Short Shorts

by Coranth

53. Anti-TCB Dribble...

The Celestia I knew... wasn't corrupt.

The Celestia I knew... wasn't cruel.

The Celestia I knew... would never seek to harm humanity by converting humankind into ponies.

The Celestia I knew... wasn't standing before me, entrapped within a spherical quantum force field, as she snarled like a feral animal.

But this... pony... whom stood before me was not the Celestia I knew. Not at all.

"Your first mistake" I intoned softly as I stood in front of her - observing her and her squad of Guardsponies entrapped within powerful Temporal Fields - "was attempting to board the Dragon Weyr. Where I come from it is impolite to board one's vessel and home without permission." Resuming my slow pacing before the trapped self-proclaimed God-Empress of Pony Kind, I continued, "Your second mistake was attempting to convert me with your... ponification potion." Slowly, I shook my head. "Foolish. The moment you came aboard the Weyrmind detected the vials of foreign substance; took them from you. Even now that very potion is being analyzed and disassembled down to its base components; then the components to allow my Weyr to pass through your barrier will be assimilated. And now, we come to the third mistake you made..."

I moved closer to her, peering into her now terrified eyes. She was silent, waiting with bated breath. "Your third mistake was thinking that the Dragon Weyr actually gives a flying fuck about who and what you are. Newsflash, darlin': it doesn't. Now, I'm normally quite peaceful; I was fully prepared to negotiate with you on behalf of the human race, that you might spare my native people from ponification. We all know how that went don't we?" Slowly, I shook my head. "You are beyond saving. Fortunately for you, your ponies are not... and I need a crew. Goodbye, Celestia." With that, the God-Princess was shifted out of the Dragon Weyr and back into her Palace. Her Guardsponies were another matter; Warp Portals appeared at their feet, through which they fell screaming, only to end up within specialized areas of the Dragon Weyr's many Machine Shops! Therein, they didn't even have time to scream as they were quite literally taken apart by the Weyr.

Their bodies were analyzed, their brains were physically mapped and their genetic codes and psychic essences were analyzed, purified, and enhanced... Months later - as the Dragon Weyr slowly passed beyond the galaxy into the void between the stars - in one of the many newly constructed maturation chambers within the Weyr's Laboratory... three golden-furred, white-maned Weyrponies awakened, slowly opening gentle brown eyes. They were Unicorn; Pegasus, and Common... and all knew that they were merely the first of many, many more to come.

Author's Note:

TCB Solar Guardsponies + Dragon Weyr + Assimilation/Purification = Secret Pony Race Creation FTW! Bigger than Big Mac. Cybernetic Grafts, Bio-System Enhancements, Psionic Abilities, the works. Given everything that the Weyr and I can give them from food, to shelter, to education, protection, love, etc. Loyal to myself and the Weyr, wanting nothing more than to protect life.

"Each of them grown from a cell of your own Guardsponies' bodies. New Ponies. True Ponies. Well Celestia? Have you nothing to say?"

Comments

[Officer Hotpants]

I. Despise. The conversion bureau (I refuse to even capitalize it). Go full Borg on their ass; assimilate whatever - if any - parts of it are worth a damn and burn the rest from orbit. For the good of human and ponykind

[kildeez]

Love the one-shots so far, especially that head-crushingly adorable one you've got after this one, but I do have to ask: what's with the italics? They seem to pop up completely at random.

[Coranth]

2855855 For emphasis on certain words, and/or names. The Dragon Weyr for example, the old, decommissioned Protoss Nexus that I use as a home. It's divided into three areas:

The Weyrhome, the living space which is where I live and where you would stay if I took you aboard.

The Weyrmind, a great forest comprised of Ihan Crystal trees, at the center of which dwells the mind of the Weyr, a sentient/sapient Mothership-sized franken-vessel that once was a Warp Prism.

And the Weyrheart; the very bottom of the Weyr normally inaccessible. It houses the engines, machine shops, and the enormous, eternal Khaydarin Crystal power core which powers the whole structure.