Site Post » HOW-TO: BACK TO THE BASICS (PART 1) · 5:43pm Aug 12th, 2013
HOW-TO: BACK TO THE BASICS (PART 1)
And then that miscreant, Meeester, sent me back my story saying that it had no formatting! Of course it didn't, I wrote it on my phone! And after I sorta fixed it, he said that my summary was not a summary! What the hell is he thinking? Who cares about these things? People in fimfiction.net don't have any taste, anyway. They'll read just about anything regardless of how bad it is and upvote it.
Tell me about it! The other day I got a rejection from Obselescence, because I tagged the wrong things! Who cares about that?
Hey, knighty! Another beer!
Another one? You sure you're alright, mate?
With these two? Hell no. You see knighty, this is what happens when I leave for a little while: people forget. They forget the basic stuff. Y'know? Things that are so freaking obvious that they feel they can simply skip them and post whatever they want. And then they whine when it gets rejected. It's like ALL THE GUIDES from before never happened! What went wrong, knighty?!
We still reject things? I thought I made it bloody impossible while still maintaining some semblance of quality, however low that might be. We have a whole lot of new users ever since your last how-to guide, though. They don't know who you are, or that there's rules. They're internet users. Ask any of them what the TOS for Facebook is and see how many can tell you two things about it without going back to check or asking you first what TOS means.
Well, dude, that might be true, but we're talking true artists here. Not all new users are as incompetent as the ones that have somehow managed to influence OW and CU. These guys have a natural talent for ignoring the obvious, getting on your case about rules they simply didn't follow, and whining about how unfair it is that they cannot be the sole exception to said rules. I mean, look at them. Obnoxious Writer and Clueless User are an amalgam of the userbase... when the users are smarter and less likely to do stuff that annoys others simply due to selective ignorance, OW and CU reflect that, but lately... they're just... dumb. One so full of himself that he thinks his stories are Celestia's gift to ponykind, the other so obtuse that simple things like tagging a story seems to be beyond their comprehension.
Maybe you should try and get through to them? I did hire you for a reason.
You don't pay me enough.
I don't pay you at all, mate. Here's your ale, now, get off your arse and do some good 'round here, alright? Oh, and try not to pass out, I hate cleaning up your mess.
Yeah, well, people did tell you to make the guides part of the FAQ! Not that anyone reads it.
Tch. Fine. Hey, Obnoxious! Clueless, get off the table and come over here.
Hey hey! If it isn't WD! How are you? Haven't seen you in aaages!
Yeah, haven't seen you since that time at the bar when you sang “Rayando el Sol” to Celestia! I didn't know she could go as pink as the toy!
Shaddup. Look at you two. Whining about stuff you should already know. What the hay?
What? We have legit problems!
Yes, but they are not site-related. Your problems with the site are as legit as the Mexican Border-Jumping Olympic Team.
That's harsh, mon.
Deal with it. So, I heard the pair of you complaining about Obs and Meeester giving you a hard time when it's clear that you simply don't care to pay attention. While that is nothing new, and given your nature as an amalgam of the user-base it should come as no-surprise, I'd still like to hear the actual reasons why you did so.
Well—
I sent over a story, but Obs failed it because it wasn't rated correctly, and he said that the tags didn't make sense! I know they make sense! I wrote the thing!
Okay then. We'll start with you, Clueless. Things are not as complicated as you're making them out to be:
Now that you've filled the info for the Summary and the Short Summary, we'll go over the basics of each tag so that you have a clearer idea of where you're going, okay?
First we have the Story Categories:
Those that mighty knighty has declared are absolute opposites cannot be selected for the same story. Also, you see how it says “Maximum of 6”? That means exactly that. Again, this can be found at the FAQ... but you and others don't deem it necessary to even take a look there.
Okay, but my story includes all of the things there! It has dark moments, and happy moments, and slice of life moments and great adventure an—
I'm sure it does, but concentrate only on the mane themes you're touching here. Is your story overall sad?
Well... no... it's more of a comedy.
Then it doesn't need that 'Sad' category tag. Leave it alone. You can still have some sad moments in the story, but this description is much easier to understand, and you don't mislead a reader with incorrect info.
Okay! I think I got it!
Now, let's see... the next thing to do is to check the rating of the story. We have three ratings here:
1- Everyone
2- Teen
3- Mature
Now, these should be self-explana—
I know! Mine is Everyone! Because I want everyone to read it!
Ye gods. I left you guys to your own devices for far too long... look, I'm sure you do, but it's not like that. It's based on content. So let's take a look at your story... aha. Just in the first paragraph you have heavy swearing, innuendo and a bloody fight. This is not good for 'everyone' to read, my friend.
Kids are not stupid, they know this stuff exists!
Of course they aren't, but that's not the point. Kids are more aware than a lot of adults give them credit for, but that doesn't mean you can simply go in and throw this kinda thing without context. Which sadly is what most fics here don't have. 'Everyone' is the rating you select for the same type of story, vocabulary and situations you would find in a kids show. You can treat a lot of themes there, but it depends on how you treat them whether they are appropriate or not. Using strong language, bloody violence and innuendo are three good reasons for it to NOT be that rating.
Okay, but it doesn't have anything too explicit!
That's what Teen is for. This rating will allow you more leeway on what you want to write, you can use stronger language, situations that involve perhaps a bit of innuendo, some hint towards things happening off-screen, and so on. As long as it's not explicit or borderline explicit, it should be fine. You do know what 'explicit' means, right?
It means...
a : fully revealed or expressed without vagueness, implication, or ambiguity : leaving no question as to meaning or intent <explicit instructions>
b : open in the depiction of nudity or sexuality <explicit books and films>
Oh...
Yeah. You will find that you can add the 'sex' and 'gore' tags to a 'Teen' story. This does not mean you can have anything explicit in it just by adding them, it's just a guideline for the reader, letting them known that, even if it's happening off-screen, it will be implied in a relatively obvious manner. Some people are not comfortable with that, or hearing that something gory happened to Derpy off-screen either. So, those two tags will let them know that those things will happen, but it being Teen, it should mean that it's not described in detail in the story itself.
I see... so my story, which I tagged 'Everyone' had several things that were one rating higher. I understand now why Obs was so annoyed!
Yes. You see, pre-readers are not here to mess with you or annoy you. Trust me, the last thing they want to do is get into a long discussion about things that are clearly stated on the site. Fimfiction is about publishing stories, not blocking them, but you have to follow certain standards so that at least people can be comfortable reading them.
Okay! I guess I'll go look over the story to make sure everything is tagged correctly! Thanks D!
SMOOCH!
Eww, D, my sister kissed you!
Problem?
You bet I have a problem! Why, I—
Yeah, it's called 'I can't format a story to save my life, nor write a damned summary'!
...No it isn't!
You realize of course... this means war...
Bring it on!
To Be Continued...
(tl;dr? Shame on you! Go back up, read the thing then go to your room and think about it.)
Listen to this apostle, for he speaks truth.
Stop that, all of you.
...main not mane Wander and has there really been that much a problem?
I love you, D. The world just makes so much more sense now.
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I would assume so. Seen a few stories where the author has commented, whined, complained, etc that their story was denied once for reason X,Y,Z. I'd hazard a guess that 1 in... 2 or 3 stories gets rejected on the first time around.
Nuuu! Lati, please have mercy on meh! It was the scotch I got, it was a bad year and stuff! It was spiked!
TUCKER DID IT!
And on that note, that's why I'm glad I only pre-read for a few people now. Oi vey...
It's kind of sad that even reading FAQs and self help things to make better your projects and life is so low on the priority list.
I wasn't even planning on writing and i read the FAQ for it...
Best guide ever.
Love it.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Wait, did this stop being true?
Shit, do I actually have to try now?
Nice to see these back. Also, OW and CU are siblings? How did I manage to miss that throughout all your other posts?
Clueless wants the D.
There needs to be a monthly cage match between Wanderer D and anyone
stupidbrave enough to challenge him.1280113
Mine was, but I got good suggestions on how to fix it.
We haven't had one of these in far too long.
Been awhile since I saw one of these. That said, it's been awhile since I was on the site. As always, an entertaining and informative read, D. Have a PinkieHappy.
My sides!!
I hadn't realized they were mares.
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Believe it or not, a positively startling number of stories get sent back for things that could have very easily been avoided. Here are three of the most common:
1. Writing no/a bad short or long description.
Geeeeenerally speaking, we're pretty lax on this one. Or at least I am. Really, though, we see an inordinate number of stories that make their short descriptions stuff like "THE TITLE EXPLAINS IT ALL" or "THIS IS MY FIRST STORY" and we've kind of got to draw the line at stuff like that. Your descriptions should, y'know, describe your story. Not just direct users to look at the title, or just read the fic, or tell them not to judge you too harshly for writing it.
2. Rating stuff Everyone when it needs at least a Teen.
As a general rule, if you're getting into the realm of bloodshed, sexual reference, or explicit dialogue, it needs a Teen tag. At least, depending on how graphic it all is. A lot of people like to send in stories rated "Everyone" for some reason when the dialogue includes more casual swearing than an episode of South Park. I don't know why this is, but there you go.
3. No pony content.
This one in particular irks me. A lot of authors will write ten thousand words of a Human in Equestria story or a crossover fic and then FORGET to include anything involving actual ponies! Other times, people will tack on a sentence or two at the very end where Pinkie Pie comes up and says Hi, which is about at bad and generally indicative of people trying to dodge the rule of "Your story must be related to MLP at the time of submission."
We'd really like it if this sort of thing weren't so, which is why PSAs like this are occasionally warranted.
This has been a Public Service Announcement from your friendly neighborhood Wanderer.
I was going to post something along the lines of "BHAHA, great joke...wait, you're serious", or possibly even "Even for the thick ones, it can't be that hard, can it?"
Then I remembered.
This is the internet.
Considering it was supposed to be (and is) the greatest collection of information, and free access to said information, history has ever seen, it's somehow turned into - without rival - literally the stupidest place in the world. This doesn't surprise me any more.
I can't do much from here, but I can wish you the best of luck in both getting people to understand these basics and weeding out the ones who don't seem to be able to grasp them - some people I'd generally call "an embarrassment to humanity".
The bad summaries/descriptions are what really chafes my hide.
Yet again I find myself annoyed at not being able to fave a blog post.
Good to have these back, D.
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I'm just referring to stories that have any issues on the first go around. A surprisingly large number of them are probably simple, mundane things. Whether that's forgetting a tag, the rating, character tags, etc. Something simple that requires one or two mouse clicks to remedy.
Haven't had that issue myself, yet, but it's only a matter of time. Most people I talk to have had something rejected for such a simple reason. However, there are some issues out there that probably make Meester, Obal and the other prereaders groan. Are there enough to make a blog to address such? Don't really know. But, it's pretty damn funny either way.
*hugs*
I don't know if I'm overjoyed Wanderer is writing How-To's again or if I'm disappointed that we still need them.
So shame, user-base, shame, but keep fucking up, Wanderer is better with material.
The guru is back, bitches! Prepare thy anus'es!
There really needs to be some kind of database of these 'How To...' posts for easy access for those who need them... Or me, who hunts them down to link them to the "true artists."
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What he said. Been waiting forever for another one of these hilarious blog posts that are also informative.
That happens? It does, doesn't it... Oh..
Aw yeah. After all of the otherwise awesome changes this site has gone through, it's about time we go back to the do's and don'ts. It's like going back to fifth grade and relearning what the hell a factor is.
1280166 Wanderer's userpage has links to his How To guides.
Oh hey! The return of our favorite bad authors, being educated by our favorite Wanderer D!
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I'm imagining Clueless as a mare, while Obnoxious is a stallion.
I just read the parts where knighty was handing out ale, and talking about your ass. I sort of skimmed the rest.
If and when I have a story sent back... I'll refer to this post. So far, so good.
I'm sure it does, but concentrate only on the mane themes you're touching here. Is your story overall sad?
Really?
concentrate only on the mane themes you're touching here
In a serious guide?
the mane themes
I dunno, man, I think that joke kinda kills it a little. I'm surprised this is still an issue, though. Oh well, carry on, then.
We need to compile these guides into a book, then release as it a self-help guide. By applying these simple yet pivotal sermons to my life, I have become a bevery-man.
Seriously though, these are tremendously helpful. You just have to hope the targeted audience finds it...
Even though I don't do a whole lot of writing, and I'm usually decent at this sort of thing, I tend to like reading your how-to's. If I don't get anything useful from them, (big if), then at least I usually tend to get a chuckle or two from it. Keep doing what you're doing Wanderer, and I don't envy your job one bit.
An important thing said in a very intresting way, this is.
Good to have you back, sir Wanderer. I've missed these!
1280218 Hey, my avatar is drunk, what did you expect?
1280111 Intentional, but getting mixed feelings about it
best TL;DR i've seen
the only time I get into problems with tags is when I start a story with intentions of it being one thing, and starting it so, but as it goes it turns into something else and I don't know whether to change the tags or keep them because if I change them then the start will be unexpected but if I keep them then it'll turn into something unexpected.
I keep the tags, though, because I think a story changing as it goes is at least warning enough, but I'm not entirely sure. anyone have any thoughts on this matter?
Clueless User is a girl?!
My whole outlook on life is a lie.
1280186 That's cool. It actually didn't use to, so it's nice to see.
I scared for some reason.
Time to create the Wanderer's Story Bootcamp. Shit would get real.
Therein lies the problem.
Obs is a meanieJust because something makes sense to the author doesn't necessarily mean it makes sense to the reader. Actually reading your story after you write it is incredibly helpful in making sure every necessary point comes across as intended. Clarity is key, people.1280101 1280102 1280245
Poultron, Wanderer D, Obsalescence and Meeester: they may not be the moderators/pre-readers we want, or even that we deserve, but by Celestia, they're the ones we need.
Well that was informative. Now why is a Pokemon on an MLP fan fiction site?
This is glorious.
1280267
The problem is ALSO that
Obs is a meanieMeeester smells.Pretty bad.
It's like he bathes in garlic or something ew.
My crystal ball!
I see ...
I see a Wanderer D / Clueless shipfic by OW!
And it will be rejected because it has no pony content! BUMMER!