Experimental Variables
“Experimental Variables”
by Donny’s Boy
Synopsis: Dimly it occurs to her, somewhere through the haze of magic and the relentless onslaught of images, that the spell has both gone very right and gone very, very wrong. A TwiPie story.
---
She is an out of control forest fire of a pony, crackling, blazing, every inch as dangerous as any hydra or dragon could ever hope to be. She consumes your thoughts just as voraciously as she consumes cakes and pies and cookies. She doesn’t know how she dominates your mind, but somehow, that fact just seems to make her ever the more deadly in your eyes.
You are used to calm intellect, to quiet deliberation. To reflection, to rationalization, to all things cerebral. Every thing in its proper place, and a proper place for every thing. But there is no proper place for her. There is nothing--and there is no one--that can possibly contain her for any measurable amount of time.
She scares you. You’ll never admit it, especially not to her, but she scares you. Just a little.
====================================================================
“Whatcha doin’ today?”
She flinches, ever so slightly. She doesn’t even bother to ask from whence the other pony came, because there is never any sort of comprehensible answer. “Oh, nothing really. Just, uh, working on a new spell.”
“Ooh! Can I watch? Can I, can I?”
A pause.
“Pretty please? With whipped cream and chocolate and cherries and sprinkles on top?”
A decision--sudden, impulsive. So very unlike her. “Sure. Sure! Why not?”
====================================================================
She scares you. You’ll never admit it, especially not to her, but she scares you. Just a little.
She is perfection personified--brilliant, brave, dauntless. She is Magic, and indeed she is magic. Before she blew into town like a tornado and turned your life upside down, you were so very lonely, always solitary and apart even when surrounded by a crowd. Your friends, whom you now cherish, whom you need like you need water and air, were mere acquaintances back then. It was she who brought the five of you together. She took the five of you in her hooves as a blacksmith takes up iron, and through the fire of adversity she forged you into the closest of friends.
While others may claim that they would follow a pony to the ends of the earth, you have actually done so, and it was she who you followed. It is she who you follow still. And it is she who you will follow always, because she is the one who gave you everything you hold so very dear.
You love her desperately. You can’t help but love her. Sometimes it worries you, just how much you love this strange, overwhelming pony.
=====================================================================
“See, what I’m trying to do is to recalibrate my magical energies so that I can affect fourth-dimensional objects.”
“Ooooh.”
An amused chuckle. “You have no idea what I just said, do you?”
“Not a clue!”
“Okay. Okay.” A long, thoughtful pause. “Here, let me try again.” She will always try again. “There’s space, right? I mean, we can move up and down, left and right, back and forth. And there’s time. If there’s no time, everything’s frozen, and nothing can move, right? “
A slow, tentative nod.
“Right. But time and space aren’t really separate. They’re both just different elements of the same … uh … the same basic stuff that makes up what we call the universe.” A tilt of the head; a wry grin. “So what I’m attempting here is to cast magic that will affect things temporally--that is, in terms of time--as well as their position in space.”
A broad smile, as bright and as beautiful as Celestia’s sun. “Wow!”
=====================================================================
You love her desperately. You can’t help but love her. Sometimes it worries you, just how much you love this strange, overwhelming pony.
It makes no logical sense. You know that full well. The two of you couldn’t be less alike and couldn’t have less in common, and there is no pony in the whole of Equestria who can get on your every last nerve quite as much as she can. Truth be told, you can only handle her special brand of insanity in fairly limited, fairly infrequent doses.
But you can’t pretend that your entire chest doesn’t nearly burst with happiness and warmth every single time she smiles at you. You can’t ignore the way those sparkling, penetrating eyes of hers reach deep down inside you, touching places you didn’t even know existed, or the way her enthusiastic hugs make you feel as though there is nopony more important in her world than you. You can’t deny that you want so much to actually be the most important pony in her world.
It’s insanity, of course. All of it. Pure, unbridled insanity.
Maybe you’re more alike than you’d thought.
=====================================================================
Blistering hot breath on the back of her neck.
“A little space, please?” Her tone is harsh, because if it isn’t harsh, she knows--just knows--that her voice will lapse into a pathetic, pleading whimper. “This is a delicate spell, and I need to concentrate.”
“Sorry!” The other pony takes a step back.
Immediately her neck feels cold, and it’s as though all the warmth has been sucked right out of the room. She fights off a shiver. Tries to refocus. Focus--yes, that’s what she needs, focus. She closes her eyes and turns her attentions inwards, towards that well of magical energy that lives within her, and allows the energy to begin flooding into her horn.
Finally she opens her eyes, and she spots a lit candle on her lectern. That will do nicely. She stares into the flame of the candle, concentrating as hard as she can, thinking about all points of time in this candle’s existence, and then--
A cough, very quiet. Pinkie Pie. She scrabbles, tries to take back the thought, to refocus, to halt the spell. But it’s too late.
--her magic bursts forth in an explosion of blinding violet light.
=====================================================================
Maybe you’re more alike than you’d thought.
She is buzzing with energy and enthusiasm right now, her entire face lit up like fireworks as her horn begins to softly glow. It’s lovely to behold; she’s lovely to behold. The things that ignite this spark in her are different from those that ignite your own--foreign things, inexplicable things, arcane knowledge and mysterious magic and the thrill of self-mastery--but the spark itself is something very, very familiar to you.
You wonder if you could explain to her. If you could make her understand. About the desperate needs that live and breathe inside your own chest--for companionship, for affection, for others to be happy so that their joy can fill up the emptiness that always threatens. If she can try to explain her magic to you, perhaps you can explain what magic means to you. It’s a different kind of magic, true, but magic it is nonetheless.
You look at her, a pony so beautiful and so unknowable, and you dare to wonder. You dare to hope.
=====================================================================
The flash of violet light lasts only a moment, but it reveals a lifetime.
She sees everything, all at once, memories that haven’t yet happened, all jumbled together into a single, incoherent mess. Faces, places, events. A picnic, a party, a wedding, a birth. But only those places and events involving a certain pink baker--dimly it occurs to her, somewhere through the haze of magic and the relentless onslaught of images, that the spell has both gone very right and gone very, very wrong.
Intimate moments, too. A soft laugh, a quick nuzzle. Whispers in the dark. A kiss, sweet and chaste … then kisses that are not at all chaste, kisses that are deep and passionate, kisses that make her feel as though she’s slowly drowning. There is yelling, and there is crying, and there is laughing. There is fighting and making up and hanging on and letting go--and, above all, there is love.
There is an entire universe of love.
A soft voice, filled with wonder, breaks through the haze to reach her ears: “Is this … is this the future?”
Dizzily, she shakes her head. When she finally regains her bearings, she finds herself safely back in her library, back in the present day. Her friend is looking at her with wide, shining blue eyes.
====================================================================
You look at her, a pony so beautiful and so unknowable, and you dare to wonder. You dare to hope.
You wonder what truths lurk behind those beaming smiles and what secrets lie hidden within that laughing heart. Sometimes she seems to know things that she shouldn’t know, that she has no reason and no way to know. She is capable of doing things that no pony can possibly do, things you can’t even begin to comprehend, and she does them as casually as any other pony might take a sip of water from a glass.
She is the biggest mystery you have ever met. And, intentionally or unintentionally, she’s resisted your every last attempt to solve her. That fact is maddening. Exasperating. And it is strangely, perversely attractive.
If you said you weren’t uncontrollably turned on right now, you’d be lying through your teeth.
====================================================================
“You … you mean you saw that, too?” she asks in a voice that is little more than a whisper. Her mouth is bone dry.
A small nod. An unusually tentative smile.
She swallows. Then swallows again. “Yes. Yes, it was the future. Well, one possible future, anyways.” She glances away, no longer able to stand those big, blue eyes that seem to be gazing right into the depths of her soul. “Now that we’ve seen it, we have knowledge that they … uh, we … those other, future versions of us didn’t have. So things will be different, just as a matter of course.”
“Like the butterflies!”
“Like the … what?”
“The butterflies!” A giggle, followed by an amused eye roll. “They flap their wings, and it changes the wind and stuff, even though butterflies are teeny tiny, and then hurricanes happen! Right?”
She just stares, in bewildered awe, for a few long moments. “Chaos theory,” she finally murmurs, half to herself. “You’re talking about chaos theory ...”
====================================================================
If you said you weren’t uncontrollably turned on right now, you’d be lying through your teeth.
She has that intense look on her face that she gets sometimes, the one you know and love so well. It’s the look that immediately preceded the demises of both Nightmare Moon and Discord, the look that means serious business. It’s the look that makes her sparkling, violet eyes burn with all the heat and fury of dragon-fire. It’s terrifying, and it’s thrilling. You can’t stand the intensity of those eyes, and yet neither can you bear to look away.
Then, she smiles at you, and your breath catches in your throat. She doesn’t smile at you often. Consequently, each and every smile from her is a gift that is precious and rare. Slowly it dawns on you that she’s smiling because you’ve caught her off-guard, which is not an uncommon occurrence--and also that she’s smiling because she’s impressed with you, which is uncommon.
A sudden, fierce, wildly ecstatic sense of pride swells within your chest.
You have never wanted to kiss her quite so badly as you do right here and right now.
====================================================================
“Maybe it’s fate?”
A dismissive snort. “I don’t believe in fate.”
“You didn’t use to believe in my twitcha-twitch powers, either.”
She flinches at that. Feels a sharp stab of regret.
“Well, maybe it’s not fate, but …” A cautious step forward. “But maybe we could make it our fate?”
After a moment’s hesitation, she takes a step forward, too. Their eyes are locked. The very air between them hums and ripples with unspoken tension. It’s oppressive, irresistible.
“Are you sure about this?” she breathes, her lips just a hair’s breadth away from her friend’s.
“Nope,” comes the whispered reply. But there’s an unmistakable twinkle in those blue eyes. “Are you?”
“Not even a little bit.” Softly she chuckles. “But I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s unsure.”
The other pony smiles, one of those dazzling smiles that make her feel as though they are the only two ponies in the entire world--that make her feel as though she might actually be as special as everypony says she is--and that’s all it takes. She decides to give in to the insanity.
====================================================================
You have never wanted to kiss her quite so badly as you do right here and right now. And so you do.
It is everything like those memories of things that have not yet happened, of things that may never happen, and it is nothing like those memories. The sensation of drowning, though, the drowning is exactly the same. You drown in her completely. You drown in the scent of cookies that lingers in her mane, in the taste of hot sauce that burns on her lip. You flounder in the feeling of her warm, soft chest pressing relentlessly against yours.
It’s overwhelming. She’s overwhelming. You can’t breathe, you can’t think--you can barely brace yourself enough to keep from stumbling and falling over. She consumes you just as voraciously as she consumes cakes and pies and cookies. From somewhere deep inside you she draws out a long, low moan of unrestrained pleasure.
It’s utterly overwhelming … and it is exhilarating.
She is an out of control forest fire of a pony, crackling, blazing, every inch as dangerous as any hydra or dragon could ever hope to be. And you would have her be nothing else and nothing less.
---
Author’s Notes: In my blog, I asked folks if they had any story requests. TallTale requested a TwiPie story, so here ‘tis.
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Donnys Boy · 4.1k words · 454 11 · 11k views
- NorsePony · 1.6k words · 301 9 · 11k views
- SanityLost · 9.5k words · 270 10 · 11k views
- Baby Seal Burritos · 14k words · 341 10 · 23k views
- Skeptical Poet · 3.5k words · 415 5 · 9.8k views
- Donnys Boy · 28k words · 351 26 · 8.8k views
- Donnys Boy · 32k words · 709 17 · 16k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.16 seconds
Total duration
729 users online
1,082,306 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
probably shouldve taken an image off of google images instead of making ponysonas with HORRIBLY done colors
Holy crap that was awesome. Like, jeez! You continue to surprise me- you made me believe in DashPie again, then you're just like lolnope it's twipie and I'm like Damn.
You are
In the interest of being positive, rather than unnecessarily critical of something only marginally related to your story, that was incredibly well done. The changes in perspective were handled flawlessly, and though it could occasionally be hard to keep track of who you were talking about, I'm pretty sure that was intentional. Very nicely done.
That was very very good. Extremely good. Very emotional, and moving, I have to admit. :D
Wonder if you could do that POV from a RariJack?
Very nice story. I'm glad I re... wait a second...
*looks at author*
Danny Boy... well son of a... that's it. I've gotta say, I love all your works
The perspective changes... wow. Just wow. Elegantly intricate, revealing depths of the characters, showing the natural progression of their relationship...
I consider myself a person with some skill with wordsmithing, but this has the same unspeakable beauty of an untamed fractal. Well done.
Second person with referential ambiguity. That's gotta be a first. Somehow it worked, allowed for the understanding of the mutuality of the attraction. I've always been partial to the dynamics of the relationship between Twilight and Pinkie. Well Executed.
Switching tenses, lack of dialogue attribution and as BB said, referential ambiguity.
This doesn't make it artsy or clever, it just makes it difficult to read and feels very pretentious. That said, it isn't badly written and while the pacing is a bit off it's an overall enjoyable read.
I dunno what they are saying about difficult to read. It was quite easy and MEGA SUPER AWESOME AMAZING
Moar pls
Oh you magnificent human being! God damn! That was so much fun to read, haha. Keep up the amazing work!
Interesting story. The narrative style fit pretty well, the second person perspective was used in a manner I've rarely seen too, better than most really and the way you told it fit Twilight well.
I can't say the same about Pinkie though. It felt too dramatic for her, her sense of playfulness didn't seem to come out clearly. I have to admit I can't see her as having felt "isolated in a crowd" either. That whole bit seemed more Twilight than Pinkie.
Overall a fun read though, not the best, but enjoyable.
166448 What that guy said.
meh, TwiPie
I think you got the best out of this... yeah... idk, unnormal shipping?
The writing style feels like staring at raw emotion through a kaleidoscope of, ah what would be the word, whimsicality? Yeah, I think that covers it pretty well. The perspective changes forced me to stop and think to figure out for sure where I was looking at each scene from. It would have been disruptive in small doses, but as a constant thing, it became just another part of the story. Plus, I like thinking. All in all, this is another fic I thought was well worth reading.
166742 I agree on what he said.
This. Is. AWESOME! This may be the best written fic I have ever seen.
A very different style of writing and a new perspective to boot!
Great job
Yes. YES! TwiPie! My favorite pairing!
Holy crap! The story's up in that little featured box! That is both incredibly flattering and incredibly terrifying.
So. Hello there, readers. Thank you for reading and taking the time to review.
Re: charges of pretentiousness, I am pretty much guilty, yeah. I do lean towards the pretentious, though I make the occasional attempt to reign in those tendencies. At any rate, I wasn't actually trying to be super oblique in the story; at the start of each new section, I tried to put in signifiers indicating whose perspective we were now in, but I guess I didn't do a good enough job with that. Sorry, y'all.
Also, re: Pinkie's characterization, I think I agree that she's a bit too serious here and not silly enough. Always a danger when trying to do serious!Pinkie, I think. Though the stuff about her feeling lonely before Twilight moved to Ponyville came from my half-thought-through head canon where none of the Mane Five were really that good of friends before Twilight brought them all together.
ANYWAYS. That is enough rambling from me. Thank you so much for your reviews, everyone, especially those of you who thought the story fell short of the mark. Though of course I am enormously pleased to see that many of y'all have enjoyed the story and am very flattered by all of your kind words about it.
(And now I am off to finish baking a cake, which I will top with rainbow sprinkles.)
seriously this is my favorite pairing, if you think about it, they are the most compatible, both are genius but incredibly eccentric, both are inventors, both can teleport...
Wonderfully crafted; the art of a skilled wordsmith is hard to find.
Amazing story.
Wow, just wow! Now this is the type of story that I love. Lots of thought and the loops all around. Ending with what ya started made me one happy.... Ummmm.... I'm not sure what I am half the time.... but for now I'm a happy pony..... I think..... Well I'm happy anyways.
It was good. The repeating lines throughout felt unneeded, or could've been worded slightly differently, than copy+paste, at least that is what it seemed.
I rarely see well done second-person narratives, but this one was just great! :)
5/5 from me!
While this is very well written it wasn't all that convincing; they saw a what if scenario of themselves together and then said 'why not' smooch, smooch, smooch!'. I don't consider this very romantic but still it's an good story; four stars for it's writing and emotion.
I don't like TwiPie in the least... or any other shipping... but this was interesting. Tracked, but not favorited, even though it's complete.
I think it's romantic.
Everything that isn't dialogue feels like poetry. Your prose is fantastic and very moving. Kudos for your interpretation and characterization of PInkie Pie. this is awesome
This cover is quite possibly the only good thing to ever come out of pony creators. And by good, I mean marvelous.
DONNY'S BOY. WHY MUST YOU WRITE GREAT STORIES?
No, but in all seriousness, I love any story by you
interesting one shot twipie story.. but needs to be expanded upon... like lets see what those futures hold now
167405 I think it is more that they are already in love with each other, secretly; they see this vision of the possible future and realise that their pairing might just work after all.
I thought it was very poetic. Actually, more so a poem with a story to it. I liked it.
167405
I agree with this 100%. Since Twilight and Pinkie are my two favorite ponies, I'm just happy somebody shipped them. It's way too rare. That said, it came across forced. I want to see Pinkie trying to win Twilight's heart or something like that.
interesting to say the least, a very unique way of telling a story.
This. I want to download this.
This was formatted brilliantly.
Not even a fan of the pairing.
Fucking amazing.
166152 is that a Zatch Bell Reference?
This was a good read. I liked it a lot
Excellent job. The transition was handled well but, as is the nature of the beast, occasionally confusing. Still a 5/5.
Oh god this is amazing.
166742
"The writing style feels like staring at raw emotion through a kaleidoscope of, ah what would be the word, whimsicality?"
Meant to say this earlier, but that's one of the nicest things anyone's ever said about my writing. Thank you so much.
167405
For what it's worth, I'm not sure I consider this romantic, either. It's ... a romance, for lack of a better categorization, but it wasn't actually meant to be romantic in any traditional sense.
167581
Thank you! That's very kind of you to say. I do think this is more of a mood piece than a story proper, so probably does have a bit more in common with poetry than with prose.
167791
Aw, thanks!
168153
Fair enough! Though, this wasn't meant to be a "falling in love" story so much as a ... geez, I don't even know. Experimental character study, I suppose. But I do have plans to write something of a "falling in love" TwiPie story at some point or another, if you're interested.
Oooh, also! For some good TwiPie, I recommend the following stories whole-heartedly, if you haven't already read them:
Sir Gimp of Baath's "Causality"
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7474165/1/Causality
Twilight asks Pinkie out via time travel. Pinkie considers that incredibly romantic. There is romance, there is angst, there is a funny scene in a restaurant and a gorgeous moment involving fireflies.
Ringcaat's "The Combinatorics Project" (first chapter)
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/7281053/1/The_Combinatorics_Project
Seekers of arcane knowledge! Balloon gas! Rarity being duly horrified!
Shrinky Frod's "Five Minutes"
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/297/Five-Minutes
I'm not sure how romantic this is, but it's a great little story nonetheless. It's very sexy, I'd say. Even though there's nothing explicit and very little even hinted at, the entire tone of the story is very steamy, very sexual. It's the more physical side of TwiPie, I'd say.
168691
Indeed it is not, and is purely coincidence. I'm commenting on the fact that it seems that I love anything this author puts out, and always before I know its him that made it.
Seriously, every single story I started tracking, and then realized later that they were all by him...
This was very sweet and crazy and a cool idea. I like how, as someone said, raw the emotion was. Very well done characterization. :)
Whoa.
I love it^^
I've read all of those Donny, but thanks for the recommendations. I'll be on the lookout should you write another one.
HOW
HOW DOES THIS HAVE 100+ RATINGS
HOOOOOOOOW
I wish I had something to say that hasn't already been said. An amazing story, good sir, and from two different perspectives too!
This fic is awesome, simply awesome 
.
Incoming critique:
While the story it's self is good there are some things that I feel take a way from the story as a whole. The POV change is an interesting touch but I feel that it breaks the flow of the story and makes it a bit of a hard read. I can understand why it was done and really cant see a way that it could have been written differently and kept the same feel, but I think the shifts could have been done smoother. The build up is well done if quick, but the speed is to be expected from a short one shot. The flash forward is done very well done and the initial reactions to it are perfect.
Over all this is a good read worthy of the thumbs up it is getting.