecting her feelings onto something that even she knows isn't capable of loving her back:
Or this could work as a genuine ship on a plane we can but glimpse:
But I don't think you can do both at once.
Anyway, execution is a bit rough, but this is worth an upvote.
(also, Ponyphonic's "The Moon Rises" but I didn't catch the other one)
5685644
I am best phil stine :B