Luna is distraught. She feels that, even after all she's been through, all she's worked for, all she's become, it has been for naught. One night she looks over the fields of the kingdom, her kingdom, and wonders where she stands. It is here she, the Princess of The Night, will do battle with her inner demons once and for all. Will she succeed? Only time, and a lament that comes from her heart, will tell Luna the answer she seeks.
PRAISE FOR The Melancholy of Princess Luna: A Poem:
This is FAMTASTIC!!! I must say that you deserve 10 mustaches!!!
Fantastic poem! Some of the rhymes don't really work, but other than that it's nearly perfect in every other way. You win 5/5 Twilight smiles
.
Breathtaking poem.
And Finally:
That was quite the poem.
Well done, man, well done.
Companion piece to my other poem, The Ballad of Princess Celestia: A Poem
What a fantastic Poem, something of the like that is quite lacking here on FiMfiction.
The words you chose were very visceral and *badum-pish* poetic, I hope you do more like this
This is FAMTASTIC!!! I must say that you deserve 10 mustaches!!!
2106970>>2107115 WOW THANKS SO MUCH GUYS/GIRLS!! I promise to now stalk you and read your stories, if you have any! I don't have any ideas for other poems as of yet, but just PM me if you want a request!! Please be sure to read my other story, if it interests you!
This review is brought to you on behalf of the group: Authors Helping Authors
Name of Story: To Calm a Bitter Storm
Grammar score out of 10 (1 is grammar that needs to be worked upon as basic principles such as capitalization and spelling is an issue, and 10 is impeccable): 9 I award you one point more than the standard 8, for writing such a lengthy poem that kept its meter throughout the entire stanza.
Pros: A poem of such length is to be commended (especially with the way you made the words of each verse flow). Because I lack the faculties for the proper appreciation of higher literary arts (such as poetry), I won't be able to give you a proper critique that a work like this deserves. I enjoyed how the poem started with Luna's melancholy, slowly descended towards depression, grief, fear, resentment, desperation (when facing her inner demons), and then began her assent to her resolve, acceptance, forgiveness, atonement, catharsis, and finally becoming whole. Your poem allowed s to see how Luna might face her inner turmoil with who she once was, and who she wishes to be.
Cons: I feel that two line verses throughout the poem pulled me away from the story the poem wanted to tell. I think the poem would have benefited greatly from four, or even seven line stanzas, versus the two lines you choose to use (even though rhythm and tempo would be harder to keep up, I think they would have made reading the poetry easier). Now although my own attempts at writing poetry is rather feeble in comparison to yours, I felt some of the stanzas suffered from the word choices you used (mainly in your noble efforts to get the last word of each line to rhyme with the previous one). Like I said previously, your effort here is far superior to any I could ever pen. But if you were either to rewrite some of the weaker stanzas of use different word choices, I think your poem impact would be far greater with your readers.
Hopefully you found my critique to be helpful, and if not, hopefully you found it at least kind. Thank you for your time and consideration.
>>2111158Ah, those lovely, lovely stanzas! I wrote this in two hours (not that that means much) and have read it twice a day. Some rhymes do fail, I'll admit, and I will definitely try a different style of poem in the future. Possibly a volume of shorter, more contained, but just as experimental, poems. I enjoyed your critique quite a bit, and appreciate the honesty! But, if you would kindly reply, which two lines did you feel unnecessary? If you would elaborate it could help my story that much more.
Anyway, thanks again for the critique, look forward to reading your stories! All.... erm, 100,000+ words of them.... I accept the challenge wholeheartedly!!!
See ya soon, have a great day!
-Ghost
2114274 I'm not sure, there were a few lines that seemed stilted (mainly from having to make the last word from each line rhyme with the previous one). I think they were near the end. I realize with writing poetry in under a two hour time frame, it's difficult to make every line flow as smooth as butter (especially with a poem of such length). Like I said previously, I'm not really qualified to critique poetry (my own attempts have been rather lackluster). Sorry for not pointing out the line last night I found awkward, if I can find them I'll post them for you.
2114333 If it isn't too much trouble, you may. There's always room for improvement!!!
But another, more daunting question, I have: How should I approach reading such a long story as yours? Should I ask the Authors Helping Authors moderators? I've never read such a long fanfiction before. Should I take notes as I'm reading, chapter by chapter? Sorry if I'm sounding naive. I just wish to do the group and your stories as well as reviews, justice.
2114390 Well if you wanted to do a chapter by chapter critique you might, or if you prefer doing an overall critique that be fine as well. Which ever you prefer to do. If such a large work is too daunting, why not review Equestrian Tales told by Tavernlight instead. It's much shorter and should be easier to digest for a review. Of course as long as you enjoy what I've written that's more then enough for me.
2114471 I'll review Equestrian Tales first, and see how I do. Then, sooner or later, I may do a review on your longer stories by doing something like this: Review chapters 1-3. Then 4-6 and so on. That way you won't be flooded with thirty-something review s but still get a detailed overview of what I thought! Once again, thanks for the advice and consideration. It means a lot! Happy travels!
Fantastic poem! Some of the rhymes don't really work, but other than that it's nearly perfect in every other way. You win 5/5 Twilight smiles
.
2203683 Oh wow, thanks so much! Yeah, in hindsight, it's rushed, but for two hours and a spur-of-the moment idea, I'm pleased with it and am very glad you enjoyed it! I'll be sure to read any of your stories, if you have any, and follow you, as well! Thanks again!! Happy trails!
-Ghost
2203683 Oh wait, I'm already following you!!
Silly me! That's what happens when you don't come on for a week!
2204430 Don't worry about it comrade. Everyone has things they need to take care of; I only wish writing was my full-time job.
. I actually do have a favor to ask of you though. I will PM you about it right...now.
Breathtaking poem. Princess Luna is loved not only by her subjects, her sister, but all of her loyal fans.
2567662 Exactly my thoughts!! Glad you enjoyed it, my friend!
2573226
Because Luna's a thousand years out of date - which is causing social and prespective problems - is an unknown quantity when it comes to governing style/capability, and has a horrible historical reputation? Even as forgiving as ponies are, it is going to take quite a bit of time for Luna to achieve Celestia's status among the populace.
2573226 Yeah, even though I personally think Luna is actually one of the more popular ponies, the fans seem to put her in either
A. Some sympathetic light that makes it seem like Celly was EEVVVIIIL
B. Make it as if Luna was EEEVVIIILLL
C. Something else. Idk, like there was some grand war against teh two princesses, the Lunar Republic and Solar Empire which, to me, doesn't hold much weight since there isn't much evidence in the canon to suggest that there were any great wars in Equestria. And even if there were conflicts, it's been shown that Luna and Celestia would charge to take matters into their own hooves before ever sending their armies, hence why they used the Elements and such so much.
Personally, I tried to go for more of what the canon seems to suggest with this poem, as if both Luna and Celly made mistakes. I think that we'll be seeing a lot more Luna next season since Twi is an alicorn and the season's coming back with 26 or so episodes. Plus now that we know Luna can enter dreams and such, I think it's safe to say we'll see more from her in the future, Glad you enjoyed it, I appreciate you taking time to comment.
Love always and forever,
-Ghost
2573361 That's very true, as well. They still kinda fear her because, even if not many ponies seem to remember the legend of the Mare In The Moon apart from Nightmare Night, they most certainly would remember a GIANT CLOUD OF DARKNESS TRYING TO ENGULF THE ENTIRE WORLD IN EVERLASTING NIGHT! I know I would! That's when you know shit gets real!
2573394 Good point, but does it ever specifically say if they shunned her before the NNM incident, or that they just feared/neglected the nighttime itself? I don't remember too well, as it's been a while since I saw the pilot, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't too specific. I think more of the reason they shunned the night was probably because it was dark, and darkness can remind people/ponies of the unknown, which is a scary thing. Idk.
2573417 Hmm.... I think I know what you're getting at, but could you explain on that please?
2573394
I... can't quite figure out your response as it seems to be filled with non sequitors.
But that has nothing to do with why she's not as popular in the present times.
I'm not going to deny that. People generally don't like to be reminded of such conflict in the times when it isn't occuring. What does that have to do with Luna being less popular due to an unpleasant past and less face time?
Deny what about Luna? (I'm assuming you meant her)
2573562 Wow... That was about as in-depth as it can get. Good points, all pretty valid, I'd say. Thanks for clearing things up (as far as subtle assumptions based on what is revealed in the canon). Just kinda shows my own ignorance to the canon at large. I should definitely rewatch the series and analyse everything a bit more.
2573588
Okay, now I'm really confused. In your original post you wondered why Luna doesn't get more love than Celestia in the show, but you just explained why Luna is likely to be less loved than Celestia. Are you saying she should be getting more, or is getting a justified amount? Your comments seem to say both.
2573642 He/she's probably just answering my question to explain things. They were just wondering, then maybe made an assumption. But I think what they meant as far as love is in regards to how many episodes she has and how Celly is more prominent in the canon. (Which makes sense as she's Twi's teacher and the main ruler.) Idk. Just my thoughts.
2576459
Except that ponies' concerns aren't groundless. She's out of touch, riddled with instability, and has a history of being evil. Ponies are justified for not immediately accepting her as a second Celestia. She'll have to prove herself after all that she's done.
2576930
Perhaps we need to be more clear then. I'm referring to the modern ponies because that's the largest portion of canon. I thought your initial comment was referencing those same ponies.
This was awesome!!! i mean, i never read a poem on FIMfiction before, and this was interisthing.
i only read half way, because i have to go to bed so i can wake to go to summer school, but this was still great of what i read. i mean, you deserve a watch from me man. you just desereve for this. also, will out this in my favorites on my user page. this will do fine to replace 'Racist Barn'. because it's so much better, or should i say, 20% cooler then that story. i know it was weak, but just rol with it.
2669135Holy shnikees, dude, thanks so much! For the awesomesauce comment, fave, and watch! Seriously, that means a lot, like, so much that I can only
.
For that, you have my thanks, and another follower who intends to read whatever you may write!
Love always and forever,
-Ghost
While the rhyming was not exact at times,
I digress, as rhymes are rhymes.
And I believe I speak for us all,
When I say that this poem truely stands tall;
May I ask of you a question?
Have you heard of my Poet's Parity Party, as I believe it deserves mention.
You should join, as you membership would be enjoyed!
I will now stop my rhyming, before someone gets annoyed.
2669897 well, you're welcome dude, but you really deserve it. i mean, this was a great poem, and i'm sure it's a narrtive poem and all, but this was just awesometacular!! this was just great, i just loved it. i also gave you a like on the story and this was just great. i also finished reading it and it was more awesome then what i had hoped for! i mean, i was just randomly looking through my notifcations and all, and i just happpened to stumble on your thread, and i am so glad i clicked on it, because it led me to this. also, thanks man. thanks for the watch and all, but you really did desereve it and all, just for this in my opinion.
That was quite the poem.
Well done, man, well done.
~Skeeter The Lurker
3083861 AGBDFWKQERTSIWAAAHHHHNFSL!!!!
THE LURKER HAS SPOKEN WELL OF MY POEM!
Thanks so SO SO SOSOSO much dude! You have NO. IDEA. Just getting a comment from you is like, the coolest shindig ever! Like... GAH! I don't even care anymore! Just... Hust... AGHS!
*Ahem's*
Anywhosit, good to know ya like my "story" and all. 'S cool.
Love always and forever,
-Ghost
3083891
Well. I, uh, I wasn't actually expect such a reaction.
You're quite welcome for the comment, and thank you for the reply.
~Skeeter The Lurker
3083896 Anytime!
Love always and forever,
-Ghost
Nice poem, it's cute.
3084930 CUTE!!??? MY FIC IS "CUTE"!!?? HOW DARE YOU SAY SOMETHING so nice and polite, thank you!! I'm glad I could entertain your eyes with cute was for a few minutes, and appreciate the comment very much!
Love always and forever,
-Ghost
3085638
For some reason, I can't read this comment without imagining Sean Connery's voice from The Medicine Man... SLEEP!? Sleep? You want sleep?
Great poem! You must have put a lot of effort into this, I loved the words you chose to thyme. Have a like!