However Absurd
"However Absurd"
by Donny's Boy
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Synopsis: Pinkie Pie might not be the knight in shining armor that Rarity always wanted … but Pinkie might just be the knight that Rarity needs.
Written for the deviantArt RariPie group's Hearth's Warming Eve art contest.
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"I couldn't say the words.
Words wouldn't get my feelings through,
And so I keep talking to you.
However absurd, however absurd it may seem …"
--Paul McCartney, "However Absurd"
The traditional Canterlot staging of the traditional Hearth's Warming Eve play was followed, as inevitably as the moon followed the sun, by the traditional Canterlot Hearth's Warming Eve party. And as had become a traditional part of that traditional party, Princess Platinum was holding court at the very center of all the festivities.
Well, not really Princess Platinum, of course, as the actual Platinum had been deceased for a good many centuries. If there even had been a real unicorn princess named Platinum--which was in some historical doubt, as Twilight had once explained at great and tedious length. So it was the case that it was not the actual Princess Platinum attending the party but, rather, the actress who'd just finished playing the princess in the Hearth's Warming Eve play.
Rarity still wore her costume in its entirety, however, so she considered it perfectly justifiable that others should refer to her as Princess. Rarity always held onto the costume for as long as she could afterwards. So too with Rainbow Dash and her Commander Hurricane costume, the pegasus holding her helmeted head high as she strode through the doors leading to palace's main ballroom with a fierce grin and flared wings.
Everypony else, in contrast, had changed out of their costumes at the earliest available opportunity--although Pinkie Pie had somehow gotten her hooves on Fluttershy's Private Pansy armor. At the present moment, across the grand ballroom and over by the chamber musicians, the earth pony was giggling and butting helmets with Dash in what Rarity could only suppose was some sort of impromptu jousting contest. Nearby the jousters, Fluttershy cowered while Twilight patted her shoulder comfortingly, and Applejack simply shook her head.
Rarity decided to simply ignore the entire lot of them. That was also a traditional part of the traditional Hearth's Warming Eve party.
Rather than bothering herself with the antics of her castmates, Rarity focused instead on the ponies who'd surrounded her as soon as she'd first stepped hoof within the ballroom. She regaled the small gathering with tales of her adventures with Fancy Pants and Fleur de Lis, braving the dangerous wilderness that comprised Manehattan's shopping district, and she took dainty sips from the glasses of punch that various strapping young stallions kept dutifully fetching for her.
All in all, the evening was going perfectly swimmingly. Perhaps too perfectly and too swimmingly, in fact. Which was, in all likelihood, the precise reason that Prince Blueblood suddenly appeared at the edge of the group of ponies who had adoringly enveloped Rarity.
Immediately the other ponies fell into a hush, and Rarity forced herself to meet the prince's eyes with a steady gaze and warm smile. Well, it was a smile just a few degrees warmer than the icy tundras that surrounded the Crystal Kingdom. But considering who was on the receiving end of that smile, Rarity considered that plenty warm enough.
"Happy Hearth's Warming Eve, Your Highness," she greeted, bowing the bare minimum dictated by propriety.
Blueblood did not return the greeting, instead raising an eyebrow. "That crown you're wearing … you do realize it's only common tin and colored glass, I hope?"
“But of course. It’s merely a costume.” Rarity kept her smile firmly in place even as her teeth ground together so hard that her jaw ached. “You are familiar with the play and the story of Equestria’s founding, I hope?”
“I know the play! I have played Clover the Clever himself many, many times!” Blueblood gave a haughty toss of his mane, and his eyes glittered angrily. “But I would not dream of keeping my costume on past the play’s end, like … like … like some sort of foal. That crown looks positively absurd, and I command you to take it off, right this instant!”
By now, Rarity’s jaw felt as though it was soldered shut, she was clenching it so tightly. “Your Highness, there is much that is yours to command.” She lifted her chin, just the tiniest fraction, and stared down the stallion before her. “But the crown on my head? I am afraid this crown--and anything else upon my person--is decidedly not one of those things!”
A number of the aristocratic ponies who still stood within listening range quietly gasped, while a few others tittered. Rarity dared not glance away from the prince but, unless her ears deceived her, it sounded as though the crowd around them had grown considerably larger over the course of their conversation.
She wasn’t entirely sure whether she felt pleased or embarrassed about that.
Prince Blueblood’s eyes narrowed, and he took a threatening step towards her--but a sudden, sharp whistling sound caused him to freeze. Frowning, Rarity turned in the direction of the disconcerting noise, just in time to spot a pie hurtling directly towards her and Blueblood. Her jaw dropped open in response, and though she tried to scream, nothing came out.
A split second later, the pie hit Prince Blueblood just slightly beneath his horn. Rarity stared in silent shock as bits of flaky crust and cinnamon-spiced apple dripped down the prince's regal face.
Then, an all-too-familiar voice rang cut through the sudden, deadly silence: "Hold on, milady! I'll protect you!"
And certain enough, a bright pink earth pony came bounding across the palace ballroom, wearing a beaming smile as well as her purloined helmet and armor. As soon as she'd reached them, Pinkie knelt down before Rarity in a low, sweeping bow before whipping around to give Blueblood a ridiculously exaggerated glare.
Rarity tried, and failed, to process just what exactly had just occurred.
Meanwhile, Blueblood stood there sputtering and blinking rapidly. The stunned crowd, for its part, slowly backed away from both the sullied prince and insane knight-errant. Rarity simply stared at Pinkie Pie and numbly wondered if her costume robe would keep her warm on the moon, to which the both of them would surely be banished in just a few minutes.
The only sound to be heard was the quiet plop of bits of ruined apple pie falling onto the ballroom floor.
Seemingly immune to the tension surrounding her, Pinkie Pie glanced over her shoulder at Rarity, and the earth mare's expression instantly shifted from glare to grin. Then, she gave Rarity the biggest and least subtle wink in the entire history of Equestria, those light blue eyes positively brimming with laughter and the purest kind of self-satisfaction, and that was it all it took.
Rarity burst out laughing.
Wave after wave of loud, terribly undignified guffaws poured out of her, even as Rarity knew that actually daring to laugh at the poor prince would only serve to add decades to her banishment. But she couldn't help it. The pie … and that wink … and the pie …
Finally, through the sheen of syrupy goop smeared across his face, Prince Blueblood narrowed his eyes at Pinkie Pie. "Now, see here, commoner! This is unacceptable! Disgraceful! Utterly and irrevocably--"
"Nephew?"
Prince Blueblood's mouth snapped shut, and his eyes went wide with fear.
Everypony present immediately dropped into low bows of the deepest respect as Princess Celestia stepped into their midst, a serene expression upon her face and her mane glowing under the dim ballroom lights. She glanced from Blueblood to Pinkie to Rarity, and her lips gave a tiny twitch. Rarity gulped hard and, as she felt her throat muscles contracted, she realized that at some point she'd stopped laughing.
Celestia levitated over a cloth napkin from a nearby table and began dabbing at the prince's face. "My dear nephew, after you've cleaned up a bit, I believe the Duchess of Hoofington was hoping to have a few words with you about your rose garden." She paused and, when the stallion didn't respond, she added, "You know what a horticulturist the duchess has always been, and your garden is one of the finest in Equestria …"
"Oh, yes! Yes, indeed!" Prince Blueblood nodded gravely--as gravely as a pony could nod, with the remains of an entire apple pie dripping down his face. "I will go attend to the duchess immediately, Aunt Celestia!"
Celestia smiled. "Thank you, Blueblood."
As the unicorn trotted off, his head held high and proud, the princess turned her smile toward Rarity and Pinkie. Rarity forced herself not to flinch in response, and she did her utmost to remain standing upon all four hooves. It was a bit difficult, at the present, as her legs were trembling almost as badly as the ground after a Sonic Rainboom. But Rarity was determined. If nothing else, she would maintain some small semblance of dignity in her last moments in Equestria before her exile.
She would be remembered as a true lady, at the very least. A true lady and a devastatingly fabulous dresser.
"Sir Puddinghead?"
Rarity's eyes cut over in time to see Pinkie Pie straighten her shoulders and give a brisk nod. With a jaunty salute, Pinkie barked out, "Ma'am! Yes, ma'am!"
Celestia's smile grew wider, if just by a bit. "I was hoping you could escort Princess Platinum to the observatory for a bit, as I don't believe anyone should be using it at this hour. It might be a good idea to give Prince Blueblood some space and some time to calm down." Her gaze flickered over to Rarity for a moment. “I think Princess Platinum might appreciate the opportunity to calm herself, as well, unless I’m very much mistaken.”
Rarity could do little more than blush in reply. She supposed that she had been yelling at Blueblood towards the end there. Just a bit.
“That might be … “ Rarity gave the princess a subdued smile. “That might be a good idea. Thank you, Your Highness.”
Princess Celestia gave a regal nod in response and, the matter apparently settled to her satisfaction, gently glided off toward the refreshments tables. In silence Rarity watched the princess leave and attempted to get over the shock of not being banished to wherever it was that ponies got banished. She was knocked from the solitude of her musings, however, by the brush of something warm and soft against her flank.
With a start, Rarity glanced over and found Pinkie Pie grinning at her. The earth pony waggled her eyebrows and, still grinning, dipped her head in yet another extravagant, hammy bow.
Rarity just blinked back at her.
"Milady," intoned Pinkie Pie, her eyes huge and impossibly blue, "may I have the honor of escorting Your Highness to the observatory?"
As she continued to struggle to regain her bearings, Rarity opened her mouth to tell Pinkie Pie to cease at once. To yell at her friend for assaulting a member of royalty--although only with baked goods, thankfully--as well as for creating a scene at the palace. To order Pinkie to give that helmet and armor back to Fluttershy.
But then Rarity remembered how angry she’d felt just minutes before, and she realized that she probably would have hit Blueblood with a pie if Pinkie hadn’t done so first. Plus, there was the fact that she herself was still wearing a crown made out of common tin and colored glass.
So it was with a wry smile and resigned chuckle that Rarity instead replied, “Please lead the way, Sir Puddinghead.”
Pinkie Pie giggled in response and, after dancing an impromptu little jig, arranged her facial features into something approximating a serious expression. Then she clicked her heels together and began marching off toward the stairs, her steps high, almost prancing. At a loss for anything else to do, Rarity shrugged and followed after.
The two ponies nodded to passing guards as they made their way through the darkened halls of the palace. Neither spoke. It wasn't a particularly long trek to the observatory, which was housed in Luna's wing of the palace, but Rarity found that the silence grated on her. Especially so given that it was such an unaccustomed thing to experience while in Pinkie Pie's company.
At last, unable to stand it any longer, Rarity decided to breach the quiet. "Darling, you really shouldn't have done that."
"I guess maybe not," replied Pinkie, in an unusually soft voice. "But the prince was being really mean! He didn't like your crown and tried to make you take it off, but I think it's a super great crown!"
"Yes. Well. Even so." Rarity delicately cleared her throat. "Besides, truth be told, I suppose keeping on the costume after the play was rather absurd ..."
Pinkie glanced over her shoulder with a frown. "Nuh uh! The costume makes you happy, and doing things that make you happy is the exact opposite of absurd."
Rarity didn't really know what to say to that, and so Rarity said nothing at all. She simply kept on walking, kept on walking right past Pinkie Pie, and continued on to the observatory. She remembered well where it stood--the observatory had been one of the very first places Twilight Sparkle had taken all of them, upon their first visit to the palace. Soon enough Rarity found herself before those large, oaken doors that had various constellations and galaxies ornately carved into the wood. She paused outside the doors, reluctant to go any farther though she didn't quite know why.
Pinkie stepped forward after a moment and, shoving open one of the doors with her shoulder, gestured for Rarity to enter. "After you, Your Highness."
A nearby royal guard raised his eyebrow but otherwise kept his peace.
Rarity ignored him and, with an eye roll that was belied by a warm smile, she quickly passed through the doors. Beyond the doorway laid a large room filled with bookshelves and several telescopes of varying sizes. Rarity gasped as her eyes adjusted to the dark and as she took in her surroundings. The sheer size and grandeur of the palace and its many chambers never failed to leave her breathless.
And then she looked up.
The ceiling was entirely comprised of clear glass. Through that glass Rarity could see the endlessly black sky above, dotted with thousands upon thousands of twinkling dots of pure, white light.
"My word," the unicorn breathed. "It's beautiful."
"I know, right?"
Startled, her heart hammering in her chest, Rarity glanced over in time to see Pinkie sidle up beside her. The earth pony's gaze, however, was firmly fixed on the night sky above them. An unusually gentle smile graced Pinkie Pie's face.
"It's really pretty," Pinkie continued on, her voice echoing slightly off the high walls and ceilings of the observatory. "You should come visit my mom and dad sometime, though. Out on the rock farm you can see a gazillion more stars than you can here or even in Ponyville."
Rarity returned to looking up at the stars. Idly she wondered how long it might take to count each and every one that she could see. It would probably take weeks, if not months. And yet there were places where one could see even more stars? She was unsure of just how many a "gazillion" might indicate and, even setting aside the vagaries of Pinkie's choice in terminology, she found it a hard thing to attempt to visualize.
She tried to imagine it anyway.
"Rarity?" Pinkie Pie's voice was just a hair above a whisper. "Are you mad at me?"
The unicorn sighed, more at herself than at Pinkie. “No. No, I suppose I’m not.”
"Oh. Okay."
They lapsed back into silence, with no one for company but the stars and each other. Rarity had no idea how long they simply stood there, transfixed, eyes lifted up towards the heavens, but it felt both too long and not nearly long enough. She stood there, and she wondered. At what strange impulse had compelled her to keep her costume from the play in the first place. At what had compelled her to push back so doggedly against Prince Blueblood’s demand that she take it off and then went along with Pinkie’s ridiculous little game of lady and knight.
But deep down, she knew. She knew why. Deep down, she’d always known why.
Eventually, some far-off church bells interrupted the quiet as they began to chime the hour. They rang out clear and crisp through the dark night air.
Rarity swallowed and took a deep breath. "I … I enjoyed it. When you called me 'milady' and 'Your Highness.'" She could hear her own voice shaking, but she pretended that it wasn't. She was good at pretending, when she wanted to be. "As utterly ridiculous and nonsensical as that might sound to you …"
The bells kept chiming.
“I don’t think that sounds ridiculous at all, Rarity.”
Slowly Rarity turned her head and lowered her gaze. She found Pinkie Pie looking back at her with wide, sparkling eyes.
“Not many ponies take me seriously,” Pinkie continued on, “but you always do. Even when I’m being silly.” The earth mare giggled, but it was strangely soft, a murmur instead of a shout. “So I thought maybe you’d like for somepony to take you seriously even when you’re being silly.”
Rarity licked her lips and felt every chime of the bells echo almost painfully within her chest.
Pinkie executed a quick twirl, followed by a bow that had her nose scraping the observatory floor. As she popped up from the bow, she grinned broadly and declared, "Therefore, Your Royal Highness, never shall you fear! Sir Puddinghead is--and shall remain--at your service!"
Rarity smiled back at the beaming pink pony. It seemed like the thing to do, for some reason. “I do believe I should like that.”
It sounded strange. It was, in truth, exceedingly strange. But perhaps that was all right. There was nopony else around to hear, after all, nopony else around to care. There was only Pinkie Pie here with her, and Pinkie Pie didn’t think it strange.
That should have worried Rarity. And in some back corner of her mind, it did, a bit. But for the most part, the thought just filled her with a sense of warmth that was lovely to possess on such a cold winter’s night.
Still smiling, Pinkie leaned forward and wrapped her forelegs around Rarity. “It’s okay, you know,” whispered Pinkie, her breath hot and sweet against the Rarity’s face. “It’s okay to … to want things you don’t have. To wanna be something else, something big.”
The unicorn allowed her eyes to slide shut, and she reveled in the softness and warmth of the other pony. She hesitated just a moment before venturing, “Such as a baker instead of a rock farmer, perhaps?”
Pinkie gave a tight squeeze before at last letting go. “Or a princess instead of a tailor!”
Rarity lifted her nose in mock disdain. “Fashion designer. I am a fashion designer, thank you very much.”
Pinkie Pie simply kept on grinning. As the earth pony took a step back, Rarity couldn’t help but notice he black helmet Pinkie wore was too large for her head by far, and Fluttershy’s unbuckled costume armor hung awkwardly off Pinkie’s flanks. All in all, the pink mare looked positively absurd.
Rarity knew she probably did, too.
But right here and right now, under the ethereal starlight, in a darkened observatory where it seemed as though they were the only two ponies in the world, she found it hard to care.
Suddenly, Pinkie Pie cocked her head. “The bells stopped ringing. I guess that means it’s midnight. Ooh! Which means it’s finally Hearth’s Warming!” She bowed down low, but her shining, moonlit eyes never left Rarity’s own. “Happy Hearth’s Warming, Princess Rarity!”
Rarity let out a dry chuckle in reply. “Happy Hearth’s Warming ... Sir Pinkie.”
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Commence read.
Pinkie and Rarity!
Quite a nice and beautiful story.
I'll read this later.
It'll tide me over until you write that AppleDash I'm waiting for
Exactly as described and as desired! Of course Celestia knew, because she always knows, and these knowing winks and nods and subtle nudges are half the fun of immortality.
Jesus... I think I have diabetes now.
Ah Raripie, truly an underlooked ship.
is there anything that you can't ship Donny?
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This is just too cute and one of my fave ships, well done!
All the love, asdfghjkl SQUEEEEEEEP
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I wuv. Wuv sososososososo much. Why can't there be more Raripie in the world?
hnnngg
so much fluff
I'm drowning in plushy fluffy marshmallow fuzzies
halp
you don't need to hurry though, it's surprisingly comfortable
(Rarity's reaction to Blueblood's jibe seems off. She doesn't at least have a snappy comeback? She cares about status, yeah, but, she doesn't fear the crowd that much. [And then Pinkie commits pastry assault and her fear makes sense now.])
Touching.
Well, that might be the cutest game of dress up I've ever seen. I imagine that Rarity's stay's in character for quite a while after the play is done. It's too bad this is so short, the kiss came almost from nowhere, and you could've done a lot more with the Princess-Knight dynamic. Oh well, it's great as is.
(Joke) Alt. Joke: It's Very Absurd
This is the best thing.
The best thing.
It's just pure unstoppable adorable shenanigans and I love it through and through. It's easily one of my favourite stories that I've read.
Brilliant work, DB.
I loved it!
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Could have used a bit more build up between
and 
but otherwise its a quite good lil short story. Oh, you also might want to take out the "church bell" line just make it a clock tower or something, seems rather silly for Celestia to have a church dedicated to herself in her own castle.
RariPie RariPie RariPie!
Awww...
The Knights Errant thing is adorably Pinkie (though since Fluttershy's helmet fits fine on Fluttershy, (or atleast Pansy's fits fine on Pansy), why is it too big for Pinkie?). Her swapping her chancellorship for a lowly military role in order to protect (someone she wants to be) her very special somepony, and enable this somepony to keep doing what she wants to do at the same time, even though it could be viewed by others as a bit odd? So very thoughtlessly Pinkie (in the Best Possible Way).
Shipping doesn't get much cuter than this.
Well I've got diabetes. Worth it, awesome RariPie.
Short, sweet, and cute. Not the absolute finest I've seen from you, but still quite worthwhile. The idea that Rarity would stay in character long after the play was over really rings very true to her character, in my opinion. I agree with nemryn that her reaction to Blueblood felt a bit off, which kinda stole a bit of the momentum from the story. But the premise is lovely, and for the most part it is executed very well. Applause and praise to you, sir.
Just when I finally got caught up with your other story, you post a new one.
Dammit (kinda).
Will get to this one when it isn't 5am in the morning.
Helloooooo, everyone, and thank you for reading!
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Heh, thanks.
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Hee! I'm pleased someone caught that about Celestia's role in all this.
1831050
Non-native plants, because of federal law. Seriously, though, thanks--I do feel that there are some ships I'm much more capable with than others, and I'd like to try to branch out more and try to improve at writing the ships that come to me less naturally.
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Hmm, I think you're right about that. In the back of my head, I had the idea that Rarity might already be a touch self-conscious about still wearing her costume--some part of her knows it's a bit silly--but either way, there should have been more push-back. Thanks for mentioning it.
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I tried to foreshadow the kiss and provide a bit of build-up but, yeah, I can see why it still seemed to come out of nowhere. Especially because the story was built on the (meant to be implied) basis that both Pinkie and Rarity had some preexisting feelings for one another. Sorry 'bout that.
Re: the church bells, the church isn't in the palace itself but simply in Canterlot.
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Heh, it's not the best thing, but I'm glad you liked it regardless. I've had this idea of Pinkie Pie hamming it up as a courtier knight or such, while Rarity is both incredibly embarrassed and incredibly pleased, for a while now. The contest was a good chance to finally write it out.
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I think of all the various Mane Six pairings, RariPie is probably the pairing most inclined toward embracing and reveling in the absurd. And really, I think this did very well for a shippy little 3,000 word one-shot--plus, I've gotten some really solid feedback and critique, and you can't ask for better than that!
Glad you liked it so much, especially as I know how keen you are on the pair.
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I'm 99% sure I agree with nemryn, too. I might go back and fiddle with that part a bit. Only on the Fimfiction version, o' course, as it wouldn't be fair to do so with the dA version I submitted for the contest, and I am a man of honor--honor and shipping. Anyway! It sounds like you liked it overall, though, which I'm glad to hear.
And it's definitely not my best ever, no question. But I think if I based whether I posted things on "Is this the best thing I've ever written?" instead of "Do I think this is a good story?" then I probably wouldn't post anything ever. I dunno.
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Gooooo to sleeeeeeep!
That is very true, and I am glad that you posted this.
I've been looking for a good bit of fluff, and then I see this. Loved it. It is adorable, and I find everyone in pretty good character.
Well, it's 3:30am, but whatever, I read your story, and nothing can stop me from doing what I want! Now... my short review! EDIT: okay... it isn't so short. sue me.
Erm... hmm... erg... well... I'll start with this. As per normal, I find a good story that I have come to expect from you. Of course, that said, I'm not going to lie that as much as I don't wanna say it, I would say that this is one of your—erg... I don't wanna say worst—lesser quality stories I've seen you write.
Why? Two reasons.
First, the flow felt all sorts or wrong for me. The beginning (up until Rarity's first line) felt like it dragged on and on, and had a lot of information and such that really wasn't needed. It felt like a good quarter of it (Maybe less though. Hard to say) was there just to get the word count up. On the other hand, after Rarity's first line, right up until Rarity and Pinkie go to the observatory, I felt that the story flew by at a mile a minute. The interactions with Blueblood and Rarity felt mechanical, Pinkie's entrance felt was out of nowhere (and not the good out of nowhere that Pinkie does well), and Celestia felt close to a deus ex machina by the way that she swooped in, got rid of Blueblood, and got the shipping pair alone. The flow continued to feel too quick (though not as bad as before) up until the moment that Rarity started talking to Pinkie up in the observatory, but it was alright, and I can't actually fault you too much on this, because it was still alright. Finally, the very end felt... rushed. Really rushed. Like you forgot every other sentence rushed.
Second, and this is absolutely painful for me to write, I felt that Rarity was borderline OOC in this story. First, she acts so embarrassed by the whole Blueblood scene (before Pinkie shows up), and not really "refined" and "quick on her feet". Now, I would suspect that if Blueblood did what he did with her, she would probably at least TRY to hold her own. When pointed out that she's wearing a stupid crown, Rarity probably would "beg his pardon", and retort that it is obviously her costume from the play. When he says she should take it off... she just lets him roll over her. Not really what I think Rarity would do.
Skipping ahead a little, we get to the observatory scene. I feel the romance part was... alright done. Pinkie's part was fine, and I think her side worked out well, but once again, Rarity was borderline OOC. She was a little too "swooned" by Pinkie's silliness, and she offered Pinkie a kiss almost out of nowhere. I am completely aware that I am getting into my headcanon when I say this next line, but I feel that Rarity would have the hardest time willing herself into a same sex relationship and/or a relationship with one of her close friends—though Applejack admittedly might be harder with the first part. Me stating that, I feel she jumped into the "let's kiss!" thing too easily. Even taking away my headcanon, she still was a little quick from going from "Oh God, Pinkie's being weird" to "PINKIE!! KISS MY FACE!!" (exaggeration slightly).
A long while back, I ranked your stories from worst to best. Just adding this one on your list (and none else). I would actually... hmm... I'd probably put it just above "The Color of Dreams", but BARELY.
PS: I just realized I never read "Shadows and Sunlight" and "Like an Unexpected Song". I gotta get to those two. Once I do that, I'll try to rerank all your stories.
EDIT: I forgot to add in the argument "well, they already had something going with each other". I thought about it, and looked at the story, and unless I am dense (Trust me. That is very likely), there was no clues of this. This is especially true when Rarity doesn't hang out with Pinkie out of the party, and you make a point to say:
I can't see there being any preexisting "fling" between them with this line.
Oh, and now for my little joke:
Pinkie Pie is an earth pony, which I personally see as the largest of the pony races (whether in muscle, fat, or just size. Doesn't matter). That said, Pinkie eats EVERYTHING, so either she is a fatty fat pony, or has a lot of muscles to show for all of her exercise.
And even then, she's swimming in Fluttershy's costume.
Fluttershy must have some junk in dat trunk!
And don't you dare say "oh, she has wings to widen her". Fluttershy's costume had holes for the wings.
How can you write so goddamn well?
HOW?!
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Heh, thank you.
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Oh, I'm glad that didn't come across as ... I dunno, snarky or weird. I just thought it would sound odd to simply say, "Oh, yeah, I know it's not my best" without adding anything further--kinda like implying I don't care about the quality of my writing, when I very much do.
1847852
Ha, it's totally not short, but that's cool--actually, that's great. I've made no secret of my love for long reviews--it's why I try to leave fairly lengthy reviews of my own, when I have the time to do so.
A lot of what you raise was mentioned by others (Esle Ynopemos, especially), and I agree with most of it. I might go back to rework the bit with Rarity and Blueblood, in particular, as I think that could benefit most from a rewrite. (But I might not--I tend to apply the things I've learned to future stories rather than revising old stories, mostly just to avoid the temptation to keep revising and revising and revising one single story versus writing anything new.) I also wonder if the opening might not feel so drawn-out if the middle and end were expanded a bit. Hmm.
Also, you're correct in that there wasn't never meant to be implied that they had a pre-existing romantic connection at story's beginning. All that was meant to be implied was that Pinkie was sweet on Rarity from the get-go and that Rarity, despite being a bit embarrassed by Pinkie's antics, was also charmed by them right from the get-go.
As always, thanks so much for reading and for leaving your thoughts. I really value your perspective and what you have to say about my writing.
1847885
Oh, ha. Funny thing about that--I had actually envisioned that 'Shy's costume wasn't fastened all the way, because Pinkie in my mind is indeed much larger than Fluttershy, and that's the reason it's so ill-fitting on Pinkie. I didn't go into too much detail, because not plot-relevant, but I definitely could've written that more clearly, apparently.
1857126
I made dark, dark promises to the forces of ultimate evil.
1886414
You made promises to Bad Horse?
I think you left in a scene from the previous version it was during the dialouge between blueblood and rarity. Also I miss that kiss
1926966
Argh, yeah, I did. Thanks for mentioning that. I think things are fixed now.
Sorry you miss the kiss. (It lives on in our hearts?)
It appears I am misremembering the stories again
It's strange how small revisions can lead to such drastic changes holistically. This almost feels like a different fic. It's an improvement, there's no doubt about that. The kiss was very sudden, and seemed out of place. But without it, you've opened up another problem. There doesn't appear to be any resolution. Now that I think about it, I'm not entirely sure what the conflict was, or what you should be resolving in the first place. It would seem that kiss was holding this together. Without it, is this even a proper story?
Also, the romance tag is inappropriate now. Beyond that hug, I can't find any romance, just a (beautiful) moment of understanding shared between two close friends.
That sounded harsh. Let me put it this way: this makes for a splendid poem, but not much of a story.
1927105
Nope! You remembered right. It's just that, after you mentioned it, I went and fixed it.
1934137
The main conflict was always meant to be Rarity's internal conflict of wanting to do things such as wear the costume crown but also not wanting to appear silly, but the rewrite kinda made that pretty much the entire conflict while simultaneously de-emphasizing it. The story arc is Rarity is questioned as to the crown, Rarity doubts, and Rarity comes to terms with her silliness through Pinkie's help. Nothing huge or earth-shattering, of course. But I can see why it reads as light or nonexistent as to conflict.
Without the kiss, this is undeniably more proto-romance, as well. But I do think the story hints that the relationship between Rarity and Pinkie has taken a bit of a turn, especially this part, "'Therefore, Your Royal Highness, never shall you fear! Sir Puddinghead is--and shall remain--at your service!' ...'I do believe I should like that.'” At least, that's what I mean to do. Probably could have made that clearer, at the very least.
At any rate, I'm pretty much sick to death of this story by this point, so unfortunately any flaws that remain and/or were introduced after the rewrite will just have to stay there. Thanks muchly for coming back to leave feedback--not many people do that after a rewrite, and I really appreciate your doing so.
D'awww <3 Great little story. ^w^
1941649
Thanks!
I must admit, I was skeptical before reading this, but rather pleased that I did. I had been pushed to read some of your work by several who were fans of Seeking Beauty. And when I finally took the time to read that piece, I was disappointed, so I came into this one worried about the same pitfalls.
But this was quite a good read. Descriptive. True to the characters. Original. It explores Rarity's commoner side underneath the fancy visage she normally portrays.
Even Blueblood is in top form here, coming off as the perfect jerk that he is, and getting a slight case of comeuppance.
Pinkie's role overall seems minimal, but that is most likely due to the third person limited perspective that is concerned with exploring Rarity over Pinkie. Pinkie has a part, she performs it, and for the most part, she just acts as a good friend should, in her own special way. And yet we are left wondering if she realizes just how much Rarity appreciates her friendship.
That in of itself is beautiful. It captures the essence of the show so well. Sometimes we don't realize how appreciated we are, or how much we can brighten up someone else's day with the simplest of actions.
Bravo.
2007250
Heya! Thanks for the in-depth feedback and for taking a read even after you were disappointed by my other RariPie fic. (And I'm sorry it disappointed you, by the way.) I'm guessing you read only the revised version and not the original, so I'm glad to hear that you felt the revised version felt true to the characters as there were Rarity characterization issues mentioned regarding the original. Always nice when the revision fixes things versus making things worse.
..........
This kind of interaction is why RariPie is my favorite ship.
I thought I was going to end up not liking this up until I realized it was over, and realized that they hadnt kissed.
It was not a kiss but a *lack* of a kiss that made this work.
2327548
I love how Rarity and Pinkie interact. Such a good ship.
2884692
Oh, I'm so glad to hear that. There was a kiss in the original draft, and that was mentioned as being something that felt a little "whoa, that came outta nowhere!" so I'm glad at least that one problem was fixed.
I just want to read next days tabloids, the mane 6 must keep them busy. It was very cute and subtle, the interaction between the two, I especially liked how you wrote Pinkie