Overmare
Joined 19th Jan, 2012 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- BrainLapse · 6.3k words · 43 1 · 5.3k views
- Jewel_Eater_Dragon · 7.8k words · 49 5 · 2.5k views
- mithrilcomb · 3.9k words · 112 38 · 8.9k views
- Pegarony · 1.8k words · 57 3 · 3.6k views
- Luminous Daze · 3.5k words · 156 18 · 4.2k views
- Nadake · 12k words · 75 11 · 2.3k views
- Anonymule · 61k words · 112 12 · 2.6k views
Featured In11
Shipping 💖11,675 stories ·9,745 members
Clopfics11,553 stories ·15,818 members
Rainbow Dash7,258 stories ·4,145 members
Twilight Sparkle12,290 stories ·4,756 members
Rarity3,855 stories ·2,002 members
- Rainbow Dash Fan Club1,582 stories ·715 members
RariTwi, Rarilight, Twilight x Rarity476 stories ·1,112 members
Romance is Magic!5,376 stories ·1,723 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.125 seconds
Total duration
730 users online
1,001,645 hits today, 1,996,409 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Hm
Mhmm...
. . .
Pretty cool!
This could use a lot of work,it felt rushed and I hope the next chapters have more story and longer sex scenes, still nice though, better than I could ever do..
CHAPTER. 6!!
Damn man! You is good, but too short.
Getting better. Poor spike though.
Oooh! Rarit-ee!
It's awfully deep (NOT A PUN) for a clopfic.
More. Give me MORE. I WANT MOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!
Ha.
This seemed a little rushed, like you wanted all the information and explainations to be piled in our heads as quickly as possible.
But it doesn't matter, it's still a goo twist
soon as i read that last line *double facehoof*
triple facehoof
every single chapter i find a reason to face hoof so hee its is
yet again facehoof
Laughed my ass off at this
ok from chapter one my reactions were as follows
(chapter one) Ooh, this has potential
(chapter 2) ....ok......I'm seeing a lot of mistakes
, but maybe it'll improve!
(chapters 3-6)
There were quite a few spelling and grammar mistakes, but the writing style was fairly good, if a bit rushed. Please update, I'd like to see how all of this turns out.
ill help you proofread it if you need some help and ill also make corrections to it if you want me to
249801 dont you mean 19 facehoof XD
269051 yes and no because that still is not the right amount to express it
269047 Good attitude. Don't be downed by a few grammar mistakes, they happen to all of us. Update soon, the content of the story is great.
Nice chapter.
A bit short for my liking, though I can't really judge considering the time constraints/stresses you may have. Keep them coming, I'd love to see Rarity beat the shit out of Rainbowdash... (In a completely friendly manner)
Gosh darn Rarity. . .I thought ou were better than that
Pretty dramatic for a clopfic so far. Even with a plethora of grammar/spelling mistakes so far, I approve
435869
Though the dialogue can get quite stale/robotic at times ._.
You need to work on keeping a consistent tense throughout your story. Throughout the story you constantly switched back and forth between past and present tense, a sure sign of an inexperienced writer. For instance, . i.e.: "All she wants to do is cry herself to sleep and wash all the memories away, forget everything that’s happened." would flow better if it was changed to "All she wanted to do is cry herself to sleep and wash all the memories away, forget everything that’s happened." I recommend going through and changing everything into past tense for readability.
662166 I agree. You also are inconsistent about posting, and the lengths of each chapter. I suggest you take a break, put the chapter together, re-form the story, and then re-post it with a idea, and schedule in mind. I mean, this was VERY short, even for a part one. I suggest you take some time and figure out what you want to do with this story.
665170
I know what I'm doing with the story and such. It's the last chapter, and was planned to be this short for a part one. Reasons for inconsistency in posting is because I tend to do things off the internet, like sports and friends. Weird huh? I also had to fix my laptop which was pretty shitty. But other than that, I had lot's of other things planned after all of this, so no worries.
665203
Ok, I see :) I didn't want to seem rude, i was just giving advice :) then again, i may not be the best one to give advice for a clopfic, as i only read them for the story lines and plots xD
I read, and I wait
Short but good. and FIRST!
1373157
37th actually.
1373256
on the new chapter.
you seem to like writing porn.
are these spelling errors just errors, or is that how you talk in canada?
this is best chapter of anything you've written in my opinion.
but, you could've made the sex scene longer. 
nice work though.
ermagerd, I love this story!
2473629
I had one planned, but as you can see I never got around to writing it. I wrote two other stories that are in the same universe, but that's about as far as I've gone.
Rushed, short, everything gets forcibly tied up in a neat bow but still. Not bad.
Also in regards to how Rarity reacted to Cheer cheating ,I, as someone who has been cheated on far too many times, would agree with Rarity's reaction though many may think she was being cruel and rushing to get away from her.
wat
While I like the concept, the start to it all I am having trouble going further due to the high volume of writing/grammatical errors. I really do want to progress through the story, but until the chapters are cleaned up a bit I probably won't pass this chapter.
I understand we all make mistakes and errors from time to time. The amount each reader is willing to put up with varies. I like to call this willingness to tolerate errors and mistakes in any given work by the reader their "Error Threshold"