• Member Since 11th Oct, 2015
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Boomstick Mick


"Oh, bother," said Pooh as he chambered another round.

T

What if Soarin had not been as forgiving as he was when he found out his team had lied to him and tried to replace him for the Equestria games? What would his life be like if he were to up and quit the Wonderbolts, and where could this life-altering choice lead him?

Chapters (15)
Comments ( 618 )

:pinkiecrazy: I like it

Rainbow will throw a fit when she find out, but hey, he's in ponyville shaking up with her best friend, she'd gonna have so much fun teasing them

3858474 Nope, Rainbow Dash is too busy salivating over Big Mac's hot bod... Right...? I say this knowing very well that you're a RainbowMack fan :rainbowwild:

I'll stick around...for now. :ajsmug:

I actually quite like this so far. You've earned your star and thumb, sir! :pinkiehappy:

A Soarin' AJ Fic. I'll be following this for now.
A nice set-up, a very reasonable reason for him to quit and Links greatly with that episode, VERY reasonable.

Well written, and gives Soarin believable motivations both for quitting the team and for staying at Sweet Apple Acres? I'll be keeping an eye on this.

Oh hey! A Braeburn/Soarin Fic! I didn't know you liked that ship! :rainbowlaugh:

All serious now: loved it. Can't wait to see more.

Errrm...Real_SilentPony... I think this is a soarinjack ship :/

You know, you actually kind of took an idea similar to mine. What I mean is that I wanted to possibly do an alternative ending to Rainbow Falls where Soarin quits the Wonderbolts as well and moves into Ponyville. The differences though is that it would be a different paring with a little bit of a love triangle in it.

I do hope we get to see Spitfire and Fleetfoot again later on and try to make amends with Soarin about what they did. And considering they were a third member short, I think it's safe to say that Cloudsdale didn't qualify.

Go Applejack. One look at you and Soarin will harvest all the apples in the orchard. Great story. I can't wait for the next chapter to come out.

3859361

He's in straight ship denial. Let him come to terms with it at his own pace.

There's never enough Soarinjack in the world! Good on you for contributing! :heart::ajsmug:

Amazing how misandry is very high in Equestria...

I always thought that the Wonderbolts were a giant joke, really. They never seem to be able to do anything right.

Good plan getting out of there, Soarin'. Farming's a good job. Builds character and muscles.

Loved it so far! HUGE Soarjack fan, that's my MLP OTP, and you write incredibly well, I can't wait for the next chapter!

3858528
Oh yush, a big, BIG fan ^^:trollestia:

KarmaDash Why do I keep seeing you everywhere?...... Are you following me?.... :trixieshiftright:

Though not a soarindash shipper myself, I like what I see so far. Not a bad start, a few good jokes and the characters feel...natural but I want to see more of this fic first before I should call it a masterpiece, but at least it's a good start.

I caught a glimpse of the farmers daughter...

Dare I ask if this story was inspired by the song at all? :D

Well... Um... Where shall I start? Let's start with this, there isn't really anything I can say is bad. I like all of it so far and think you should make more of the story cause I mean its a really good story that I can really see more of in the future. I'm getting sort of repetitive here so I'm just going to leave you with a Derpy smiley face and say terah! :derpytongue2: And also a Spike mustache face. Why? Cause my mind told me to. :moustache:

SoarinJack isn't a bad ship after all... :D Speakin of which, what the heck is Braeburn doing in Ponyville!?

Would be interesting to see the Wonderbolts get a bad rep and taken down a peg for this. After all, Soarin did just confessed what he's been going through and quit in front of a small crowd of ponies.

I like it, keep up the good work friend :twilightsmile:

great story, because your writing is very fun to read, if you continue this story I'll be eternally grateful!:rainbowkiss:

Gave it a shot. Read the whole chapter. I felt the dialogue was clunky. Too many words for what was being said and everyone sounded really formal. Even Braeburn. And he that just feels way too weird for a character like him.

Well... as Soarin' x Applejack is one of my favorite straight ships I shall give this a fave and see where this goes, but so far I like what I see :raritywink:

3861396 Was Soarin and the Wonderbolts formal with each other when they were bickering in the beginning? The mare at the cafe was formal, because come on, she's at work. Applebloom acted like a bit of a brat, but she's got a sweet side to her. Braeburn was formal, but in that rustic kind of way. He poured Soarin a glass of whisky and slid it to him from across the table while he introduced himself. I plan on keeping him very reserved and very polite; you just never want to get on his bad side because he can be kind of a bad ass, too. That's how I see him, anyway. :ajsmug:

Well, I've never been one to fret over spellin' mistakes all that much but try to work on it, would ya, mate? :ajbemused:
That aside, I'm a huge fan of this settin'. :pinkiehappy:
I named my guitar after Applejack, so ya can probably guess how I feel 'bout her.:ajsmug:
You get a fave and waitin' reader. :twilightsmile:
Hakuna Matata :rainbowwild:

Soarin raised from his haunches and immediately made his way to the nearest dropping point from Cloudsdale

This took place in Rainbow Falls

Wonderful, can't wait for next chapter!
*Liked and Faved*

3861962

Looking over it again, It's about how it all flows. I read it aloud and it didn't roll of the tongue very well in several places.
This:

"That's what I originally suggested," Fleetfoot answered with a callous shrug. "Spitfire thought it would be more politically correct if we had at least one male in our group, but since you were injured from being distracted by those female cheerleaders bouncing around, I'd say that was a mistake."

is a good example.

Fleetfoot strikes me as someone who would shorten her speech.

"That's what I said," Fleetfoot answered with a callous shrug. "Spitfire thought it would be P.C. if we had at least one guy in our group, but since you got yourself injured chasing skirts, I'd say that was a mistake."

Seems more in character for the "Devil-may-care hotshot" she and Spitfire are characterized as.

On to Breaburn, I honestly take issue with writing out the accent for any of the apples. We know their accent, we watch the show after all. But thats a stylistic concern at best, and can be ignored if you think you should.

His real problem is saying too little with too many words. I can't find a good example that changing around wont require a re-write of the next few paragraphs, and I aint your editor, so I'm not going to go "REWRITE THIS"

There are numerous instances of him repeating him self in different words and it makes it clunky to read.

interesting fic...lets see how this will go.:trixieshiftright:

:pinkiegasp: APPLEJACK AND SOARIN?!
:pinkiehappy: LOVING IT!!!! :heart:

I've go to say that I was really steamed when I that episode the way they treated Soarin was a bucking disgrace the sexism and even outright
contempt that Spitfire and Fleetfoot showed for Soarin was infuryateing it truly makes feel elated that Rainbow Dash has these higher responsiblities that will keep her from ever being a Wonderbolt beacuase that team is so far beneith her it's bucking disguesting.Oh for the record
it's Pegasus not Pegusis,might want to fix that is all.

Looking forward to more.

Very forward :trixieshiftright:

...

Heh. No pressure :derpytongue2:

"Hello~ farmer's daughter..."

I read that line like:

3861962 Pretty much all the dialogue in this is pretty stiff and unnatural, honestly.

3862429 yeah, now that I have an example I guess I can kinda see where you're coming from. Criticisms are just as welcome as compliments, so I appreciate it. I'll try to work on that.

3863215

The best trick I know of to help keep dialogue flow and in voice is to read it aloud.

If it feels weird to say or feels like something that character wouldn't say, you need to run the dialogue through some edits.

Dialogue is the hardest to get right unfortunately. Anyone can describe something. We do it all the time in daily life. But making up entire conversations for multiple participants... not so much. :twilightblush:

I would like to see Dash´s reactions to the events. Can she, the Element of Loyalty, still admire the Wonderbolts as she did before, after watching how much of a bunch of selfish backstabbers they truly are?

must know what the fox says

I could not stop laughing.

I somehow see Soarin becoming an even stronger flyer than Spitfire and Fleetfoot because of the farm work he does.

3859690
3859361

Orrr... you could smell the sarcasm coming off the comment?

COOKIE!!! COOKIES FOR EVERYPONY! *Throws cookies everywhere* :pinkiehappy:

3863030

Ditto.


good chapter, I'll follow this fanfic :raritywink:

You're on the moon sugar, aren't you?

Nope, skooma :pinkiecrazy:

3864660 you should take a sniff too. The sarcasam is thick here.

3864697 oooHH! nomnomnom here have a sandvich in fact sandviches for everyone!!!:pinkiehappy:

It was a story that showed no theme, but generally had an ending quite good, for my tastes, the description towards Applejack might have been the most important for the writer, but thats my opinion, it also seemed that soarin was gifted with the ability of being anti-life, one who doesn't want to do any work, which seems mildly strange considering the courses one needed for the Wonderbolt Academy, but again maybe I missed a step on the wiki or something, none the less good story

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