Rainbow vs Jeannedarc

Laying within their bed in the Royal Palace of Canterlot, as Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle and Celestia's beloved Daniel drifted somewhere between half-awake and half-asleep, there came a frantic knocking upon the bedchamber door... before it was violently thrown open as a cerulean pony mare with multi-coloured mane and tail burst into the room. Startled awake, all three occupants of the bed moved to sit up, for this mare was Rainbow Dash, and she appeared extremely angry; her body shook with barely contained frustration. At seeing her friend in such a state, Twilight murmured, "... Mmmh... Rainbow? Rainbow Dash? Whatever is the matter?"

Without even asking, or waiting to be invited, the pegasus raised the bottom of the duvet with a hoof then crawled beneath, working her way up 'till she rested next to Twilight, who obligingly made room for her. After she was settled, suddenly, Rainbow Dash buried her head into one of the bed's many pillows before screaming into it, long and loud. Once she was done - as the sound faded away into the silence of the room - Rainbow Dash rested on her side as Twilight, Daniel, and Celestia worked to soothe her.

"What was that about, Rainbow?" Twilight enquired softly, concerned for her friend.

For a moment - as all three waited for the weather pony's reply - Rainbow denied them an answer; she just continued to lay where she was for a moment, her breathing a strained rasp in her throat, before her breath hitched and she replied, "It... it's that Author, Jaydex. He hasn't finished my story. It was going great, too - it would've been twenty percent cooler than all the others starring me - and then, bam! He stops writing it and... I'm dumped back here. Even worse, he posts on his Blog that he's 'all dashed out.'" Trying desperately not to cry - struggling to contain the great sobs that desired to escape her and quell the tears misting her eyes - Rainbow looked up at Celestia, Twilight, and Daniel pleadingly. "Is... is it me?" she asked, her voice cracking. "Am I too much for him to handle?" Suddenly her eyes widened. "He... Jaydex isn't writing about me because he feels he has to, is he? He does like me, and wants to write about me... right?" Frantically, she banged upon the Fourth Wall. "You like me, right, Jaydex? Right?"

Rainbow made to hammer the Fourth Wall again, but ceased as she felt Twilight's hooves surround her and Celestia's wing fold over her. "Calm, Rainbow Dash" Celestia soothed. "Jaydex likes you, but Authors can be fickle beings, jumping from one story to the next. He has put his story featuring you on hold in order to work on his story featuring my Sister, but also a new one featuring my newest Guardspony, Jeannedarc..." At the mention of the name, the cerulean pegasus scowled viciously. "Jeannedarc? Jeannedarc? That" - and here she grimaced - "Original Character? I don't believe this! What a load of horseapples! Do you know what stories Authors have mostly been putting her in?" When no answer was given, Rainbow promptly snarled, "CLOP! Clop for Pony's sake, and it's disgusting stuff featuring," - she grimaced again - "ugh, Watersports!" Lifting her head, Rainbow looked pleadingly at Celestia. "Your Highness, Jeannedarc isn't a Guardspony; she's a bucking Playmare Pony pretending to be a Guardspony!" the weather pegasus yelled.

Rainbow Dash should not have yelled those words...

Suddenly the aforementioned Jeannedarc - a pure white, golden armor clad pegasus mare with blonde mane and stunning blue eyes - poked her head into the room and stated coldly "I heard that Rainbow Dash. If you don't cease yelling and be quiet I'm going to have to escort you out of here for disturbing the peace of our Sovereign, Student and Consort."

"Really?" Rainbow snarled vindictively. Hopping down from the bed, the weather pegasus stalked towards the Guardsmare as Jeannedarc made her way further into the room. "I'd like to see you try!" Rainbow began to circle Jeannedarc as she continued taunting her. You're no Guardspony," said she, "just a wannabe who thinks she's a Guardspony. You probably don't even have any combat experience you... you Playmare Whorse!" Whilst Rainbow Dash taunted her, Jeannedarc - the newest member of Celestia's Royal Guard - remained still, her stoic gaze always fixed on the agitated cerulean pegasus mare... and when Dash - with an inarticulate scream of rage - attacked before Celestia, Twilight or Daniel could stop her the white Guardsmare was ready! At first, it seemed both mares were equal in power - Rainbow's rage-fueled speed and tenacity evenly matched Jeannedarc's honed strength and enchanted armor - but eventually, it was the Guardsmare who won out; Jeannedarc delivered crippling strikes to Rainbow Dash's wings, temporarily rendering them useless, before delivering a vicious blow that rendered Dash unconscious. Shortly thereafter, Jeannedarc carefully lifted Rainbow Dash atop her back then turned to face Celestia and asked, "What should I do with her, ma'am?"

As Daniel soothed the agitated princess pony - scratching her behind the ears - Celestia sighed wearily before answering, "Take her to one of the castle's guest bedrooms where she can sleep it off, Jeanne. Then return to your post."

"Yes Ma'am!" the Guardsmare replied; then with a quick nod and salute, she departed, Rainbow Dash draped over her back.

Once both had departed from the bedchamber, Twilight turned to look at her beloved mentor, stricken. "I... I don't understand, Princess!" cried she, her eyes misty. "Wh-Why didn't you stop them from fighting...?"

At the question, Daniel switched his attention to the lavender unicorn - stroking along Twilight's side with a hand - as Celestia nuzzled her before replying, "Because, Twilight... Sometimes there are things best settled between Mares. Besides, once they started fighting I doubted my intervention would have been any use. We can only be thankful that Jeannedarc chose to disable Rainbow instead of... well..."

Twilight nodded. "For an Original Character - a Non-Canon Pony - Jeannedarc is a good mare. Unlike some ponies..."

"Tell me about it..." Daniel groaned. "Just be thankful that you haven't been dropped into Fallout Equestria. I'm quite surprised the Authors who penned that post-apocalyptic hell haven't allowed it to leak into here, yet... or maybe they have and we just don't know it..."

"Gah!" Celestia cried. "Please, don't jinx it! Don't give them any ideas!"

"Too late!" Daniel quipped, at which point Celestia and Twilight facehoofed.

"Hey," soothed the human, gently, "come on; you know it'll just spin off into its own reality. That's how Authors work; they can't truly alter anything made by Them."

"For which I am eternally grateful!" Celestia groaned. "I don't even want to think about The Conversion Bureau..." At this, all shivered as Celestia whimpered, "Oh, Faust, Ithoughtaboutit..." Immediately she was hugged by her adopted Daughter and her Beloved. "I'm not a Tyrant, I'm not a Tyrant, I'm not a Tyrant, I'm not a Tyrant, I'm not..."

"Ssssh..." Daniel soothed. "We know, sweetie, and so do many others." Then, "Remember," stated he, softly, "that there are Authors who are writing some great fan fictions that we're proud to be part of. JaydexTheShadowKnight, Tystarr, RKStriker_JK5, Aegis Shield, and so on. What about that collaboration of Authors on SpaceBattles who are writing Widening the Lens...?"

"You... you're right," Celestia replied, blinking back tears, "and Widening the Lens is fantastic... but, whenever I try to go to Hippocampus Bay there, I get stuck and find myself in the Void..."

"... Because that part hasn't been written, yet!" Twilight giggled. "Silly pony!" At this, Celestia chuckled and poked her in return, leading to a tickle fight that lasted for a few moments.

Once Princess and Daughter had calmed, Celestia looked pensive. "We can only hope that Jaydex finishes his story featuring Jeannedarc soon, that he may return to writing about Rainbow Dash. She's been so very disappointed by all this..."

"As have we all," Daniel replied. "A lot of readers were looking forward to that one..."

"Including me!" Twilight chirped, snuggling foal-like against her adoptive mother's body. "Though..." - and here, she frowned - "I was so looking forward to being in another chapter of 'For Whom She Sparkles'... Still, these ones by Coranth are nice; these little snippets and story slices where we're together in this 'back stage' area and can 'rest up' between stories." Surrounded by the warmth of the duvet, ensconced between Celestia and Daniel Twilight wriggled gently, foal-like, as she felt Celestia fold a wing down over her. "I..." she whispered, "I like being your adopted Daughter here..."

"... And I adore being your Mother, Twilight," Celestia replied, sniffling, her eyes misting with tears.

"Still..." Twilight mused, a moment later, "I hope Jaydex completes Jeannedarc's story quickly. I'm not sure how much more of this cat fighting between Rainbow and her I can take..."

"One can only hope, Twilight," Celestia responded. "One can only hope... Oh, look, here come the Authors Notes..."

Author's Note:

Another 'back stage' snippet. Folks will probably hate me for doing things like this, but I like 'em and think they're funny. My most sincere apologies to the Creator of Jeannedarc; I know I didn't get your permission to use her but this damn thing just wouldn't leave me alone.

I'd also like to apologize for Rainbow Dash; her behavior was inexcuse-- *SMACK!* Ouch!

"I'm not sorry!"

Rainbow, what the hell are you doing here in the Auth--? *SMACK!* Gah! *THUMP!* Gkk--!

*CRUNCH!*

Okay, okay, quit it! RainbowDashrefusestoapologizeforherbehaviour!!! Argh, there, I said it. Happy now?

...

*sigh* Moving on...

Also, a small apology to the Authors I had Daniel give a shout out to as well, but I'm not removing that. You do write great fics and deserve the shout.

Until next snippet, people.

En Taro Adun.

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