New Beginnings
The last thing Jake remembered was the feeling cold as he said goodbye to Tia, before he was swallowed by darkness. As if someone lit a candle, there was a faint light. It grew in intensity as it came closer. Then Jake found that he was surrounded by it. He felt warm and safe and familiar voices were heard. “We are so proud of you. You gave friendship, love, and in the end your life to another. You have earned a place here if you wish.”
“Who is there? Where am I?” Jake looked around and still could see no one. From out of nowhere, Jake’s parents and grandparents appear. They look well, as they surround and embrace him.
“Mom…Dad…Grandma and Grandpa? It is a tearful scene as for the first time in years he is reunited with his family. Jake had never told Celestia, but without her he would have been very lonely. He never had any close friends except her. “I’ve missed all of you so much.” Jake returned his family’s embrace not wanting to let go. Tears of joy streamed down his face.
“You were never alone son. We were always with you,” his mother says.
“Watching over you, even when we couldn’t be there,” added his father.
“You can rest now if you like. There is no pain or suffering here. You will want for nothing and we can be together forever,” his grandfather chimed in.
“But you have also been given a choice,” Jake’s grandmother added. She waved her hand and an image appeared of Celestia and Luna trying to change fate by bringing Jake back to life.
“I don’t understand. I’m dead; there is nothing they can do,” Jake said as he felt Celestia’s pain and determination even there.
“You’re wrong son. They can indeed bring you back to life, but it will not be the life you once had. They will make you like them. You will not return to Earth and the life you knew before. Even now those two are using all of their power to do something that has never been done before in all of creation. You must choose, an immortal rest here or a life with Celestia,” his grandmother spoke, looking from the image back to Jake.
“But Grandma, she is immortal. Even in her world I will grow old and die.” Jake looked to the image and the light has faded away. Where his old body had once been was a raven colored alicorn with a silvery mane and tail, with a white star on its forehead below its horn. Jake stared dumbfounded at the image. “You weren’t kidding. She really did make me like her but I still don’t understand.”
“You must choose my child. If you stay then that body will be an empty shell and will never live. If you choose to return you will have a new life with Celestia.” As she spoke she put a comforting hand of Jake’s shoulder and looked at the image. Celestia was over Jake’s body pleading for him to come back between sobs. Luna had tears in her eyes as well.
“Will I ever see any of you again?”
“As we said before, we will always be with you. My son, I know what is in your heart. We are fine, but she is suffering. I know you feel it. She needs you,” his father said.
Jake smiled as he held them. “I love you all so much.”
. . .
The anguish can be heard in the princess’s voice throughout the castle. The sisters and Jake’s new body were in Celestia’s chambers once more. Luna came to her sister’s side and put her head next to hers. “We tried our best but some things are beyond even us. I am so sorry Tia for your loss. He will be given a royal funeral for his sacrifice.” Luna’s words have fallen on deaf ears. Her sister is consumed with grief as she held her love in her hooves. Then there is the faintest heartbeat. It grows in intensity as his eyes start to twitch. Celestia tears stop as she peered in his face. “Jake?”
As if to answer her, his blue eyes opened and he looked into her eyes. “I choose you Tia.”
Instantly grief is replaced with overwhelming joy. Luna is still stunned at the fact Jake is alive. “JAKE! I knew I could save you! I’ve never wanted anything more in my entire life!” A new wave of tears streaked down Celestia’s face.
Jake held Celestia tightly. Luna got over her shock enough to ask, “You’re not surprise by your new form?”
“Well a little, but I saw what you two were doing when I was on the other side. I was given the choice to come back or stay. I chose to come back. I still have things to do,” Jake said as Celestia let go and leaned back to look him in the face.
“What do you have to do?”, the sisters asked together.
Jake leaned forward and kissed Celestia gently. “Why, to look after you of course, you’re a mess without me.” He had a smirk on his face. Then he reached up and whipped the tears from Celestia’s face. “Remember what I said before, angels shouldn’t cry.”
“Oh Jake, I love you!” Celestia knocked him to the floor in an embrace.
“I love you to Tia, forever and always.”
Unable to sit by, Luna jumped onto the pile on the floor embracing them both. “Don’t forget me!”
“Never, Luna,” Jake says. “Heck, what am I saying? You guys will be tired of me in a week. Then you’ll just ship me off to some distant world.”
Everyone laughed. Then one by one they untangle themselves and helped Jake to his feet. At first there was no problem. Jake’s first attempt at walking was a bit shaky. The sisters each took a side of Jake to steady him. In a few minutes he was walking fine around the room. “Well this is easier than I thought it would be,” Jake said as he picked up his pace.
“You’re a fast learner. Now we just have to teach you to use your wings and magic,” stated Celestia. “We can handle that here but..” she trails off.
“What is it?” Luna asked, giving her sister a curious look.
“His name, where he is from, how do we explain your sudden appearance to the kingdom? You are the only male alicorn in the whole world to my knowledge,” Celestia continued.
Hearing this, Jake came to a sudden stop. “I never thought about that but, ah, AH CHOO,” *KABOOM*! Where once there had been a wall now was a gaping hole. “What just happened? I only sneezed and Oh My God!”
The princesses were just as shocked as Jake. “Looks like magic training will have to happen sooner than we thought. You don’t seem to have control of it yet,” Luna said still staring at the hole.
The door was thrown open and a pair of guards were at the ready, “Princess Celestia, we heard a loud explosion. Are you alright?” They saw Jake and the hole in the wall and took a more defensive stance. “Who are you?”
“It is alright. This is Prince Distant Star. He is visiting me. We are fine, it was just an accident.”
Luna and Jake both give Celestia a funny look before catching on what she is trying to do. “Oh yes, he is my sister’s friend. We will need to clean up this mess though.”
“Yes your highness at once,” the guards bow and leave the room.
“We are going to have to do something about that. You are not used to your powers yet, and we can’t have you blowing holes in the castle.” Celestia walked to her dresser were a small chest sits. She opened it and produced a ring which she places on Jake’s horn. “This is suppressor. It will prevent that from happening again.”
“Thank you. But I have some questions. Why an alicorn? Why not keep me as a human? I would have been less dangerous.”
The sisters look toward each other and back to Jake. Celestia started off, “we have very little knowledge on humans. So we don’t know how your body is made up. If we had tried to make a human body and got it wrong, then you would not have lived. I was not willing to take that chance.”
“But when you visited me on Earth you looked just like a human.”
“That was an illusion. That is why the animals and the baby were not fooled. They saw me for who I really was. As to why you are an alicorn…I never meant for you to be one. I wasn’t thinking clearly, I just wanted to save you.”
Luna shook her head, “Its true Jake, we were not sure what would happen. We knew that you needed a new body, but when the spell was cast we could not be sure of the results. If you like we could try and change you to another pony.”
“No, I mean, no thank you. You just said you didn’t know what would happen. For all any of us knows if you try again I might be turned into a house plant.”
“I’m sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. I just wanted to see you. I-“
“That is enough, I will not hear it. You saved me after I tried to save you. You have nothing to apologize for. This has been the most unusual day of my life. So I guess I’m Prince Distant Star now, cleaver.”
Celestia didn’t seem to be comforted by Jake’s words. He walked over and put a wing around her. She looked to him, with mixed feelings of guilt and joy. He kissed her on the cheek. “We will make this work. I didn’t come back to life for nothing, all things happen for a reason. Although I do have one more question.”
“What’s that?”
“As far as ponies go, how do I look?” Jake looked from one sister to another waiting for an answer. Luna smiles sheepishly and blushes. Celestia says with a grin, “I wouldn’t worry about that if I were you, but as ponies go you look great.”
Epilogue
Ten years have gone by since that day. Celestia is seated next to a little filly in bed. She is white with blue eyes and a pink mane. “And that is how your father and I met.”
“So Daddy is an alien, zombie pony? If he is, what does that make me?” the filly asked with worry in her voice and wide eyes.
“Day Lily, he is not a zombie nor is he an alien. He is every bit a pony as are you.”
“How long did it take him to learn magic? Who taught him? Did he know how to use his wings right away? Did he ever go back to visit Earth? How did he get his cutie mark?”
“It took some time for your Father to learn how to safely control his magic. It took less time for him to figure out how to fly. The rest will have to wait for another time.”
“How come no one calls Dad, Jake? They call him Distant Star instead. Does any pony else know where Dad came from?”
“Only a very few know where your father really came from. Everyone else thinks he is from a faraway land and that his name is Distant Star. This is a secret that you cannot tell anypony else. Do you understand? If ponies knew the truth they might treat him differently and he doesn’t want that.”
Lily jumped up and puts her front hooves on her hips and said, “I won’t tell another pony. I will protect Daddy!”
Celestia smiled at her daughter. It reminded her of Jake, at their first meeting so many years ago. How he had pledged to be her friend because he was the guardian of harmony. How he had changed her life forever. “Alright time for bed. Your Daddy will be in to see you when he gets home.” She tucked in her daughter and kissed her goodnight. She closed the door and went to bed knowing her husband would be home soon. She would wake to find him nuzzling her and fresh flowers would be on the table. A beautiful kingdom, wonderful subjects, and a loving family; what more could a princess ask for. She smiled at the thought as she drifted off to sleep.
-The End-
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All in all, this was a beautiful story.
It had some of the best heart-felt moments in it. For me, it was the ending.
You deserve these:
Short but sweet.
I said it once I will say it again, DAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!
I loved this story so much. It always fascinates me to see how people can interpret a character from any series, especially when it takes a romantic turn. It just fills me with so much "DAW"
There are no words to describe how amazing of an ending that was
That was a great story, but I hate how short it was. Please make a sequel!
Sorry. Ponification ruined the story.
For every question, it could be another Chapter^^
More plz
2393192 Agree.
*draws in a hissing breath through his teeth* yyyyeeeeahhhhh....
Sorry, but I've got to weigh in with the other detractors here; It may be sweet and emotional and fuzzy and stuff, but you could swear to every divinity you believe in that this isn't just a regular generic wish fulfillment fluff piece and i can't see how anyone could believe you. Maybe you didn't intend for it to be anything more than that, but it still means that my interest in this story went pretty thoroughly rock bottom.
The basic plot of the story is "Celestia is lonely (even though she only just had her sister back for the past year or so, and she seemed to have been doing fine for the past 1000 years without her) and the stars and fates align (just in the nick of time, how convenient) to allow a whirlwind romance with a guy whose positive qualities basically consist of not caring that she's a princess, and thinking an illusion she cast is pretty, oh, and getting shot, except he becomes (through a process that is supposed to be impossible, but it works anyway, without any major harm, or apparently even breaking a sweat) immortal, and an alicorn, with hugely powerful magic (but with a quick fix of a magic dampening ring that celestia just happens to have close at hoof, so it's not that big of a deal) and he's the only one too! And then he gets with Celestia (bow chicka wow wow) and you know it cause ten years later you see their foal."
Wait, I don't think that actually gives an accurate description of the impression that I'm left with after reading this. Let me condense the summary a bit further:
"Random guy (I swear, totally not me) wins the Brony lottery, and gets to marry a desperate princess Celestia, but that's not all folks, if you pay via gunshot wound, we'll also include this totally manly and superpowerful immortal Alicorn body upgrade, absolutely free!"
The story may be primarily told from Celestia's perspective, but the character that readers ARE going to identify with (or just identify YOU with) is going to be Jake. There was no REAL sense of conflict, no trials to overcome, no character growth and development in order to overcome personal weaknesses or confront inner demons and flaws, there's not even a sense of attachment, or anything that Jake would actually be missing from back home, that he had to give up, lose or sacrifice in order to come to equestria and be with Celestia. All of those things are what actually MAKE a story that people want to read.
this was short and cute and all, but I seriously hate it when the main characters of HiE's get ponified. It kinda...uh, takes away the whole human part, y'know?
2395541
Alright, GreyAcumane, that's quite enough of that. I don't dispute your opinion; in fact I agree with many of your points.
HOWEVER.
There is no call to be rude and sarcastic in your comments. There is a difference between CRITICISM and CRITIQUE. Critiques are meant to nurture a writer and help them learn from their mistakes. Criticisms are simply mean.
Two things here. One, it's a short story, so obviously, it's SHORT. There's very little time for build-up and even experienced writers can have trouble striking a balance between too much information and not enough. Which leads to my second point. This is the very first piece of writing Sky Hawk has done. EVER.
Therefore, instead of simply disparaging the writing, you might give him some pointers. Diplomatically. Show some respect for the fact he's courageous enough to put his writing out there for the world to see.
I listened to this song after I finished the story. I think it about sums it up.
Hey guys. Thank you for all the input both the good and the bad. Now to address some questions from you guys. First the length, It could have been longer but I wrote this for my daughter who is 4. I just chose to share with everyone but the attention span of a 4 year old is short. Given that there are no pics makes this even worse.
Second about Jake, This story is about them both but started with Celestia (a difficult pony to write about). I felt that if I went into Jake's training it would make the story more about him and less about her. I am planing on writing a longer piece dealing with Jake directly. So for those that want more don't worry you will get to know Jake better. Back to my point it started with Celestia so I thought that is should end with her as well.
As for Celestia being difficult, the show doesn't provide a lot to go on. I did most of research on her through other writing done by you guys. Great work by the way on what I read. But one person in particular caught my attention. This person wrote a letter as if Celestia were responding to us. She was sad, she didn't want to be a sexual deviant, a trickster, or a tyrant. She just wanted to be like everyone else. With that and other stories I got my set for her.
As for Jake becoming a pony. Well I couldn't let him die. I found that I liked Jake though he wasn't very developed yet. As for magic training, flight, and his cutie mark, all these things will be discussed in a spin off that will be longer. He has a lot of growing to do.
Finally as for the sisters, I didn't want things to be easy for them. All powerful is to easy to fix everything plus with all the power in the universe it still can't be enough. This lesson was brought to us by the episode "Remain calm and Flutter on". Well that is all I have. Thanks to everyone again for all the pointers and likes. I hope this answers some of your questions. You guys are the best! I will be bringing you all another one soon.
2397142
No. I'm not going to sugarcoat my criticisms. There are already more than enough people giving fluff comments about how that ending just meant so much to them. If my singular comment, where I'm just being honest about not liking what I read is going to completely ruin his writing career, then its probably best to nip things in the bud.
Just the fact that I'm critiquing it at all should be taken as a compliment, since it means that I still feel the story could be salvaged, and I did give pointers for what would need to be done to salvage it in my eyes; add more content to show Jake actually EARNING all this wonderful stuff that ends up happening to him,(specifically the affections of a multi-century old ruler/goddess) not just have it drop in his lap.
I don't see why I have to be offering solutions to his problems just in order to point out he has problems. If a guy had a big hole in the back of his pants. I'd say "hey, you have a hole in the back of your pants, look, the hole is right here. Hold on, you can see it more clearly if you look in that mirror. Yeah, that's the hole I mean." It doesn't somehow make it mean if I don't offer to buy him a new pair of pants; he can get his own, I was just making sure he knew the hole was there so he could decide how to address it. Maybe the hole isn't big enough that he feels it needs to be fixed, maybe he plans to patch it, maybe he likes showing off his underwear, but none of that is my responsibility.
2397814
Also, woah, Sky Hawk, you wrote this for your four year old daughter and Jake gets shot in a robbery gone bad? Even if he doesn't die,(or he does die, but he be gets resurrected) that still seems a little hard core and/or deep for someone who hasn't even gotten into gradeschool yet. (I'll be the last person to try to claim the story will be traumatizing to her or anything, more the opposite; i just don't know of terribly many 4 year olds these days that can really comprehend death as a concept)
2400062
Dude I'm not asking you to sugarcoat. Fluff is just as unhelpful. All I'm trying to say is that "You could have done better/put in more description/ added more conflict/whatever" goes over a lot better than "Wow, that sucked." Less of the facetiousness, if you please.
2400177
Your criticism of my criticisms just haven't been staying consistent:
You start by saying that you AGREE with the points I raised, hence confirming that I do have valid points, but you don't like how I said them, hence you want me to say those same points, in a way that is more favorable. That's called a sugar coating; sweet words that go around a harsh truth so that it can be swallowed easier.
You then reply saying that you DON'T mean a sugar coating, but instead want me to raise specific issues with the story instead of just saying it sucks, but you've already recognized in your initial response to my criticism that I DO raise specific issues, which means I DON'T just say that the story sucks.
I have to say overall i liked this cute little story ^^ celestias feelings for him didnt get devoloped over a long period instead of a short one but ehh what can you do fave and like feom me
I ADORED THIS
*sniff* *sniff* that was so sad and happy. thank you for this wonderful story kept me reading i all the way through. it all unraveled beautifully but just feel sad that Luna will have the same problem as Celestia eventually when she begins to look for love. anyways great story man but there more than a few grammar errors. mostly in the first few chapter but there are some scattered in each one. cant believe this doesn't have more views!
DAN OUTTA DAN
That Was One Of The Most Beautiful Stories That I Have Read.Short.Sweet.Perfect.Adorable.Amazing
Kudos To You,Fair Author,And The Lucky Kids That You Told This Story To.
Also,My Mind Flipped To MP3 Mode When I Knew He Was Alive.
This Was The Song That Played
Awesome Story
15/10
2413242 Well.....One Day Is Equal To One Year...p
2434106
fanpop.com/clubs/dan-vs/images/20547197/title/dan-photo
HAPPY 99 Likes And 9 Dislikes
2468682
ya that IS unfortunate but shes only known him for a weeks time :P heh OH that reminds me it struck me odd that jake was able to stay in the same house for YEARS >> if he moved did he simply take the mirror with him?.... well HIS mirror at least? :P or was the mirror magical only on celestias side?
2470683 The World May Never Know....
2470688
you tease! xD but naw its cool 
not complainin' just found it strange xD
2470700 Yep
Ahahaha
Hey every Brony. Thanks for the likes. I'm almost to 100. Now time to answer some questions. The house was left to Jake and as for the mirror...well you will just have to wait for the sequal. You see lots of you guys want to know more about Jake and I'm writing the second story on these two now. It is more focused on Jake though because the last story was more on Celestia. I will have the first chapter posted soon.
Thanks again
Sincerely
Sky Hawk
2472074 oh ok that makes perfect sense for the house situation! SEQUAL! (goes buck wild
) wait what? after sequel i just stopped reading. hold a sec
(continues reading) awesome! alright POV of jake this should be good ^^ cant wait!
Your journey to 100 likes began with the first word and ends right here with me. LET THERE BE MULTITUDES OF THE LITTLE GREEN THUMBS!
I should probably go to bed. But where's the fun in that? 
Dear Cydon:
Thanks for the 100th like. I hope people keep reading and liking the story as you have. I should have the sequel up soon.
Sincerely
Sky Hawk
My main issue with this is the breakneck pace it had.
Almost everything was about the destination, not the journey.
Consider fleshing out the characters a bit more.
3030989
Thanks LunarRai. This was my first story ever. So I a sense it was a learning experience for me. I still love the input as always and hope you keep reading my stuff.
4558373 Well Jake it's very nice to meet you. If you thought you were good in that story you should ready the sequal, "The Adventures of Jake in Equestria".
I like how you pulled off the whole Alicorn thing that others try and fail most of the time to do I must say can't wait to open up the other story
4624233 Glad you enjoyed the story Shadow-Dancer.
4804985 Alrightly well let me start off by saying thanks for the input and I hope some of my answers here will help you get a better understanding. First off, this was my first story ever. I wanted to keep it short because I wrote it for at the time a 4 year old little girl, attention spans are never long. Writing a short story I've been told is probably the hardest type of writing there is. You need to tell the story but often people want more, like what you were saying about the details.
The romance angle, well lets start off with I wasn't expecting her to fall for him. I know, I know, but I'm the writer. However sometime when writing character take of a life of their own in the writer's mind. Because of this they sometimes go off and do things you weren't originally planning on. The second part of that is when did love ever make sense...seriously. Most people who are in love are nuts. Logical thought doesn't play into there planning and most folks don't even have a club what they are even doing tomorrow. In Celestia's case this started as a friendship but it blossemed into something more. She didn't want to lose her only friend and sometime a good friendship turns into love, (trust me on that one I have proof on my left hand). When their time together was coming to an end before his death she got greedy. She didn't want it to be over with and logic had nothing to do with what her heart wanted. Her head was on a coffee break at that point.
Back to the rest of your comments which seem to be about description. You are not the first to bring this up. I've actually thought about going back and fleshing out the story some more but I wanted to finish the story as a whole first. Some of your questions will be answered in the future tales. It just keeps writing itself in my head. As for Jake's life on Earth...well, some of us have times in our lives where we are living epic adventures with friends and romance. Sometime there are points in our lives we are just going through the motions of the day. I felt Jake was just doing to the second. That is one of the areas I thought about opening up more. Especially if I did a one stand alone story later.
However I do get better as we all do with more and more writing. We also get better thanks to other writers like yourself. Plus I love hearing from other bronies. So you have my word when I'm done with the last story I will come back and flesh this first attempt out some more. However I encourage you to keep reading. The other stories are longer with more detail. Thanks again for the input and sorry for the long response but I wanted to make sure I answered all your questions. I hope I did and if not let me know.
well what can i say i loved it but i didn't cry......i492.photobucket.com/albums/rr289/axlthehedgehog_2008/responses/0oqVSeT.gif
stay classy
Wow this story had the makings to be a good one. But by the end it was rushed :/ . Its still good, but not brilliant. Its like this story is a dirt rally car, it can be fun, but it doesn't knock your socks off like a formula car would.
awesome story man
31.media.tumblr.com/fc3c49a475bb324f517a8fd712cb31c3/tumblr_inline_nilof9GUfj1svwh3o.gif
cdn2.sbnation.com/imported_assets/1843149/slow-clap-gif.gif
*cry's* its so beautiful
6215236
I'm glad you enjoyed the story! What was your favorite part?
6222233 I LOVED the ending, its so touching *cries*
IT was so AWESOME
It was a lovely story with a true to fairy tale like dialogue. I'm sure your daughter must have loved hearing this and to have met you and seen all the effort you put into this story for her is so touching. It reminded me a lot of the Dr Who Christmas special where the doctor and a young boy (soon to be a cranky old man who won't save a falling spaceship) visit a girl in cryogenic freezing every Christmas and the boy grows up to love her, but she never ages and can never be released. I got that feeling a bit with Celestia being a different species as well as immortal (and a princess of course). I hoped for a little more depth for when/if Jake had to die and become a pony, but I understand that might have been hard for your little girl to hear.
My favourite part was the animals bowing and the children knowing she was a unicorn. That's so true to traditional unicorn literature which I love.
I'm a little slow, but I'll get to the next part soon and hopefully be able to make out that picture I promised. I can see it mostly already, but I'll have to see if you reveal anymore in the next story for me to build on.
Thanks for a great read!
It is a shame too many authors think that Earth and Equestria should have nothing to do with each other. Co-operation between our worlds would bring limitless wonder. So what if it would be hard. Nothing worth doing is ever easy.
Do not let my comment let you think that I did not like the story. I did like the story.
6727092 Thanks for the reply. I can understand what you mean about some people not liking certain stories. However the author writes for themselves or for a certain audience, then they choose to share with others. I like all the view points. It means that people took the time to read my stuff. However I was very clear that I wrote this for my kids so that was the target audience. If you have something that you would like to write about just do it. Don't let some people's opinion stop you from doing it. You can't please everyone.
Thanks for the comments and I hope you get a chance to read more about Jake's adventures.
I loved the whole story. Can't pick just one favorite part.